Topic : 12/06 Desperate to Be a Mom

Oh my gosh!  That is almost exactly what happened to me.  My son just turned 3.  He had/has medical issues, as well, and we have been dealing with them primarily this past year.  We had agreed to have two children when we first got married, but my husband was resistant to trying for the first 8 years of our marriage.  I had to give him an ultimatum to even start trying. 

When I brought up my desire to have another child, my husband brought up his desire to have a vasectomy.  I felt like my marriage was over.  If I did not agree to this, my husband was not going to have any physical relationship with me.  He was that scared of having another child.  I was unwilling to go on the pill (Mom had breast cancer) and other forms of contraceptive was not good enough in his mind.  Because of my age (will be 40 in May 08), I also became concerned about having a child with Down Syndrome along with the potential for the same issues my son has now (there is a hereditary component to it although it isn't strong).  Given all of this, I reluctantly agreed to his vascectomy and prayed that I would get pregnant before the procedure, but that didn't happen. 

Over these past few months, I have been on an emotional roller coaster.  How can you love and resent the man that you married at the same time?  I don't know, but I sure do.  The one thing I have done recemly is put it in God's hands.  He knows my desire and if I am meant to be a mother, I believe God will make it happen.  I certainly have no control over it at this point.  I also pray every day that God will change my heart toward my husband.

The good news is that you are still young.  You have plenty of time...trust me.  If you don't say anything to your husband, then you are accepting "no" as an answer because I am assuming you are on contraceptives.  If you approach him about this and let him know your hearts desire, he may still say "no", but at least you will have put it out there.  Try to address his concerns as you talk about it.  If it is financial, what options can you suggest.  If it is fear of having another child with medical issues, perhaps genetic counseling will help ease those fears.  As long as he doesn't insist on a vasectomy (and even if he does) there is still hope. Just don't give up.  If you are meant to have another child, you will.

I'm pretty new to the boards here, but I'd love to talk to you some more if there is a way to e-mail each other.  I can so relate to what you are going through.

Hang in there. 

Me and my common law spouse of 3 years have had 2 abortions in the past...first one because I was in college, second because we were having relationship issues and felt it wasnt a good time to have children. Both times I was seriously considering keeping the baby, both times he convinced me it wasnt a good idea.

He always says he wants more children (he has one of his own) but when ever I bring it up he says that hes not ready for a baby right now and its just not the right time in his life.  I am starting to wonder if he will ever want a baby with me and if I can keep waiting until hes ready.

My other issue is that i am starting to have thoughts towards my step son that I am not proud of, like anger toward him for being alive and the fact that my 2 babies are not with me. I would never treat him badly and I act wonderful toward him and I treat him as if he is my own son but its getting harder to put on a nice face. I know it isnt his fault and he had nothing to do with his father not wanting my babies but I dont know what to do. 

Me and my common law spouse of 3 years have had 2 abortions in the past...first one because I was in college, second because we were having relationship issues and felt it wasnt a good time to have children. Both times I was seriously considering keeping the baby, both times he convinced me it wasnt a good idea.

He always says he wants more children (he has one of his own) but when ever I bring it up he says that hes not ready for a baby right now and its just not the right time in his life.  I am starting to wonder if he will ever want a baby with me and if I can keep waiting until hes ready.

My other issue is that i am starting to have thoughts towards my step son that I am not proud of, like anger toward him for being alive and the fact that my 2 babies are not with me. I would never treat him badly and I act wonderful toward him and I treat him as if he is my own son but its getting harder to put on a nice face. I know it isnt his fault and he had nothing to do with his father not wanting my babies but I dont know what to do. 

Why should the two of you have children, you have not taken the first step and gotten married. What state are you in that cause you to believe that you have a common law marriage? Not California. Besides, common law marriages are primarily for division of asset purposes when you break up.

If you are have anger issues like that towards your son, and if you don't see him as a son that's another problem you need to walk away. You have problems and they are right between your ears. You're not ready to be a parent and the two of you are not ready for more children. It sound like you are around 24-25 years old and are still in the "know nothing" stage of life. I would bet that their is abuse on some level in your relationship and you thnk the baby will fix that.

Why are you trying to bring another baby into a  messy situation. Clean up your life and get rid of the bad thoughts that are clouding your vision. Try using birth control and condoms, instead of killing babies, until you are ready to be adults. He may not want his/your unborn babies, but it sounds like that you have not decided to want his born son. You two need to stop having selfishness for breakfast.

My daughter suffered from poly cystic ovaries and went thru two artificial insimination just to fail.  She was online with a fertility doctor group from New York City.  She was told to purchase an all natural herbal supplement (Ovulex) that would increase her days of ovulation. She did thru Ovulex.com.  The cost was about $160.00 much, much less than the fertility costs. She was told to take the supplement for at least three months. 

After two months use with each of her two births, it worked.  She was pregnant and now I have two beautiful grandsons.  I hope this information is useful to many viewers that suffer from poly cystic ovaries. Fro $160.00, it is well worth the cost.

Also I want to say, my daughter gave the website to two of her close friends and it too worked for them.  Each one gave birth to a healthy baby..