Topic : 01/14 "At War with My Teen"

     Oh dear.  If it is so bad that Robin has to have a talk with her, Mom is no candidate for Mother of the Year.

     My mother and I still have a strained relationship.  The basis of the problem was that we strongly resemble one another.  (I look in the mirror, and my mother looks back at me)  This doesn't sound like a major problem, but because of this, she was determined that I should have a better life and be a better person than she had been.

     When a parent tries to re-live their own lives through the actions of their children, it creates nothing but chaos.  I didn't follow HER plan!  She contacted the authorities, claiming that I was totally out of control.  The only solution was sending me to girl's reform school.  I talked back to her.  Sometimes, I swore and called her foul names.  She saw to it that I was the talk of the school by marching to the guidance counselor's office and announcing that I had a sex life.  I was 17, and I was not a virgin.  (In the state where I live, that is enough to land any girl in reform school)  Worst of all, I had a younger sister.  Mom didn't want my behavior to contaminate her.  And the two of them told half of my classmates all about my sex life with myself.

       And Mom felt justified. 

My 18 year old granddaughter came to live with us about 3 months ago, however she spends most of her nights running around with friends and sometimes ends up staying at their home.   She recently lost her job, and is delinquent with all her bills which is her problem.

However some of her "friends" are in their 20's and have drinking and drug problems.  She said I treat her like she is 5, and out the door she goes.  Her mother lives in another town, and don't want to bother with her and she don't get along with her dad.  HELP

I have told her is she ends up in jail, not to call me.

At Doctor My Phil Teen War With. What are you talking about?I know that war is only in Iraq and Iran aswell-

so get use to it. See you on Monday Janurary 14th, 2008.  Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------.

PLEASE!  Send him to me for two weeks.  I am sure there is a lot of good in him.  He just needs a few push ups, sit ups and laps.  Once all of his energy is out he will act right!  Put the kid in a sport for goodness sakes!  Get some big men in your family to take him down there if you have to.  Don't respond to his mouth, ignore it!  Just engage him in some physical activities with other parents and kids around so he can see how NORMAL people act!  If he wants to stay out of the mental hospitals and jails he will listen up, straighten up and fly right!  If not, let him suffer the consequences. 

PS:  his step dad should not have to discipline or deal with him negatively at all since that is your job MOM!!!  Stop getting mad and get happy.  Tell him nicely what will make you happy.  Tell him exactly without sarcasm what you need him to do.  Then walk away and let him do it.  If he CHOOSES not to do it, consequence time!  17 yr old appropraite consequence is that every time his friends call for him on the phone for the next two weeks you tell them various reasons why he cannot come to the phone like 1) He was playing in the mud outside and a worm crawled up his butt so he is bed ridden for a while and cannot come to the phone then hang up.  Once word gets around and he sees you are not playing around he will CHOOSE the best outcome for himself.  Dont get mad...get happy!  Believe me, even if it does not work you will still have a little smirk on your face knowing he did not get away with it either!  Also, this puts a little fun into your relationship with him...that will keep him coming back for your advice...he will see how smart you can be and how quickly you can let your PRIDE go and he will think you are very wise and start to treat you with admiration instead of disrespect.  The whole disrespect thing is because he is mad at you for NOT LISTENING and NOT HEARING HIS SIDE before you pronounce judgement.  LISTEN TO HIS LONG DRAWN STORY then pronounce judgement.  It will probably be the same pronouncement but he will respect it because YOU LISTENED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!