Topic : 03/28 When to Call it Quits

     I don't think there's anything wrong with living apart for a while. I just think both of them should grow up. There seems to be a lot of anger especially from the wife. She may not be getting the emotional support, consideration, or compassion that she needs from him. It's not always the problem of your spouse-sometimes we need to look at ourselves and make some changes first before we can expect others to change. Once the spouse sees the change it may encourage them to do the same...I'm sure this didn't just happen overnight. I've been here before, but fighting isn't going to solve things. This couple truly isn't hurting each other as much as they are their children. Trust me, I know. I came from a home where fighting never ended. My dad's behavior was the problem, and my mom just sit back and took it all. Us kids used to have night mares, shake, and cry. It caused fear within us. You may not think so, but it's so true. I'm still trying to deal with the anger/hurt inside of me and I'm 35. There was so many bad memories, we can't remember but a few of the good ones. I think there is a time of separation, but you don't have to act like the world's falling to pieces for the children. Nomatter what you need to act as if nothing's wrong if front of them-especially if they're smaller. If this couple can't get along-then they need to move on...

I agree with out watching or even listening to them is the childern here..... i was in a marriage like that and i learned the hard way the childern were the most effected ....... if u cant get along the best thing is to divorce before u get those in some serious mental state due to the fighting agruing and all ........... this is about the childern not urselves at this point.......... kids do what the parents do because we are their role models and if u want to work on the marriage ....... start over with dating and find what and why u 2 fell in love with one another........ just remmeber u are mentally scaring the kids

Call Doctor It Phil Quits To When. Now I know what to say in the mean time good luck on your guest.---------

See you on Wednesday Janurary 09th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------------------

Before anyone considres "quitting" a maariage, I think they need to look at some major issues. Were they really, truely, giving this marriage their all? Where has all this hatered been festering? There is always a deep root to these issues. I believe they need to find that root first, before making such a radical decision, that is going to effect more people than they think. No one can truely be happy in life until they realize that life comes with emotional pain and anxiety. It all stems from the stories we've told  ourselves from the moment of birth. They work for awhile, but there comes a time when you have to put your big girl (boy) pants on and find the real answers to these issues. When you take a vow in marriage, I don't feel either party should "quit" until they have investigated their complete inner being. Looking forward to Wednesday.

I can relate all to well to this scenerio.  My "mate" and I have been together for almost 16 years.  In November of 2006, without notice of ANY kind, I was served at work, with papers that he wanted custody of our then 12 year old son and he had sold my vehicle which was in his name.  With the help of some of his co-workers, who trade frequently at the dealership, he was able to trade my car without taking it in to be appraised for proper value.  The deal was complete and I was told that he needed to take my car in to have work done on it for a "recall."  The police got involved and I was advised to contact the DA's office for a restraining order, that was signed and he had to get out of the house.  This escalated everything.  He went to live with his oldest daughter, while my son and I tried to regroup and figure out where we would go.  I found out, after he left, that he had refinanced the house AGAIN.  Of course, EVERYTHING of value was in his name, thus giving him complete control over it.  Lawyers were hired and the next several weeks were filled with peace and quiet as well as anxiety and fear.  He did everything he could to prove to me that he would "win" this battle.

 

In December of 2006, for unknown reasons, he decided that this was not what he wanted.  He wanted me back.  He wanted to move back in and no was not an option!  He played it nice, put on a good show for everyone.  I ask him not to move back until we had some counselling and I had time to give it major consideration.  He said that he would give me space and time, but then he started showing up at my job and just hanging out for hours at a time.  In one months time, I got four dozens flowers, and various other arrangements as well.  He moved back into the house against my wishes.  

 

The very month that he moved back in, my son started having panic attacks and major anxiety, to the point that he had to be taken out of school for the remainder of the year.  I lost my job and we have lived in what I feel like is HELL ON EARTH for the past year.  I am at a breaking point.  I constantly have to try to keep my sanity to keep from doing something drastic, and I don't even know what it would be... I just feel like I am on the edge of breaking.  To this day, I have to attend school with my son EVERY day to get him to stay there.  It has been like this for the past twelve long months.  He is on meds for the anxiety and his father says that it's my problem because I created it.  He won't even pay for him to see his counselor anymore because he doesn't like her.  She suggested that he may have issues and that's about the time he stopped paying for the therapy that my son desperately needs.

 

We exist under the same roof.  We hardly breathe a word to each other.  If we do speak, it is usually bitter and hateful.  It's been this way for so long...  Every time that I try to leave something happens and I am unable to break away.  I am losing my mind, my son is losing his childhood.   If anyone has hope for me, please share it, I need something to hold onto......

Yes I want to speak out, this really upsets me.  I have been writing and emailing for over 5 years now for help from Dr. Phil with my marriage etc.  And I get this email with this weeks up dates and my story is just as bad as this couples.  Only I've been trying to get help from Dr Phil for a long time how long did it take this couple to get your attention?  What do I have to do to get help too?  I am pasting my letter again and the world can read it and then hopefully someone at the Dr. Phil show will finally notice me.  I've been married 15 1/2 years this month.  My husband was arrested 5 years ago this month for domestic violence and my Dad was dying at the time.  What is it that I am doing wrong that no one wants to help us.  We can't pay our bills.  I just had my 45th and 46th surgeries on Sept 20th, 2007 and I can't afford to lose my SS Disability.    If you ask me to be honest this type of marriage and life isn't worth it.  Move on and get out but it's not that easy and that's why this couple is getting your help and why I've been trying to get help for so long now.  Maybe this posting will get your attention! Finally.  I pray daily to hear from you.  This page will not allow me to paste my letter on here, Dr. Phil and staff email me at sharwinton6364@aol.com and please help us like you are this couple PLEASE!!!!!  Thanks I'll just keep praying.  Shari

 

 

 

    Were they really, truly giving this marriage their all?  That's a rheotorical question.  You don't want to hear the answer.  I believe that a marriage is a relationship, and when one party is giving their all--it still isn't enoug to make a better relationship.  It too easily descends into "filling in the blanks." 

     Finding the deep roots of the problem will only postpone the inevitable.  

     I stayed in a bad marriage far longer than I should have.  I tried to make it work.  And, I tried.  And, I tried.  I had six excellent reasons to beome a divorcee.  I stayed because I would try to do what was right--even when I knew it was hopeless.    

There are three conclussions if cameras did not catch anything....

 

1.  There is no such yelling really going on...

 

2.  She found one of the cameras, or spotted it, and kept her cool assuming their were others.

 

3.  A nosy neighbor tipped her off -- of the unusual activity at her home.

    HOW MANY TIMES DOES A PERSON HAVE TO TRY!!!!!! ITS FAIR ENOUGH SAYING THAT YOU NEED TO GIVE IT YOUR ALL. BUT WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU CONTINUE GIVING YOUR ALL AND THEY JUST KEEP TAKING AND TAKING? MARRAIGE IS A TWO SIDED COMITTMENT NOT ONE SIDED. I HAVE GIVEN AND GIVEN FOR TWO YEARS NOW. I HAVE BEEN NICE AS PIE BUT HE JUST KEEPS DOING WHAT HE IS DOING AND TREATING ME LIKE DIRT. SO WHEN IS ENOUGH ENOUGH WHEN DO YOU STOP GIVING IT YOUR ALL AND CALL IT QUITS?

I don't think that they should call it quits. My husband and I fought just like that at eight years. That was

a time when we started growing apart because we were setting different goals in our life. We no longer had the same goals in life. True it is good to have different goals, but some of them shouild be together so that you are trying to meet them together. We had to learn who that other person was and what that person wanted in life again. I had to look at what attracted me to him in the first place. We tried counseling separate and shortly after together. This was our choice to do and we never regreted it. With a lot of hard work and tears and laughter we have now been together for 23 yrs and are both happy with each other and hardly ever fight anymore. It's funny how when you mature you realize how nit picky some of the arguments were about. You just have to be patient with each other as you and your partner grow and change. Most importantly talk about things.