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Topic : 03/28 When to Call it Quits

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Created on : Friday, January 04, 2008, 02:09:07 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/09/08) For most couples their home is a peaceful, loving sanctuary away from the outside world. But for Dr. Phil's guests, this couldn't be further from the truth. Jennie and Jeremy's house has turned into a battlefield, where they fight three to five times a day. They have been married for eight years and the only way for them to remain together is by living apart. The arguments have turned so ugly, Jeremy has called the police, and Jennie was arrested for domestic abuse. Why does Jeremy say he fears leaving Jennie home alone with the kids? The Dr. Phil show installed cameras in their home, but why didn't they capture any of the yelling, screaming and cursing? Then, hear Jennie's sisters' emotional pleas, and find out the one thing that Jeremy and Jennie's family can agree on. And, how are the kids affected by the swearing and anger in their home? Is there hope for this family, or should they head to court and finish their divorce proceedings? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 10, 2008, 10:39 am CDT

thank you for your compassion...

Quote From: kathleen27

Divorce is not a four letter word.  I don't mean to say that if everything is not going just so, you split up.  When I read of stories, like yours and the other poster's, I realize that no one outside the marrige, has the right to pass judgement when there is a divorce.  How can you have any kind of sincere relationship with a person like that?  Since they do present such a terrific public persona, outsiders will view them as the injured parties.  You do not owe anyone a broken spirit...I commend you for getting out, as I commend anyone who leaves a situation that is destructive to them.  Maybe the divorce rate is going up because our information on these disorders is improving.  I don't believe the old world motto of you made your bed you lay in it...all that does is verbally enable the abusers to continue on without consequense.  Marriage is supposed to be a loving partnership, not a hell on earth.  I'm happy that you were finally able to get out!  Good luck to you.

 Narcissists and sociopaths are tricky people to figure out. Their outward presence seems to be one of goodwill, kindness, gentleness, and care. It can sometimes take a long time, in the context of living with them, to determine it. I have posted on other message boards that living with my husband was like getting one piece to a puzzle every year. It took many years and many pieces before I saw the completed picture. Of course I knew of his faults and weaknesses. And he knew mine. The difference is that people like him manipulate your faults and weaknesses to make you seem like the bad guy. They will never admit to their own. They never blame their problems on anything they might be doing. It always comes from an outside source. They always have a plausible explanation for their shortcomings. My husband also had a "knight in shining armor" complex. He got much self-gratification from rescuing 'damsels in distress.'  He had rescued women before we married. I'm sure he thought he was rescuing me too. I realized that shortly after we married that he felt good about helping only when it served him. Shortly after we married in 1978 I was on my way to work and my car broke down on the connector ramp between two major freeways. No cell phones yet. I was assisted by the people behind me, who pushed my car off to the shoulder and then drove me to my workplace. I called my husband when I arrived and told him what had happened. He became irate and practically yelled at me. I was astounded. He and a co-worker of his drove to where my car was after work, checked it out, and then came to get me at my job. His impatience and annoyance were palpable. The car had to be towed and repaired, and he was angry about that. I couldn't believe he was so mad at me for something I did not cause or had any blame in. When I talked to him about it the next day, he flatly denied being angry with me, and said he was just tired and stressed from work. Curiously, he never apologized for his behavior. (I realized that throughout our married lives, he never apologized for anything to anyone, ever.) A few months later, he came home late from a college class he was taking after work, looking happy and relaxed. He then said that on his way home he had encountered a woman with two small kids stalled on the road. He described in detail how he 'came to her rescue' and helped get her car to a safe place, called a tow truck for her, then waited until help arrived. The look on my face stopped his story. When he asked me what was wrong, I told him that I was confused. Why did helping this stranger make him so happy, when his having to help me, his wife, made him upset and angry? He again denied that he had been angry, and then accused me of 'spoiling' his good deed. He did it again at the end of the marriage. He had been having an affair with a co-worker but I didn't know about it yet. (I learned later that he had been picking her up and dropping her off before and after work due to a DUI she had received.) Anyway, I was on my way to work and my car stalled, less than a mile from his workplace. Still no cell phone yet. I walked to the nearest gas station and called him for help. He told me he was busy and couldn't come to help me and to call a tow truck. He did the same thing to our son late one night, who had called his dad to pick him up because he had been ditched by some friends. He told him to walk and hung up on him. I learned that my husband did this to us because he felt 'obligated' to do so, not out of the 'goodness' of his heart. He disliked feeling obligated. We, his family, fell into that category, while others, who he helped because it made him feel good, were then deserving of his help, and he then felt like a hero. I know, unbelievable, but it's true. Yes, I had clues throughout, but I had no experience with this type of person, and wanted to believe his explanations. At least until the affair. Then I stoppped believing him.
 
April 15, 2008, 11:57 am CDT

03/28 When to Call it Quits

Quote From: kathleen27

Divorce is not a four letter word.  I don't mean to say that if everything is not going just so, you split up.  When I read of stories, like yours and the other poster's, I realize that no one outside the marrige, has the right to pass judgement when there is a divorce.  How can you have any kind of sincere relationship with a person like that?  Since they do present such a terrific public persona, outsiders will view them as the injured parties.  You do not owe anyone a broken spirit...I commend you for getting out, as I commend anyone who leaves a situation that is destructive to them.  Maybe the divorce rate is going up because our information on these disorders is improving.  I don't believe the old world motto of you made your bed you lay in it...all that does is verbally enable the abusers to continue on without consequense.  Marriage is supposed to be a loving partnership, not a hell on earth.  I'm happy that you were finally able to get out!  Good luck to you.

Sometimes a man or woman treats everyone but his, or her, spouse really well. And, because these people have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, without witnesses, they think the spouse is nuts for getting a divorce. When, actually, the spouse is getting a divorce to keep from going nuts.
 
August 6, 2008, 8:25 pm CDT

03/28 When to Call it Quits

Quote From: shan34

Dr. Phil MAY have said stuff about the hubby being "part of the problem" but EVERYONE is blaming HER!!! No wonder shes anorexic! Her family has abandon her, what eles does she have! Ya shes not doing the right things but EVERYONE is beating her up! How do you expect to fix her if you only focus on the bad stuff! If you've not been anorexic YOU HAVE NO CLUE what its like to be one!!!

That is shockingly STUNNING that you can be understanding of someone who is anorexic but be disgustingly cruel to someone who is fat. What exactly is your problem?
 
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