Topic : 06/25 "What's Age Got to Do with It?"

Turning 50,

   I am now 53, and have struggled somewhat with what you are talking about.  However, when I turned 50, one of my best friends called who was also struggling with the wrinkles that seemed to suddenly appear, menopause issues, etc.  What I told her might help you, because she told me that it helped her.

I told her that I am grateful to have made it this far. The wrinkles are a sign of beauty, its a different kind of beauty than society dictates.  It comes from trials and tribulations, happy times, said times, and silly times.  Its comes from the knowledge that we 'made it", and are continuing on this wonderful journey. 

This summer, in June, that same friend who called me with the aging question,  died unexpectedly.  She was 53. It is just a reminder that I am even more grateful to look at those wrinkles.

I still try to take care of myself,  dress nicely, exercise, eat right (most of the time) and spend precious time with my family when I can. Volunteering is something that I have been considering, and it may help you.  I think that you can chose what to consume your thoughts with, and I have chosen gratitude, and while not always successful at it, I find it the most rewarding.

Hope this helps!

I definitely will watch this show topic. I survived cancer and other things, but after a traumatic brain injury, I feel like I am aging 10 years in a single year. I just turned 50 and feel like the women on the show all rolled into one. When you concentrate on just surviving an illness, a tragedy, and such year after year, it takes a toll on your looks. I have the same long hair, but now much thinner and turning gray and my once natural looking face looks haggard, saggy, and wrinkly. I tried the BriteSmile to perk me up, but instead I ended up with a huge burnt fat lip and my teeth and gums were left sore and my teeth were still dingy. I even tried Retin-A and to me it made my wrinkles worse. Now I have wrinkles around my mouth where I didn't think wrinkles developed and my eyes when I smile look like thin ice cracking when someone steps on it. I look horrendous now. I was borderline osteoporosis in 2005 and after menopause and allergies, I know it didn't help my skin any. So I sure could use some tips since nothing I seem to try helps. I thought about Thermage but don't think it could help the loose skin around my eyes and I don't know what would help the wrinkles, expecially around my mouth. With allergies, I wonder if I would be allergic to injections or if they even work or for how long. I want to cry expecially when I watch television and see all these older stars (some in their 60's and 70's) that have such firm, tight, wrinkleless skin. What are they using or doing? I could stare at Robin all day with her flawless, glowing complexion. I hope she goes over specific beauty regimens to follow or try, expecially the herbal, natural ones. Thank you.

Hi Dr. Phil,

Love your show,   Every time you or Oprah do a show on fashion or age makeovers it is always with younger women (40's ,50, ).  You know there are a lot of us women out there that are in our 60's, and 70's. 

We also would like to know what to wear, And help our figure look good!   and how to do our hair in current styles. 

Thsanks, Shirley

Age Do Doctor Got Is It Phil What With? Doctor Phil I am 49 year old but I will be 50 year old on Friday July--

18th, 2008.  So why are you asking me about it?  See you on Janurary 10th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russel--

l Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  What is your life like?  Have you accomplished some things that you wanted to by the time you reach 50?  Have you established a family?  Are you happy with your life in general?  The reason I ask is because those things have been so important to me.  I will also turn 50 this year.  I started my family at a very young age (18), I've been married (sometimes happily and sometimes unhappily) to the same man for almost 32 years, I have 3 grown children and 5 grandchildren.  I did not work much outside of the home as the kids were growing up.  I also didn't think much about nurturing myself.

I've been told I'm a "hot" grandma, but it wasn't always so, LOL!  I have finally started to nurture myself and it shows.  I've learned to say "no" more often to demands on my time.  I have found passionate pursuits that nurture my soul.  Sometimes I don't even actually get around to doing them, but just knowing that they are there is wonderful!  For example, I've found that I love photography, and I'm good at it!  Even if I wasn't good at it, the fact that I feel passionate about it is what is important; that is what has brought the satisfaction and healing that I needed. 

I would like to look my best for my age, but I don't want to look like I'm 35 again.  That would be holding onto the past.  To live in the present for me means to love who I am and who I've become.  I've earned these wrinkles, these stretch marks, this tummy that has expanded a bit to help me keep up my estrogen levels naturally.  When I'm getting dressed in the morning I make it a point to look in a full length mirror and tell my body that I like it.  And I do it even though I'm somewhat overweight, have some loose skin from past weight loss, and a few wrinkles and lumps and bumps here and there.  My aging body is not my enemy any more than my granddaughter's pre-adolescent body is her enemy.  We are just ever changings.  We were not meant to stay the same.  The only way it can feel like our enemy is if we try to hold onto the past.  If we let the past go then it becomes much easier to embrace who we are becoming. 

Try to think of the things you have accomplished in your life.  Maybe you've had a great career, or you've raised a family, and devoted all of your energy to that as I have.  Now try to take some time for you.  Find your passion, something that transcends your physical body, and feeds that young girl inside of you.  She'll always be there and it's your job to nuture her.  Think of some older people that you admire and figure out what it is that you admire about them.  I'll bet it has little to do with how they look. 

As far as your body goes, find out what really looks good on YOU.  Find your best style and stick to it.  If I find a shirt that flatters my shape I buy one in my three best colors...LOL!  Think classic rather than trendy.  Add a trendy accessory here and there to keep yourself up-to-date, but for your basic wardrobe, keep it classic.  Find a pair of jeans that really fit and flatter you...buy two!  If money is an issue, don't forget about the thrift stores.  It takes a lot of time to find what you are looking for, but the hunt can be a fun one. 

Take good care of your skin.  I have found a line of natural skin care products that work beautifully for me and have taken a good 5 years off of my face.  They are not expensive either!  Another tip is to take good quality supplements.  I take a fist full every day.  My doctor chuckles at me, but I feel great, and I didn't feel great in my late 30s and early 40s because I have fibromyalgia and CFIDS.  I believe that they've also helped my skin a great deal.  I have found an online source with very reasonably priced supplements. 

Guard your sleep.  Sleep is nature's spa in my opinion.  You need good quality sleep and a good amount of it.  Because I don't work outside of the home I have a huge luxury here.  I can sleep as long as I need to.  But do try to get your sleep.  It makes a world of difference in how you look.  Take a short, hot bath before bed each night to prepare your body for sleep, then slide into the most luxurious sheets that you can afford.  You are worth it!  And luxury doesn't have to be expensive.  I buy my luxury sheets at TJ Maxx and they are never over $40 a set. 

Exercise, or at least pursue a gentle art, like Tai Chi or Qi Gong.  This is my most challenging area.  I really struggle with it and hope to do better this year.  I'd also like to learn to meditate. 

Well, those are my ideas for you.  I hope that one or two of them will help.  Every time you think of yourself as getting older, try to give it some perspective.  For example, what would you say to a 6 or 7 year old that was disappointed that they couldn't look like a baby any longer?  It would simply be impossible and unreasonable, right?  How's that any different than you wanted to continue to looking just as you do now?  It isn't reasonable.  What is reasonable is to take care of yourself, and look your daily best as you continue to age, and to love who you are becoming.   The important part of yourself right now is that teenage girl that you abandoned at about age 14 to impress the boys (or other girls depending on your sexual orientation).  She needs to be nurtured. 

Take care and here's an early "Happy Birthday!" 

What about the larger ladies?  Any makeover or shows with suggestions on how to improve your looks and self confidence have mainly chosen slim to average women.  Those of us who are 250 lbs or more (I'm 52 and closer to 300 lbs) have excessive "curves" that we would like suggestions on how to diguise until we can lose the weight.  In some cases we need our selfconfidence built up to even try the make up suggestions without making expensive mistakes (buying the wrong product and never using it). 

Some of the clothes suggested on these makeover shows run on the expensive side for the average person.  Comments like..."and her slacks from XYZ store are only $150 or $75.... not everyone can afford that much on a single item.  I am a single person and only work part-time so I'm doing good if I can afford $150/yr on new clothes shopping mainly at Walmart and Penningtons (in Canada) and only on sale.

Makeover shows; I just watch and dream, because that's all I can afford.  I hope Robin or one of her assistants read this post and think of us.

Linda

Jones Falls, Canada

I lost a dear friend at age 53 also.  That is one of the reasons I don't mind turning 50 either.  My daughter had an "accountablity" group in high school that she has continued to meet with in her adult life.  Out of the 4 other girls in the group, one has lost both parents and a younger brother, and two have lost their dads.  All of these adults were in their early 50s.  Three were cancer related and one was a tragic car accident. 

I think after seeing all of this unravel I'll be even more thankful when I turn 60!  I just be thankful to MAKE it to 60 no matter how I look when I arrive.  We never know how much time we have on this earth.  We have to count every day as a blessing.  It doesn't mean that we don't stumble and struggle through many of those days at times.  It just means that we figure out what is truly important and we focus on that instead of what we can't change or have little control over.