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Topic : 01/14 "At War with My Teen"

Number of Replies: 714
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Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:01:50 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Family members are supposed to support one another, but what happens when a household is in total meltdown and filled with constant battles? Sandi says her 17-year-old son, Michael, is totally out of control. During a fight they curse, yell, and even come to blows –- all captured on cameras installed in their home. She says she's called the cops seven times and has been so scared of Michael that she's locked herself in the bathroom to escape him. Michael says the bickering is not all his fault. Is he being honest with himself? How is Michael's relationship with his stepdad, Jim, adding to the problem? You won't believe some of the shocking statements the parents make. Find out why Robin joins the conversation onstage, and find out what Dr. Phil thinks is at the root of the problem. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 14, 2008, 7:25 am CST

I'm the mother

I have some of the same problems with my sons,one of them is out of my home right now because he tried to hit me...and dr phil I'm happy your kids were so good growing up..but  not all parents have your life,my life was spent ,with child sevices ..which people used to get even with someone they were mad at,and kids were told "are your parents mean to you call us"this has made kids blackmail parents..and because of this we as parents lost the ablity to control I kids..now they think the world owes them..and that as parents we have to give them and let do anything they want,and if they don't get it watch out..I have always hugged and kiss my boys and told them how much they were loved,they have been given everything we could give them,and asked very little from them...some housewhole chores....which they fight me about doing but that hand is still out toget something they want .dr phil why did you say the mom is wrong...what I saw was a kid that has push a mother over the edge..and that kid had been told how does it feel to know that you have push the one person who loves you more then any person ever will in your whole life
 
January 14, 2008, 7:28 am CST

At War With My Teen

Quote From: bluesky66

My 18 year old granddaughter came to live with us about 3 months ago, however she spends most of her nights running around with friends and sometimes ends up staying at their home.   She recently lost her job, and is delinquent with all her bills which is her problem.

However some of her "friends" are in their 20's and have drinking and drug problems.  She said I treat her like she is 5, and out the door she goes.  Her mother lives in another town, and don't want to bother with her and she don't get along with her dad.  HELP

 

I have told her is she ends up in jail, not to call me.

Unfortunately your granddaughter is 18 and is considered an adult.  Tell her you want to have an adult conversation with her and that you intend to start treating her like an adult, and what your expectations are as long as she is living under your roof.  Tell her she must get a job and keep it.  It sounds like she may need some help with her bills.  Help her set up a budget .  Above all, tell her you love her and that you will do everything you can to help her, but if she wants to be treated like an adult, then she must start acting like a responsible person.  Ask her what she wants to do?  Get her to start communicating with you.  She sounds like a very angry young lady.  If she is going to stay out all night, ask her to let you know where she is and leave a number where you can reach her in case of an emergency.   I agree with you about not getting her out of jail if that should happen.  She must understand the consequences of her actions, and that includes the people that she associates with.

 
January 14, 2008, 7:30 am CST

I'm on HIS side!

How DARE that mom act the way she acts?  Sandi started all this; I can tell from experience.  The boy is just acting the way someone who is attacked daily is SUPPOSED to react.  If she wants the violence to stop, she needs to modify her crap.  I can bet you a thousand dollars and win that this started a long time ago, and SHE started it!  Michael is just acting the way a caged animal reacts; with violent defense.  Sandi is so full of it.  SHE'S the one who needs help, and Michael needs help with dealing with her nonsense.  This happened to my cousin.  His mom was a nutjob just like Sandi, and he was VERY violent.  But once he got away from his psycho mom, he became a model citizen.  Trust me, it's all the MOM'S fault.
 
January 14, 2008, 7:51 am CST

Poor kid

All this kid needs is love and understanding. The mother is a maniac and making the kid one too. From what I saw the mother needs some serious self control and to grow up. I hope Dr. Phil can get this boy on the right track.
 
January 14, 2008, 7:56 am CST

MY MOTHER IS THE SAME WAY

MY MOTHER IS JUST LIKE THAT LADY.  EVEN HER EYES SAY EVIL. JUST IN GREEN. GROWING UP WITH 4 OTHER SIBLEINGS IN HOUSE YOU CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE NEVER ENDING SCREAMING. EVERY MORNING 6AM OR EARLIER THE WHOLE HOUSE WOULD BE AWOKEN TO NO STOP YELLING. WELL NOW I' M 26 OUT ON MY OWN AND STILL EVERY TIME WE GET AROUND EACH OTHER IT STARTS. JUST LIKE THE LADY NAME CALLING PUT DOWNS FOR NO REASON. AND I TO FEEL THE SAME AS THE TEEN. NO LOVE I DON'T HUG PEOPLE AND I JUST CAN'T WRITE HOW  MUCH PAIN IT WAS DEALING WITH A MOTHER LIKE THAT. DR.PHIL SAID INSANE HE IS SO RIGHT . THESE CRAZY OUTBURSTS SHOULD BE DIANOSED BECAUSE IT'S IN MORE THAN JUST A FEW PEOPLE.
 
January 14, 2008, 8:01 am CST

01/14 "At War with My Teen"

 

Let me say I can not believe that Dr. Phil has Robin come on and say basically what a perfect parent she is and maybe she is. Many parents yell at their kids from time to time. Yes this lady went overboard, way overboard, but to insinuate that some frustration with your children is not normal is insane. It is normal to get angry or frustrated sometimes with your child. Yell, scream, curse, and belittle, NO. But, I am willing to bet that many parents, and this does not make them bad parents, do not ALWAYS look at their children with stars in their eyes.

Wow, I do not like this little Ms. Perfect mom thing. I think it was very inappropriate, I reiterate, to make like some frustration or anger with/at your child is not normal or acceptable, providing the way the parent deals with it is NOT like the psychotic tantrum seen on the show.

 
January 14, 2008, 8:06 am CST

01/14 "At War with My Teen"

Quote From: bluesky66

My 18 year old granddaughter came to live with us about 3 months ago, however she spends most of her nights running around with friends and sometimes ends up staying at their home.   She recently lost her job, and is delinquent with all her bills which is her problem.

However some of her "friends" are in their 20's and have drinking and drug problems.  She said I treat her like she is 5, and out the door she goes.  Her mother lives in another town, and don't want to bother with her and she don't get along with her dad.  HELP

 

I have told her is she ends up in jail, not to call me.

My daughter is now 21.  She started running around with a very disrespectful crowd including her bf when she was  around 17.  She is very disrespectful and rude to us to this day.  She and her bf are now broken up and have been for about a year.  She tends to befriend other young adults her age that are very needy and seem to only be her friend when she has money.  She uses her money to  have fun on the weekends with her friends  who have no jobs and uses others as our daugher seems to be doing to us and thus chooses to not pay her bills.  She is now behind on her car payment and cell phone and has overdrafted her bank acct.  She has let her car insur cancel and is now without insur and still driving her car after we told her of the possible outcome. 

we have helped her out financially too ,many times in the past and have told her what could happen if she continues down this road.  She does not want to discuss any of her issues with us and has told us that if she needs our advise she will ask for it. She is not iving in reality.   we told her we are here to discuss how to get her out of this situation but will not financially support her. She just ignores us. She rarely speaks to us and comes in and out of the house now to shower and occationally spend the night.  We love her very much.  We have tried tough love and kicked her out of the house last year but when she recked her previous car, we invited her back in to start her life over.  Sheseems only to care for the now and not about tommorrow or consiquenses.  We know she is over 18 and this is not our business but we hate to see our child ruin her life and choose friends who dont  care.  We are at witts end with her and we just go day by day.

 
January 14, 2008, 8:06 am CST

Okay Doc.

Dr. Phil,

 

Okay...I left a relationship because of the blended family issues.  I left because, I didn't have two children

anymore I had three and one was 6'2', 230 pounds.  I remarried five years ago and it has not been a happy ending picnic.  My husband does have any children!!!  We almost got divorced.  But.........we decide that both party's had to do some changing. I DO NOT  mean the kids.  The most important point to argument with him was 'Who is the adult?'  He does try not discipline my kids anymore: I do that.  He does give me impute (privately) and we talk (sometime heatedly).  He does however set boundaries as far as their relationship goes.  Which has be critiqued. By me, Ha. You cannot try to emotionally blackmail kids and he tried. 

 

The best thing we did (trust me is wasn't planned) was to get a puppy.  That dog (A Newfoundland-Benagain) gave us all one common bond.  It was amazing.  Which gave us insight to introduce more common bonds.  Dennis is more accepting of the kids,  because that is what they are 'kids'  they make poor choices and good choice...and parents get to choose how the react to both.

 

I has been a really hard road.  But we made the decision to change-not the kids-and they are slowly (and I mean slowly) making changes too.

 

Just an extra note: you are a good Doc, but............I'm on my second ankle surgery this year. I am confined to the couch and, I have to tell you that I have been disappointed in the show lately.  And I don't know if I can explain it.  It is just so..........did you ever ask these people if they are there just to show the world they are victims or do they really want help to change? You have more to offer than that........solutions.

 

All the best,

Elaine H.

 

 

 
January 14, 2008, 8:17 am CST

Sounds like me when I was a teen

I can't help but feel very sorry for this young man. He is probably acting out because he gets attention from his mom, even though it's negative. My mom and I had a similar relationship when I was a child and a teen. I didn't get any affection from her or my stepdad whatsoever. By the time I was 12, it became apparent that I was the outcast in the family (I had a brother 8 years younger), and I started to act out. I started to care less and less about myself. Became promiscous, dropped out of school, attempted suicide, three times, all the time just wanting genuine love from my mother. 

My heart goes out to this boy. My mom used to go on the pscycotic rants also, didn't drink or do drugs, but was on every pill under the sun for every ailment possible. Dragged me to shrink after shrink thinking I was the problem, until one of them told her that she was the problem. That was the last time I saw her!

I hope this boy finds his way and doesn't follow down the same path that I did. I made lots of mistakes, but finally got it together somewhere in my 20's, especially after I met my husband. Now I am 30 years old, and have issues of becoming a parent myself, for fear that I will be like my mother.

 

Anyway, if a kid is acting out like he is, guess what parents? It's YOUR fault. Be accountable, smother your kids with affection until they can't stand it. It can never be enough.  Obviously they need structure and discipline too, that goes without saying.  I know Dr Phil will get this boy the help that he needs and I hope there isn't too much damage between the mother and son.  Even though I get along ok with my mom today, I have very little respect for her.  She had her issues growing up and I just try to believe that she did the best she could. I know her and my stepdad feel guilty about it, but life goes on, right!!!

My advice to the boy: Learn from her, strive to be everything that she and your stepdad are not. Don't let them get you down. One day, perhaps you can help someone in a similiar situation that you found yourself in as a teen. When all else has failed you, know that God loves you and if you have faith in him, you will be a successful, outstanding man. Pllllllease don't find yourself in miserable relationships because of the damage she has done to you. If you start to see a pattern, get yourself into counseling immediately! If I could I would take you in my arms in give you one of those genuine (not fake) hugs that you long for, from your mother. I know that Robin was sincere when she came on stage. I remember being so envious (like you), when I saw my friends and cousins getting affection from their folks.

 

This show obviously hit home for me, sorry for the rambling! 

 
January 14, 2008, 8:25 am CST

Wow

 Geez... I'm sure Robin is a great person and that her sons are great and well raised. But "I never raised my voice" to them? Sorry, but I'm a bit skeptical. I have great kids but they aren't perfect and neither am I. Do we yell? Yep, sometimes but there is always an apology after we all calm down. Do we cross that line between arguing and abuse as this family does? Never.  Raising your voice to your kids and abusing them are two entirely different things. Besides, how does knowing that Robin and Phil are perfect parents help these people? Right now being perfect and emulating the McGraws is not possible because they all have much work to do. This family's need for counseling is critical. Not just the parents, not just the kid, the FAMILY.


 
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