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Topic : 03/27 "Get Your Act Together!"

Number of Replies: 226
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Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:06:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/17/07) Most kids dream of growing up and moving away from home, but what happens when your adult children still haven’t flown the coop? Amanda, her husband, Mike, and their baby are all living in her parents’ tiny three-bedroom apartment. Amanda’s sister, Heather, says Mike and Amanda are so disrespectful to her mom, Brenda, and stepdad, Mike, that they need to be kicked to the curb! Heather says Amanda is lazy, and Mike lost his job as a correctional officer when he was convicted of selling drugs to the inmates! Brenda says she can’t bear the thought of her daughter and grandchild living on the street. Can Dr. Phil get her to cut the purse strings? Then, Brianne has been with her boyfriend, Greg, for nine years and says he’s the biggest mooch she’s ever met. Greg has never paid rent and admits he’s had between 50 and 75 jobs in the last six years. Brianne’s Aunt Terri says Greg is a lazy loser, and she’s sick of his excuses. Will Greg be able to get on his feet, or should Brianne cut her losses and move on?  Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 17, 2008, 7:44 am CST

"get your act together"

 Where is the responsibility the mother receives the money then gives it back to the children then in the same breath gives it back to them and sticks up for them because often times the employer doesn't pay him in a timely manner.  Get a new job!!!  Many children today do feel entitled because of how they are raised there are no consequences.  I had a step-son who lived here and once given rules and guidelines and a rental agreement it was 2 days before he moved out.  Of course I was a few choice words as well.  He is also 22 has a full time job but at the time he saw no need to go to that job every day while living in our home and was on the verge of losing that job.  Now that he has his own apartment its amazing how he can arrive at work on time and be there every day now.  We are still not liked because we will not pay for a cell phone that he just has to have or cable or buy him a tv.  That is another story!!  These kids think that when they move out that they need to have all the amenities that Mom and Dad have that we have worked all our lives to acquire.  It just does not work that way!!!
 
January 17, 2008, 8:09 am CST

You have GOT to be kidding me!

This takes the phenomenon of "boomerang" offspring to a new level. There is NOTHING wrong with a parent helping a down-on-their-luck child get back on his/her feet (BTDT), or a significant other pulling the entire load of a relationship temporarily if the other is incapacitated. However, both of these cases go beyond anything resembling a limit. It becomes "enabling" the other(s) to live as though they are entitled to all the goodies "just because."

 

Memo to Mike and Brenda: Unless you two stick to your guns this time, and kick them to the curb in a month, they will still be hanging around when the baby is ready to start middle school. Guaranteed, they will try and manipulate you using the baby as the bait.

 

What's truly shocking is that Amanda sticks with this loser. Maybe SHE needs to get up the gonies to kick her husband to the curb and work on changing herself -- Mike & Brenda can help out with THAT for a defined period (say, 6-8 months), but Amanda needs to get her OWN act together, regardless of what her husband does. If she prefers him, then out she goes -- she can support him. Mike and Brenda can help by getting diapers, clothes, etc., for THE BABY, but no more free ride for the "adults."

 

Brianne, Greg should have been gone ages ago. You know it. Work on yourself for a while and forget about relationships. 

 
January 17, 2008, 8:14 am CST

01/17 "Get Your Act Together!"

Quote From: easylistener

I thought that Dr. Phil was over-focused on Mike when clearly Amanda is about as clueless, lazy, and unmotivated about working as he is.

 

Whether we want to or not, lots of us mothers of young children have to get jobs and put our children in quality daycare settings.

 

Daycare is certainly not the ideal, but as your child gets older, daycare can become a good experience for them.

 

My husband is an attorney, and I work part-time. I would work full-time, except one of my children is special needs and I need to be home more. So I have my baby in daycare twice a week. With the money I make, I pay for our minivan.

 

Besides, Amanda does not sound like an exceedingly attentive mother anyway. She should get a job too, even if it's part time, put the boy in a quality daycare, and develop her own work-ethic and sense of maturity.

Well-put. BTDT as a single parent -- I hustled up and got a job PRECISELY b/c I didn't want to live with my parents forever.

 

Amanda needs to grow up herself. Neither she nor Brenda can change Mike.

 
January 17, 2008, 8:22 am CST

"get away while you can!"

In the second segment of the show today, a young woman had been taking care of a grown man for the last nine years.   I can sympathize with her and hope that she will just do what she knows she needs to do.  For the last three years, I have been taking care of my husband and three children all on my own.  I have a full time job and am taking online courses so that I may get into a better career for myself and kids.  He, for the most part, has been sitting around or hanging out with friends.  When he does get a job, he spends the money on things he needs and his bills, while our living expenses get backed up.  In three years he has never payed a bill, never payed the rent and taken over two thousand dollars of my money for his "business" transactions.  I have now become angry when I used to be bubbly.  I am divorcing him only because something in my head is telling me to run.  So I can definitely feel for the woman on the show today.  I am now entering the world with no support, no friends, no self esteem and three children, soon to be four, watching every move I make and every emotion I have.  I believe it can be done, but Dr. Phil was right, she will need LOTS of help and counceling during this time to help her get through this.  I wish her all the luck!  Her husband is not a real man!

 
January 17, 2008, 8:31 am CST

Entitlement

Quote From: truck_em_up

 Where is the responsibility the mother receives the money then gives it back to the children then in the same breath gives it back to them and sticks up for them because often times the employer doesn't pay him in a timely manner.  Get a new job!!!  Many children today do feel entitled because of how they are raised there are no consequences.  I had a step-son who lived here and once given rules and guidelines and a rental agreement it was 2 days before he moved out.  Of course I was a few choice words as well.  He is also 22 has a full time job but at the time he saw no need to go to that job every day while living in our home and was on the verge of losing that job.  Now that he has his own apartment its amazing how he can arrive at work on time and be there every day now.  We are still not liked because we will not pay for a cell phone that he just has to have or cable or buy him a tv.  That is another story!!  These kids think that when they move out that they need to have all the amenities that Mom and Dad have that we have worked all our lives to acquire.  It just does not work that way!!!

I agree completely with your last statement.  When kids grow up these days, they expect to have everything their parents had (or better!)  Instead of a teeny efficiency apartment, they need to have a $200,000 house.  And don't even get me started on the cell phones, TVs, cars, etc. that they must have - the latest and greatest. 

 

This feeling of entitlement has created the poor economic situation we are in now - bankruptcies because people can't pay for their debts, and foreclosures on homes that people should never have bought in the first place.  I'd love for Dr. Phil to do a show on how we can keep our kids from this future!  I try hard to not give my kids everything they want, but it's hard when all their friends are getting/doing the things I am withholding.

 
January 17, 2008, 8:48 am CST

Same old story

I wonder how many shows of this type have we seen on Dr.Phil, where the grown kids (usually with kids of their own) are mooching off parents?  From what I've seen, in almost all these cases, the parent(s) usually enable their kids to be exactly what they are....lazy, immature & irresponsible...not to mention manipulative.  How long does it take parents to learn that they have to teach their kids to be responsible when they are toddlers, & they have to be consistent in their teachings throughout their child's entire life.  It's not rocket science.
 
January 17, 2008, 9:41 am CST

THE ONLY WORD YOU NEED TO KNOW IS "NO"

What parents do to their children amounts to child abuse! These young people didn't turn out to be bums overnight. They were ALLOWED (enabled, encouraged, or whatever...) to be irresponsible, lazy and just plain TAKERS. Their parents got EXACTY what they raised!!! 

 

I feel no sympathy for the parents. All they have to do is close and lock the door. If they don't like whining, don't answer the phone. When things get bad enough for these irresponsible clowns, they won't allow themselves to starve...they'll do what it takes to survive. THAT'S exactly what they need to do!

 

I have deadbeat cousins. ALL were raised to be deadbeats. We could tell they would be losers from the time they were young, all due to the way their parents raised them (or didn't raise them, in some cases). Now my cousins have had children (all while unmarried and on welfare) and they've had children (no daddies in the picture and all on state money). When taxpayers have had enough and revolt, these TAKERS will have to find a way to survive. It's IN all of us. We have the desire to live. But when people make life EASY for us and stamp "victim" on our foreheads, we start acting like victims.

 

SAY "NO" to your kids. LOVE THEM ENOUGH to raise them to be self-sufficient!

 
January 17, 2008, 11:31 am CST

curbside

Give them the 'boot'. Kick them out of the nest, and they WILL learn how to fly.  Cut the (umbilical) cord with the chillin's. (kids) You are getting used and they love doing it to you. They are getting you back for something you did to them in the past. And giving you the middle finger.
 
January 17, 2008, 12:28 pm CST

01/17 "Get Your Act Together!"

I think they should be kicked to the curb.  Sounds like they need a place of their own. Sounds like they are taking advantage of the situation.
 
January 17, 2008, 12:40 pm CST

What happens when.........

ok so what happens when you 24 yrs old and want to move out and have your own life but your mother wont let you??

 

my parents divorced a few yrs ago and since then my mom has leaned on me as if i was her husband, i finally got an apt with out her knowing and just told her one day that i was moving out then she refused to speak to me for 3 months! i have a full time job and pay all my own bills i have a college degree and no criminal record, no kids, no evidence of bad decisions in the past, i hardly even drink but still she makes me feel like im a bad person for "not being there to take care of her" the problem with being there is that i cannot date from there because she feels as though i am "cheating" on her if i have a boyfriend

 
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