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Topic : 12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

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Created on : Thursday, December 13, 2007, 05:12:39 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
The ultimate test for any parent is loving a child who is difficult, sometimes frightening, to the whole family. It’s a test parents of autistic children are put to daily. Ten-year-old Luz throws screaming tantrums, barks like a dog, and tells his mother, Sara, that he plans to kill her. Sara has long felt despair at Luz’s out-of-control behavior, yet she was shocked when a doctor diagnosed him with autism. Go inside the daily life of this family, see Luz’s wild behavior caught on tape, and learn why Sara’s main coping mechanisms might be putting her at risk. Then, a member of Dr. Phil’s own staff achieved miraculous results for her autistic child and her whole family through an intense program. Could a similar treatment work for Luz? Plus, what causes autism? Several recent media reports and high-profile parents such as Jenny McCarthy have pointed the finger at vaccinations. Is there a link? Child care expert and pediatrician Dr. Jim Sears weighs in. Then, imagine having a crime committed against you, but not having a voice or any way to tell someone you’d been wronged. Some mothers in Las Vegas say that’s exactly what happened when a teacher allegedly abused their autistic children, and they’ve filed a lawsuit. Hear them recount the painful details of the alleged abuse. What are their chances of winning in court? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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December 23, 2007, 10:49 am CST

12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

Quote From: shawnylou

Right you are. The only time the subject is brought up is when the doctor needs info , schooling and there might be a legal issue.

I understand where you may be a little upset but these children are children with "autism" my daughter is a child with "autism" and thats a fact. If I was on the show and the lawyer or Dr. Phil kept referring to my daughter that way I would not be offended in any way. I live with this day in and day out. Seizures, Pica, everything. Give me a break lady

 

 

Kim from New York

 
December 23, 2007, 1:41 pm CST

Mercury in vaccines is part of the problem

Quote From: rebeca2464

I have two boys diagnosed with Autism we had DNA testing done on myself, husband, sisters, brother, nieces and nephews I got a letter back saying Im sorry but we do not know what caused your son's Autism.
Your opinion regarding vaccines not being part of the problem is not what the researchers from American Society of Autism are saying.  Your opinion is just that, your opinion. I try to make sure that my children get vaccines that have no mercury preservative in them.  We must GET THE MERCURY OUT of vaccines!!  It is toxic, especially to young growing brains.
 
December 24, 2007, 5:15 pm CST

12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

Quote From: butterflybaby

I understand where you may be a little upset but these children are children with "autism" my daughter is a child with "autism" and thats a fact. If I was on the show and the lawyer or Dr. Phil kept referring to my daughter that way I would not be offended in any way. I live with this day in and day out. Seizures, Pica, everything. Give me a break lady

 

 

Kim from New York

I believe you were talking to the other lady darling.. ???
 
December 24, 2007, 7:55 pm CST

someone who knows better than us...

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

I agree. It seems to be just the latest issue parents can martyr themselves over. Talk about how they suffer so much having a child with Autism, while they let their child suffer. Or worse, force dangerous "cures" on them like Chelation therapy, which has been known to severly malnutrition people. All in hopes to get rid of supposed bad metals, that might not even be there in the first place.

 

Alot of people I talk to on the Asperger's Syndrome bulliten boards, I have Asperger's Syndrome. They say people like to only see Autistic/ Aspie children, they don't want to hear about them as adults. It's like once someone who's Autistic or who has Asperger's Syndrome become an adult, they don't exsist anymore. There is no support for them.

 

In order for there to be shows about Autistic children being ok, there needs to be a change in our society. From parents who cry out, "YOU'RE NOT A PARENT, SO YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" To parents who say, "You don't know how HARRRRDDDD it is, how much I SUFFER!" They don't say this out loud, but they certainly speak in a way that states these feelings.

 

We need to start being a society that hold parents up as being responsible as parents. We need to stop feeding what these martyr parents what to hear to them. They have to realize what is important is their child. It's too much for them? Perhaps they shouldn't have been parents then. Don't want to have to hear that? Too bad. While you're going off whinging about how you can't have your little social life anymore, or how you have to spend 24/7 taking care of an Autistic child instead of doing what YOU want to do. Your child is suffering.

 

The answer isn't to cure them so they can be more self-sufficent, so you can continue with your fantasy of being a parent and having time to do things for yourself, you need to be a better parent. That is the answer. There should be no more of these pity party for parents who didn't realize what they were getting themselves into. Nobody seems to take having a child seriously anymore. It seems when people have children who are "imperfect", they just see it as an excuse to whine about it to anyone within ear-shot instead of doing something about it.

 

Like the woman on the show, her son did say horrific things to her. However, it's very immature to go on a show and cry over something her child said, when he might not even be able to control saying it. How about talking about helping your child, going to a psychatrist? Doing something. I'm sorry, taking things personally like that from a child who clearly is sick and doesn't realize they're being harmful, is like a over-sensitive child who takes everything personally. The world doesn't revolve around her, she needs to get help for her son. Not go on Dr. Phil and cry cause she didn't realize she'd have to put in extra effort when she had children. Nothing will be accomplished until she realizes her son needs help, and that her wasting time feeling sorry for HERSELF, only is a hinderance to his healing.

 

You know, maybe I'm nuts. I think it's ok to say you know what, maybe I wouldn't be fit to be a parent. Ok, maybe handling children would be overwhelming for me. Fine, it isn't imperative that you grow up and have children. Perhaps if more people had this view, there would be less children suffering a life in a house where the focus isn't on them, because their parents didn't consider the responsibility of having them.

 

Maybe there would be more Autistic children, being able to be born to parents who would truely love them and take their time to help them, rather than sit and stew in their own greif over not having the perfect child whom they could leave to take care of themselves at home, while they went off having a life of their own. It seems people really don't understand the concept of, your children are your life, these days.

 

I know I will be flamed for this message, I'm certain I'll get a bunch of  "You're not a parent, you don't knoooooowwwwww" responses. I know what becomes of children who are born to parents, who think raising them is a part-time job. This might not even be an issue, if we lived in a society that said if you're a parent your life should be dedicated to your children. Instead of treating all parents, like high schoolers with little to no sense of responsibility. People who can't tell wether they want to hold a job, or have their social life and go to the prom with their friends. When you have a child, you have to be prepared for anything. Shows like this one about Autism, just feed into the pity party, for parents who were surprised and disheartened, they weren't born a perfect child.

 

It's not about the parents, it's about the children. Parents, really you need to get over yourselves and focus on helping these Autistic children. Helping them, not trying to cure them, not trying to make them what YOU want from them. Accept them as THEY ARE, and work with them. Maybe you will have to spend the rest of your life taking care of them, maybe that's the hand you've been delt. If you are a real parent, you'd be thankful for the gift to be able to care for someone, who will have unconditional love for you. Instead of mourning the life you could've had if you didn't have children.

First of all, this isn't about "fixing" our children or playing the martyr. There are parents like that out there, but the majority are just trying to go from day to day helping their kids. And no, unless you are a parent of a child on the spectrum your opinion means less than nothing. You are of course entitled to it, but it is worthless  to those of us who have both "been there" and done that". This is about improving the quality of our kid's lives. It's easy for high functioning Aspies who are able to speak and live life to criticize ABA and parent's attempts to "fix their children". But the truth of the matter is that parents won't be on this earth forever and if we don't give them some self help skills, where will they be in the future? Our kids bite themselves and others. Many don't speak. Some engage in stereotypical behavior that is weird and alienates them from their peers. In a perfect world should we have to change our kids to accomodate their potential social lives? No. However this is the reality we live in and I will die trying to help my son become as accepted as possible. Children become teenagers and teenagers are often cruel. People will be more likely to accept my son if he is a little off, but not completely weird and off the wall. I cannot accept the fact that my son may never lead a full life that will allow him to more fully integrate himself into the world. I am thankful for my son and if given the choice to do it all over, I absolutely would. My child has made me a better person. But I have grieved. It is cruel and proof of your ignorance that you believe mourning is a waste of time. Should you spend a lot of time mourning? Absolutely not. That helps no one and is incredibly selfish. But don't post messages that showcase the fact that you are blatantly unaware  and woefully ignorant of the the facts that involve raising a low functioning child. Not everyone uses intervention like chelation and the GF/CF diet. Many use traditional therapies that are non invasive. Perhaps you should speak to those affected by autism and you will figure out that the "spectrum" applies not only to the children, but to their parents as well.
 
December 26, 2007, 12:57 pm CST

14 year old nephew has autism

My sister is divorced for about five years now, she has two children age 14 and autistic and age 9 and we believe he is ADHD.  Her exhusband was very abusive to her and we believe to the children when he had them in his care for bikerides and such. We found out right before the divorce  that he  the exhusband is Bipolar and should be on meds the rest of his life.  When my sister gets the boys back from him for her parenting time the autistic son is very very  emotional and loud and one time broke his game boy up againt her head when he smashed it into her head. the father will not get the son treatment or take him to a regular doctor. He makes Lots of Money and in Wayne County,Mi money talks in the courts i believe.He has full legal custody and we are so worried about the boys. My sister would give her life for her sons and she has used alll the money she had fighting for her boys. we just pray every day that he has the boys for their safety. please pray for the boys because they need it. Joseph 14 year old and autistic and Stephen 9 year old

 
December 26, 2007, 8:09 pm CST

It is hard

I am a single mom of a 9 year old autistic child.  My son is not completely toilet trained, attends an autistic support classroom and a regular education classroom, has tons of friends, can be "mean" when the cause arises (usually with good cause), is loving, very interactive but also stubborn as a mule.  He is verbal, but has telegraphic speech.  He has sensory issues and is developing an attitude.  Ok, some of this is "normal", some of this is more exaggerated in a child with autism.  I still love him even though I wish to pull my hair out and scream when I am changing a nine year old child's pooped pants and he is laughing at me. YES it s hell!  I love him, but my patiences run thin sometimes.  I am a single mom --no positive help from father or father's family -- I work full time and go to college full time, and I am doing it and he is doing fine with it.  However, there are NO local resources and there are no agencies to assist me with my struggles. 

 

The important thing is I don't know how Logan "became" autistic, the fact is he is autistic and I have to learn to help him so he can be as successful as he can be.  I am not going to live forever.  So instead of arguing over where or how it occured I am more interested in dealing with the here and now.  Instead of all of you debating this why not form some kind of online support system (which is better than nothing) and support each other not argue and be bitter?  Where is that getting you??  Why he is autiic is not my biggest concern my biggest concern is his future.  Come on people put these children and adults with autism first  and stop the petty bickering.  It will be a debate for hundreds of years to come and that is exactly what it is a big old debate issue over the cause of a major epidemic.

 

I am looking for support not bitterness..................................anyone help me out??  I would like ideas for things that I am sure you all have dealt with and am willing to share ideas and help with others.  How about it??

 
December 27, 2007, 11:50 am CST

12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

Quote From: yoshiyoshi

Maybe you don't expect the world to serve you, and your child. Then you're in the minority. Shame on you, for not realizing that you don't need to be a parent to know about parenting. As well as assuming because I never raised a child with Autism, I don't understand.

 

Let me see, are you searching for a cure for your child's Autism? If you are why is that? I mean, if you supposedly want to a parent to a child with Autism. Why would you try to fix that? Why would other parents try to fix their children with Autism? It's not about a cure, Autism isn't a disease, it's a different way of seeing the world. Why are there so many supposed parents who want to be parents to children with Autism, trying to cure them? To end their suffering, or their own? Do they realize they're most likely doing more harm than good, by trying to force their child as a round peg into their square hole?

 

So explain to me then, where am I wrong in thinking parents don't want their child to be Autistic?

  Well, I can see you still don't understand what autism is all about.  Have you done any research at all on the subject?  By the way, I'm not trying to change my son,  I'm only trying to help him cope in a world where not everyone can understand him.  And no, I don't think of autism as a disease.

 

Did you ever stop to think that no one wants their child to be autistic because it is so hard for that child to cope.  My son still has tantrums on occasion but it's because he is trying to communicate something--like someone said or did something he didn't like.  When he has tantrums it's not due to being spoiled, it's his only way of communicating and I can work for hours trying to find out what caused the outburst so I can help him handle whatever happened the next time it happens.

 

But shame on me for telling you that you have no idea what it is like raising a child autism?  And yes, it was very evident to me that you have not raised any children yourself.  It's always those that are not parents that try to tell us that are what to do.

 

I'll tell you what, you take care of someone with autism for one day and we'll see how your attitude changes.  But wait, maybe you're like my ex husband.   He ran because he didn't like having a child with special needs--it hurt his male pride he says.  When you raise a child with special needs all by yourself with no moral support from your ex, you learn to stand up to people like you.

 

Do yourself and and everyone else a favor and do some research on autism before you get on a message board and tell us how to feel about our children.

 
December 27, 2007, 12:03 pm CST

12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

Quote From: greeneyezpa

I am a single mom of a 9 year old autistic child.  My son is not completely toilet trained, attends an autistic support classroom and a regular education classroom, has tons of friends, can be "mean" when the cause arises (usually with good cause), is loving, very interactive but also stubborn as a mule.  He is verbal, but has telegraphic speech.  He has sensory issues and is developing an attitude.  Ok, some of this is "normal", some of this is more exaggerated in a child with autism.  I still love him even though I wish to pull my hair out and scream when I am changing a nine year old child's pooped pants and he is laughing at me. YES it s hell!  I love him, but my patiences run thin sometimes.  I am a single mom --no positive help from father or father's family -- I work full time and go to college full time, and I am doing it and he is doing fine with it.  However, there are NO local resources and there are no agencies to assist me with my struggles. 

 

The important thing is I don't know how Logan "became" autistic, the fact is he is autistic and I have to learn to help him so he can be as successful as he can be.  I am not going to live forever.  So instead of arguing over where or how it occured I am more interested in dealing with the here and now.  Instead of all of you debating this why not form some kind of online support system (which is better than nothing) and support each other not argue and be bitter?  Where is that getting you??  Why he is autiic is not my biggest concern my biggest concern is his future.  Come on people put these children and adults with autism first  and stop the petty bickering.  It will be a debate for hundreds of years to come and that is exactly what it is a big old debate issue over the cause of a major epidemic.

 

I am looking for support not bitterness..................................anyone help me out??  I would like ideas for things that I am sure you all have dealt with and am willing to share ideas and help with others.  How about it??

What state do you live in?  Have you tried web sites by Autism Speaks or Austism Society of America?  My son is lucky.  He receives services through Judevine Center for Autism in Missouri and they are a fantastic group of people.

 

If you feel comfortable with replying back, maybe I can help you find help in the state where you live.

 

I do understand how hard it is to raise someone with autism on your own.  I did because my ex husband ran off because he didn't want to have a child with special needs.  I hope I can help.

 
December 28, 2007, 11:00 am CST

Yoshi

Quote From: mom1979

  Well, I can see you still don't understand what autism is all about.  Have you done any research at all on the subject?  By the way, I'm not trying to change my son,  I'm only trying to help him cope in a world where not everyone can understand him.  And no, I don't think of autism as a disease.

 

Did you ever stop to think that no one wants their child to be autistic because it is so hard for that child to cope.  My son still has tantrums on occasion but it's because he is trying to communicate something--like someone said or did something he didn't like.  When he has tantrums it's not due to being spoiled, it's his only way of communicating and I can work for hours trying to find out what caused the outburst so I can help him handle whatever happened the next time it happens.

 

But shame on me for telling you that you have no idea what it is like raising a child autism?  And yes, it was very evident to me that you have not raised any children yourself.  It's always those that are not parents that try to tell us that are what to do.

 

I'll tell you what, you take care of someone with autism for one day and we'll see how your attitude changes.  But wait, maybe you're like my ex husband.   He ran because he didn't like having a child with special needs--it hurt his male pride he says.  When you raise a child with special needs all by yourself with no moral support from your ex, you learn to stand up to people like you.

 

Do yourself and and everyone else a favor and do some research on autism before you get on a message board and tell us how to feel about our children.

Yoshi IS a person living with autism.  He probably has not had to do much research.  This is his perspective.  We aren't in the same place as parents looking for help for our children.  He is a young person just trying to live with Asperger's.  He may not have the best way with words but isn't that what Asperger's is all about? 

 

PS Yoshi- if you are a female I apologize- I am assuming you are a young man. 

 
December 28, 2007, 1:41 pm CST

12/19 Parents’ Ultimate Test: Dealing with Autism

Quote From: fromthesquare

Yoshi IS a person living with autism.  He probably has not had to do much research.  This is his perspective.  We aren't in the same place as parents looking for help for our children.  He is a young person just trying to live with Asperger's.  He may not have the best way with words but isn't that what Asperger's is all about? 

 

PS Yoshi- if you are a female I apologize- I am assuming you are a young man. 

I had no idea that I was speaking to someone with autism.  Sorry for being so rough.
 
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