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Topic : 06/18 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

Number of Replies: 201
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Created on : Friday, January 04, 2008, 02:12:22 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/11/08) Dr. Phil speaks with guests who are fed up with a family member because they say their out-of-control spending has got to stop. Katie says her brother, Adam, just loves to spoil himself. He's spent hundreds of thousands on boats, Corvettes, and top-of-the-line toys just so he can brag to people that he has them. Adam says what’s the point of buying these things if he can’t show them off? Is living the American dream worth having a $200,000 debt? Then, Kecedra says her 4-year-old daughter, Dawson, is turning into a shopaholic, and it all started when “Auntie Gina” bought the girl a leather skirt when she was just 6 months old! Kacedra says her sister, Gina, spends thousands spoiling Dawson, and she’s creating a big problem. And, you won’t believe the pet project Pam spends all her money on. This obsessive spoiling made her roommate so sick, he had to move out! Tell us what you think!

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January 5, 2008, 10:16 am CST

01/11 "My Big, Fat, Spoiled Family Member"

A 4 year old shopaholic??? give me a break.
 
January 5, 2008, 11:34 am CST

Spoiled Brats

Quote From: faeryedark

 Seems to me that people who have to go out and put themselves in debt, to have big, flashy toys, that they brag about, are just rying to fill an empty place inside. Some people drink, some gamble etc. (to excess) But, in the end it's usually started to fill a void in their lives,(addictions do that). In this case, it may be the attention they get from having all the expensive, flashy stuff. 

How stupid is it to be showing off items such as corvettes and boats if you don't even own them? That 200,000 debt has to come back to bite this brat eventually. Credit cards and such have made it all too easy for the immature and irresponsible to acquire items that they are unable to pay for.  How sad that this person has the need to brag and show off (at a very high price too).  As the above poster said, it is most likely attention tha he craves, leading me to agree with the poster that this guy probably is trying to fill a void inside himself.

 

On to Auntie the Spoiler.....what values is she teaching this little girl by showering her with such materialism?  I've got to say, I find it irritating to see mothers in the stores buying their bratty ten year olds Coach handbags and other designer items.  The scenario is usually the same; the brat is pouty and whining, the mother buys the bag, the brat doesn't say "thank you" because, after all, she is ENTITLED to the bag. My feelings on that.....children should wait until they can EARN something like that before owning it, so they can realize just how much the cost is.   Now I am anxiously awaiting to hear from all the Moms who are going to disagree with me on that...how can they say "no" to their children??  What a crime that would be! Especially if "everyone else has one!"  Then Little Miss Pouty must have one to to be "in"!  The last laugh will be on these parents.  They will have to live with their spoiled, unappreciative sassy brats and continue to run the gravy train, each time they are faced with more manipulative whining. I bet there will be quite an extended adolescence for these kids too, so parents be prepared to support your frivolous kids for many years to come.

 
January 5, 2008, 12:28 pm CST

Here is another WHY?????

 I agree with the person before that bein in debt to own these things is a need to find some kind of fullfillment that you are not getting from the people around you. How does owing $200,000 dollars make you a better person? Is it working for you???? Do your "friends" seem more "friendly" now that you have these items? As for Kecedra isn't this the "tail wagging the dog?" What do you do when she wants something really big, like a "Corvette" when she is 10 years old. What is there about "NO" that you do not understand. What is there about"NO" that she does not understand?  I really don't feel sorry for you, as you know there are no "victims, only volunteers".

 
January 5, 2008, 1:18 pm CST

Kencera, be a Mom...

A 4 year old shopaholic?  Be a Mom... and if you don't want your sister to buy her stuff then let her know if she wants to see her niece then don't buy her anything.  As for your daughter, tell her know and ignore her temper tantrums... she will get the picture.  YOU ARE THE MOM... you decide what happens with your child.  If your child was constantly treated unfairly at school would you just complain about it to other people, or would you do something about it.  Just because she is your sister... doesn't mean you can't do anything.

 

There are way too many "Mom Help" books, online advice and usually friends and family for you not to know the options you can try and figure out which one works.  Sounds like you just don't want to deal with or not strong enough to  deal with the temper tantrums and just give in.

 

 

 
January 6, 2008, 4:43 am CST

Everyone learns to hear no

Quote From: fairytale

 I agree with the person before that bein in debt to own these things is a need to find some kind of fullfillment that you are not getting from the people around you. How does owing $200,000 dollars make you a better person? Is it working for you???? Do your "friends" seem more "friendly" now that you have these items? As for Kecedra isn't this the "tail wagging the dog?" What do you do when she wants something really big, like a "Corvette" when she is 10 years old. What is there about "NO" that you do not understand. What is there about"NO" that she does not understand?  I really don't feel sorry for you, as you know there are no "victims, only volunteers".

Mom you need to be a bigger person what are you teaching her because one day she will have her own money. Do me a favor and teach her the value of money. How to deal with no means she can't have everythingWhat is there of no she doesn't understand it means end of story . she won't buy it and that is that.. Means no means no
 
January 6, 2008, 5:04 am CST

She has to hear no

Quote From: mommy_312

A 4 year old shopaholic?  Be a Mom... and if you don't want your sister to buy her stuff then let her know if she wants to see her niece then don't buy her anything.  As for your daughter, tell her know and ignore her temper tantrums... she will get the picture.  YOU ARE THE MOM... you decide what happens with your child.  If your child was constantly treated unfairly at school would you just complain about it to other people, or would you do something about it.  Just because she is your sister... doesn't mean you can't do anything.

 

There are way too many "Mom Help" books, online advice and usually friends and family for you not to know the options you can try and figure out which one works.  Sounds like you just don't want to deal with or not strong enough to  deal with the temper tantrums and just give in.

 

 

She has to learn no.You have to do her a favor. And let her know she can't have what she wants or she is not going to learn. You can't give in because she won't learn. I rather you deal with it  and pay attention to what is going on because she might create a scene at the store. Mom you are here to guide her. She needs to know we are nor buying toys. She will get it someday that she can't have what she wants. Don't spoil her becuase it is only her future and she is only going to be young once eventually she will get it sooner or later. Before you know it she will understand. Just becuase she is my mother she doesn't give me everything just because she loves me. You are here to buy food and put roof over her head
 
January 6, 2008, 5:06 am CST

She has to hear no

Quote From: mommy_312

A 4 year old shopaholic?  Be a Mom... and if you don't want your sister to buy her stuff then let her know if she wants to see her niece then don't buy her anything.  As for your daughter, tell her know and ignore her temper tantrums... she will get the picture.  YOU ARE THE MOM... you decide what happens with your child.  If your child was constantly treated unfairly at school would you just complain about it to other people, or would you do something about it.  Just because she is your sister... doesn't mean you can't do anything.

 

There are way too many "Mom Help" books, online advice and usually friends and family for you not to know the options you can try and figure out which one works.  Sounds like you just don't want to deal with or not strong enough to  deal with the temper tantrums and just give in.

 

 

She has to learn no.You have to do her a favor. And let her know she can't have what she wants or she is not going to learn. You can't give in because she won't learn. I rather you deal with it  and pay attention to what is going on because she might create a scene at the store. Mom you are here to guide her. She needs to know we are nor buying toys. She will get it someday that she can't have what she wants. Don't spoil her becuase it is only her future and she is only going to be young once eventually she will get it sooner or later. Before you know it she will understand. Just becuase she is my mother she doesn't give me everything just because she loves me. You are here to buy food and put roof over her head
 
January 6, 2008, 11:22 am CST

01/11 "MY BIG, FAT, SPOILED FAMILY MEMBER"

Quote From: faeryedark

 Seems to me that people who have to go out and put themselves in debt, to have big, flashy toys, that they brag about, are just rying to fill an empty place inside. Some people drink, some gamble etc. (to excess) But, in the end it's usually started to fill a void in their lives,(addictions do that). In this case, it may be the attention they get from having all the expensive, flashy stuff. 

I agree...it's a 'void' in their lives, but how does one determine what that 'void' is?

 

I have a beautiful, intelligent, successful, 37 year old daughter that drives me crazy with her 'shopping'!  I raised her with plenty of "No's" and plenty of training.  Allowance was earned, part was saved, budgets were created.  When she wanted her first pair of Nikes (at 13), I told her to 'get a job'...she did!  She babysat to earn those Nikes!  She had to buy her own car...including her first one.  She was well taught on the value of a dollar and how to spend/save.

 

Her first job was at a shoe store and it was then that I began to see a 'problem'.  She had little to no 'paycheck' at the end of the week and her room was filled with clothes, shoes, jewlery and makeup.

 

She went into the Air Force rite after graduation and has spent the rest of her adult life there.  She has never been married, has a 10 year old son and lives with her father.  Every time she is deployed, mom takes care of her son, cleans her place and gets her bills caught up.  On top of being a shopaholic, she is a hoarder (so is her father).

 

She has a huge heart and gives to folks in need, does for several charities, and overwhelms her family and friends at Christmas.  Her son?  SPOILED!  She was warned from the time he was born, what her parenting 'style' would do, but she wouldn't listen to anyone.  She thought it was 'cute' and he was her only child.  "He will have what I didn't."  At 8, she suddenly slammed on the brakes...it wasn't 'cute' anymore when the school began to call.  The result?  She has become abusive with him and he is now in therapy.  She won't even admit there is a 'problem' with her...let alone get help.

 

Last year, she was deployed to Iraq.  Her son was already living with me so the transition wasn't too bad.  As it neared time for her to come back, her son began to have tantrums.  It sadly became obvious that he didn't want her to come back!  Rite before it was time for her to return, my situation changed and he was forced to return to live with his mom.  Moving him back, I discovered the ugly truth about the way my daughter and grandson lived.  I had to report her...for my grandsons sake.

 

With a broken leg, I dug through mountains of 'stuff' just to find a bed.  The cats had used my grandsons room as a liter box - I had to gut his room and start from scratch.  All summer, I slaved in the basement of my former husbands house, trying to dig through tons of clothing, trash and cat feces.  It wasn't pretty, nor was it 'done' when she returned.  She returned with a 30 day 'notice' that if she didn't clean up the environment, her son would be removed.  Needless to say, these have been some 'trying' times.  I couldn't believe my daughter, who always looks so well put together, was living in such filth.  You couldn't find the floor!  Brand new items were on the floor being walked on!

 

In the effort to 'clean up', much of the 'stuff' was boxed or bagged to be sorted later.  She was furious and went on an extended 'shopping spree' to 'replace' what she couldn't 'find'.  She could afford to do that...mom had paid all her debts, including some from 1996 and had thousands in her savings account!  I got laid up with a broken wrist and herniated disks in my neck...the clean-up came to a stand-still.  I asked her about her 'need to shop'.  She said she gets a 'high' from it.  I asked her about the bills...she doesn't worry about them!  I asked her if she is happy living like this...she didn't answer.  I asked her if she thought buying for her son the way she does was 'good for him'.  I was told "I make good money and like to spend it...big deal....MY son will NOT be raised the way I was...he won't wear bobos or wait for his birthday or Christmas for new clothes..............."  I was devestated!  This is 'my' fault?  Perhaps it is.  Perhaps I said "no" too often, made her wait too long, made her feel inferior to her friends?  Did this put the 'void' in her that she is trying to fill now?  Meantime...what happens to my grandson?  After living with me, she knows better than to beat him like she used to, but how do I stop the over indulgence?  How do I stop her from trying to 'buy' his love?  If you could have been here at Christmas.....it's pathetic! 

 

Is it the parent's fault these people have 'voids'?  If so, what do we do now?  It will be interesting to see Dr. Phil's take on this issue.

 

Sunny

 

 

 

 
January 6, 2008, 4:33 pm CST

I have to say

There lots of things you can live with and there are lots of things can't live. Nothing lasts forever and Dawsin wants a toy. She will grow out of toys one day..Someday she will realize that a toy is not worth throwing a fit. It is only temporary. Dawson will grow up.. If she wanted a dog or a cat there are just living animals. She needs to see that having everything is not one thing iin this world. Buying toys id not one thing in this world there are lot of things in life you can do other than throw a fit. And i have to say Dawson will only be youngonce. She will only last for a while with toys. She will get over her tantrum because now she is at  the school age where it is a time to learn and grow she is four
 
January 6, 2008, 5:59 pm CST

Totally spoiled

I think these people that go out and buy alot of fancy things and show them off, alot of them end up in bankrupcy because they cannot pay for the things they have gotten.  I was raised that if you want something you save and then buy it when you have the money for it, dont go in debt for something you will never be able to pay for.

I also have a family member, thru marriage that does these things she actually married for money not love and she will tell everyone that.  To me that is just petty and wrong. 

I was even made fun of by my husbands sister about the size of my engagement ring, it was not big it was a small ring and exactly what i wanted.  she thought it should be a huge rock or something,  Well she has been married 3 times all with big rings and now she is alone, we have been married for 20 years and I still do not want a rock, love is more important to me than possessions.

People need to live within their means, not go in debt to impress anyone, I definetly dont do anything to impress anyone, I do things that I need to do and want to do. 

 
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