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Topic : 12/07 A Killer Among Us

Number of Replies: 291
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Created on : Tuesday, December 04, 2007, 04:09:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Every nine seconds a woman is battered in the United States. More shocking is that 50 percent of all women murdered in the U.S. are killed by a spouse or an acquaintance. Dr. Phil goes inside a story that has captured national attention for over a month. In this ripped-from-the-headlines show he delves into the events surrounding the disappearance of 23-year old Stacy Peterson, mother of two, and wife of Drew Peterson. Attorney Lisa Bloom, and Drew’s former fiancée, Kyle Piry, weigh in on this mysterious case. Is Drew involved in his fourth wife's disappearance, or did his wife really leave him for another man, as he claims? Then, meet another couple in crisis. Amanda says she lives in fear of her husband, Chris. She says he abuses her and she worries one day he will go too far, but she stays in the marriage anyway. Amanda's mother, Debby, thinks her daughter is living in denial and fears she will end up like Laci Peterson. Chris admits to being abusive but wants to try and salvage the relationship. You won't believe Chris' mother, Cheryl’s, explanation for his behavior!  And, Kim Gandy, the president of the National Organization for Women joins Dr. Phil with some startling domestic violence statistics and teaches victims how to develop an escape plan. If you live in fear of your spouse, this show just might save your life. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 6, 2007, 7:34 am CST

So Greatful

I am a Mother and would like to support in the search for thisMother's daughter.  I can't believe someone didn't see something long before all of this happened. Not knowing anything about your child and seeing the man that is suspect in her going missing, acting like a nut case.  Using cameras, saying he would see people in court and posting signs about no trespassing in his front yard.  Does this really look like a person who is innocent?  If he really loved this woman and wants to have the media and others to let him alone, then why does he not  help the police, family, neighbors and the media.  There seems to be to many things pointing to this man that is not right.  I applaude you for keeping up with these things that are in our face each day.  Now we have a mixed up young man who has just killed 9 (not sure of number yet), and then turned the gun on himself.  He wanted to be remembered!  I hope you can shed some light on all of this madness.  What is happening to our society?  Why do we do what we do.  Defame  others, kill them, hold people hostage or get someone who is innocent involved. All of this is happening here in the USA and we have all these dedicated people fighting to keep us safe and to keep the fighting from our back yard. I will be in front of the TV on Friday.  Thank you for addressing these issues and remind us that no one is safe anywhere, but not to let us become paranoid about living our lives, each and every day, to the fullest. I truly hope this girl is found and her family has closure and can feel safe. 
 
December 6, 2007, 7:38 am CST

abuse

After reading the news today of all that is happening in this world, and then reading of this upsetting news, I find that the negativity in this world has increased greatly or maybe we are just hearing more of the bad news than what we heard of 20 years ago.  When it comes to abuse, having been in a multitude of abusive relationships, I had finally put the last of my abusive relationships behind me 2.5 years ago.  After being in one relationship, where there were weapons involved, a counselor at a Woman Shelter said these infamous words, " You cannot be abused if you are not there."  This is when I finally took ownership that I was in a way enabling this man to continue to abuse me by staying there.  I went to court and finally put that part behind me.   The next man I married was mentally abusive, but on the other hand I started to become physically abusive towards him, I literally kicked him out of the house due to the drugs that he was doing, and the silent treatment he gave me when I tried to discuss anthing with him that he didn't want to discuss, his silence would go on for days, I just could not handle it anymore.  I finally ended it when I discovered that he was back into the cocaine and crack, I had told him that we would not be together if he went back to it, a blessing for me, I feel sorry for how he is living his life, his choice though, and I made mine.  I dated a few men, one who would sit outside his ex wife boyfriends house taking pics to show to the lawyers that she had left their younger son at home while she stayed out all night, she did leave him with his older brothers who were over the age of 16 and she was only 5 minutes away, they had been divorced for 4 years, and he wanted custody, and even after the lawyers told him that there was nothing wrong with what she was doing, he then started to harrass her with emails, I stated that I would not live with what he was doing.  I left, and am finally in a healthy relationship with a man who is respectful, caring compassionate, listens to my concerns whether they are justified or not, he does not make fun of me, he is quiet and a hard worker and a wonderful father.  We have known each other for 4 years and after 1.5 years of asking me out I finally said yes.  One of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.  He is my best friends uncle, he would see me in the am over at her place while I was still in my pjs messed her old makeup smeared on my face from the night before, and still thought that I was cute, and this man knows what a bad house keeper that I am, but still treats me so well, I still get scared.  So girls and men, remember they cannot abuse you if you are not there, call the law everytime they come around, they cannot change unless they get professional help and most of them believe they are not at fault, and yes I also went to counselling, glad I did, I realize I am some one of importance, and am worthy of all the good I have in my relationship, thank you God for answering my prayers!

 

 
December 6, 2007, 8:43 am CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 

I got out of my abusive situation many times...but I always went back.   I realize that people who are not in this type of relationship cannot understand why this happens.  It is hard to explain but with me...I was the nurturing one in the relationship and I always took the blame and thought that maybe it was my fault that things happened.  After 30 years of marriage and one night of him holding a gun to my chest and trying to convince me that only in death could we truly be happy and making me lay down with an elephant gun to my back....I left and never returned.

The divorce took almost 2 years and now I am barely existing financially and I am paying him every month because his money is hidden away somewhere and can't be found.  That is a whole story in itself.

The good news is that I am alive and I really do not live in constant fear of him anymore because I moved up into the mountains and I don't think it can find me.  By the way I moved 6 times during the divorce and he always moved very close to me.

I say get out now...don't wait like I did.  My life will never the same and I too feel the best is behind me because I am 61 and I don't expect to be truly happy ever again.

 
December 6, 2007, 8:44 am CST

Life really sucks sometimes!

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

eliana01  'I personally feel very deeply for you. The devastation of  a marriage gone wrong, followed by divorce, the emotional stress and rebuilding of your self esteem and then your way of life. This is too much for a person to handle on their own so I hope you find someone that you feel you can trust to help you. My life has not been all that exemplary either and I owned up to my prolems, sought the help I needed and my wife decided to stay with me. I only laid my hands on her two or three times, sorry "only" is the wrong word to use since once is to many times, but since I finished my therapy and moved back in with her my wife and I have had the love affair of our lives. While this may not happen to you, maybe it will, please don't give up hope on life, believe in yourself and know that there is life after divorce. I've seen this in two of my own daughters, my brother, and numerous others. It hurts, it's threatening, , just take courage and move forward with your eyes open and your head held high. You did nothing to cause this behavior I'm pretty sure, some people are just violent. Don't let his problems make you feel defective. Okay sweety.
 
December 6, 2007, 8:56 am CST

12/07 A Killer Among Us

Quote From: missy123

I had went through a lot, my father was on his death bed then my grandmother died. I was at a low like i have never been in. I've always been strong willed and independant and never thought it would happen to me. But during my grieving process a guy that i just had begun to date a few months prior stepped up and was there for me and my kids. I had to come running back from a vacation from FLA when my grandmom died. He was waiting in my drive way for me. He took me to get the kids clothes to order flowers and do everything i needed to do. After the burial I was very depressed. I mean it took every ounce of strength i had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. He was there for me he really was. Helping me the kids and just normal household chores and running errands. He was great... or so I thought. Then he found my ex's class ring and an OLD pager that i had just put up and figured when i got up to around wheres his parents live i'd drop it at his parents house... he flipped about it. Wondering when he was at my house last and blah blah blah... that was the first sign and he did pass this off as a bad day.. but the jealous increased.. the controling started .. not wanting me to wear  low cut shirts or skirts or summer dresses which is what i always wore. TO begin with i was really depressed and didnt fight about it,, i was like what ever,  it's no big deal and I dont have the strenght to fight about it.. I really didnt at that time. I had wondered why i hadnt heard from ANY of my freinds in a long time.. No even so much as a phone call. I started calling them and they told me he would answer say i was asleep and tell them he would tell me that they called.. WELL he never told me ever and he went as far as to erase the numbers from the caller id and erase their voice mail messages to me and NEVER told me a thing!! After i realized this, i sat down and had a talk with him, and let him know im not putting up with this and he needed to change his ways or it wasnt going to work with us. He swore he would change... but he didnt. IT got worse, fast!  HIs words was that he wasnt controlling and jealous "HE WAS BEING PROTECTIVE" that he didnt want anyone to ever hurt me... I was getting over my depression and wanting to get back into my life and do things.. and yes without him sometimes. It ended up gettting really crazy. he pushed me down once and hit me in the chin once. He started making comments about some weight i gained.. then i seen it... and realized what type of a relationship i was in... How the hell did this happen to me??? I told him it was over and It wasnt going to work.. He refused to leave, and used an upcoming court case that he was the only witness that could get my brother off of false charges. he was the only one not related to anyone in any way so his testamony was the key to keeping my brother out of jail for years. SO of course he used that to stay.. and it worked until the court case was done.. so then came the  plan. He refused to leave. So he went to his parents house to stay for the weekend to help out with a big home improvement job. I got my fathers truck and some family members, packed up everything that was his, called the state police for an escort and took everything to him and told him it was over and I meant it.  He tried for over a year or so to get back together using every excuse in the book.. but i never went backwards like that. Im now with a sweet loving man that would never do anything to hurt or control me... a normal healthy happy relationship...... BUT like i said situations in your life can make your guard go down where you dont see the warning signs of an abusive  controlling man..

You are absoluately correct and it's slime like him that prey on your vulnerability unfortunately.

 

 
December 6, 2007, 9:24 am CST

Keep your head up

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

I have lived with an abusive man for the past seven years. I fought back and I have had him arrested twice. It wasn't until the last time he was arrested that he finally got the help he needed. Many states have domestic abuse laws however, some of them are a joke. In the state of Florida it is not left up to the woman to choose whether the abuser is prosecuted it is up to the state attorney. Thank God. My husband was forced to go to 6 months of anger management and alcohol abuse classes. Since then we have not had but two arguments in which he used some of the skills he learned to difuse the situation. He has changed in so many ways for the better. I say to you that you need to keep your head up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and make a plan to make things better for yourself. You gained your life back when you divorced this man, now take control and take it one day at a time. You have a bright future all you have to do is look ahead and not look back. If you are a spiritual person pray, pray and pray. God will answer your prayers and things will get better. Get out of the pity party. You have come this far and you can go even farther. You cannot merely exist. You have to take charge. If you don't he is still winning.
 
December 6, 2007, 9:36 am CST

I HAVE BEEN THERE

Quote From: eliana01

I am at the 10 month anniversary of my divorce from an abusive sociopath and it is only by the grace of God that I did not end up like the Peterson women.  I had a protective attorney and therapist, along with friends, who took steps to help keep me safe while I got out.  We went the whole route; I had notarized letters in safe deposit boxes testifying that if I was found dead, he did it.

 

It's not easy; 10 months later, I live from day to day in fear, for survival in other ways.  I'm isolated, in financial ruin, and think the best days of my life are far behind me and what's ahead is a mere existence.  But at least I'm alive.

 SWEETIE:  I HAVE BEEN IN YOU SITUATION.  LIVED IN SACRAMENTO, FAMILY IN WILMINGTON,CA.
ONLY BY THE GRACE OF GOD I GOT OUT.  THAT WAS 15 YEARS AGO.  IT WILL GET BETTER, AND YOUR BEST DAYS ARE STILL AHEAD.  ALWAYS WATCH YOUR BACK BUT PLEASE DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR.  KNOW THAT GOD WILL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU, AND YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE ANGELS AROUND YOU.  I HAD THREE YOUNG CHILDREN AT THE TIME, FINANCES, NOT GOOD.  BUT WE ARE ALIVE.  AND HAPPY.
CYN
 
December 6, 2007, 9:40 am CST

All araund the World

This is a problem araund the world.I was abust when i was in my 20tis.I finaly hat to make a hard decicion.I  got my Jar broken 3 times Ribs multipel times Bruses and black eays caumt les times.After hi tshoked me to blak out i now i hat to get out.I droped my 2 children 4and 1 at my Moms and i went in to heiding for a full year.I hat no other options.I now hi was to kill me and probelbe my children.I found out that hi beat a other women in to a coma.I testefid in Court for her.They never don anything when i reported him.But hi went to Jail for 10 Jears.I moved back home and got my Children .Gog bless my mom.This Women have to understand they dont Change they just get worse.I was lucky and got out in time.I'm now living in the USA and i know hi will never find me hir .Hi is in Germany.I been living in this beutifull Country for 17 years now.I thank the good Lord every Day that im still alive and that hi give me the courage to get out in time .I lost a year with my Children but at least we are all save today.Dr.Phil please tell the world that they need to get a way from abuse.There children also suffer at any age.LOL claudia
 
December 6, 2007, 9:45 am CST

Killer among us

 I hope women and even some men watch this and realize there is no excuse for abuse. I myself have witnessed what abuse does to the soul.  My daughters husband abused her for 4 years, and had promised her father and I that he would get help, to this day we do not know if he just lied about tgetting help or infact never went to the scheduled appts. but we did not find out about the abuse till in the 4th year of marriage he was really good at hiding the marks as was my daughter. Finally it came to when we found out, and on that last day she called and we took her to a lawyer and she started divorce proceedings, she and her little boy are so much better off because she choose to end this insanity to protect herself and her son.  This has not been a decision taken lightly and without some hardships and heartache.  But she and her 5yr. old son have made thier place in life with no help, child support medical coverage ect. from him, but have a happy healthy home, she is in law school full time and works full  time. she will someday look back and pat herself on the back for havig the courage to end the insanity.  I feel on that last day had she not come to us and had we not went with her back to the marital home to escourt him out he would have killed her as when we walked into the home with her he ws setting on the floor with a baseball bat on his lap and this was not during baseball season.  I just thank the lord that she loved herself her son and us enough to ask us to help her. I emplore men and women alike to take all the information to heart, gather the courage to end the insanity of a situation like this. Sad to say there is about as many men in this situation as women but we never hear about them as they are imbarrassed to admit this is happening but infact it does.
 
December 6, 2007, 9:54 am CST

Dennis 1952

Quote From: dennis1952

eliana01  'I personally feel very deeply for you. The devastation of  a marriage gone wrong, followed by divorce, the emotional stress and rebuilding of your self esteem and then your way of life. This is too much for a person to handle on their own so I hope you find someone that you feel you can trust to help you. My life has not been all that exemplary either and I owned up to my prolems, sought the help I needed and my wife decided to stay with me. I only laid my hands on her two or three times, sorry "only" is the wrong word to use since once is to many times, but since I finished my therapy and moved back in with her my wife and I have had the love affair of our lives. While this may not happen to you, maybe it will, please don't give up hope on life, believe in yourself and know that there is life after divorce. I've seen this in two of my own daughters, my brother, and numerous others. It hurts, it's threatening, , just take courage and move forward with your eyes open and your head held high. You did nothing to cause this behavior I'm pretty sure, some people are just violent. Don't let his problems make you feel defective. Okay sweety.
i thank you for correcting yourself, by saying "only"  is not the right word.  Once is one too many. It only gets worse, if it is allowed.
 
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