Topic : 01/07 Don't Be That Girl

I need someone to explain to me how this show is not some form of pimping.    The audience is led to believe some form of sex happens.

How is this guy not just an extreme egotist?

I don't think much of the "Fantasy Suite" concept, either.

It's a "no-win" sitution for women.

If they refuse to spend the night wth the Bachelor, they will always wonder if that's the reason they were rejected (ie. didn't get a rose).

Alternatively, if they spend the night with the bachelor and still don't get a rose can you imagine what that would do to any womans' self-esteem?

I think that it's a "no-win" situation for women.

To answer your question, I suppose it's not some form of pimping because the women are not being paid for their services. Nor are they handing over any money to a third party outside of the relationship. That is a legalistic difference.

There is clearly gendered inequlity here. The WOMEN WAIT to be selected, by HIM, for whatever activity HE selects, when HE (in connection with production staff) decides to do it.

On an emotional/psychological level, I am sure some women leave the show deeply troubled at the outcome no matter how early (or late) they are rejected. That HAS to be DAMAGING to them, in psychological terms.

I could name a few...

How about the "Mama's boy"? Many women have met several of them during their dating lives.

Then there's "Peter Pan" (the little boy who reufses to grow up). We all know some of these, too.

And of course there's always "the Playboy". We are all familiar with his needs.

I think it's important to note that women aren't the only ones who can be labelled. Maybe it's more appropriate to ask what function these labels serve, outside of a clincial context.

How do these descriptons help the people who are being labelled, to have richer, fuller lives?

Simply put: they don't.

Perhaps we ought to be asking what the individual assigning the label is getting out of it. There has to be a payoff in it for someone because, like stereotypes, labeling persists.

Perhaps those who are quick to judge ought to examine their need to do so BEFORE pointing a finger at others.

Now can this guy understand all the girls when they only spend a few days together.  Don't understand this one!  I always thought when I saw him on TV that he was a little weird in the understand dept.

  Dear Dr. Phil,

 I'm perhaps one of your biggest fans.  Mainly because I like your no bull tactics.   Here's a subject that should be touched on more often.  Simply because from childhood up women live in a dream world.  Thinking that love just falls out of the sky.  Sadly most never know the real meaning of LOVE, therefore, have no idea of what they're looking for in their youth.  Even worse   through their life.  How sad it is that women feel that these guys will bring them great happiness and fall for all their lies, etc.  Someone should educate these women from youth up not to believe everything they hear from a guy regardless of his statue.   If women would spend more time  trying to get their own head together, keep their pants on and make it a firm resolution not to settle for anything less than what they want instead of trying to find Mr. Right then we would have a much better society today.  Home is where the heart is.  Sadly, most never know what home nor love really is.   I'd love to tell everyone, follow the golden rules and your life would be much happier.   I know because I've been there done that and can assure one and all. It's NOT worth the consequences.  If you don't find TRUE love, then be happy alone.   Do what you like to do and you might just find the real Mr. Right doing the same thing.  Where it be a walk in the park, a visit to library, etc.  NEVER stay at home hoping for the phone to ring from someone who cares only about self.   Time slips away all too fast and life will pass you by in an instant.  Therefore I encourage one and all to follow the golden rule and see the blessings in return.    No more agony of what if.  Once you realize what you'd really like in a mate.   Just wait..   IF it's meant to be.  He will appear when least expected.   If not.. still you can be content with yourself and able to sleep at night.

Best wishes to all..

Nancy Whitaker

You know, when I first met my husband I wasn't really all that impressed with him. I mean, I thought he was a nice guy and all that but that's about it. We starting dating and got to know each other better and then I fell in love with him. I didn't have any agenda or try to be anything other than myself. It didn't occur to me that it was some kind of a game or something like that. Of course I was very young only 19, so I wasn't experienced in the complex game of dating and "catching someone". It just happened. Does it not "just happen" anymore? We've been married since May 1974. Have men and women always played games when it comes to dating and getting married?

I hate the idea of labeling women. Where does Dr. Stork get off thinking that he is some kind of expert on women? What kind of ego trip is it to be dating 25 women at once and then label them and then write a book about it? Geez, can real love really be created in some kind of a petri dish?

What does it mean to be swept off your feet?That sounds like what almost happens to me when I go outside and one of my cats runs under my feet and almost trips me. And actually, the women I have known who have become involved with men who came on strong and bought gifts and showered a lot of attention in the beginning, have eventually found these men to be very controlling as the relationship progresses.