Topic : 01/08 Cyber Bullies

If you think this is an internet problem think again.I had to let my lan line go because of interference when trying to make a call.I would call my docters office and would get error messages,like the call could not be completed area code or number is wrong.This would not happen early(2-3am)my calls would go thru.When i called the phone co.(AT&T)at regular hours,they checked the lines and said something was wrong and would send a repair person out,but they found nothing.The next time it still did not work,so i tried early in the am.and now that did not work.As for the phone that had to go,as far as the internet goes i have somebody fellow me around and offer me web sites i was not looking for.I have almost all of the security programs out there and can"t stop this,so my computer is only useful for frustration.Many complaints to my ISP proved nothing.

Sad to say, it doesn't work.  Not consistently, and not against all kinds of bullies.

When I was in jr. high, I was a complete pacifist, very shy, non-confrontational, and live-and-let-live.  This girl who led the gang of popular kids decided to pick on me.  When I ignored the first several provocations, she stepped it up, and she kept stepping it up.  When it became physical, I tried reporting it to a teacher I trusted, but it was my word against hers, and her gang backed her up, so I was punished for "lying" about the incidents.  Finally, one of her friends told her I'd been overheard making some kind of nasty remark about her, and Nicky used that as an excuse to beat me up.  I was trapped by her gang in the girls' changing room, surrounded, and when I refused to hit back and tried to escape, shoved back into Nicky, which was then used as an excuse to hit me even harder.

I took punches to both eyes, the ribs, my nose, both lips were split, I was bleeding on the floor and still not hitting her back, and it ONLY fueled her rage (because, of course, my pacifism only exposed her for the bully she was, rather than demonstrating her fighting prowess.)

The beating, and subsequently the harassment, stopped when I finally hit her back ... one, two, that was all, something snapped when I saw my blood on the floor ... and managed to knock her cold.  I paid for hitting her back, after taking her beating, by being threatened with a 3-day suspension.  Nicky wasn't punished, the theory being that since I'd knocked her out, I was the one bullying.

Details aside, think about the lessons all this taught me (or would have, had I not had competent, compassionate parents).  I did all the things I should have done right up to the point where I hit back, and the "system" only rewarded me with punishment and allowing Nicky to continue terrorizing me.  The individual incidents were mostly trivial, until the day of the beating.  And when I did finally defend myself physically, I was again punished as though I was the aggressor.

Love doesn't do it, I'm afraid, nor do hugs. Bullies get off on feeling superior by dragging others down, whether that's intellectually, physically, emotionally... sometimes they just get a rush of power over controlling others, or getting away with indulging some kind of bad behavior.  The anonymity of the Internet only makes this more possible, easier... what is needed is a sure-fire way to trace cyber-bullies, to record and report their bullying actions, and meaningful consequences.  If all that happens is, their current account is banned, but they can easily open a new one under a different name, they will shrug off the punishment and get another jump of joy that they are eluding the system.

I believe we should all have a "Internet ID card", something verified to tie to our real name and location, just like a Drivers License, without which no site, free or paid, will permit registration.  As long as we behave ourselves, our anonymity is maintained, but the site managers can use this information to either ban those who bully, or even blacklist them from the entire 'Net.  *There* is a consequence any bully would pay attention to.

Yes, I had to ask my son who plays x-box live about this situation!  I admit I don't know anything about the gaming industry.  I personally don't play myself and find it hard to believe an adult with young children finds that kind of time to play x-box but hey.....  I did find out there is a MUTE button.  You can mute out anyone you find offensive and you don't have to engage with them.    

 

 

 That is the right additude. I believe parents should be more accountable for what is going on and also I think that kids should actually be accountable for their actions. Parents need to be parents and stop being bullied by the press and how they could go to jail for being mean to their kids. It is time as parents we need to take back the rights as parents and make kids be kids. They will have plenty of time to run the world when they grow up. Now is the time to teach and direct them, not let them lead with no life experience. Also if parents don't know anything about computers or the internet there is a quick way to make sure they are not on the net when your not around. Take the modem with you or the cable to the wall. unplug the connection and take it with you if you have to, but I think password protection should be enough if you dont tell the kid your password, or write it where they can find it.

The problem with an internet ID card is that it would be easy for people all over the world to get ahold of your number and then do things in your name.  Not to mention the fact that it just isn't enforceable world wide.

 

What is more is it would be very easy to just enter false numbers with no way for anyone to ever know that.  This is why most ID's are needed with more then one form of ID and why a picture ID is used so you can't as easily just claim to be someone else.  I don't know about you but my email box is usually full of email's attempting to data mine me for information.

 

Many places online are relatively safe and secure.  Many are not and simply going to those location's put's people at risk for complete compromise of their computer and everything on it.  I would hate to see people liable for the actions of others because we are supposidly identified by some number.

 

Maybe you don't know that every time you hand someone your credit card you run the risk of getting your identity stolen.  Their are boxes people can keep in their pocket that all they need to do is run the card near it and it picks up the magnitic strip and stores your card number.  It is even more dangerous online as no one has any way of knowing what others are doing in the privacy of their own homes.  Ignorance is bliss.  I think though that ignorance has lead many people to feel more safe and secure then we really are.

I am glad that Dr. Phil did a show on cyber bullies. Cyber bullying is becoming very popular and where I do not think that bullying will ever end, People need to be accountable for the things they say. Especially when you are threatening to kill someone and their family! This should not be tolerated by anyone.

And for the woman who helped her daughter bully a teenage girl, that woman needs some serious help. No adult should be treating a child that way. I can not believe the lack of emotion that woman had over the fact that what she and her daughter did ended the life of a 13 year old girl! IF the table had been reveresed and her daughter had been the one to commit suicide over this, she would be all over the family that did this to her.

My heart goes out to the paretns of the young girl who ended her life!

You asked how we felt about this, so, here is what I think...

When I was a kid, my friends and enemies called me names, threatend me and faught with me.  They wrote me notes with bad names and threats, these were my friends and I was popular, that is just how we acted in Junior High, I guess.  No one arrested any of us or anything??  And I know for a fact I wasn't the only child in my grade to ponder suiside.

So, I guess my point is, if you are going to hold a cyber bully responsible for hurting someone's feelings so bad they commit suiside (not that this isn't a very sad story, but putting myself in the girl's shoes, mom really didn't help matters there at the end either) then you better hold every little kid calling the next little kid stupid on the playground responsible as well.

Kids are mean and kids take critisism VERY hard, well at least some of us.   Doesn't matter, it is and always will be everywhere, besides maybe in the good ole' days when teachers could actually teach children right from wrong.

I guess this helps me to learn how to teach my kids that this kind of behavior is not excepted for doing OR should it be taken seriously by the reciever. 

Thanks and obviously this hit a spot because I have been watching your show for ever and have never posted a reply about one.  Maybe it is because this is the first time I have disagreed with you?

 

Sacia

 

Many children have MySpace!  Just from my observation with the kids in elementary school and middle school the majority do have this account.  My three have AIM and not Myspace.  I don't monitor their use of it daily.  I would never think in a million years that another mother would disguise themselves as an interested boy set out to harm my daughter!

 

I agree that this girl must have had some underlining issues going on with her but it is absolutely disgusting that this mother was playing with this young girls emotions. 

FINALLY SOMEONE WHO SEES THROUGH THIS SHAM!! THANKS FOR THE COMMON SENSE!!

Agree!