Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

25 years ago I got pregnant by a wonderful older man who said he would marry me "if I wanted him to"  Well yes I wanted to marry him, but only if he wanted to marry me.  I made a rash decision and had an abortion and pushed to the back of my mind until I had a pregnancy issue come up when I was 40 - 41.  But when it came time to look for the embryo, there was a place for a baby, but no baby in the place.  Since that time, my husband says I've changed.  I'm more depressed, and believe that I am going to go to hell for this decision. I am not saying that God does not love me, but we make are decisions and have to live with the consequences.  My husband and I have thought about adoption, but there is something about someone coming into our house and judging us on whether or not we would be good parents.  I've never felt good enough, so I feel that we would be turned down because we answered a question honestly.  I believe I would be a great mother, who would be a positive influence.  But since that avenue was blocked, I had an idea that what about taking in a foster child who is getting ready to turn 18 and have foster assistance ended.  I would want it to work with an adoption agency for a recommendation for someone who it would best assist.  Help them so they can go to school, etc... I feel that my depression is because I am not working to make a difference in someone's life.  I've given up on becoming pregnant.  God gave me my chance years ago and its taken me a long time to realize what I gave up.  I was young, and didn't feel I had anyone to talk to about it, and I made a decision I can never change.  I cannot forgive myself and as such I do not feel as if I fit in with other women my age as I have nothing in common with them.  So I feel very apart from society as a whole.  Pretty sad.....I wish I could afford to go to a fertility specialist and have a bank account that would support fertility treatments...I would do anything for a child, but my husband, no so much.  He's older and has already worked through the fact that he was not going to have children, but it is different for men than for women.  Oh well, I had my chance and blew it and Tom Scarborough DOB 7/2/47, I wish I could take it all back.  I wish I could tell you how very sorry I am.  I know you got on with your life and I thought I had, but apparently it can sometimes take years for others to get on with their lives; if they ever can/do.  Rowe vs. Wade = WRONG

Hi! It is not so bad to have people in your house while you are going through the adoption process.  My husband and I got married when my son was 9.  He wanted to adopt him.  In New York State when 1 parent adopts the child of a spouse BOTH parents are considered adoptive parents.  This really freaked me out.  Was I going to have to prove myself as a mother to a state agent?  I remember cleaning the house like crazy.  Stuffing food in the pantry.  When the lady came she put me right at ease.  She was very reassuring that this was a formality.  

Don't let your fear of the interview process keep you from adopting a child.  And don't let your guilt keep you from God.  There are organizations that are support group for grieving mom's of abortion.  Project Rachel is one of them.  Look into some support groups.  You have so much to offer the world, your family and a child.  You are stunting your spiritual growth and happiness with these feelings that you have.  

Forgive yourself.  Make the world a better place because you are in it.  Make a difference to a child. 

you have probably heard this word many times... Relax. It is not easy but it works. For years after a non viable pregnancy my husband and I tryied to get pregnant... we knew our limit: no IVF treatments but I did try some low lever hormones among acupunture  and counting days.  I drank a lot of vitamins and herbs... talked to councelors, checked my temperature and all that... and then when we had decided to wait and see... to relax and had agreed on adoption the best thing happened: we got pregnant...

Now I am in my 8th month of pregnancy of a loved and cherished girl. It has not been easy... Ihave been on bedrest for the last 4 months but when I see and feel my girl move inside of me...  it feels like God is smiling on my family. So please... please - I know it is not easy - relax... have faith and hope.  Adoption for us was the best option beside conceiving ourselves and it is not a disposable idea... we will still adopt but for now we are enjoying the best holiday season ever... our pregnancy!