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Topic : 12/12 Christmas Chaos

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Created on : Thursday, December 06, 2007, 03:13:00 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
'Tis the season to be jolly, but some households are filled with more coal than candy. First up, Jose thinks Christmas is too commercialized and hates Christmas trees, lights and holiday parties. His wife, Tammy, says he’s just a cheapskate, and says one year he gave her a stuffed animal that he found in the dumpster! Can Dr. Phil get Jose to change his “bah humbug” ways? Then, since Gary's mother died, he tries to bring his father, Albert, and siblings together, but says gossip and jealousy keep them apart. His sisters, Wrajean and Cheryl, complain that Albert idolizes Gary’s wife and treats her better than his own daughters. The last time the family got together for the holidays was in 2002. Can they gather ‘round the Christmas tree this year? And, for the fourth straight year, Dr. Phil and Robin host Christmas in Washington to help celebrate the true holiday spirit! See special performances by R&B superstar Ne-Yo, country crooner Alan Jackson, pop star Katherine McPhee and High School Musical’s Vanessa Hudgens'. Christmas in Washington airs Wednesday, December 12 at 10 p.m. EST/PST exclusively on TNT! Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 8, 2007, 8:49 am CST

12/12 Christmas Chaos

 Jose is right about the whole-sale over-commercialization of Christmas. And, in some venues, it starts the day after Halloween. When the first Christmas items are put on display. It begins even sooner in the yard-goods department. Christmas-themed fabric begins arriving by July. No wonder so many people are "sick" of Christmas by Thanksgiving.
Yes, I think commercialization has warped the meaning of Christmas. So has excessive greed. How many kids "ask for the moon" every Christmas. And, let's not forget all the excessive partying that's become the norm in certain circles. As if drunkeness and gluttony are the only way to "celebrate" Christmas.
Is Jose taking his position too far? Probably. And, is he a cheapskate? A teddy bear fished out of a dumpster does suggest that he is. He ought to at least give her a new one.
 
December 8, 2007, 3:24 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show

Chaos Christmas Doctor Phil. Doctor Phil Christmas Day is not untill 3 weeks away so what else is new?-

Have a good day. See you on Wednesday December 12th, 20007. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.-----

 
December 8, 2007, 4:44 pm CST

I love Christmas!

   To start lets say I can't imagine the person that doesn't love Christmas!!! I believe it is to commercialized but what you bring in to your home is up to you! I like every mother get to here I want this and that for Christmas from thanksgiving to Christmas Eve. But really it's no different than any other time of the year they just want it for a different occasion. My husband and I spend a reasonable amount of money on the children and get each other a gift each. I never asked my husband for any thing over the top because the kids come first But a teddy bear out of the garbage!!!!!!!!!!!!! My divorce lawyer would have a good laugh at that one cuz thats the first person I would be talking to!!!!! Christmas is not about you!!!! Get over it your the adult now! It's about Jesus and Family! So worship and make the magic seem real for your family!!! I could be broke and in despair but my husband and I would find a way to bring some magic to our family on Christmas!

   And Family is there to support and love you no matter what! So this family that won't come together.. Get over it!!!! My family has made me SOOOOOOO mad in the past it's part of being family but so is forgiveness, understanding and unconditional love!!! When there dead and gone will you say I am so glad for the time I had with them or will you say I was right and now you can't argue with me! I love my family unconditionally! There is nothing they could say to make me stay away from them.

 
December 8, 2007, 7:08 pm CST

Unbelievable !

Quote From: ramair

 Jose is right about the whole-sale over-commercialization of Christmas. And, in some venues, it starts the day after Halloween. When the first Christmas items are put on display. It begins even sooner in the yard-goods department. Christmas-themed fabric begins arriving by July. No wonder so many people are "sick" of Christmas by Thanksgiving.
Yes, I think commercialization has warped the meaning of Christmas. So has excessive greed. How many kids "ask for the moon" every Christmas. And, let's not forget all the excessive partying that's become the norm in certain circles. As if drunkeness and gluttony are the only way to "celebrate" Christmas.
Is Jose taking his position too far? Probably. And, is he a cheapskate? A teddy bear fished out of a dumpster does suggest that he is. He ought to at least give her a new one.
 Myself I enjoy Christmas and so does my family.This year though I'm un employed,and so is my brother.I'm frustrated because I can't buy gifts for my family.I have a son,daughter,a grandson,3 nephews, 2 nieces, then of course other family members.And I'm broke !!! Then there's people like Jose and his wife.Him acting like Scrooge and her throwing gifts away.What's wrong with you people ! ?How can you be so ungrateful ?  Also, I think Christmas decorations are beautiful ! When kids ask for things for Christmas they're just being kids. By the way, we never forgot the true meaning of Christmas either.And yes,Jose is taking his position too far.Buy her a new one for pete's sake !
 
December 9, 2007, 11:23 am CST

Christmas

I understand . I no longer support the stores at Christmas !!! Christmas has become such a burden on families that last year I told my family not to buy me anything that I was not going to buy for them not that i didn't love them, I DO !!!

I no longer wanted to be a part of the commercialized Christmas. I want us  to enjoy spending time with each other, reflecting on the past year being grateful for each other, without the pressure of gift buying then the extra burden of paying bills after it was all over. I feel as tho the meaning of Christmas has been lost . And it is our fault.

Sure its hard to break the cycle and I sometime question myself  for just a second and then I am relieved that we are not part of it.

I will also share this with you, The other day it came to me that i had told my children one of the biggest lie when they where small that there was a Santa Clause and of course I played the role, how awful of me to have done that. My children trusted me completely. Then we they found out there wasn't a Santa Clause then they were told not to tell the little ones that it is a secret, "I taught my children to lie" believe me that was a hard one to face not only did I teach them to lie, they would get into trouble for lying. (This is twisted).

Looking back I would never do that to my children 

 
December 9, 2007, 2:46 pm CST

Christmas is from pagan customs

People, you need to first read your dictionaries and see what's said about this "traditional" holiday and then see what God says about people incorporating pagan customs instead of  God's true Holy Days, Leviticus 23.  The whole bible is about God's promises to Abraham and his generations.  Jews were the first Christians.  Paut took his message to the Gentiles after Jesus has ascended to be with His and our Father in Heaven.  God is not the author of confusion.  We have allow ourselves to be lead into confusion like sheep to the slaughter.  God warns us to repent and be baptized and keep HIS commandments and Holy Days.  Constantine first changed the weekly day of worship to the first day instead of the seventh day to separate the Gentiles from the Jews.  He was a rank pagan.  But don't believe me.  Believe history and your Bibles.  Hugs.
 
December 9, 2007, 7:57 pm CST

Family not together for Christmas since 2000

Merry Christmas,

 

The last time my family of origin was together was Christmas in 2000.  It was at my sister's house, even though it was my "turn," because she begged and pleaded with me that this was her "last chance" to host Christmas.  No, she wasn't terminally ill or moving out of state.  She was planning to leave her abusive husband (or so the story goes). 

 

She left him in May of 2001 and returned in September 2001 (long story).  Since then, I've been "uninvited" from their lives. 

 

In Feb. 2003 our mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  I caught it early, and at this time she's still able to live alone, even though she doesn't drive any more. 

 

I arranged a family meeting with my brother, his wife, and my sister.  I let them know about Mom's situation and asked them to work with me to help take care of her.  They agreed, but did not follow through.  The following year I arranged another family meeting, this time with a trusted aunt & uncle.  My brother came, but my sister wouldn't answer her cell phone, even though she knew the time and said she'd participate.

 

I've sent letters to the family updating them on Mom's health and welfare.  My sister (or her husband) refuse and return anything from me.  My brother admits when he doesn't read them - or if he does he says he has to read it again to understand. 

 

It's been a repetitive scenario:  me asking for specific help for Mom, begging for said help, demanding it, then threatening a deadline of some sort.  Overall, only a medical emergency (Mom's been hospitalized a couple of times) or a deadline with consequences has inspired action from my siblings on Mom's behalf.

 

My brothers' two daughters have had babies - I got no invitation to either shower, no announcement, no pictures . . . exclusion.

 

Likewise, when my sister's daughter got married I wasn't invited to the shower or wedding.  My sister was the matron of honor in my wedding and her daughter was my junior bridesmaid.  Again, for me - exclusion.

 

These exclusions have hurt Mom very much, but even my description of how upset she got has not impressed the severity of this situation on them.  Mom was so angry she said she wouldn't go to these events - I talked her into going.  I even took her shopping for a gift for my sister's daughter - it was refused.  I had to take Mom shopping for an outfit for the wedding - even though the bride and her mother (my sister) had taken Grandma to the salon to see the bride's dress.

 

We've lost an aunt and an uncle this past year.  So now, it's come to the most final type of separation:  death.  Births, marriages, and even death haven't inspired any of them to work together with me as a team to help Mom.

 

You may be wondering what I've done to warrant all this.  It's hard for me to know because they won't discuss it, but I think it's because I dared to say, "NO!" (to my sister:  No - you can't use me and my family and then turn your back on us when you decide to return to the abuse; to my niece - setting boundaries of no swearing, no name-calling, no accusations and no insults) or I've forced them to DO something for Mom by threatening consequences if they didn't (to my brother - throwing things out that he had stored at Mom's house).

 

I've apologized, asked for forgiveness, offered to make whatever amends they require, suggested counseling (attempted once, but unsuccessfully) and begged and pleaded for them to work with me as a team to help take care of Mom. 

 

I've resigned myself to the fact that I have to manage Mom's health as if I were an only child. I call Mom between 6-10 times a day to remind her to eat and take her meds (which I organize in trays for her).  I schedule and take her to her doctor appointments.  I take her grocery shopping.  I make sure her bills and taxes get paid.  I've contracted for her grass to get cut because nobody in the family can do it on a regular basis.  My husband and I do the maintenance tasks for her home. 

 

My brother and his adult daughter will still talk to me, but requests to go to counseling again - of their choice - are either ignored or declined. As my niece put it just today:  "I don't believe in counseling."

 

I'm a very happily married woman with a 10-year old child.  My husband is a very supportive and understanding man:  he's been with me through all of this and hung in there.  He's encouraged me and supported me, whatever decision I've made.  We don't have any of the above issues with each other, and I don't have any of these issues with friends, neighbors, or co-workers. 

 

I had an epiphany this season: "Home for the Holidays" is now geared toward creating "home" memories for my daughter - not trying to recapture my childhood memories.

 

Well, thanks for listening.  That's the short, short version of my story.  Watch for the book in about 10-20 years. 

 

May God bless and keep you all this holiday season and always.

 

Linda D. 

 

 

 
December 10, 2007, 5:09 am CST

P.S.:

Quote From: st_tng

Merry Christmas,

 

The last time my family of origin was together was Christmas in 2000.  It was at my sister's house, even though it was my "turn," because she begged and pleaded with me that this was her "last chance" to host Christmas.  No, she wasn't terminally ill or moving out of state.  She was planning to leave her abusive husband (or so the story goes). 

 

She left him in May of 2001 and returned in September 2001 (long story).  Since then, I've been "uninvited" from their lives. 

 

In Feb. 2003 our mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  I caught it early, and at this time she's still able to live alone, even though she doesn't drive any more. 

 

I arranged a family meeting with my brother, his wife, and my sister.  I let them know about Mom's situation and asked them to work with me to help take care of her.  They agreed, but did not follow through.  The following year I arranged another family meeting, this time with a trusted aunt & uncle.  My brother came, but my sister wouldn't answer her cell phone, even though she knew the time and said she'd participate.

 

I've sent letters to the family updating them on Mom's health and welfare.  My sister (or her husband) refuse and return anything from me.  My brother admits when he doesn't read them - or if he does he says he has to read it again to understand. 

 

It's been a repetitive scenario:  me asking for specific help for Mom, begging for said help, demanding it, then threatening a deadline of some sort.  Overall, only a medical emergency (Mom's been hospitalized a couple of times) or a deadline with consequences has inspired action from my siblings on Mom's behalf.

 

My brothers' two daughters have had babies - I got no invitation to either shower, no announcement, no pictures . . . exclusion.

 

Likewise, when my sister's daughter got married I wasn't invited to the shower or wedding.  My sister was the matron of honor in my wedding and her daughter was my junior bridesmaid.  Again, for me - exclusion.

 

These exclusions have hurt Mom very much, but even my description of how upset she got has not impressed the severity of this situation on them.  Mom was so angry she said she wouldn't go to these events - I talked her into going.  I even took her shopping for a gift for my sister's daughter - it was refused.  I had to take Mom shopping for an outfit for the wedding - even though the bride and her mother (my sister) had taken Grandma to the salon to see the bride's dress.

 

We've lost an aunt and an uncle this past year.  So now, it's come to the most final type of separation:  death.  Births, marriages, and even death haven't inspired any of them to work together with me as a team to help Mom.

 

You may be wondering what I've done to warrant all this.  It's hard for me to know because they won't discuss it, but I think it's because I dared to say, "NO!" (to my sister:  No - you can't use me and my family and then turn your back on us when you decide to return to the abuse; to my niece - setting boundaries of no swearing, no name-calling, no accusations and no insults) or I've forced them to DO something for Mom by threatening consequences if they didn't (to my brother - throwing things out that he had stored at Mom's house).

 

I've apologized, asked for forgiveness, offered to make whatever amends they require, suggested counseling (attempted once, but unsuccessfully) and begged and pleaded for them to work with me as a team to help take care of Mom. 

 

I've resigned myself to the fact that I have to manage Mom's health as if I were an only child. I call Mom between 6-10 times a day to remind her to eat and take her meds (which I organize in trays for her).  I schedule and take her to her doctor appointments.  I take her grocery shopping.  I make sure her bills and taxes get paid.  I've contracted for her grass to get cut because nobody in the family can do it on a regular basis.  My husband and I do the maintenance tasks for her home. 

 

My brother and his adult daughter will still talk to me, but requests to go to counseling again - of their choice - are either ignored or declined. As my niece put it just today:  "I don't believe in counseling."

 

I'm a very happily married woman with a 10-year old child.  My husband is a very supportive and understanding man:  he's been with me through all of this and hung in there.  He's encouraged me and supported me, whatever decision I've made.  We don't have any of the above issues with each other, and I don't have any of these issues with friends, neighbors, or co-workers. 

 

I had an epiphany this season: "Home for the Holidays" is now geared toward creating "home" memories for my daughter - not trying to recapture my childhood memories.

 

Well, thanks for listening.  That's the short, short version of my story.  Watch for the book in about 10-20 years. 

 

May God bless and keep you all this holiday season and always.

 

Linda D. 

 

 

P.S.:  My sister tops her Christmas tree with a skull; calls herself evil; whenever I've tried to convince her otherwise, she says she's not worth "bothering" about; and has told me, "We will never have a relationship."  Please pray for her and her family.
 
December 10, 2007, 5:57 am CST

I think it's usually that way.

Quote From: st_tng

Merry Christmas,

 

The last time my family of origin was together was Christmas in 2000.  It was at my sister's house, even though it was my "turn," because she begged and pleaded with me that this was her "last chance" to host Christmas.  No, she wasn't terminally ill or moving out of state.  She was planning to leave her abusive husband (or so the story goes). 

 

She left him in May of 2001 and returned in September 2001 (long story).  Since then, I've been "uninvited" from their lives. 

 

In Feb. 2003 our mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  I caught it early, and at this time she's still able to live alone, even though she doesn't drive any more. 

 

I arranged a family meeting with my brother, his wife, and my sister.  I let them know about Mom's situation and asked them to work with me to help take care of her.  They agreed, but did not follow through.  The following year I arranged another family meeting, this time with a trusted aunt & uncle.  My brother came, but my sister wouldn't answer her cell phone, even though she knew the time and said she'd participate.

 

I've sent letters to the family updating them on Mom's health and welfare.  My sister (or her husband) refuse and return anything from me.  My brother admits when he doesn't read them - or if he does he says he has to read it again to understand. 

 

It's been a repetitive scenario:  me asking for specific help for Mom, begging for said help, demanding it, then threatening a deadline of some sort.  Overall, only a medical emergency (Mom's been hospitalized a couple of times) or a deadline with consequences has inspired action from my siblings on Mom's behalf.

 

My brothers' two daughters have had babies - I got no invitation to either shower, no announcement, no pictures . . . exclusion.

 

Likewise, when my sister's daughter got married I wasn't invited to the shower or wedding.  My sister was the matron of honor in my wedding and her daughter was my junior bridesmaid.  Again, for me - exclusion.

 

These exclusions have hurt Mom very much, but even my description of how upset she got has not impressed the severity of this situation on them.  Mom was so angry she said she wouldn't go to these events - I talked her into going.  I even took her shopping for a gift for my sister's daughter - it was refused.  I had to take Mom shopping for an outfit for the wedding - even though the bride and her mother (my sister) had taken Grandma to the salon to see the bride's dress.

 

We've lost an aunt and an uncle this past year.  So now, it's come to the most final type of separation:  death.  Births, marriages, and even death haven't inspired any of them to work together with me as a team to help Mom.

 

You may be wondering what I've done to warrant all this.  It's hard for me to know because they won't discuss it, but I think it's because I dared to say, "NO!" (to my sister:  No - you can't use me and my family and then turn your back on us when you decide to return to the abuse; to my niece - setting boundaries of no swearing, no name-calling, no accusations and no insults) or I've forced them to DO something for Mom by threatening consequences if they didn't (to my brother - throwing things out that he had stored at Mom's house).

 

I've apologized, asked for forgiveness, offered to make whatever amends they require, suggested counseling (attempted once, but unsuccessfully) and begged and pleaded for them to work with me as a team to help take care of Mom. 

 

I've resigned myself to the fact that I have to manage Mom's health as if I were an only child. I call Mom between 6-10 times a day to remind her to eat and take her meds (which I organize in trays for her).  I schedule and take her to her doctor appointments.  I take her grocery shopping.  I make sure her bills and taxes get paid.  I've contracted for her grass to get cut because nobody in the family can do it on a regular basis.  My husband and I do the maintenance tasks for her home. 

 

My brother and his adult daughter will still talk to me, but requests to go to counseling again - of their choice - are either ignored or declined. As my niece put it just today:  "I don't believe in counseling."

 

I'm a very happily married woman with a 10-year old child.  My husband is a very supportive and understanding man:  he's been with me through all of this and hung in there.  He's encouraged me and supported me, whatever decision I've made.  We don't have any of the above issues with each other, and I don't have any of these issues with friends, neighbors, or co-workers. 

 

I had an epiphany this season: "Home for the Holidays" is now geared toward creating "home" memories for my daughter - not trying to recapture my childhood memories.

 

Well, thanks for listening.  That's the short, short version of my story.  Watch for the book in about 10-20 years. 

 

May God bless and keep you all this holiday season and always.

 

Linda D. 

 

 

Linda, I think most families may experience what you're going through. Both of my parents were ill at the same time before they died.(2 1/2 months apart) My sister and I did the best we could for as long as we could. Toward the end, it became too much for us and we couldn't afford to hire caregivers. So my parents went to a facility for the last several months of thier lives. There are 5 of us and my youngest brother was sort of against them leaving thier home. But, he didn't push it. My sister and I DID discuss that if he wanted them at home, he was going to have to step up and help. But it didn't get to that. And after they died, he told the both of us that we had done the right thing. (We had done the only thing we could do.)

 

You can't force your siblings to do things they are not willing to do. You just have to do the best YOU can for as LONG as you can and let it go at that.

 

It was the same with my husband's family. His widowed mother had Althziemer's. There are 5 siblings. My husband and his 2 sisters were the caregivers until she died. They didn't want to put her in a facility and I don't blame them. She wouldn't have had the care at a facility that they were willing to give her.  The 2 sisters sacrificed a great deal to keep her at home. It was a tough road at times. My husband helped as much as he could.

 

I believe that it is a rare situation where the whole family bands together and helps. It is just the way it is. My sister and I have no bad feelings towards the rest of our siblings. Nor do my husband and his sisters harbor resentment toward thier siblings. That's just the way things happened.

 

I'm not sure if you're saying that the problems with your not being included in things stems from the fact that the others won't help. You seem to have a very strong personality. Do you think you have turned them away from you because you are trying to force them to help? You can't have your cake and eat it too. Maybe if you backed down and accepted that they are not willing to help they would be more receptive of you.

 

It may be that you are  unwilling to accept things as they are. But, IMO, there is not a thing you can do to change them. Good luck to you and I hope you have a good Christmas. 

 
December 10, 2007, 10:02 am CST

12/12 Christmas Chaos

Quote From: rettsgem

People, you need to first read your dictionaries and see what's said about this "traditional" holiday and then see what God says about people incorporating pagan customs instead of  God's true Holy Days, Leviticus 23.  The whole bible is about God's promises to Abraham and his generations.  Jews were the first Christians.  Paut took his message to the Gentiles after Jesus has ascended to be with His and our Father in Heaven.  God is not the author of confusion.  We have allow ourselves to be lead into confusion like sheep to the slaughter.  God warns us to repent and be baptized and keep HIS commandments and Holy Days.  Constantine first changed the weekly day of worship to the first day instead of the seventh day to separate the Gentiles from the Jews.  He was a rank pagan.  But don't believe me.  Believe history and your Bibles.  Hugs.
 Worship on the first day of the week didn't originate with Constantine. It originated in the New Testament. As a command. Gathering together. Bringing tithes and offerings. Other than that, I whole-heartedly agree with you. The incorporation of unscriptural beliefs and practices, many of them pagan based, into the "church" did orginate with Constantiner.
 
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