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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 9, 2007, 2:14 pm CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: eliana01

Postpartum depression in not an excuse for the way women respond, it's a reason; and women who end up tragically killing their children aren't suffering from postpartum depression, it's postpartum PSYCHOSIS; big difference, look it up...

 

I COMPLETELY agree with you that a woman who physically abuses her husband should be held to the same standard that a man is held to.  There is no excuse for physical abuse by either partner.

I agree with SO many of your thoughts on this WILL6012.  I believe that there are many people out there who murder and abuse others and say that a mental illness/disorder was the reason why when that is not the case.  I also believe that if someone does abuse or murder someone and they do have mental illness or disorder that they might be in a place where it's not easy for them to stop the abuse or to not kill.  Try to understand that mental illness can be a terrible thing.  Try not to judge unless you have had a mental illness and understand what it does and how it can make you think.  Do i think people 'cry wolf '....yes.  Do i think that there are people who don't...yes.  I think that if a man or a women abuses their partner or a child should be held responsible, but if there is a genuine mental disorder that should be taken into consideration.
 
December 9, 2007, 3:49 pm CST

Books to Read

Quote From: anon_slc

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss OR Emotional Unavailability by Bryn Collins

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge

 

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

Here's a couple of good books on domestic violence.

 

 

"Men Who Hate Women & the Women Who Love Them"

 

 

"Why Does He Do That?"

 

 

Call National Domestic Violence Hotline  1 - 800 -799 -7233 (SAFE)

 

 

 

 

Get out.  These abusive guys never change, they just get worse.  Get out NOW!!

 
December 9, 2007, 4:07 pm CST

womenslaw.com---------------Protective Order Info

Quote From: anon_slc

Crossing the Threshold examines how male police officers' institutional power filters down into their intimate relationships, and why the institution of policing has historically ignored or denied police-perpetrated violence against women. A brief look at the profession's historical treatment of women and minorities provides the background for this analysis of police-perpetrated domestic violence. 

 

www.abuseofpower.info

 

Abuse of Power Info is an online resource only.  Based on the professional experiences of domestic violence advocates and the personal accounts of survivors of police domestic violence, Abuseofpower.info provides a much needed resource for victims and advocates. Content includes tactics of abuse when the perpetrator is an police officer, impact on family and friends, working with the justice system, and many other topics. It also addresses the unique circumstances facing a victim who is in law enforcement.

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:   1  - 800 - 799 - 7233  (SAFE)

 

     A safe, confidential, anonymous 24-hotline to speak to an advocate about anything having to do with    DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. 

 

 

WomensLaw.org

 

     Get info, by state, on obtaining a PROTECTIVE ORDER.

 

 

LEAVE abusive guys NOW.  They never get 'better.'  Their abusive and controlling behavior only escalates and can ultimately lead to death.

 

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 4:15 pm CST

Abusive Cops

Quote From: dedndogyrs

 I'm just wondering this:  How dare a police department hire someone like this?  How dare any employer give such a person a gun and the right to drag people into a locked car?  What the hell are they thinking?  The L.A.P.D. investigates the hell out of people they hire.  They may beat suspects up sometimes, and that's bad enough, but I havn't heard of one being a serial killer.

 

 

1.  COPS

 

2.  ATTORNEYS

 

3.  PASTORS

 

 

The above three professions have the highest number of abusive men of any other profession.

 

 

NATIONAL  DOMESTIC  VIOLENCE  HOTLINE:   1 - 800 - 799 - 7233  (SAFE)

 

Call the above number to speak to an advocate about anything having to do with domestic violence.  The call is confidential and anonymous.  If you are being abused yourself, or a family member or friend of someone who is being abused, call the above number for information.

 

 

 

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 4:22 pm CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: gramatimes8

  I can't refrain from the loathing I feel for this waste of oxygen! I do hope that PETA climes right up his assets and files charges against him, for starters! I hope that animal lovers everywhere remember his face every time he is in human company, and they forever treat him with disdain and disgust! He's just a murderer waiting to take a victim, if he doesn't already have a "cat or two" in his closet already!
  Also since this jerk is all about beating on women, I'd love to go a few rounds with the coward, see how he makes out at the mercy of a woman who isn't afraid of him! Thanks, Gramatimes8

 

 

Abusive Guys/Batterers don't stop at the woman.

 

Any guy that will abuse a woman, frequently abuses children and animals.  This is a known FACT!!

 

 

NATIONAL  DOMESTIC  VIOLENCE  HOTLINE:   1 - 800 - 799 -7233 (safe)

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 4:33 pm CST

There is NO "helping" an Abuser!!!

Quote From: Candie

 Cheryl needs to get her head out of the sand and help her son before it is to late.  When Chris said in the video tape that he is afraid that he could murder his wife, daughter and himself, that scared the crap out of me.  You think after that, Cheryl would be scared that her son could kill himself???  I would have him committed some where, so he could get the help he needs.  He is a time bomb waiting to happen.  I would much rather have my son in treatment center PO at me, rather then on death row for murder or even worse DEAD.  Cheryl I know you're scared of making your son mad, but as parents our job is to love our kids and keep them safe.  Don't be his best friend, be his mom.  He might hate you now, but he will be alive to love you later. 

 

 

This guy is spoiled goods. 

 

This is who he is. 

 

He's not crazy.  He is perfectly sane.  That's the scary part. 

 

These abusive guys are perfectly sane.  They just love POWER & CONTROL over those who can't or won't stick up for themselves.

 

These ABUSIVE GUYS are OVERGROWN BULLIES! 

 

You don't think he all of a sudden turned into this monster, do you?  NO.  Rewind the clock back to his childhood and I guarantee you he was a junior bullie in school.  This is the very reason BULLYING SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED IN THE SCHOOLS. 

 

THE SCHOOL BULLY GROWS UP TO BE THE BATTERER AND WIFE BEATER, AND ANIMAL ABUSER. 

 

There is NO changing him.  He derives a tremendous amount of sadistic joy and fulfillment from his abuse of his victims, whether two-legged or four-legged

 

NATIONAL  DOMESTIC  VIOLENCE  HOTLINE:   1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 (SAFE)

 

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 5:09 pm CST

1. COPS. 2. ATTORNEYS. 3. PASTORS

Quote From: isurvivedit

I have been watching the Stacy Peterson case very carefully as I have a common interest in the case. My ex husband was a cop who was also an abuser. As I listen to every bit of information that the media coves with the Stacy Peterson case, I see my ex's beahvior in Drew Peterson. Everything from him harrassing the women in his life while on duty by pulilng them over on traffic stops to watching his cocky demeanor, to blaming everyone else for his troubles to the reports of calls for help with no one there to help except his co workers. I lived thru it all and I can tell all of you forst hand, it was a living hell. I got out ! It took a lot of work and a lot of time to get out but I made the plans and I did it, but not without great sacrifice. It took a great deal of time to put it all together while trying to play it cool and smart so as to NOT end up dead before I made my attempt at leaving. I knew, had I failed at my attempt to get out, I would meet certain death. There was no doubt in my mind that it was not a matter of if but, when. The beatings were becoming so severe that I knew I had to do something or I too would have met the same fate.

I was constantly reminded of how he was a cop and no one would believe me if I tried to reach out for help. I was told that his buddies, who would respond if I called for help would NEVER arrest him . I was followed by him while he was working. He wuold show up at my work and park outside the buildings and watch to see if I left the building for any reason. He would run tags to see who's car was at our home while he was at work. The list goes on and on as to things he would do to intimidate me or harass me, while using his job as his biggest tool.

I was struck in the presence of other officer's . Two of which were on duty and two who were not on duty but there at our home. I cannot tell you how scary it is to be trapped in domestic violence but, when your abuser is a cop............ The playing field changes dramatically and the precautions are generally not in place. Where do you go ? A shelter ? Guess what ? All the cops know where all the shelter's are.......

It took me getting on a plane and flying off to a place I had never even heard of before. No friend's , no family, just me and a one way ticket. Once I arrived , I went to a shelter. There I was told I should go to the courthouse and petition for a name change. I did and it was granted. I then went to the local Social Security Administration office and talked to a lady about changing my social security number. It was explained to me that it is a lengthy process and IF my application was granted, it would take several months. After supplying them with the documentation I had been able to get together about the abuse , I sent it all off. Within two weeks I had a new number. All of this because it was deemed to be so dangerous that he was a cop who had threatened to kill me and never have me found by anyone and had the tools to find me no matter where I went since he was in law enforcement, I moved away and was granted a whole new identity.

I am now speaking up because the recent media attention given to cases of women who are dead or missing where the suspects are thier husband's who are cops. I feel the need to speak out at this point because there is a lot to be learned in domestic violence cases where the abusers are cops. For starters........ For any of you reading this who are being abused by cops who are your spouses, I know you do not have a clue where to turn.. There is no rule book for this type of abuse. All the so called " norms' go flying out the window. I want you to all know there is a way.... Start by planning on moving away ! Move away, ask for a name change and ask for a new social security number. Have SOME documentation of abuse and leave ! Make sure you play it smart ! Go out of your cities or counties and meet with an advocate at a shelter and tell them what's happening in the event that you do end up dead or missing, that way there is SOMETHING for someone to take to law enforcment if something happens to you. Make arrangements to just move away and start your life all over again, literally. It's hard ! You leave behind everything you have known all your life. Jobs, family, friend's, education etc...... But it's so much better than turning up dead or missing. There is hope for you. Do your best to finally take care of you and get out while you can.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and I really hope it helps someone in a similar situation. Be careful and be smart and good luck to any of you who might now feel the strength to pick yourself up and leave, knowing there are answers for you. You are not as trapped or as alone as you might think.

Good luck !

 

 

Good Post.  Thanks.  You are very brave!!

 

 

1.  COPS.   2.  ATTORNEYS.   3.  PASTORS

 

The above three professions have the highest percentage of abusers.

 

CALL:   NATIONAL  DOMESTIC  VIOLENCE  HOTLINE

 

1 - 800 - 799 - 7233  (SAFE)

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 5:45 pm CST

Good website. Thanks.

Quote From: anon_slc

Crossing the Threshold examines how male police officers' institutional power filters down into their intimate relationships, and why the institution of policing has historically ignored or denied police-perpetrated violence against women. A brief look at the profession's historical treatment of women and minorities provides the background for this analysis of police-perpetrated domestic violence. 

 

www.abuseofpower.info

 

Abuse of Power Info is an online resource only.  Based on the professional experiences of domestic violence advocates and the personal accounts of survivors of police domestic violence, Abuseofpower.info provides a much needed resource for victims and advocates. Content includes tactics of abuse when the perpetrator is an police officer, impact on family and friends, working with the justice system, and many other topics. It also addresses the unique circumstances facing a victim who is in law enforcement.

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 

AbuseOfPower.info

 

Good website for victims and survivors of domestic violence by police or firefighters.

 

 

 

 
December 9, 2007, 6:05 pm CST

Dr. Phil was WAY too easy on this guy....

...And on his mother!  I think this guy's attitudes are probably related to being raised by a mother who, when questioned about her son's actions, says "I wonder what was done to provoke him?'  Dr. Phil usually says something to the effect of, "no matter what the woman does, you don't use violence to retaliate....use your two feet and get the heck out of there."  But for some reason, he was a real softie on this guy.  This Chris character is just another man in our culture who doesn't understand it's NEVER okay to hit a girl or woman NO MATTER WHAT SHE HAS DONE!!  If more parents would drill that into their sons' heads this problem would diminish greatly.  I'm disappointed in you, Dr. Phil!!
 
December 9, 2007, 7:40 pm CST

Batterers ALWAYS get MORE VIOLENT!!! Always.

Quote From: chat2phil

Wives or husbands who accept being abused and battered most likely suffer self-worth issues.  Their reasoning is usually so complex that they don't even understand it themselves. Only counseling, such as Dr. Phil's methods will help.

 

Phil can't even begin to get these batterers to change.  No amount of counseling or anything else can make them change.  They are already spoiled goods.

 

Abusive guys love what they do.  Their cruelty fills them up, gives them a reason to live, provides a testosterone rush that  knows no bounds.  They are addicted to the rush they get from their violent explosions. They love having cowering, quivering captives at home behind closed doors. 

 

Call this number for confidential help and information about Domestic Violence:

 

National Domestic Violence Hotline:  1 - 800 - 799 - 7233 (safe)

 

If you are a victim or survivor of DV, or if you are a friend or family member, call to find out how you can get help.

 

Batterers never change.  Their violent behavior always escalates over time.  Their behavior is all about their desire for POWER AND CONTROL.  They will not give it up willingly.  Never.  Some will even kill to attempt to keep their power and control over their victims.

 

 

 

Batterers CAN control their abusive behavior.  They don't want to.  They selectively pick on people and animals who can't or won't stick up for themselves.

 

A batterer never goes out in public to start assaulting strangers.  They do their dirty deeds in private, in secret, behind closed doors---using physical, emotional and sexual abuse.

 

Because these men are so disgusting, obscene and depraved, they often attempt to counter their filthy activities by contrastingly being extremely charming and charismatic out in public.  After all, if the public sees how charming they are, then no one will believe their horrific acts to those closest to them---wives, girlfriends, children, animals.

 

All batterers lie, con, and manipulate.

 

So, if someone tries to reach out to tell you of their abuse-----BELIEVE THEM. 

 

 

 

 

 
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