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Topic : 01/14 "At War with My Teen"

Number of Replies: 714
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Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:01:50 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Family members are supposed to support one another, but what happens when a household is in total meltdown and filled with constant battles? Sandi says her 17-year-old son, Michael, is totally out of control. During a fight they curse, yell, and even come to blows –- all captured on cameras installed in their home. She says she's called the cops seven times and has been so scared of Michael that she's locked herself in the bathroom to escape him. Michael says the bickering is not all his fault. Is he being honest with himself? How is Michael's relationship with his stepdad, Jim, adding to the problem? You won't believe some of the shocking statements the parents make. Find out why Robin joins the conversation onstage, and find out what Dr. Phil thinks is at the root of the problem. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 12, 2008, 11:09 pm CST

Yes, this hits my home too!

I also have a son problem, but he is only 13.  He has ADHD and Oppositionally Definant and recently screened and accepted in the Special Education catagory for emotional disability in school.  We are in the enrollment process for him to move to a residential home that will help him with his anger and self esteem issues.  I am not afraid of him and he has not tried to hurt me, but he always lashes out on his younger brother who is 10.  I have to protect my younger son both physically and emotionally and my oldest  just needs help that we cannot give him.  For me I am totally emotionally and physically fatigued with the whole stressful situation that we have had since he was 5 yrs old!  It never gets any better and yes his father is still here in our home.  I don't buy the line that it is "bad parenting" as my younger son does not have these emotional or mental issues.  He has been a very sad and domineering son at least since 1st or 2nd grade and enjoys being bad, he says it is fun!  In Kindergarten he was very domineering and his teacher foresaw him as being a leader and teacher later in life.  Hopefully he will get the help he needs with this new program and will become someone with a respectful and structured future.  Right now he is headed either to jail, someone will kill him for his actions, or he will end up seriously hurting or killing someone himself with his anger and opinions.  He needs to learn how to balance things inside and to control his emotions and to learn how to channel his anger and frustrations better.  Pray for him - Russell!

 

Thanks!

 
January 13, 2008, 4:58 am CST

AT WAR WITH MY TEEN

Quote From: bluesky66

My 18 year old granddaughter came to live with us about 3 months ago, however she spends most of her nights running around with friends and sometimes ends up staying at their home.   She recently lost her job, and is delinquent with all her bills which is her problem.

However some of her "friends" are in their 20's and have drinking and drug problems.  She said I treat her like she is 5, and out the door she goes.  Her mother lives in another town, and don't want to bother with her and she don't get along with her dad.  HELP

 

I have told her is she ends up in jail, not to call me.

GET HER HELP NOW FOR THE DRUGS. GET HER IN REHAB AND SAVE HER LIFE. THE DRUGS WILL TAKE OVER HER LIFE AND DESTROY HER.

 
January 13, 2008, 3:59 pm CST

troubled teen

Dr Phil and Robin, there is a reason why probably this teen ager is angry, his mother is paying more attention to her husband then her own son, I bet her husband does not like the guy. Please lets not blame all the bad on the teenagers. I had a situation like that 2 years ago, when I was dating a man, my daughter did not like him, so I ended up breaking up with him. Yes I know Children can come and go, but we cannot place our children. Men and Women we can replace. I decided not to date, until my children leave home. I still have a ll year old son.

 

Lvoe,

Blacna

 
January 13, 2008, 6:13 pm CST

Wishing the family the best...

I'm glad the family is going to get help in Dallas. Wow... that' mom's eyes literally burned fire as she looked at her son. I personally would be terrified of that lady if I had to interact with her with those glaring eyes.  No wonder the poor kid acts like he does ~ I'm glad the boy got to experience Robin's gentle touch and get a taste of what a mom is suppose to be like.  I like to think of myself as a good mom ~ but I can't say I've never raised my voice at my kids.  You are awesome Robin... a great role model. :-)
 
January 14, 2008, 12:08 am CST

I have been there too & received black eye

Two years ago, my teenage son whom I'd had a wonderful relationship with all his life, got a girlfriend who had recently found out that her father was having an affair.  Because our family had been through a similar situation, she asked him how he felt when it happened to him (aged 9 years at the time).  He thought at that the only way he could answer her truthfully was to relive those feelings from some 7 years previously.  At the time his father left, I accidentally found out that he had been taking his anger out on his older sister, whom he would get in a corner and hit after coming home from school.  I would be on my way home from work during these incidents.  Upon hearing this, I got him to see my counsellor and purchased a punching bag for him to use, while at the same time telling him that I would report him to the police if he ever laid a hand on his sister or another female again.  This seemed to work at the time.  Upon opening up to his girlfriend, which opened up old wounds, he began taking his anger out on me at the same time of normal teenage rebellion with shouting, not listening, taling over the top of me, storming off and showing no respect to me at all.  My BIG MISTAKE was asking parents of a best mate of his to let him stay over 1 night the first time, then a weekend and during this time, I asked my counsellor to see him again which did seem to help and after each counselling he would sit and talk to me about what was troubling him of his own free will, as his father had discontinued seeing or contacting them unless it suited him which amounted to 2-3 times per year.  These parents who "helped out" made it too easy for him to run away after coming to the home very annoyed because I had taken his car rights away from him, as he owed me quite a lot of money for the car and I had used this as punishment for his behaviour.  Because I trusted him but I still hesitated at the time, I let him in the family home with the result of within 15 minutes I had a broken nose when I couldn't get him to leave my home because of his actions.  He lost it, his actions and result of his rage (which he cant remember and did not even realise he had pushed and swung me so hard towards a wall) making me so scared that I ran out of the family home into my neighbours with blood streaming down my face.  I knew I had to get out of the house.  He may not have meant to do it, but he has shown no remorse since that time and the only time he has apologised to me was in anger when I brought it up.  It is very hard trying to heal when someone you love so much has treated you like no one else in the world, you have given birth to and has violated you like no son should ever do to his mother.  The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is that after 6 months he did return home because he wanted to work at our relationship but it has been a long hard struggle as the hurt inside is so great that it brings me to tears so easily.  I have had counselling but nothing will remove the hurt until he apologises and says just four words, "I am sorry mum".  Four little words that mean so much and would allow us to move forward with a clean slate and leave it all behind but he allows the hurt to continue day after day and as long as I play the game of pretending that nothing has happened, he is ok.  What keeps me hanging in there is that every day I can see the son I used to know and love is still in there and coming out more & more but no matter what, the hurt is still there and as much as I try to remove it, it is something that only he can remove.  He made mother's day last year one of the most beautiful mother's days ever with one thing missing "an apology" that is all I wanted and needed.  It seems such a shame that if it was a mistake and he did not mean to hurt me, that for the sake of a few seconds he could make sure that no more hurt continued and just apologised so that we could hopefully never think or talk about it again.  But everytime I see him because he allows it to continue, that is all I can think about and I am hoping that he will apologise and wipe the slate clean so that we both can move on and hopefully ressurect the relationship that I am grieving so much for because everyday of him growing up he was my saviour in that he made me laugh everyday and made my life worthwhile during a very stressful time prior to his father leaving the family home.

This situation has really rocked me as he was such a delight to bring up and was absolutely no problem at all - he has such a beautiful, gentle sole and I can't reach my son anymore but I will always love him dearly but miss the special times we used to enjoy together when laughing, watching movies, playing games or just enjoying being mother and son.

 
January 14, 2008, 6:36 am CST

Robin

Thank God for Robin.  Can you imagine a stranger having to hold your child's hand because he is afraid of you?  I feel so sorry for that boy. 
 
January 14, 2008, 6:59 am CST

been there, Michael, sooo sorry

Michael, 

 I, too, had a psyco mom, never knew who you would come home to.  Mostly, negative and majorly hurtful, namecalling, physical abuse, nutzo behavior.  However, to the outside world, the perfect mother and family.  I'm 46 and feel your pain, believe me, when I tell you, it's not your fault.  I believe that your mother has an undiagnosed mental disorder.  You are a wonderful, handsome and very cool young man!  Your way of articulating the family situation made me think of my son, whom I love dearly.  Therapy really helped me to be the loving, sane mom that I am, even though I lived the opposite.  You are great and you deserve sooo much kindness and love.  You have my total support and love, Michael. 

 Mary in Michigan

 
January 14, 2008, 7:02 am CST

Sad Little Boy

How I wish I'd seen this show 13 years ago.  Dr. Phil is right when he says it takes a child so long to recover from screaming like that.  I've been out of control with my daughter about 10 times in her life -- she's 16 now.  I think she still doesn't trust me the way she would have if I'd been more like Robin.  And, I usually get aggravated with Robin because she's so perfect.  But, I was so happy to see her up on that stage sitting next to that child.  His mother needs some deep psychological work.   Our children are with us for such a short time.  My child is 16 and will be leaving home soon.  Once they're gone, they're gone.  How I wish I had it all back to do over.
 
January 14, 2008, 7:11 am CST

01/14 "At War with My Teen"

I would be angry too if I had to live with someone that treated me like that.

She refuses to listen to her son, or acknowlege she has any ownership in this problem.How do you think this poor boy got this way..He is mimicking her behavior.

I have a 17 year old son with a temper (he witnessed his father abusing me for 11 years). The older he gets the better his control gets. When he gets angry I can see the look in his eyes the same his father always got.  I love my son with all my heart and I know this is a learned behavior, one I refuse to buy into. When he gets upset, I tell him I love him and walk away.  I refuse to make his bad behavior about my bad behavior, so I dont scream yell swear nothing. I walk away.  Its not always easy--I like to be right--but egging my son into doing something really bad defeats everything I have ever done.

When hes had some alone time he always comes looking for me to apologize and talk.  I am always happy when he does, knowing I have helped him through a rough patch, and he knows I love him.

Dr Phil PLEASE get that poor boy out of that house,

 
January 14, 2008, 7:18 am CST

Reality please

I couldn't agree more with the fact that this mom and son needs some counseling and serious psychological help.  But I think for you and Robin to say that she has NEVER raised her voice at her children is a little ridiculous.   I trust and believe that Robin has been a excellent parent, but she is surely not perfect, which is how she was portrayed to the mother.  No mother can raise young men 28 & 21 and never raise her voice once.  Please don't get me wrong, I do love Robin and admire you and your show very much, but please be realistic.  As much as this Mom needs help, she needs to know the reality of raising children.  And her reality is no where near right, but neither is thinking you can raise children and NEVER raise your voice at them.  Thank you for getting them the help they so need.  I really feel sympathy for the son and hope the family will get the help they deserve!
 
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