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Topic : 12/12 Christmas Chaos

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Created on : Thursday, December 06, 2007, 03:13:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
'Tis the season to be jolly, but some households are filled with more coal than candy. First up, Jose thinks Christmas is too commercialized and hates Christmas trees, lights and holiday parties. His wife, Tammy, says he’s just a cheapskate, and says one year he gave her a stuffed animal that he found in the dumpster! Can Dr. Phil get Jose to change his “bah humbug” ways? Then, since Gary's mother died, he tries to bring his father, Albert, and siblings together, but says gossip and jealousy keep them apart. His sisters, Wrajean and Cheryl, complain that Albert idolizes Gary’s wife and treats her better than his own daughters. The last time the family got together for the holidays was in 2002. Can they gather ‘round the Christmas tree this year? And, for the fourth straight year, Dr. Phil and Robin host Christmas in Washington to help celebrate the true holiday spirit! See special performances by R&B superstar Ne-Yo, country crooner Alan Jackson, pop star Katherine McPhee and High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens'. Christmas in Washington airs Wednesday, December 12 at 10 p.m. EST/PST exclusively on TNT! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 12, 2007, 7:39 am CST

12/12 Christmas Chaos

Quote From: ramair

 Worship on the first day of the week didn't originate with Constantine. It originated in the New Testament. As a command. Gathering together. Bringing tithes and offerings. Other than that, I whole-heartedly agree with you. The incorporation of unscriptural beliefs and practices, many of them pagan based, into the "church" did orginate with Constantiner.

   I'm not too keen about arguing about biblical practices and then insisting upon ruining everyone else's fun.  I agree that trees and holly and what not is't strictly Christian per se--but it's a lot of fun.  So is Santa Claus and gifts and a really good dinner.

   How does that quote go that I am thinking of?  "Whenever four or more of you are gathered . . ."  I can't recall the the rest

 
December 12, 2007, 7:56 am CST

Other Traditions

We have chosen to include a few "celebrations" that are either inexpensive or free...Each year we choose a Xmas charity to support as a family. Sometimes we contribute to the Christmas Bureau ( a local charity), we have filled a box for Operation Xmas Child, had a Blues Clues Party to collect things for the SPCA,  contributed to the Adopt a Family program, collected coins for the Zoo, put change in every Salvation Army Kettle we passed, made cookies for a seniors home, and one year when we had no extra money to share we sent cards to our soldiers overseas. These acts are not going to change the world but they sure make the season hold more meaning for our kids.

 

We also include a night of driving around looking at the lights complete with blankies, cookies and hot chocolate in the van, an afternoon of sledding, a family game night or three, a shoveling party when we treat as many neighbors to a freshly shoveled walk as we can, we build a snowman (when we get enough snow LOL), we go skating, and one year when we were fairly flush we even went on a hayride.

 

Instead of focusing on just one day of celebration we spread it out and try to make memories for the kids.

 

Our family has had it's share of nasty Christmas events including having to call the police on one family member, having a year when one member had a restraining order in place so we couldn't legally get together, having someone get so drunk that they passed out, a Christmas when someone was in jail, and more than one where lay-offs and unemployment were part of the picture.

 

I will not allow "bad" years to ruin Christmas for the kids... we simply find another way to celebrate and get creative... home-made ornaments are fine gifts, busing around is an adventure, singing at a seniors lodge a thrill.

 

Being alone at Christmas is a choice... if you have no-one close to you to celebrate with go on down to the homeless shelter and offer a helping hand, service to others returns the gift tenfold.

 

 

Have a Merry Christmas and try to remember the reason for the season.

 
December 12, 2007, 8:08 am CST

Don't be a Scrooge, it's Christmas

I feel that Jose has no real understanding of what Christmas is, and if he really understood it, then he wouldn't feel the way he does.  The Christmas displayed in department stores or people accumulating major credit card debt is not the real Christmas.  Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birth and about the hope, joy, peace, and new life that He brought to the Earth.  In my family, this is what we focus on.  THe true meaning of Christmas.  Not on spending as much as possible, or any other forms of commercialism.  We go to church on Christmas Eve and my grandpa usually sings at the service.  We have a nice dinner all together and enjoy each others company.  We do but presents, but we spend a minimum on them and it isn't at all the focus.  Friends of mine give their children only three presents to represent the three gifts the Wise Men brought Jesus.  All the decorating, cooking, and gift exchanging that we do is to bring our family closer and to recognize our Savior's birth.  For Jose to say Christmas is a Pagan holiday, is completely wrong, and shows his lack of understanding.  I feel that if he truly experienced and understood Christmas the way I do, he wouldn't feel this way. 
 
December 12, 2007, 8:24 am CST

in response

Quote From: derevna33

 

    After 5 years, your husband has a bad habit.  He isn't likely to change it.  He doesn't want to.  I think the last thing you should do is worry about his bad habits.  If he wants to stay home and pout--let him.  Go to your daughter's house and have a good time, anyway.  (You would probably have more fun without him)

Thats terrible advice!!! She has a legitamite problem and she seeking real advice,, why in hell would you say some thing so mean.. To the original auther,,, I think your husband is hurting and needs to find help figuring out why he feels he cant be in the same room as the new son in law,, it really isnt the new son in law,,my question is ,, how does the new son in law deal with the dad in laws rejection.  Very sorry to hear this is happening to your family, its a very sad sitution
 
December 12, 2007, 9:27 am CST

Sounds Depressing

Quote From: sundeigo

 Well this is the first year I am alone on Christmas. It is not fun. I got divorced this year. Live alone. Family, news: I have one daughter, my father has not talked to me in 25 years, Mother is not talking to me. I have 7 brothers and sisters. I am the black sheep. They all live back east and I am out here in the west. 3000 miles between us. My sister recently whom is the only one living out west here whom i have not talked to in years, came together due to surgery, I did everything, drive her, send cell pic's, text's to her children, Did call the whole family for her own my cell. Then Mom came out said FU on my couch to me. Didn't look back walking down the plane plank, which is rare. Then picked up the next one coming in for my sister, her daughter, Well when my sister got staff infection due to her daughter changing her baby on the bed, same bed I told my neice to not do that this would happen and it did. Now I am out in the cold. Family doesn't talk to me. Mom's mad, sister lives like her daughter did nothing, I am out in the cold. So bah Hum Bug to ya all.

I promise you that it will get better.  It is probably the divorce that has you down.  Holidays are difficult after a death or a divorce.  I am certain you will patch things up with your family.  Maybe you need to be the hero that Dr. Phil is always referring to!

 

Just as an aside and not to be argumentative-- Your baby niece did NOT give your sister a staph infection.  By changing the baby on the same bed that your recuperating sister slept in she risked giving the baby the staph infection.  Staph, unfortunately, is not so uncommon after surgery and it does not come from babies.

 

I hope that you have a holiday miracle this year!  Find peace with yourself.  It is the season of peace.

 
December 12, 2007, 9:39 am CST

Life is too short to be mean or live in chaos!

Separate the SECULAR from your life and ask yourself how much CHRISTIANITY is in your life. Improve the spiritual aspect of your life....learning to forgive, learning to put others first, giving back to society, holding hands with strangers at church services, putting money in the Salvation Army bucket every time you see it, make homemade cookies for neighbors w/ your kids (especially if you don't know the neighbors YET), adopt a poor family for Christmas, etc... 

 

Once you get the SPIRITUAL in order, the secular will mean so much less. I, too, love the Christmas lights, the tree, the stockings, the gifts for the kids, the music, etc, but the midnight mass, the taking Communion to the elderly in the nursing home Christmas afternon, the adopting of migrant families and helping out an elderly neighbor is what REALLY floats my boat at this time of year.

 

If you are Christian and care about being Christian, look in the mirror and ask yourself if Jesus would be proud of you.. Ask if you are doing enough for others. Ask if you truly know the MEANING of Christmas...the birth of Christ and the Savior of humanity. God bless!  Life is too short to be mean or live in chaos.....

 
December 12, 2007, 9:52 am CST

You need to ask for forgiveness; it's not about being right

Quote From: sundeigo

 Well this is the first year I am alone on Christmas. It is not fun. I got divorced this year. Live alone. Family, news: I have one daughter, my father has not talked to me in 25 years, Mother is not talking to me. I have 7 brothers and sisters. I am the black sheep. They all live back east and I am out here in the west. 3000 miles between us. My sister recently whom is the only one living out west here whom i have not talked to in years, came together due to surgery, I did everything, drive her, send cell pic's, text's to her children, Did call the whole family for her own my cell. Then Mom came out said FU on my couch to me. Didn't look back walking down the plane plank, which is rare. Then picked up the next one coming in for my sister, her daughter, Well when my sister got staff infection due to her daughter changing her baby on the bed, same bed I told my neice to not do that this would happen and it did. Now I am out in the cold. Family doesn't talk to me. Mom's mad, sister lives like her daughter did nothing, I am out in the cold. So bah Hum Bug to ya all.

My heart breaks for you, but I also have to wonder how honest you are being with yourself. As Dr. Phil would say, you seem to be the "common denominator" in all of this. If everyone is angry with you or simply not speaking to you, you have to have something to do with it.

 

REGARDLESS, it's not about blame. It's about forgiveness. This is what Jesus' birth is all about. He died so our sins would be forgiven. GIVE YOURSELF A GIFT....call or write or e-mail each person you feel has wronged you. APOLOGIZE TO THEM for whatever you feel they think you did to wrong them. Ask for forgiveness and do NOT mention their mistakes or sins or problems, etc. Concentrate of asking for forgiveness and bearing your soul to them.

 

Some may very well never like your or want to speak with you. You can't control them. You can only control you and change you! Once you have shared your sins and asked for forgiveness, there is nothing left to do. God will take care of the rest. Some of your family members/friends will accept your apology and welcome you back into the fold. Do not hold a grudge against those who do not. They may not be able to handle forgiveness or they may not be able to admit their own mistakes.

 

I forgave a man who, for 18 years, verbally abused me (along w/ my mother and sister). It took me almost 30 years to learn to forgive him (the women in my church group helped me). I forgave my dad for MY SAKE, not his (and for Christ). Leaving the pain behind was gradual, but within 3 years I was free of the pain and the anger and the frustration. My father and I were once again daughter and father. He died this past February with me by his side. I have no regrets. He made mistakes as a father (horrible mistakes) but he was a fallible human who had his reasons (his own parents were abusive). What happened is in our past. And now I am at peace, knowing I loved my father when he died and I did not allow him to die alone.

 

You can do this....you can forgive, ask for forgiveness (EVEN if you are not the only one in the wrong!) and you can make your life 100% better. Old baggage is what ruins new relationships; do NOT get invovled with any man before you lose the old baggage, please.

 

God bless you. And as the other poster stated, if you are going to be alone this holiday season, share your love and your talent and your muscle with people at a food pantry or a charity that provides meals to the homeless. YOu will feel 100% better being surrounded by those who are in worst circumstance than you are AND you will have learned the TRUE MEANING of CHRISTMAS! Good luck and do trust God.

 

 

 
December 12, 2007, 9:56 am CST

Don't scare away Christians!

Quote From: rettsgem

People, you need to first read your dictionaries and see what's said about this "traditional" holiday and then see what God says about people incorporating pagan customs instead of  God's true Holy Days, Leviticus 23.  The whole bible is about God's promises to Abraham and his generations.  Jews were the first Christians.  Paut took his message to the Gentiles after Jesus has ascended to be with His and our Father in Heaven.  God is not the author of confusion.  We have allow ourselves to be lead into confusion like sheep to the slaughter.  God warns us to repent and be baptized and keep HIS commandments and Holy Days.  Constantine first changed the weekly day of worship to the first day instead of the seventh day to separate the Gentiles from the Jews.  He was a rank pagan.  But don't believe me.  Believe history and your Bibles.  Hugs.

What is the POINT of your post? Yes, Dec 25 was once a pagan holiday, which is why the Church chose it as the official birth of Christ (which is really in January). It was to take something AWAY from the pagan celebration. And it worked quite nicely.

 

God doesn't care about lights, trees, presents, etc AS LONG AS we never forget the true meaning of Christmas. I spend CHristmas day in a nursing home taking Communion to the elderly. I help out at food pantries and donate to two migrant families. I STILL love the parties, the trees, the lights, the kids' gifts from SANTA (he was a Christmas man from Europe) and I put up secular (as well as Christian) decorations.

 

God will judge me accordingly...not you or anyone else who thinks s/he knows more than Christ. God bless you, but please stop trying to turn people away from Christian religions. Your rhetoric scares people, including this practicing and devout Christian!!!

 
December 12, 2007, 10:27 am CST

Gary and Family

This family makes me feel so sad because they have no clue just how lucky they are to have each other. My only child went to prison in 1999 just after turning 18 for being in the wrong place at the wrong time for the wrong reason and in April of 2000 my husband of 22 years passed away and all I could do was watch it all happen so now it is just me and my cat . My mother has been gone for 28 years, my father remarried and "forgot" he had the first family. My father has never in my entire life bought a present, card or phone call to either myself or my daughter. I do have 2 brothers(I think). The oldest I have seen only twice in 35 years and in 2006 he wrote a very hurtful letter to me and asked me not to contact him again and the youngest, well, not sure where he is. I am their only sister and it seems they have all forgotten who cooked, cleaned and washed for them because my mother was always "sick". Enough dirty laundry. So here it is Christmas and I just adopt kids and feed a couple of families sadly not my own. I know I am not the only person alone for the Holidays and all of us know how hard it is. I would love to have what they dont have enough brains to be thankful for. Get a grip folks and enjoy, love and be grateful for what you have now-it may change tomorrow. I would now like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and please put it all aside and enjoy just being together as a family this year, you may not get a next year. Peace and Love
 
December 12, 2007, 10:44 am CST

Amen!!!

Quote From: flthomcat

What is the POINT of your post? Yes, Dec 25 was once a pagan holiday, which is why the Church chose it as the official birth of Christ (which is really in January). It was to take something AWAY from the pagan celebration. And it worked quite nicely.

 

God doesn't care about lights, trees, presents, etc AS LONG AS we never forget the true meaning of Christmas. I spend CHristmas day in a nursing home taking Communion to the elderly. I help out at food pantries and donate to two migrant families. I STILL love the parties, the trees, the lights, the kids' gifts from SANTA (he was a Christmas man from Europe) and I put up secular (as well as Christian) decorations.

 

God will judge me accordingly...not you or anyone else who thinks s/he knows more than Christ. God bless you, but please stop trying to turn people away from Christian religions. Your rhetoric scares people, including this practicing and devout Christian!!!

And Merry Christmas!!!
 
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