This is really a post script on my feelings concerning our families. Getting married is a life changing event, yet so often, more effort is put into the WEDDING than into the MARRIAGE. Yes, a lovely wedding is a nice thing to have, but given the choice, isn't the planning for a life time together a bit more important than that one day where everything must be "perfect"? Having a baby is also a monumental life changing event, often planned as if it were shopping for Tuesday night's dinner.
The personalities of both parents are critical, as is the support system you will need. We plan more for the purchase of a home...a move to a different town. I'm not saying that isn't wise, because it is...to be aware of the "what If's" is just being responsible. Yet, with a baby, shouldn't this new arrival be planned, as much as is in our power as flawed humans, beyond the layette sets and the showers ?
Don't people consider their personalities, finances, and social network before having children? Are you selfish? If so, admit it. Maybe it's not the right choice for you. Are you, by nature, a loud person...how do you express emotion...and are you willing to modify yourself for the task ahead? Again, if not, then maybe it isn't for YOU.
Are there people you can turn to? Is your husband equally committed or, if a man, is your wife as committed to this new life...I see the root of many problems in that question. It's got to be maddening if one person has it all on them, and the partner(?) just bobs along as if there were no big change...there was.
There is no law that states you must have children. Don't do it because it is "expected" of you, not by society, your family...you can be married and remain childless, without any shame or guilt. I appreciate that there are religions where this is a moral expectation..."go forth and reproduce". Tell that to me when the institutions preaching pick up the slack, and the bills, if you're unable. Free will, we have it...know youreselves...if this "job" (which it is) does not suit you or your partner, don't take it. Would anyone want to be with a doctor who hated medicine, was forced into this career by social or family pressure...hates it...but feels trapped into doing it? That's a quick trip to the cemetary for a patient...as much as a "family" can be a death sentence of sorts for those who really never wanted it, or never looked into all of the ups and downs of parenting.
If YOU marry an alcoholic, that is your business. A child deserves NOT to be in that enviornment, yet has no choice...no voice. To me, that is totally unfair. The same goes for any quirky trait that as an adult, you can choose to acept or to reject. Don't invite a baby into a questionable enviornment...one that you may one day, need to escape, and that child will be your "baggage", a term I despise, yet all too often hear.
Life can bring some dark periods, and within a family, you need a rock solid foundation for those times that really just suck! A support system is critical...what if someone gets sick?
If only we'd plan our families with the same intensity as our home purchases, insurances, investments, and the like...maybe we'd have stronger, better families, happier children AND parents, maybe more enjoyment and less misery. Life is too short....if the responsibilies of children are not for you, that's fine...just don't decide this after the fact. The education is there, the information is all around us. Having children is WORK...it can be the most fulfilling job to some, the most thankless to others....people should not be remiss in knowing themselves first. This is NOT for everyone, as is all too apparent by looking at our society, not only at Sandi, Michael and Dr. Phil.
Family members are supposed to support one another, but what happens when a household is in total meltdown and filled with constant battles? Sandi says her 17-year-old son, Michael, is totally out of control. During a fight they curse, yell, and even come to blows –- all captured on cameras installed in their home. She says she's called the cops seven times and has been so scared of Michael that she's locked herself in the bathroom to escape him. Michael says the bickering is not all his fault. Is he being honest with himself? How is Michael's relationship with his stepdad, Jim, adding to the problem? You won't believe some of the shocking statements the parents make. Find out why Robin joins the conversation onstage, and find out what Dr. Phil thinks is at the root of the problem. Join the discussion.
