Topic : 01/03 Shocking Trends of the New Year

My name is Wanda and I was the 33 year old Diabulimic on the show. I want to thank those of you who have given motivational advice and not judged us based solely on the 5 minutes you saw of us on the show. I know there have been several diabulimics that have written in saying that you suffer from this even though you ha no idea that is actually had a term. I just came clean about this to my parents last July after having this disease for 15 years. I could have continued to do this probably for the rest of my life and my family would not have known until it was too late. I decided to tell my parents and husband 6 months ago on my own, I was not caught doing it, I wanted and needed help and that is why I cam clean. I immediately started researching this and that is when I first doing the term Diabulimia-I could not believe that there was a term given to what I had been doing to myself. I also discovered in my research that there are approximately half a million teens/young adults that are suffering from this as we speak. I thought I was the only person that had been crazy enough to manipulate my insulin in order to do this so I was shocked to fin this out. I automatically started thinking of how I could help other girls with this problem, how can I be most effective in getting this word Diabulimia out to the public. I wanted to give parents and friends and family the warning sign and the not so evident things to look for in their diabetic teens or children. I wanted the medical field to take notice and realize what is going on with this, I had fooled doctors and nurses for years and I wanted to come clean about all of those secrets. I also started trying to find an eating disorder facility that would treat me and to my surprise, most of the 31 ED facilities I contacted had never heard of Diabulimia. It is so unheard of that I think most people are scared of even trying to address this problem, that is where I want to come in and do whatever I can wherever I can to do something to put a stop to this addiction before even more people find out about it. I did start seeing a psychiatrist and began going to a LMFT once a week and they have truly opened my mind and my eyes about so many things. I want and need to make this very clear, this is not a trend and something that will just go away, this is an addiction, a serious addiction. I have even thought to myself I do not want to do this anymore, I want to stop but could not figure out why I could not. The Diabulimia is mainly a symptom of a different underlying problem, mine being a lack of self esteem. I have never looked at myself and been happy with what I saw, I have felt that I always have to be perfect and I never can reach perfection or even "good enough" to myself. There is a whole other story about my adoption would be a complete Dr Phil show in itself, but I still have problems with that and with myself. I was so hurt to read here on the message boards that I did not love my children and what kind of mother would do this to their children. I feel as if my children have saved my life. I have concluded that even if I do not do this for myself, I can do this for my kids and I am willing to go anywhere and stay for however long in order to improve the wife, mother, daughter and friend in me. I want to be better and I want help, I did when I flew to LA for the show and I did while I was sitting on the stage not understanding why I was dubbed as being not motivated.

Dr Phil and his staff told us that they were checking on resources in order to get us help. We are still waiting but I do choose to believe that something good and something positive will come out of this and then it will al be worth it. I hope to get help and I hope to give help, that is the motivation in my life right now. I ask that you please keep my family and myself in your thoughts and prayers as well as Katee and her mom and her family. Sometimes we just have to believe and that is what I am choosing for my family now. I also ask that you alll please contact Dr Phil and stress the importance of addressing Diabulimia and hopefully we can an entire show on Diabulimia-I believe it is needed so badly. There has to be awareness regarding this addiction and we have to start somewhere. Thanks for reading this and please continue to think about Katee and I. I sincerely and desperately hope that we both can receive the help that we need.

One last thing I want to mention about Katee, please remember that she is only 16. She does feel invincible just as I did at that age and her mom truly is trying so har to do what she can to help her daughter. The sickness of the disease and the manipulative characteristics keep her mom from controlling Katee’s diabetes and by that I mean this...she can give the shots to Katee but Katee can go to school or go to the store and eat candy or a candy bar and by eating those things she could then make fer glucose skyrocket which means that the insulin that was forcefully given to her by her mom would then be doing no good whatsoever. It is impossible for anyone, not control and the fact that this is one of the only parts of her life (and was/is mine as well)that she does control herself, the persistence and what she sees as nagging by her mom makes her want to take her insulin even less. The more my mom pushed, the less insulin I would take and she never knew it. Katee’s mom has taken a lot of flack for this when she should be commended for always being there for Katee and taking her to all of her appointments and trying to do something that she knows nothing about-this is indeed a battle for her that she has tried to fight with all she has. I have talked with her on the phone several times since the show, twice today and she needs support just as Katee and I, not the mean comments being left about her insinuating she lacks concern. I just felt as if I needed to say that.

Now, if anyone has any questions about diabulimia or wants to email me, you can do so at aboutdiabulimia@aol.com and I will answer your questions based on my experience and offer any advice I can. If you have mean comments, please keep them to yourself or post them on Dr Phil’s message board, do not email to me. This is for people that know what I am going through, may wonder if someone they know is going through this or anything else about diabulimia.

Thanks to you all and together maybe we can convince Dr Phil to do a show on this disease while we get the word Diabulimia known!!!

Sincerely,

Wanda

i found the article of diabulimia very concerning. i've been a type I for 21 yrs... the last poster mentioned it was a lot like alcoholism. SSSSOOOO true. MANY diabetes support sites and groups will tell you you must go through the "12 steps" the same as any other disease or addiction in order to accept your diabetes and live a healthy life. i am lucky to have done this already, but like any other addicition or disease there is not set time line, so i cant blame others for "not getting there yet."

i can tell them this though. IT DOESNT WORK!  the idea stems from control. i can understand this desire. i grew up with a very protective father. i needed control over SOME aspect of my life. weight is one of them. obviously this disorder has nothing to do with body image (as some victims might lead you to beleive). it can not, because if you see a serious diabulimic (and i've had the privledge), they are literally starving themselves. the distended belly and the appearence of bloating (and "fatness") are much more prevelant in the diabulimic due to swelling. its really quite bad looking. another myth is a diabetic cannot lose weight. this simply isnt true. it IS true that i work harder then a lot of my girlfriends and keep a stricter diet, but i am able to maintain a size 4 figure through eating a MINIMUM of 1300 calories a day and excercising 3-4 times a week for 1-2 hrs.

what i learned the hard way is you CANNOT have control if you are dead. death = loss of control, ESPECIALLY when you are dieing. do you think you have control when hospice is hovering? what about dialysis? no control there? who will control things when you are blind? even though i still have the desire to control, instead of using dangerous techniques a lot of teenagers, myself included, use to take back control their lives, i know focus it on controling as balanced diet and controling my muscles and my accomplishments. it took me 14 yrs as a diabetic to assert this positive control, and it only happend 3 to 4 yrs ago that i realized that i can have a future. my diabetologist explained one great thing about the body is most teenage bodies recover from the strains of diabetes rebellion. i am lucky that i have recovered. i even had the onsets of early retinopothy, but thanks to the pump and stepping upy my excercise it has actually gone away! though i still monitor it.

bottom line is, yeah, i didnt take care of my self when i was young. i would eat things, feel guilty and then not cover it. i guess in some ways it did give me a high. but the way i feel now is SUPERIOR. i wouldnt change it, and neither would my 1 yo daughter who wants to grow up to know her mom. yes, i was an out of control teen diabetic who was able to have a daughter and have no residual effects bc i decided to take control of my life, rather then sacrifice that life control for weight control. as for weight control my body looks better then i even did when i was a diabulimic. you honestly cant work out when you are. the only way you can look good is by controling yourself so you can get nutrients and muscle tone.

Btrflybeetle cannot explain it better!!  I do watch Kaytee, however, she is not a 2 year old and I cannot be with her everywhere she goes, and they develop an art of deception that is unbelievable.  I have grounded her, I have yelled, screamed, cried, I have bribed her, but the fact is, I cannot just jump on top of her and force the insulin in her!  Even if I did, it would not make her do it herself when I am not there.  I have reasoned with her, I have had diet plans, I have made her breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, but if she refuses to eat or refuses your help, there is not a lot that I can do.