Topic : 03/28 When to Call it Quits

I watched the show today, and this is a trial that you both will have to get through. Throughout life, and throughout your marriage you will have trials and tests, but be strong, pass those tests.. Yes things may get hard sometimes, but this is the person you love, you have children with this person, you married this person, you vowed to stay together forever, work things out. Life is what you make it, and you both can do your share to make your marriage work.  Try to do extra special things for each other, Jeremy your wife obviously has self esteem issues, do your best to tell her as much as you can how beautiful she is, how much you care about her, things like that.  I know sometimes even when you try to say nice things to her she may not believe you, or take you seriously, but it really does help, deep down, she will know you think she is beautiful.  I think you both are beautiful people inside and out, but your letting your emotions get the best of you.  Try to relax a little, have fun with each other, try to rekindle that spark when you first got together. And Jeremy, like Dr. Phil said, your the man, you need to be the supporter, the protector, and you need to make the steps to make this right.  I wish you both the best of luck. Go home and hug and kiss your children and try to be a happy family, have fun together!

As a person living in recovery from an addiction  for more than 9 years I would like to offer some comments and/or advice.  Any addiction in a family member makes the entire family sick.  You as the nonaddict have a responsibility to your children to give them the healthiest life you can until their mom is in a position to do so also.  I suspect you are very codependent and feel that the only way you can make things better for your wife is to make her life easier and protect her.  Has that worked so far?  No. 

Jen will not seek recovery until she is ready and in my opinion the best approach you can take is to stand up and protect your children.  Take care of them and yourself.  The kids and you will benefit from counseling and therapy.  The best thing you can do to help your wife is to show her that you are willing and able to do the "next right thing."  Urge her to seek the treatment she needs.  Tell her you support her and love her but she has to do this to get well.  Don't worry about whether she will forgive you.  Wouldn't you rather have her live and hate you than be dead?  The only person we can change is ourself.  The interesting thing about that is once we begin to change, our loved ones begin to change also. 

I don't know what kind of followup Dr. Phil arranged for you, but I hope you take advantage of all of it.  If it is not enough, find more on your own. 

Your children need you.  You have a responsibility to them.  Right now, aside from yourself, they are your first priority, not your wife.   Do what needs to be done to protect them.  Don't worry about Jen's reaction.  She is not well, but once she is well, she WILL understand why you did what you had to do. 

There are definately "deal breakers" in a marriage when a man or woman should leave. (before it's too late.)  I can't believe there are still people out there who think once you get married you have to stay no matter what happens. If BOTH parties don't give 110%, the one person trying is just waisting his/her time.

What price do the children pay? They are not always better off if the parents stay together. I hope I have misunderstood your comment, and you don't really think people need to stay no matter what. I feel sorry for anyone who believes they have no choice.

I was watching the show today and "wow" is all I could think.  I can not believe that it took Dr. Phil for them to realize that they are scaring their children and for them to actually confront their problems.  Fighting is a normal part of a relationship but when you are physically attacking others with words and weapons then you need to seriously take a step back and reconsider your position.

The number one rule with children is not to make your problems theirs, they are innocent and very impressionable and the couples behavior was disgusting and unacceptable.

If that woman really makes her daughters diet and run laps because she thinks they are fat she really shouldn't have those beautiful girls until she can get help.

YOU CAN'T HELP ANYONE IF YOU CAN'T HELP YOURSELF!!

All I have to say is take care of yourself! Of course they are fighting every second and she is unhappy... SHE'S HUNGRY! I feel for those little girls. What an unstable and nervous environment to wake up and go to sleep in. I hope that Dr.Phil made a difference for them, but it seemed like she just wasn't ready to step up and make the proper changes she needs to. WOW

Oh and I'm frustrated b/c I can't seem to get my photo uploaded... darn it LOL

From what I saw, she's miserable and trying to make the marriage work and going against her own feelings of just not being in love anymore. This couple needs to get a divorce immediately. It doesn't matter what people want, it was clear to me she just doesn't love him anymore and has extreme guilt because she can't make herself feel the love.

I was in this situation once, many years ago, and totally miserable, making myself, him, my family, and everyone else miserable despite my family telling me that he was the perfect man. I tried to continue along, and two weeks before the wedding had the guts to call the wedding off. My family was furious with me and my fiance was furious and hurt, his family was hurt. They said all kinds of things about me, my family tried to make excuses for me, it was just terrible..However, 36 years later, I am still married to the man I WAS/AM  in love with. It's so easy when you're both so much in love and you both see life the same way, but it's total hell when just one of you are not. Counseling is fine for some, but if the love's not there and you love somebody else, the best money in the world can't counsel it away.

It is clear she has an eating disorder, however, she will have a better chance for success with someone whom she loves and loves her back. The children will settle down when the parents get settled down and away from each other.

As for the children, I believe Dr. Phil says it best: It's better to be FROM a broken home, then IN a broken home. Staying married at all costs is a very dangerous concept to expect anyone to follow.