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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

Number of Replies: 291
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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 18, 2007, 9:19 pm CST

Exactly

Quote From: lynnebrown1465

 

 This is a normal day for most. Most can say that they are scared but most of all dont say what scares them the most.

 At the end of all the torment you can live your life within the four walls knowing where he is and yes if he kills you then its over, for yourself but you also know that the assulter can never have custody of the kids.

 Or you can go through and take your kids and run for miles and always looking over your shoulder and never trust anyone ever. You can never know who to trust. It comes down to you can get help and the help takes you to a solicitor who wants money, then to the courts and you need to prove yourself worthy before you can finalise and go home once and for all, not afraid of anyone. And know once and for all your kids will never have to be taken for custody rights to the assulter if they dont want to. When these matters are dealt with then more will move on more freely and be rescued.

This is the very reason that women don't leave!!!!  It is such a damed if you do and damned if you don't situation.

 

For those of you who are critical of a woman who doesn't leave.........read this post again and remember that sometimes the decision to stay can be better than leaving.  Being worried 24/7 about whether he is around the corner is a HORRID existence.....KNOWING that the legal system is not likely to do anything to help you!!  THAT is the reality!!

 

Until domestic abuse victims are given the right to live without fear and punish these men, women will stay because it is safer than leaving.  Wrap your mind around that....STAYING CAN BE SAFER THAN LEAVING!!!  That is the sad reality of abused women everywhere!

 

Respectfully,

Mgrlady

 
December 18, 2007, 9:40 pm CST

Drew Peterson Comments

For every abused woman in this world, there are people around her who see the things that the abuser does.  Even though much of it goes on behind closed doors, there are signs of his abusive nature.  He is usually much more comfortable mistreating her in front of HIS friends and family. 

 

The continued public comments by Drew and his lawyer are disgusting!!  The claims that the grand jury leaks are damaging are small compared to what he, himself, have done to his credibility.  Everytime he opens his mouth, he is digging his own grave.........hopefully.   His smug attitude and continued criticism of her is just sick! 

 

Drew Peterson's family needs to take a good look at themselves and how they have contributed to his ongoing abusive nature.  If more people would stand up and demand that men stop mistreating their spouses/significant others and quit making excuses for them, maybe they can have a positive impact on his abusive nature.

 

Just like Scott Peterson, there are so many red flags that keep popping up about Drew.  Drew needs to be a man and tell her family where he dumped her body so they can have some peace.  He owes it to his children.  He owes it to her and her family!!!!

 

 

 
December 20, 2007, 10:47 am CST

ABUSE

Quote From: mgrlady

This is the very reason that women don't leave!!!!  It is such a damed if you do and damned if you don't situation.

 

For those of you who are critical of a woman who doesn't leave.........read this post again and remember that sometimes the decision to stay can be better than leaving.  Being worried 24/7 about whether he is around the corner is a HORRID existence.....KNOWING that the legal system is not likely to do anything to help you!!  THAT is the reality!!

 

Until domestic abuse victims are given the right to live without fear and punish these men, women will stay because it is safer than leaving.  Wrap your mind around that....STAYING CAN BE SAFER THAN LEAVING!!!  That is the sad reality of abused women everywhere!

 

Respectfully,

Mgrlady

Until they look at abuse as a total crime that women often participate in and are often the aggressor in, there will be a problem.  As long as the police have to arrest women because the man has been injured, it will be a two party crime. These are often toxic relationships and women need to be punished just as severely. It is funny, there is a higher percentage of abuse in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual.

 

The problem is that often the women that leave think that the kids belong to just them and they can leave with them . That becomes their legal problem, that is kidnapping. Until the courts establishes who the abuser is and who gets custody she has to leave but without the children. Don't like it.

 

Men don't like having to pay child support, to some women who use the money on themselves and don't contribute equally towards the child's financial well being. But, they don't have a choice.

 

When a women castrates a man while he is sleeping, women who are truly abused need to stand up and say this is not us, instead these women support the castrater.

 

Are women equal to men or are they equal to children? This is what you must decide. If they are equal to men, then they must take responsibility and that means leaving an abusive relationship period...period...period and then trying to find out what attracts them to this kind of man. I hear women saying that they like bad boys. HMMMM

 
December 20, 2007, 9:17 pm CST

Abuse is Abuse no matter who does it

Quote From: will6012

Until they look at abuse as a total crime that women often participate in and are often the aggressor in, there will be a problem.  As long as the police have to arrest women because the man has been injured, it will be a two party crime. These are often toxic relationships and women need to be punished just as severely. It is funny, there is a higher percentage of abuse in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual.

 

The problem is that often the women that leave think that the kids belong to just them and they can leave with them . That becomes their legal problem, that is kidnapping. Until the courts establishes who the abuser is and who gets custody she has to leave but without the children. Don't like it.

 

Men don't like having to pay child support, to some women who use the money on themselves and don't contribute equally towards the child's financial well being. But, they don't have a choice.

 

When a women castrates a man while he is sleeping, women who are truly abused need to stand up and say this is not us, instead these women support the castrater.

 

Are women equal to men or are they equal to children? This is what you must decide. If they are equal to men, then they must take responsibility and that means leaving an abusive relationship period...period...period and then trying to find out what attracts them to this kind of man. I hear women saying that they like bad boys. HMMMM

Yes, women who abuse are wrong.  Women who use child support for personal reasons are wrong.  I do not disagree that there are bad women out there.  That is a fact not in question......  Just like there are murderers, rapists, robbers, executives, sales clerks, etc. etc. etc.

 

There is a BIG difference between an abusive relationship where the woman is being abused  and this type is WELL documented.  The cycle of abuse against women is consistent, follows a pattern and is generated by the desire of the man to have power and control over his wife/SO.  These relationships evolve over time.  Few to any women would stay with a man who beat her or called her bi..., sl.., who.. etc etc. on the 3rd date.  The abuse happens AFTER the man is comfortable with his control over her.  When HE KNOWS that it is very unlikely that she can leave him......  AFTER, he has figured out what works to control her and what doesn't.  He knows what buttons to push to get her to do what he wants.

 

THIS is the reality of millions of women around the world.  Same abusive pattern, different faces. 

 

AND by the way...........She was attracted to the FAKE person she met and fell in love with, who didn't show his true colors until later.  Are there similarities of attraction?....... yes.  BUT no woman enters a relationship thinking  or wishing that the man is going to mistreat her.  It begins with the hope of a loving relationship, that HE PROMISES TO HER AND SHE TO HIM!!!  She is trying to live up to the promise.  He has thrown it out the window and is doing whatever feels good to him, irregardless of how he hurts her OR their children.

 

HMMMM

 
December 21, 2007, 3:36 pm CST

HMMM

Quote From: mgrlady

Yes, women who abuse are wrong.  Women who use child support for personal reasons are wrong.  I do not disagree that there are bad women out there.  That is a fact not in question......  Just like there are murderers, rapists, robbers, executives, sales clerks, etc. etc. etc.

 

There is a BIG difference between an abusive relationship where the woman is being abused  and this type is WELL documented.  The cycle of abuse against women is consistent, follows a pattern and is generated by the desire of the man to have power and control over his wife/SO.  These relationships evolve over time.  Few to any women would stay with a man who beat her or called her bi..., sl.., who.. etc etc. on the 3rd date.  The abuse happens AFTER the man is comfortable with his control over her.  When HE KNOWS that it is very unlikely that she can leave him......  AFTER, he has figured out what works to control her and what doesn't.  He knows what buttons to push to get her to do what he wants.

 

THIS is the reality of millions of women around the world.  Same abusive pattern, different faces. 

 

AND by the way...........She was attracted to the FAKE person she met and fell in love with, who didn't show his true colors until later.  Are there similarities of attraction?....... yes.  BUT no woman enters a relationship thinking  or wishing that the man is going to mistreat her.  It begins with the hope of a loving relationship, that HE PROMISES TO HER AND SHE TO HIM!!!  She is trying to live up to the promise.  He has thrown it out the window and is doing whatever feels good to him, irregardless of how he hurts her OR their children.

 

HMMMM

The fact is, most abuse by either party starts when they are dating. The abuse and foul language is there and they continue. Whether, it be male or female, they say because of the times that he or she is nice ad when nothing bad is happening. Most of these people have a problem being alone and will leave a bad relationship and go into another. A person with anger-control issues can not control it and does not control it.  When it is triggered it simply goes off. Woman are responsible for more verbal and physical abuse in a relationship than men, so she carries the problem with her. The only diference is that men can inflct more harm and therefore have a higher burden to control there anger and emotions even when the woman is out of control.

 

If a woman is attracted to a FAKE person then maybe she was being FAKE. No man enters a relationship thinking that a woman is going to mistreat, attack and abuse him. If a man comes home at 3:00 am and the woman does not lke it,  she has the chose to leave, not attack him physically whe he chose to go to bed and ignore her. Usually, it is the woman hurting the children and throwing them into it. If she can't keep the children out of it, she should just leave and not start abusing the children. HMMM

 
December 21, 2007, 11:12 pm CST

Educate yourself on the real dynamics of Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence

Quote From: will6012

Until they look at abuse as a total crime that women often participate in and are often the aggressor in, there will be a problem.  As long as the police have to arrest women because the man has been injured, it will be a two party crime. These are often toxic relationships and women need to be punished just as severely. It is funny, there is a higher percentage of abuse in lesbian relationships than in heterosexual.

 

The problem is that often the women that leave think that the kids belong to just them and they can leave with them . That becomes their legal problem, that is kidnapping. Until the courts establishes who the abuser is and who gets custody she has to leave but without the children. Don't like it.

 

Men don't like having to pay child support, to some women who use the money on themselves and don't contribute equally towards the child's financial well being. But, they don't have a choice.

 

When a women castrates a man while he is sleeping, women who are truly abused need to stand up and say this is not us, instead these women support the castrater.

 

Are women equal to men or are they equal to children? This is what you must decide. If they are equal to men, then they must take responsibility and that means leaving an abusive relationship period...period...period and then trying to find out what attracts them to this kind of man. I hear women saying that they like bad boys. HMMMM

Educate yourself on the true dynamics of Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence.

 

The things you state as facts in your post here are NOT all true and factual.

 

Where'd you come up with the statement re: lesbian relationships?   Cause your statement is NOT factual.

 

Heterosexual MEN are the #1 culprits when it comes to Domestic Abuse/Violence.

 

1 out of 3 houses in this country has a women who has experienced abuse at the hands of a heterosexual male.

 

Also , please stop grouping all abused women into your categories....and making broad-based comments that don't apply.

 

Actually the abuser seeks out his partner.... all the while presenting himself as an upstanding, gregarious kind of guy.   Dr. Jekyll, Mr Hyde

 

"Bad boys".....ya, those guys are in the mix......however don't make up the norm.....when it comes to batterers, abusers.

 

Stop referring to abused women as "these women"  .....stop stereotyping them all into a group.

 

 

 

 

 
December 21, 2007, 11:29 pm CST

I watched this guy Peterson again tonite on NBC

I watched this guy Peterson again tonite, this time on an hour show on NBC.

 

Drew Peterson, you're some piece of work.

 

All the patterns, signs and signals are there and rearing their ugly heads.

 

You still present as the victim, and the one who's been offended.

 

I hate your misogynistic ridiculous remarks about your wives.

 

Those basic abusive statements that come from all abusers about PMS, and those preposterous ideas in an abuser's head that there is another man or the woman is carrying on.

 

And off course, "she was acting crazy, or she was crazy."   

 

Basic abuser 101 .

 

And to think those poor children that Stacey loved and cared for are still allowed to be around their mother's abuser.

 

When I think about what those older children have been through thus far....it makes my heart ache.

 

All those children belong with true loving and caring relatives or others who will love and care for them.

 

They have all lost their MOTHERS....at the hands of ABUSE and VIOLENCE.

 

Pray tell, where is Stacy?

 

 

Some piece of work, can't  begin to describe the person responsible for any of this.

 
December 23, 2007, 1:14 am CST

Wrong

Quote From: Pleasance

Educate yourself on the true dynamics of Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence.

 

The things you state as facts in your post here are NOT all true and factual.

 

Where'd you come up with the statement re: lesbian relationships?   Cause your statement is NOT factual.

 

Heterosexual MEN are the #1 culprits when it comes to Domestic Abuse/Violence.

 

1 out of 3 houses in this country has a women who has experienced abuse at the hands of a heterosexual male.

 

Also , please stop grouping all abused women into your categories....and making broad-based comments that don't apply.

 

Actually the abuser seeks out his partner.... all the while presenting himself as an upstanding, gregarious kind of guy.   Dr. Jekyll, Mr Hyde

 

"Bad boys".....ya, those guys are in the mix......however don't make up the norm.....when it comes to batterers, abusers.

 

Stop referring to abused women as "these women"  .....stop stereotyping them all into a group.

 

 

 

 

Women are the No. 1 culprits in abuse situations, whether she be heterosexual or Lesbian or she is abusing her children. Nothing you say is true, so stop making statements suggesting that they are factual The reason that the law changed and police officers are now required to arrest women when there is evidence of abuse against her male partner. is that women were often found to the abuser. Lesbian and heterosexual men report the abuse less often than heterosexual women do.

 

Men don't seek out women to abuse, no more than women seek out men to abuse. It is often the dynamic of the relationship. When a woman gets upset, when her boyfriend or husband comes home at 3:00 am with lipstick on his shirt, she is just as likely to become abusive as a male in the same situation. Women are more inclined to try to change a man's behavior and react with violence when she is ignored.

 

As a male, in all of my relationships, the only one with even an inclination towards violence has been the woman and if she can not control that issue, the relationship is over. The term these women is appropriate because it refers to the group of women who abuse or are abused.  40% of domestic violence victims are men at means 835,000 a year to 1.5 million women and only 13% of the cases are reported and orly 3.5% of restraining orders are issued to men. reported by Cathy Young, Vice-Pres. of the Women's Freedom Network-she says women routinely abuse domestic restraining orders.

 

Waldner-Haugrud e tal found 47.5% of lesbians reported being involved in a violent relationship and 38% reported perpetrating the violence.

 

Domestic violence is a crime perpetrated by both genders and can only be solved and treated when both parties are honest with admitting their roles. So, I will refer to the 40% abused men and the high percentage of unreported abuse of men as "these men".

 

If you are truly concerned, then do some research.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

 
December 26, 2007, 12:41 pm CST

TWO SCENARIOS

Quote From: Pleasance

Educate yourself on the true dynamics of Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence.

 

The things you state as facts in your post here are NOT all true and factual.

 

Where'd you come up with the statement re: lesbian relationships?   Cause your statement is NOT factual.

 

Heterosexual MEN are the #1 culprits when it comes to Domestic Abuse/Violence.

 

1 out of 3 houses in this country has a women who has experienced abuse at the hands of a heterosexual male.

 

Also , please stop grouping all abused women into your categories....and making broad-based comments that don't apply.

 

Actually the abuser seeks out his partner.... all the while presenting himself as an upstanding, gregarious kind of guy.   Dr. Jekyll, Mr Hyde

 

"Bad boys".....ya, those guys are in the mix......however don't make up the norm.....when it comes to batterers, abusers.

 

Stop referring to abused women as "these women"  .....stop stereotyping them all into a group.

 

 

 

 

SCENARIO 1:

 A wife comes home and finds her husband of 20 years sleeping in their bed with her 21 year old sister. The husband and sister are both naked.

 

What should the wife do?

 

SCENARIO 2:

 A husband comes home and finds his two month pregnant wife at home sleeping with his 15 year old brother, while the two year old is alone crying in the other room.

 

What should the husbnd do?

 

You honest answer will identify where the real problem lies.

 

 
December 26, 2007, 4:44 pm CST

???

Quote From: will6012

SCENARIO 1:

 A wife comes home and finds her husband of 20 years sleeping in their bed with her 21 year old sister. The husband and sister are both naked.

 

What should the wife do?

 

SCENARIO 2:

 A husband comes home and finds his two month pregnant wife at home sleeping with his 15 year old brother, while the two year old is alone crying in the other room.

 

What should the husbnd do?

 

You honest answer will identify where the real problem lies.

 

Is this a random scenario or is this personal?

What does this have to do with anything?

Why did you make the female a perpetrator of a crime- sex with a minor?

 

I think you need to make some new friends- I don't know anyone like these "scenarios."

 
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