Topic : 01/14 "At War with My Teen"

Dr. Phil has made an offer.  It is up to the individual to accept help or to reject it.  Blame is useless at this point, and yes, if you don't KNOW the people, all you have is an opinion, based on what you've seen.  My concern is that Michael not throw his life away by conitnuing on this path of self-destructive behavior.  He is 17 years old with an entire life ahead of him.  As a mother of an 18 year old son, I hope that Michael will accept the therapy and move on to a better life style for HIMSELF...The past, sadly is gone.  Whatever happened or didn't happen, from today on, really can't be changed.  The attitudes in the future, the choices for the future, hopefully can.  We can blame or defend Sandi from today till tomorrow...if Michael doesn't get himself straightened out, I fear for his future.  The attitude he presently holds, his choices for his own behavior, are not good.  I would hate to see a young man end up either in jail, or become one of society's lost souls.  Mike needs an education so he can be a healthy, productive human being with a tremendous amount of happiness in his life...why throw it away, at 17?  To rebel?  To act out?  If his behavior is learned, then he must make the effort to learn better.

I have nothing to gain by posting.  I'm where I should be at my stage of life, in spite of living with an alcoholic father...Alanon was a great help to me when it made me realize that I could only change myself...only control my own actions.  It even opened a door of love and compassion for my father, greater understaning of my Mother's life and her feelings. 

I only wish that Michael comes to see that there is so much more ahead of him, and not perpetuate a pattern that will keep him in a prison of misery.  I believe that most posting are just wishing the same, no matter how they express it.  He is way too young to suffer for life, and he does not have to do that.  Judgement is for a Higher Power.  I saw and heard enough to know that Mike needs help.  He needs to shift focus, and I pray he does accept the help and get on track.  If I come across as being judgemental, I'm sorry, but I'd hate to see Mike dead in some freak car crash, or meet up with a terrible fate just to prove he had a bad childhood.  The future holds by far more years than the past.  I hope that he can come to see it.

I used to go through this with my mother all the time. She would throw anything in her sight, and to this day I can't stand the sound of dishes breaking, or yelling! She would always say "I give up on you", when in reality she never tried to begin with.

 

The parent is the parent, and should be setting an example, not lowering themselves to a child's level! I can completely understand becoming frustrated with teenagers, but this woman is completely out of control! The way she was screaming...you can barely understand what she is saying! How can that be productive EVER?! At least the teenager was calm the majority of the time, even if his words were harsh.

 

I was SOOOO happy to hear Dr. Phil say that this sort of damage takes years to recover from. I thought I was strange (the way the sound of clattering dishes makes me nervous - because my mother would throw them all the time).

 

Bottom line (I feel) is that a parent should NEVER act the way this woman is. She really should be institutionalized ASAP! Her pooor son is probably going to live walking on eggshells each time he hears something that reminds him of his life at home with his mother. People like her should not have children as they cannot deal with life!

 

I cannot express enough how much I think this woman is unstable. I just hope the son can remain strong until he gets out of her house!!!

 

 While watching this show, I was struck by the emtpy look on the mother's face while her son was sharing his feelings with her.  Looking at her face was like looking at emptiness.  When Dr. Phil looked at her and said "There is something wrong with you",  I really wanted to find out if the emptiness was coming from a problem that was hormonal, related to an addiction, a brain tumor, or what it was.   And I wished so much that her son could go home with Robin, or that I could adopt him, just to get him to a place of safety, and a place where when he talked, he would be listened to.

I have just watched the show here in Australia and I firstly want to say that Michael is one of the best looking young men that I have seen in quite a while.

 

I do believe that the issues are deep seated and the whole family does need some intervention and help.

 

I also believe that Sandi & Michael do have some physcological problems that need to be addressed straight away.

 

I think that they feed of each other and it has become the norm.

 

It was great too see Michael open up and I hope that the family can get it right before it too late.

I would just like to say that I really do feel for this guy.  I couldn't imagine not growing up with the love of both my parents.  I admit I went through the 'rebel' stage in my life, just like every other single person alive, and I would like to think I have turned out alright.

 

I would just like to ask this 'rhonda...' person a couple of posts below what she is on about.  Send him to you to make him do push-ups, sit-ups and laps.  You talk about him like he is a wild horse that needs to be broken.  This is a human being we are talking about.  A young, fragile mind who needs to be nurtured by those who should love him unconditionally.  He started tearing with just a caring hand on his.  I cried for him whilst watching him pour his heart out.

 

Sandi's reactions and expressions throughout the entire show were disgusting.  Here is a woman, who is unfit to call herself a mother.  The video of her mad me sick.  Who can talk to their child like that.  I think we have found the core to his problems.

 

I am sending some love to Michael, chin up mate.  You seem like a great guy who just needs some love and a caring hand in life.  I hope you find someone who can provide you with those and so much more.  Take care.

 This episode just aired for the first time today on Aussie tv. I felt so for the poor young man but also too for  his maniacal mother. I am glad she is seeking help. I thought Robyn was really sweet when she went up onto the stage and held the young man's hand for support. He looked like he had been needing a good cry for a long time. I was however a bit put off when Robyn said that she had never yelled at her children and had never given them anything but a smiling face. At first I thought that was beautiful but then I realised that it would have been very easy to live that way with her two children. Jay was an only child for the first seven years of his life and from what I have seen of him, would have been a treat to have around. Jay would have been becoming more responsible and self-sufficient  during Jordan's baby/toddler/preschool years.
I wonder if things would have been so easy if they had been born say two years apart or if there had been more than just the two of them?
My sense from what I see is that Robyn is a very good hearted person and adores her two children with a passion, as most of us do. I only hope my three littlies can get through life as intact as her kids have, being that my eldest was quite a handful as a teen.
Love the show!

Page 55 in my book "When the Lights Are On But Nobody's Home"

 

I will listen to your words, but allow me to express my feelings.

I will be open to your suggestions, but allow me to make decisions.

I will abide by your rules, but allow me to take chances.

I will never deprive you of my time, but allow me my own.

I will always try my hardest, but allow me to make mistakes.

 

By allowing me these things, you have my utmost respect

Because you allowed me that, from you.

 

 

 Is there any way to come in contact with Michael?

Thankyou you Dr Phil. This show just aired in New Zealand today hence why I am posting on this board now.

This family was just like mine!! ! I am 37 years old now and I no longer have contact with my Mother.

I have 2 wonderful girls and I could never ever treat them like how mother treated me and just how Micheals mother is treating him now. This family are very lucky to have some good sound help!

 

I was just like Micheal. I feel for him and understand. I am so happy that you are helping Micheal and by doing this show it will help many others I am sure! I wish that I had someone like you when I was younger! My family life was just like Micheals and maybe just a little worse. Looking back I really think my mother had some major issue's or illness going on but it was all directed at me and I was the one held at fault and was never listened to or understood and I reacted and behaved very badly to her and I am sorry for that. It still hurts in a way today by not having that Mother daugther bond/relationship or love. It was just a all out messy war of hurt and pain and anger. 

You hit everything on the nail Dr Phil! Thank you it helped me also to look back at my childhood and understand a little more.

 

I wish Micheal all the very best and lots of love to him. May he grow and learn and break the cycle. To see that he is a good person inside. He needs a mums love. 

Oh and what a wonderful loving thing for your wife to do. To sit with Micheal and just hold his hand. What a lovely mother she must be and more!  Micheal needed that. 

 

Thank you again and best things

Sarah From New Zealand!

I could totally relate to Michael. I fight with my mom and dad a LOT. Well, not like they do, it doesn't reach the point where I'm saying I want them to die or anything, but sometimes it gets physical. This show made me cry, 'cause I knew how much I had in common with Michael. When I'm going to my friends and watch how they are so close to they're parents I feel so empty... I hope that some day it wil end.