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Topic : 06/18 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

Number of Replies: 201
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Created on : Friday, January 04, 2008, 02:12:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/11/08) Dr. Phil speaks with guests who are fed up with a family member because they say their out-of-control spending has got to stop. Katie says her brother, Adam, just loves to spoil himself. He's spent hundreds of thousands on boats, Corvettes, and top-of-the-line toys just so he can brag to people that he has them. Adam says what’s the point of buying these things if he can’t show them off? Is living the American dream worth having a $200,000 debt? Then, Kecedra says her 4-year-old daughter, Dawson, is turning into a shopaholic, and it all started when “Auntie Gina” bought the girl a leather skirt when she was just 6 months old! Kacedra says her sister, Gina, spends thousands spoiling Dawson, and she’s creating a big problem. And, you won’t believe the pet project Pam spends all her money on. This obsessive spoiling made her roommate so sick, he had to move out! Tell us what you think!

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January 11, 2008, 10:39 am CST

01/11 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

Quote From: heathermw7

I love watching you Dr. Phil and I have learned allot from you, but sometimes I think your a little judgmental with the animal lovers. One thing is that everyone should brush their dogs teeth; dogs can die from an infected tooth. Take it easy on the animal lovers, if treating their dog like a human makes them happy, then that's great. I'm an animal lover myself and I have taught my cats many tricks. One also loves going for car rides. Animals are very smart if you have the time to train them!
Okay, but do  you chew your pets' food?  Do you yield your place in the house so that the cat can have the food, bed and control your tv viewing?  Do you push away all human relationships by putting your love the cats first?  Are they more important than people?  Being an animal lover is one thing, but this woman goes way beyond that!  She's more of a Pie Boy Worshiper, seriously.  The dog rules her life and she obsesses over him.  I'm sure there's something in the DSM IV  about this...
 
January 11, 2008, 10:43 am CST

01/11 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

The ex-roomate is very handsome.. whats he doing with a roomate like that ? It's cool too love animals but this girl is nuts!
 
January 11, 2008, 11:02 am CST

01/11 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

Quote From: heathermw7

I love watching you Dr. Phil and I have learned allot from you, but sometimes I think your a little judgmental with the animal lovers. One thing is that everyone should brush their dogs teeth; dogs can die from an infected tooth. Take it easy on the animal lovers, if treating their dog like a human makes them happy, then that's great. I'm an animal lover myself and I have taught my cats many tricks. One also loves going for car rides. Animals are very smart if you have the time to train them!
Dr Phil has never been judgemental with animal lovers. He is one, himself. He even bring his dog, adopted from an amimal shelter, to work with him. I believe in owning pets. According to studies, pet owners live longer. My husband and I have outdoor cats. Who come in the house and sleep with us when it's cold, or raining at night. But, Pam is carrying things way too far. Brushing her dog's teeth is one thing. But, chewing food and passing it from her mouth to his? That's beyond disgusting. 
 
January 11, 2008, 11:06 am CST

01/11 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

Quote From: seandeaux

Okay, but do  you chew your pets' food?  Do you yield your place in the house so that the cat can have the food, bed and control your tv viewing?  Do you push away all human relationships by putting your love the cats first?  Are they more important than people?  Being an animal lover is one thing, but this woman goes way beyond that!  She's more of a Pie Boy Worshiper, seriously.  The dog rules her life and she obsesses over him.  I'm sure there's something in the DSM IV  about this...
 Pie Boy isn't going to live forever. My biggest concern for Pam? What is she going to do when he dies? She'll have no one to comfort her, because she's forsaken all human companionship for his.
 
January 11, 2008, 11:44 am CST

What is his occupation???????/

How does this man afford all these toys?  Does anyone know what his occupation was?  I have a spoiled person in my life that made almost 200k a year and refuses too pay child support.  Talk about spoiled.  The man on the show does'nt have anything on the spoiled brat in my life.
 
January 11, 2008, 11:45 am CST

So Sorry

Quote From: lashel52

I agree...it's a 'void' in their lives, but how does one determine what that 'void' is?

 

I have a beautiful, intelligent, successful, 37 year old daughter that drives me crazy with her 'shopping'!  I raised her with plenty of "No's" and plenty of training.  Allowance was earned, part was saved, budgets were created.  When she wanted her first pair of Nikes (at 13), I told her to 'get a job'...she did!  She babysat to earn those Nikes!  She had to buy her own car...including her first one.  She was well taught on the value of a dollar and how to spend/save.

 

Her first job was at a shoe store and it was then that I began to see a 'problem'.  She had little to no 'paycheck' at the end of the week and her room was filled with clothes, shoes, jewlery and makeup.

 

She went into the Air Force rite after graduation and has spent the rest of her adult life there.  She has never been married, has a 10 year old son and lives with her father.  Every time she is deployed, mom takes care of her son, cleans her place and gets her bills caught up.  On top of being a shopaholic, she is a hoarder (so is her father).

 

She has a huge heart and gives to folks in need, does for several charities, and overwhelms her family and friends at Christmas.  Her son?  SPOILED!  She was warned from the time he was born, what her parenting 'style' would do, but she wouldn't listen to anyone.  She thought it was 'cute' and he was her only child.  "He will have what I didn't."  At 8, she suddenly slammed on the brakes...it wasn't 'cute' anymore when the school began to call.  The result?  She has become abusive with him and he is now in therapy.  She won't even admit there is a 'problem' with her...let alone get help.

 

Last year, she was deployed to Iraq.  Her son was already living with me so the transition wasn't too bad.  As it neared time for her to come back, her son began to have tantrums.  It sadly became obvious that he didn't want her to come back!  Rite before it was time for her to return, my situation changed and he was forced to return to live with his mom.  Moving him back, I discovered the ugly truth about the way my daughter and grandson lived.  I had to report her...for my grandsons sake.

 

With a broken leg, I dug through mountains of 'stuff' just to find a bed.  The cats had used my grandsons room as a liter box - I had to gut his room and start from scratch.  All summer, I slaved in the basement of my former husbands house, trying to dig through tons of clothing, trash and cat feces.  It wasn't pretty, nor was it 'done' when she returned.  She returned with a 30 day 'notice' that if she didn't clean up the environment, her son would be removed.  Needless to say, these have been some 'trying' times.  I couldn't believe my daughter, who always looks so well put together, was living in such filth.  You couldn't find the floor!  Brand new items were on the floor being walked on!

 

In the effort to 'clean up', much of the 'stuff' was boxed or bagged to be sorted later.  She was furious and went on an extended 'shopping spree' to 'replace' what she couldn't 'find'.  She could afford to do that...mom had paid all her debts, including some from 1996 and had thousands in her savings account!  I got laid up with a broken wrist and herniated disks in my neck...the clean-up came to a stand-still.  I asked her about her 'need to shop'.  She said she gets a 'high' from it.  I asked her about the bills...she doesn't worry about them!  I asked her if she is happy living like this...she didn't answer.  I asked her if she thought buying for her son the way she does was 'good for him'.  I was told "I make good money and like to spend it...big deal....MY son will NOT be raised the way I was...he won't wear bobos or wait for his birthday or Christmas for new clothes..............."  I was devestated!  This is 'my' fault?  Perhaps it is.  Perhaps I said "no" too often, made her wait too long, made her feel inferior to her friends?  Did this put the 'void' in her that she is trying to fill now?  Meantime...what happens to my grandson?  After living with me, she knows better than to beat him like she used to, but how do I stop the over indulgence?  How do I stop her from trying to 'buy' his love?  If you could have been here at Christmas.....it's pathetic! 

 

Is it the parent's fault these people have 'voids'?  If so, what do we do now?  It will be interesting to see Dr. Phil's take on this issue.

 

Sunny

 

 

 

Sunny,

 

You have my sympathy.  It sounds like you have very good values, and did the right things in raising your daughter.  Unfortunately, you were not and are not the only influence in her life.  And even the best parents can lose to outside influences (just look at families where one kid does everything right, and the other kid just doesn't get it).   And it sounds like your daughter might have some mental health issues - rational people don't live in filth. Your grandson is lucky to have you watching out for him.

 

About the only thing I'd say you are doing wrong is "rescuing" your daughter by paying her bills.  You are just postponing the inevitable and it doesn't do her any good - in fact it gives her license to continue her behavior because she knows you will step in.  As painful as it is, let her fail.  And if you can take the boy into your home again, he will be much better off.  

 

Please don't make yourself sick blaming yourself - this is not your fault.  I wish you the best, my dear.

 
January 11, 2008, 11:55 am CST

Animal lover myself

Quote From: seandeaux

Okay, but do  you chew your pets' food?  Do you yield your place in the house so that the cat can have the food, bed and control your tv viewing?  Do you push away all human relationships by putting your love the cats first?  Are they more important than people?  Being an animal lover is one thing, but this woman goes way beyond that!  She's more of a Pie Boy Worshiper, seriously.  The dog rules her life and she obsesses over him.  I'm sure there's something in the DSM IV  about this...

One of the things that being a past and current pet owner has taught me:

 

Animals come and they go.  Some run away, some are stolen, some die from old age and some from illness of their specific breed, some get run over...etc., etc., etc.

 

I have had many friends tell me that were their pet to pass away, they would as well.

 

I have had since childhood, pets that passed away and even though I did grieve them for a while, never did I ever felt that I wouldn't be able to continue without them any longer in my life.

 

Never did I ever chew their food in my mouth before feeding them it...nor give up a bed, chair or sofa for them to be comfortable...more so than myself.

 

I personally believe that the way that we attend to our pets, perhaps comes from that filter thing again that I mentioned before in other postings of mine on different shows on this web site.

 

I was raised on a dairy farm in Michigan.  I had 9 siblings and two struggling to make it financially parents.

 

Animals were an extra added commodity.  Were food limited, the dogs and cats, got less.

 

Animals were not spaded or neutered back thing...so if our animals found themselves with litters...our father would take the litters, either put them in a grain feed sack, tie the end of it and bury them alive or throw them in a river...

 

So I believe that due to the priority level that my parents ranked our pets...creates within ourselves, their role modeling job done on us.  Although I always felt very bad when my dad did this...I never dared tell him what I thought of his behavior for he was the father and I the child.

 

Today, I don't allow my children or grandchildren to abuse any kind of animals around me.

 

Animals have rights as well.  They like ourselves are God's Creations.

 

I also have trained health care workers like myself and one of my students decided early in the training that she would rather work on animals than people.  Like I said, "different strokes for different folks."

 

Accepting everybodys uniqueness is the key.

 

Love, Light and Peace

We Are All Blessed

Tonie

 

I believe that God gives us all different missions in this life.  I won't try to figure out why helping animals feel better is better than helping man-kind feel better. 

 

I guess what I am trying to say is this, we all call different things real.  I believe Dr. Phil realized this about this guest.  What one calls right, another might call wrong and the differences is what makes the world go around.

 
January 11, 2008, 11:58 am CST

I messed up on time calculation

Quote From: toniecw

It is the American Way to stay in debt and to spend almost at the level that one is bringing home.

 

My second husband and myself did the same thing.  We had all the things that my husband had always wanted...house on the lake, nice outboard motor boat in which to water ski on the lake, a nice motorcycle, a nice custom van.

 

Both of us were a working and making good money...then one day, I got hurt on the job and went down for the count.

 

The resultant behavior?  We almost lost everything...the cars, the boat, the motorcycle, the house on the lake...and then a few years later...our marriage.

 

Dr. Phil has the right advice...don't purchase anything other than your home, on credit...

 

ps.  All of our friends/family members that my former husband was always a trying to impress with the things that he acquired...(not us, only him) left his side. 

 

I am still, 18 years later...15 years of it spent alone...trying to dig myself out of the hole that we both fell into together due to our uncontrolled spending...

 

It isn't:  "who ever ends up with the most toys that wins in the long run," it is who ever can stay together when the winds start a blowing and the lightening starts a hitting all things in its path; that matters the most.

 

Those are my thoughts.

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

Please allow me to correct the 18 years later time frame.  I have spent the last 28 years a climbing out of the financial hole that I allowed my former husband and myself to get ourselves into.

 

Sorry for the error.  The point I am a making?  Sometimes it takes a moment to get into debt and sometimes it also takes a life time to pull out of it.  Am still working on it.

 

Love, Light and Peace

We Are All Blessed

Tonie

 
January 11, 2008, 12:07 pm CST

Dr. Phil is on target again!

Quote From: ramair

Kacedra has allowed this situation to continue so long that Dawson has become so shallow and materialistic that she prefers her Aunt Gina. To the point that strangers think that Gina is Dawson's  mother. And, Gina lets everyone go on thinking so. What's behind that? Gina needs to get a life.

The biggest thing that I have seen personally from grandparents, aunts and uncles a favoring one child over another...is what it does to the other children that are shown no favorite position.  It creates hurt feelings of not being loved as much as the "Golden Child."

 

Good job of pin pointing the problem it could hold for the other less fortunate children.

 

In defense of Gina:

I believe in Reincarnation. 

I too have nieces and nephews that I feel as if they could have been mine in this life-time and perhaps were in other life-times.

 

Yet I also believe that what you do for one child in a family, should be done equally for all...it just makes good sense to me. 

 

Sometimes I realize that this is hard, for sometimes these children that are closer do us, show us more clearly that we are loved by them as well...so I can see how it might make things a bit harder to not show favoritism to the one that reaches out to us more than the rest...just my thoughts on the subject.

 

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

We Are All Blessed

 

 

 
January 11, 2008, 12:22 pm CST

Retail Pricing

My wife used to be in the retail jewlery business.  She would have an item on sale for 50% off and still make a 200% margin.  Go figure.
 
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