Two years ago, my teenage son whom I'd had a wonderful relationship with all his life, got a girlfriend who had recently found out that her father was having an affair. Because our family had been through a similar situation, she asked him how he felt when it happened to him (aged 9 years at the time). He thought at that the only way he could answer her truthfully was to relive those feelings from some 7 years previously. At the time his father left, I accidentally found out that he had been taking his anger out on his older sister, whom he would get in a corner and hit after coming home from school. I would be on my way home from work during these incidents. Upon hearing this, I got him to see my counsellor and purchased a punching bag for him to use, while at the same time telling him that I would report him to the police if he ever laid a hand on his sister or another female again. This seemed to work at the time. Upon opening up to his girlfriend, which opened up old wounds, he began taking his anger out on me at the same time of normal teenage rebellion with shouting, not listening, taling over the top of me, storming off and showing no respect to me at all. My BIG MISTAKE was asking parents of a best mate of his to let him stay over 1 night the first time, then a weekend and during this time, I asked my counsellor to see him again which did seem to help and after each counselling he would sit and talk to me about what was troubling him of his own free will, as his father had discontinued seeing or contacting them unless it suited him which amounted to 2-3 times per year. These parents who "helped out" made it too easy for him to run away after coming to the home very annoyed because I had taken his car rights away from him, as he owed me quite a lot of money for the car and I had used this as punishment for his behaviour. Because I trusted him but I still hesitated at the time, I let him in the family home with the result of within 15 minutes I had a broken nose when I couldn't get him to leave my home because of his actions. He lost it, his actions and result of his rage (which he cant remember and did not even realise he had pushed and swung me so hard towards a wall) making me so scared that I ran out of the family home into my neighbours with blood streaming down my face. I knew I had to get out of the house. He may not have meant to do it, but he has shown no remorse since that time and the only time he has apologised to me was in anger when I brought it up. It is very hard trying to heal when someone you love so much has treated you like no one else in the world, you have given birth to and has violated you like no son should ever do to his mother. The only thing that keeps me hanging in there is that after 6 months he did return home because he wanted to work at our relationship but it has been a long hard struggle as the hurt inside is so great that it brings me to tears so easily. I have had counselling but nothing will remove the hurt until he apologises and says just four words, "I am sorry mum". Four little words that mean so much and would allow us to move forward with a clean slate and leave it all behind but he allows the hurt to continue day after day and as long as I play the game of pretending that nothing has happened, he is ok. What keeps me hanging in there is that every day I can see the son I used to know and love is still in there and coming out more & more but no matter what, the hurt is still there and as much as I try to remove it, it is something that only he can remove. He made mother's day last year one of the most beautiful mother's days ever with one thing missing "an apology" that is all I wanted and needed. It seems such a shame that if it was a mistake and he did not mean to hurt me, that for the sake of a few seconds he could make sure that no more hurt continued and just apologised so that we could hopefully never think or talk about it again. But everytime I see him because he allows it to continue, that is all I can think about and I am hoping that he will apologise and wipe the slate clean so that we both can move on and hopefully ressurect the relationship that I am grieving so much for because everyday of him growing up he was my saviour in that he made me laugh everyday and made my life worthwhile during a very stressful time prior to his father leaving the family home.
This situation has really rocked me as he was such a delight to bring up and was absolutely no problem at all - he has such a beautiful, gentle sole and I can't reach my son anymore but I will always love him dearly but miss the special times we used to enjoy together when laughing, watching movies, playing games or just enjoying being mother and son.
Family members are supposed to support one another, but what happens when a household is in total meltdown and filled with constant battles? Sandi says her 17-year-old son, Michael, is totally out of control. During a fight they curse, yell, and even come to blows –- all captured on cameras installed in their home. She says she's called the cops seven times and has been so scared of Michael that she's locked herself in the bathroom to escape him. Michael says the bickering is not all his fault. Is he being honest with himself? How is Michael's relationship with his stepdad, Jim, adding to the problem? You won't believe some of the shocking statements the parents make. Find out why Robin joins the conversation onstage, and find out what Dr. Phil thinks is at the root of the problem. Join the discussion.
