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Topic : 12/18 Dangerous Daughters

Number of Replies: 130
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Created on : Thursday, December 13, 2007, 05:11:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Little girls are often the apple of their parents' eye, but what happens when these sweet, innocent daughters grow up to become dangerous young women? Dr. Phil's guests say their daughters are on destructive paths to nowhere. Krista, 22, was a beauty queen who went from wearing a tiara to walking the streets. She will beg, borrow and steal to get money to support her drug habit. She says if she doesn't get help, she will die, but you won't believe what happened after the Dr. Phil cameras left her house! Her mother, Janet, says after two overdoses and four trips to rehab, the family is beginning to lose hope that Krista can be saved. Find out what Dr. Phil tells Krista she must do in order to turn her life around. Then, Beverly and Gil's 26-year-old daughter, Barbara, brutally attacked Gil with a hammer while he slept. Why do they believe Barbara's ex-girlfriend, Corrina, is to blame for the attack? They say Barbara showed no signs of violence before the beating, but did they miss the warnings? Corrina says she has no idea what made Barbara snap, and she wants to clear her name. Barbara's sister and brother weigh in. Why do they also say Corrina is responsible? And, hear what Barbara has to say from behind bars.  Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

December 21, 2007, 9:00 am CST

Dear Janet

You know, Im sitting here wondering what Janet must be feeling after the Dr. Phil show and reading all the replies on this message board.

She wanted help for her daughter, and what she got was a slew of people questioning her own sobriety and addiction issues. Her best friend even popped in to defend her.

While I admit it is hard to see what is really going on during a 20-30 minute segment of Dr. Phil.......one must ask themselves why so many people see the same thing. Sometimes those who are farthest removed from the emotional turmoil are able to see a little clearer. Sometimes they are able to offer insight into something they have no emotional attachment to.

Janet, if you are reading:

First, I hope your daughter finds the help she needs in order to live a safe, productive and sober life. As hard as this sounds, YOU MUST LET GO AND LET GOD. I can only imagine the pain you are in....watching your beloved daughter get eaten up by addiction. The only way to get out of the pain and turmoil is to focus on yourself and your program with the help of Al-Anon or Nar-Anon.

There, you will find mothers/fathers/brothers/sons....people from every walk of life who deal with issues just like yours.

You cannot let your daughters addiction consume you anymore.

You cannot let her addiction have that kind of control over your life.

The best thing you can do for her is to get healthy yourself. Many viewers expressed concern, that you didnt seem healthy. You can spend time defending that, your friends can spend time defending it.....or you can look that assesment squarely in the eye and ask yourself if there is any merit to it. Im not talking about the "blame-game". Im talking about asking yourself honestly if you have any issues surrounding the things people are talking about.

We are all a work in progress and the minute we stop moving forward and requiring more of ourselves is the minute unhealthy lifestyles and choices creep in.

Blessings to you and your family. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

 

 
December 21, 2007, 11:23 am CST

About meds...

Quote From: mommajulie

I think there is a reason so many people seem to be coming down hard on the mother.

First of all, just because a doctor prescribes a medication, does not mean the person isnt abusing it.

Secondly.....what are we teaching others, most importantly our kids, when our fix to life stress is popping a pill?

I have no experience with clonapin....but adderal is an extremely addictive drug, that does produce a "high".

You are fooling yourself if you think kids dont watch and emulate how parents deal with stress.

 

Because I had children with an addict, Ive had to be extra extra cautious about how I teach my kids about medication and alternatives.

We live in a culture that has a pill for everything. Cant sleep? Take a pill. Feeling blue? Take a pill. Your kid seems wired? Give them a pill. I know parents who rush themselves and their kids to the doc at the first sign of ANYTHING in the hopes that a little pill will fix it.

Rarely do we hear about alternatives to medication. How many of us offer a cold cloth for a head-ache FIRST, instead of tylenol? A massage instead of a muscle relaxant?

It is the very idea that we feed to out kids, that a pill/medication will fix everything.

Just google some statistics on how many kids are on ADD/ADHD drugs now. How easy they are to get a prescription for.

Putting a mood-altering addictive substance into your body, or the body of your child is not a decision to be taken lightly. Its sets you up for dealing with addiction issues for a lifetime.

There is no cure for addiction.

 

I never said that drugs prescribed by a doctor are non-addictive. Many relapses are caused from well-intentioned prescribed drugs. Personally I am teaching my sons endurance without the help of a pill. I have seen Janet do the same thing - endurance, perseverance a day at a time.

Both my sons have ADD/ADHD (as do I and their father). Neither take medication, nor do they want to. I have a great collection of meditation recordings on my iPod I listen to every night. When I feel down, I walk my dog. I can tell you that Janet uses many sober, natural tools to cope with life's challenges. She does not run to pills. This has gotten so skewed.

There's a difference between taking a prescribed drug to bridge the gap you can not, versus taking a prescription drug to avoid working through it. The person that has the courage to know the difference and live it IMO is sober as well as wise.
 
December 21, 2007, 1:47 pm CST

Lets get real for a minute here

Quote From: secondchapter

I never said that drugs prescribed by a doctor are non-addictive. Many relapses are caused from well-intentioned prescribed drugs. Personally I am teaching my sons endurance without the help of a pill. I have seen Janet do the same thing - endurance, perseverance a day at a time.

Both my sons have ADD/ADHD (as do I and their father). Neither take medication, nor do they want to. I have a great collection of meditation recordings on my iPod I listen to every night. When I feel down, I walk my dog. I can tell you that Janet uses many sober, natural tools to cope with life's challenges. She does not run to pills. This has gotten so skewed.

There's a difference between taking a prescribed drug to bridge the gap you can not, versus taking a prescription drug to avoid working through it. The person that has the courage to know the difference and live it IMO is sober as well as wise.

Now this may sound harsh....but how the heck is Janet teaching her daughter endurance without the help of pills...if she's taking pills? We arent talking about tylenol here. We are talking about seriously addictive, mind altering chemicals. Gimmee a break. You cant teach kids to endure the pain life deals us sometimes without pills.....while you are popping pills.

 

Secondly....you might very well be the only family I have ever heard of that ALL of you have add adhd. You, your husband and your kids? Seriously? Im no medical practitioner...but I think I'd be finding myself a new doc if he diagnosed my entire family with add/adhd. I did my thesis on alternatives to medication for kids diagnosed with ADD/ADHD....and in all my research have never ever come across an entire family with it. Very strange indeed.

 

And third...you seem to be doing an awful lot of protesting on Janets behalf. Maybe if you backed off just a little bit, she'd be able to see what it is that others are seeing and trying to share. That she doesnt seem healthy. Something doesnt seem right. YES, something is skewed. But I dont think its peoples opinion that something is off kilter and needs to be looked at and adressed with Janets behaviour.

Hmmmm....what is it they say about people who protest the loudest?

 

And third....

 
December 21, 2007, 1:54 pm CST

Janet's Best Friend

Secondchapter:  I think that everyone in the world should have a best friend like you.  Ready to "take on the world" to defend them.  I wish you, your family and Janet's a wonderful Christmas. 
 
December 21, 2007, 3:27 pm CST

12/18 Dangerous Daughters

Quote From: mommajulie

Now this may sound harsh....but how the heck is Janet teaching her daughter endurance without the help of pills...if she's taking pills? We arent talking about tylenol here. We are talking about seriously addictive, mind altering chemicals. Gimmee a break. You cant teach kids to endure the pain life deals us sometimes without pills.....while you are popping pills.

 

Secondly....you might very well be the only family I have ever heard of that ALL of you have add adhd. You, your husband and your kids? Seriously? Im no medical practitioner...but I think I'd be finding myself a new doc if he diagnosed my entire family with add/adhd. I did my thesis on alternatives to medication for kids diagnosed with ADD/ADHD....and in all my research have never ever come across an entire family with it. Very strange indeed.

 

And third...you seem to be doing an awful lot of protesting on Janets behalf. Maybe if you backed off just a little bit, she'd be able to see what it is that others are seeing and trying to share. That she doesnt seem healthy. Something doesnt seem right. YES, something is skewed. But I dont think its peoples opinion that something is off kilter and needs to be looked at and adressed with Janets behaviour.

Hmmmm....what is it they say about people who protest the loudest?

 

And third....

It's "The lady doth protest too much."

This is why I likened this forum to a bad car accident. I know I need to move on but I can't resist looking. You are right. I've just always hated anyone being attacked unjustly. As far as all of my family members having ADD/ADHD, my EX-husband is a recovering alcoholic and addict. It is not uncommon for the ADD/ADHD thing to be part of an addicted person's makeup. It's also hereditary. So it's not all that strange.

You obviously don't agree with much of anything I've posted and have what sounds like suspicions with regards to my rebuttals. I'm tired of beating a dead horse and I've certainly gone above and beyond what a best friend IMO should do. It's almost Christmas and I want to focus on the reason for the season.

Thanks for sharing and Merry Christmas.


 
December 21, 2007, 3:39 pm CST

12/18 Dangerous Daughters

Quote From: fromthesquare

Secondchapter:  I think that everyone in the world should have a best friend like you.  Ready to "take on the world" to defend them.  I wish you, your family and Janet's a wonderful Christmas. 
Thank you. If half of what Janet's been accused of were true, I wouldn't be posting on this board. I'm going home now. My beautiful Juliet (my puppy) awaits.

Merry Christmas.
 
December 21, 2007, 8:03 pm CST

guilty mom

are you KIDDING me?  Her mom has blame written all over her face.  I couldn't stomach her fake cries - she needs to get herself some help as well.  bad acting, mom!!
 
December 23, 2007, 2:07 pm CST

GIve it up!

Quote From: secondchapter

Well as most of you know message boards tend to be like bad car accidents... you can't look away!

I have read the latest posts about my best friend, Janet. So many of you have commented on her speech, her tears, her "erratic" behavior and once again, having known this woman deeply for 20 years I am going to defend her.

What I am sharing here is with absolute truth and certainty. It comes with knowing this woman inside-out from a 20-year friendship. It comes from spending many weekends at her home with her husband and younger daughter. Since my divorce two years ago, Janet has been an oasis of joy and a welcome reprieve from the daily grind.

Janet is not the reason Krista is an addict. Janet does not get high or drunk. She does not abuse medications that have been prescribed for legitimate illnesses and/or disorders. The flamboyent behavior, the dramatic expressions, the "over-the-top" personality you saw IS Janet, unmedicated. She is over-the-top - I agree. My ex never "got" her. Yes, she's definitely unique. But that DOESN'T mean she is abusing drugs. She is an extremely talented woman who has spent most of her life in theatre. She does voice-overs for radio spots and has a mini-studio in her home where she records her dialogue and sends it to her agent. She is a loving mother to all of her daughters and her newest daughter, a beautiful Golden Retriever she rescued.

Their house is my house. When I'm over there I open the fridge to get a pop. In 20 years I have never seen any beer or alcohol. I've never seen Janet or her husband drink because we met in recovery. It's not a part of their lifestyle. When I spend an evening with the family, her husband drives out to pick us up our favorite dinner. We sit and watch a movie or Dr. Phil reruns *smile* - we scour eBay. We make a run to Starbucks. We go to the Good Will. People - she is NOT getting high!!!

She is eccentric, dramatic, and many people just don't get her. But she is also the funniest person on earth and full of life. You saw a mother at the end of her rope. You saw her daughter, a hardened full-blown addict. You didn't see Krista when she was an innocent child with a pure and gentle soul. Janet saw it, and she's seen that precious soul, her child's light darkened and ripped away by addiction.

I have teenage twin sons - Janet and her husband are their Godparents. My sons love going over to Janet's because it's always fun. Do any of you really think I would drive 35 miles to her home so my sons could witness a stoned "best friend" and Godmother? Yes, Janet has her idiosyncrasies. She can be "out there." But none of the flair for drama or erratic behavior is a consequence of drug abuse. And she certainly can not be blamed for Krista's progressive downfall.

As far as recovering people taking medication, we all have our own opinions. Some 12-step folks are very hard-core and to quote someone's other comment, "can't take Tylenol without getting anxiety." There are those that cross the line even with the best intentions and quickly build their tolerance, ending back where they started from (actually, worse). But alcoholism and depression go hand-in-hand. Some are blessed to have never been in that dark place. I have not been so fortunate, and neither has Janet, and countless others I know in the fellowship. I have been chastized for being on medication. I would like those people who point their finger at me to live in my skin with bipolar disorder, depression, and the occasional panic attack. I was attending 5 meetings a week. I was sponsoring women and was sponsored. Everyday I would wake up, talk to God and "do the next right thing" a million times a day. Throw low self esteem into the mix and I can tell you, "happy, joyous and free" were not making themselves known. It was unbelievably frustrating when I knew I was using every tool from the program available, yet I was not emotionally sober.

I chose to completely stop taking the anti-depressants and the anti-anxiety medication, Klonopin. I didn't consult my psychiatrist. Within weeks I was at the emergency room with my sponsor by my side. Any time the topic of medication dared to come up in the meetings, 95% of the attendees jumped on the anti-medication bandwagon. Eventually I thought I should never put another anything in my mouth again. I just had to "work the steps." Now I'm not criticizing the A.A. program. But I am very concerned with those who refuse to consider medication an option for SOME people. Like those of us with bipolar disorder, and anxiety so intense it comes out other ways - ways that are not emotionally sober.

I went back on my medication. I would be screwed without it. I believe God gave us doctors and the resources for medication to HELP those of us who need more than the 12 steps. Like anything, medication can be abused. I have gone down that road too. But I know the difference between abusing a prescription drug, and taking a prescription drug as directed to enhance one's sobriety. My medication is one of the tools from my toolbox of recovery. Like the onion, the longer we are removed from our past destructive lifestyle and stay clean, the stuff that had been buried as far back as childhood must come out. We are no longer anesthesizing the pain. For some of us, it comes out as depression, or panic attacks, or mania. I came into the program in 1986. But there was so much damage done over the years, and so much "bad programming" my progress has been a very long journey. Everyday is a day of self-discovery, growth, set-backs, and faith.

I have not done the program perfectly. Two years ago I handed back my 20 year A.A. coin. I was supposed to get my 21 year coin but shared with the people in that meeting that I had relapsed with prescription drugs. Those were NOT the drugs I'm prescribed from my psychiatrist.

Dr. Phil fans and readers of this board - Janet and I are very much alike, and the things I've shared in this post parallel her journey. Janet had a safe built into the wall to keep her RX meds away from Krista. You saw an utterly exhausted woman convinced her daughter is months, weeks away from death. Flying from Chicago to L.A. wasn't easy on her either - she's terrified of flying. Her husband chose not to come with her. He doesn't want to be under the spotlight. He's a wonderful man and though I wish he would have gone, I know him well enough to respect his decision. Her voice IS raspy and I'm betting she was incredibly nervous sitting in that chair in front of millions of viewers.

She doesn't use. She doesn't use. She DOESN'T use. Yes, she's been known to make some bad choices. She can be a bit compulsive. She still battles with low self-confidence. She's also a bit scattered. But she KNOWS this. Sometimes she's even able to laugh at herself. And when I am at my lowest low, she is a ROCK.

This character assasination is wrong. It's inaccurate and it's skewed. I have known Janet for 20 years. You saw her for 45 minutes. I know how she appeared on the show and maybe I'd be chiming in with the criticism if I didn't know her. I'm not saying she's without flaw or blame. But I would ask some of you to reconsider the serious accusations that are absolutely false.

Thanks for reading.


I thought you were going to quit posting, yet you persist in defending Janet. Can you spell CO-DEPENDENT? 
 
December 24, 2007, 7:06 am CST

Al-anon didn't work for me......

Quote From: senderella

 Finaly someone told the mom that she needs to go to Al-anon.  The secret to handling the addiction of another person is to let THEM handle their own problem.  and, to go to a support group.  Al-anon is a support group for friends and family of alcoholics.  It gives one a new way of thinking and acting besides being obsessed with the addict.

I have family members wo are addicts and Al-anon has been a God Send.  I wish the Dr. Phil Show would have a group of Al-anon members on who would talk about what the program is and how it has helped them.  By the way, it might help Dr. Phil to go to some meetings.  He seems so angry most of the time.

Al-anon is a support group for anybody that has someone close to them that is an addict.  Either I, personally, had a bad experience with it or the group is just truly "the way they are".  "I" got myself out of the situation and went to Al-anon for some support and some answers.  What I found there was a bunch of people who were feeling sorry for themselves.  I found it as no help at all because I couldn't understand why they weren't taking any sort of action "if" their lives were as miserable as they were saying.  I never went back to Al-anon......

 

I have since started going to CR meetings, celebrate recovery, at my church.  These meetings are for anybody with a hurt, habit, or hangup and "I" actually get something out of being there.  I am mixed in with people who are addicts, family members of addicts, and people that are just struggling with a personal problem and need some support.  I actually feel like I am making some progress in my life in understanding the "disease" and realizing that I have no control over it. 

 

I'm not exactly trying to "bash" on Al-anon.  I'm just saying that if Al-anon doesn't work for her, she needs to get heself into something else. 

 
December 26, 2007, 11:27 pm CST

Thank you for the clarification

Quote From: nnjgirl

I thought you were going to quit posting, yet you persist in defending Janet. Can you spell CO-DEPENDENT? 

I want to commend you for taking a stand for Janet.

 

You are absolutely right.  Some persons do have a chemical imbalance and need antidepression medication for their seratonin levels in their brains are low perhaps due to lots and lots of trauma...rather real or imagined.

 

I want to thank you personally for the explaination of Janet's needs.  I understand them and I understand  how hard of a life Janet had in having to place her meds away from her daughter by locking them up in the safe.

 

I am now hearing stuff like , the children of today are a growing up, totally absorbed in themselves and their own needs and from being given anything that they want...are now in their attempt to find more and more things to excite themselves...have crossed over into "going nowhere fast, yet are enjoying the path to destruction, for it gives them a sense of greater highs, instead of lows.  Until of course they wake up in the morning and discover how crazy their level of craziness the night before promoted them.

 

Janet's daughter, and Bev's Daughter are both Indigoes and don't know it...Janet's daughter believes that drugs will help her get somewhere fast and we all know it won't...Janet's daughter chooses her behavior and must suffer the consequences...or choose to change.  I believe she can if she chooses to.

 

Just because Janet is on medication, doesn't mean she is a giving them to her daughter and now I understand that well.

God Bless

I will keep all in my prayers.

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 

 

 

 

 
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