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Topic : 03/27 "Get Your Act Together!"

Number of Replies: 226
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:06:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/17/07) Most kids dream of growing up and moving away from home, but what happens when your adult children still haven’t flown the coop? Amanda, her husband, Mike, and their baby are all living in her parents’ tiny three-bedroom apartment. Amanda’s sister, Heather, says Mike and Amanda are so disrespectful to her mom, Brenda, and stepdad, Mike, that they need to be kicked to the curb! Heather says Amanda is lazy, and Mike lost his job as a correctional officer when he was convicted of selling drugs to the inmates! Brenda says she can’t bear the thought of her daughter and grandchild living on the street. Can Dr. Phil get her to cut the purse strings? Then, Brianne has been with her boyfriend, Greg, for nine years and says he’s the biggest mooch she’s ever met. Greg has never paid rent and admits he’s had between 50 and 75 jobs in the last six years. Brianne’s Aunt Terri says Greg is a lazy loser, and she’s sick of his excuses. Will Greg be able to get on his feet, or should Brianne cut her losses and move on?  Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 17, 2008, 4:07 am CST

This Brianne is incredible!!

She had an opportunity to dump him when he had a girlfriend.

 

Instead she takes him back!!

 

Sheesh!

 
January 17, 2008, 6:46 am CST

Get your act together

My ex husband is the same way. He is 52, lives with his mom in a single wide trailer doesnt try to find work & doesnt do any house work. I cant remember the last time he had a job. He always has an excuse. I keep tell his mom to just kick him out!! He has nothing, not even a car. He has a bench warrant out for failure to appear and is like 15,000 behind in child support and our daughter is only 6. These people WILL NEVER grow up until they are out on their own. The longer they are there, the harder its gonna be!! SUCK IT UP!!!
 
January 17, 2008, 6:55 am CST

Grow up and get a job, too, Amanda!!!

I thought that Dr. Phil was over-focused on Mike when clearly Amanda is about as clueless, lazy, and unmotivated about working as he is.

 

Whether we want to or not, lots of us mothers of young children have to get jobs and put our children in quality daycare settings.

 

Daycare is certainly not the ideal, but as your child gets older, daycare can become a good experience for them.

 

My husband is an attorney, and I work part-time. I would work full-time, except one of my children is special needs and I need to be home more. So I have my baby in daycare twice a week. With the money I make, I pay for our minivan.

 

Besides, Amanda does not sound like an exceedingly attentive mother anyway. She should get a job too, even if it's part time, put the boy in a quality daycare, and develop her own work-ethic and sense of maturity.

 
January 17, 2008, 7:05 am CST

excuse me?

 Amanda can't work because then there's no one to care for their child - but Mike isn't working?
Why isn't at least one of them doing childcare?
Doesn't matter which one, but the focus seemed to be on Mike needing to find a job, when they are both refusing to work and apparently both refusing to be parents.
 
January 17, 2008, 7:11 am CST

01/17 "Get Your Act Together!"

Quote From: sinder

I can't wait to see this show. I have two sons...19 and 22. Both great people....both wicked smart, funny and absolute polar opposites. My oldest son just moved back home because he lost his job, his car is in need of excess repairs and he was unable to afford living on his own. We talked for two hours about him moving back home...I set down guidelines...I explained to him that this is a family home and not a dormitory (we share a home with my fiance, his 8 year old daughter and the 19 year old boy).  He moved in the beginning of December and my nerves have become increasingly frayed since then. No job though he says he's looking for one. No improvement towards getting his car fixed (he has no money because he has no job). He has not paid the minimal amount of money we asked for to offset the food and utilities (because he has no job). He and his brother are both in college but his brother works...he pays his expenses...he has a plan...he helps with chores without throwing attitudes and he doesn't pick fights. He also does not go out 3 or 4 times a week. I am at my wits end. We fight incessently and it's weighing on the entire family. I've spent more time in tears the last two months than I have in the last two years because I can BE assertive but when I get this pissed off and feel taken advantage of, I get aggressive instead. Argh.

 

My fiance is ready to tell him to move out because of the way it is effecting me. I want him to get his act together and be the man that he swears he is. I need help man.

How is your 19 year old son paying for college?

Is it possible to facilitate a living situation outside your home? Even if you paid rent for a room and left him responsible for food and his personal expenses, it might be less than feeding him and maintaining him in your own home and life, and would put some part of the responsibility back on him. Nineteen is young, but old enough to start stepping up. Can you find some way to encourage that without taking him back home, where all the old patterns of you being mom and caretaker are bound to play out?
 
January 17, 2008, 7:12 am CST

I can add a chapter to this story......

 My youngest son and his girlfriend put us through hell when the lived here.  Treated our home like a hotel, expected 5 star accomodations, didnt lift a finger to help here or keep their area of the house decent.  We finally threw them out, they went through evictions at other places, were taken to court, had to live in seedy "pay by the day" motels, i had police at my door several times a week looking for them because they owed money somewhere.  My husband and I ended up with legal custody of their now 6 yr old son.  We adore him, but i will never have my own life again.  All the rest of my days will be taken up raising another child, by the time he is old enough to be on his own, we will be too old to enjoy anything.  My son and the g/f now have a place of their own and each has a job, but have made no attempts to reclaim their child.  They are totally enjoying themselves and the freedom they have with no responsibilities.  I cant put into words the resentment I feel toward them when im running down the hall at nite to comfort a child with bad dreams, or standing in the freezing cold waiting for a school bus to arrive,  washing loads of little jeans and shirts, doing homework, and all the other things my son should be doing.  I would love to just be Gramma. 
 
January 17, 2008, 7:24 am CST

What a cop out

Wow, what a cop out.  I support my son on $7.45 an hour 6 hours a day.  You can do it if you try.

 

There is subsidized housing.  Metropolitain housing.  I pay rent, electric, gas, I also have to pay for car insurance, and stuff like that.  My son's needs etc... and I do it.   There is help if you ask for it.  You don't have to have help forever just while need it.  That's what it there for.

 

It's not easy.  We don't take vacations or drive a new car, we don't eat out a lot but hey you have to make sacrifices.  I work in a child care center.  We have lot of families who struggle and have to pay for day care, work and go to school.  They do it.  Some are single parents and do it.

 

I had to be home to see my son do stuff. WOW, how selfish is that.  Your child needs you to be a good role model and to take care of his needs.  He needs his own room, a place to play.

 

They are both lazy, a bit snobby to think flipping burgers in below them.  A job is a job and if you do it right than you can be proud of it.  People need burger flippers more often than they need a lawyer. 

 

 

 
January 17, 2008, 7:26 am CST

better late than never

There is a Robert Heinlein quote, "Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy."

We want to protect our children from a world that seems increasingly frightening and outside of our control. We feel that we are being responsible parents by editing and managing our children's lives, by making sure they are safe from everything, and then it's startling when they don't know how to function in the world.

In nature, the reason for "empty nest syndrome" is that the baby birds have been pushed out of the nest as soon as they were ready to fly, if they didn't pick up on that on their own.  Sometimes it takes a nudge, and it seems to me that that nudge, that encouragement toward self-reliance, is best started early on. But, better late than never.
 
January 17, 2008, 7:29 am CST

Get a job

I think this man who hasn't a job will have to accpetthechallenge of finding a job in 30 days or face the homeless life forever. I have to face reality myself last year when I lost my rent money do to my foolishness going to Nashville to get away from the creditors who are hounding me. You have to face it too you can't take advanatage of someone life and property. I'm afraid that what I did cost me my realtionship

with my family in Nashville for the time being until I apogige to my family there and my family here in Dayton and Columbus.you have no right to take advantage of your mom like that I'm terrififed of the what I

done and very,very scared of being alone. I think working at a fast food restruraunt is a good start even though you don't like the idea think about you don't have much time believe me either take the 30 day warning to find a job or face If you live in my hometown we have a place called the the Job Center where

people can come and everday and fill out resemes on computers to find job in the area if you have a Job Center where you live I wold suggest you go there every day and find a job as Dr. Phil suggested good

luck to you.

 
January 17, 2008, 7:30 am CST

01/17 "Get Your Act Together!"

Quote From: sinder

I can't wait to see this show. I have two sons...19 and 22. Both great people....both wicked smart, funny and absolute polar opposites. My oldest son just moved back home because he lost his job, his car is in need of excess repairs and he was unable to afford living on his own. We talked for two hours about him moving back home...I set down guidelines...I explained to him that this is a family home and not a dormitory (we share a home with my fiance, his 8 year old daughter and the 19 year old boy).  He moved in the beginning of December and my nerves have become increasingly frayed since then. No job though he says he's looking for one. No improvement towards getting his car fixed (he has no money because he has no job). He has not paid the minimal amount of money we asked for to offset the food and utilities (because he has no job). He and his brother are both in college but his brother works...he pays his expenses...he has a plan...he helps with chores without throwing attitudes and he doesn't pick fights. He also does not go out 3 or 4 times a week. I am at my wits end. We fight incessently and it's weighing on the entire family. I've spent more time in tears the last two months than I have in the last two years because I can BE assertive but when I get this pissed off and feel taken advantage of, I get aggressive instead. Argh.

 

My fiance is ready to tell him to move out because of the way it is effecting me. I want him to get his act together and be the man that he swears he is. I need help man.

I wish you luck.  It's hard because he is your son but you have got to lay down the law.  Get a job at least 2 or 3 hours a day or your out.  The college has jobs, fast food, mow lawns. anything.

 

 

 
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