Topic : 03/27 "Get Your Act Together!"

Hi,

 

I read the info on the show entitled "Get Your Act Together!" on thursday january 17. Here is a little note i saw a few years ago aimed at teens. It goes as follows:

 

"KIDS, TIRED OF BEEING BOSSED BY YOUR STUPID PARENTS, ACT NOW, MOVE OUT, GET A JOB, PAY YOUR OWN BILLS WHILE YOU STILL KNOW EVERYTHING"

 

It kinda says it all.

 

C.

Act Doctor Get Phil Together Your. DoctorPhil I have already have my act together but you seem to think tha

I donot have my act together but guest what I do have my Act Together. See you on Thursday Janurary 17t-

h, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

My brother and I are living in a very small house with his son, his son's girlfriend and their two children.  They were only suppose to stay here for about two months and now it has been over two years and they only had one child when they moved in.  I am disabled and live on my disability and when they do work it's like pulling teeth to get any money from them for food, bills, etc..  They almost TRY to make you feel guilty for asking for any help.  I'm at my wits end!  What in the world is wrong with these people

   What do you do when the mother won't allow the son to use the phone, go out of the house, get a driver's license, or go anywhere without her?  He's 36 years old, but regresses to about 6 when she starts in on him.  He's not allowed to have friends.  He works full time.  He gives her most of his money.  Most of the time she sits in the driveway where he works so he doesn't talk to anyone else. She has him completely intimidated.  A little bit of a twist on this topic.

Hello,

 

Usually I stay with my other interest areas, but this topic lit a spark of interest in me today.  Having individuals stay with family members for a short term period seems acceptable with me. While on the other hand, if the home bound individual is staying at a families dwellings only because they are afraid of facing the true reality of their situation, that individual needs to have a reality check. 

 

My family and I have lived through a similar situation but for a notable cause and received the outcome result. An older sibling went off to college, while my parents and the I moved to another state for employment reasons.  Soon to find out by the first year end away my older sibling could be found no where. My mother took the first flight off the hunt the sibling down and leaving us all at home with our daily duties (school, work, home etc.).  A few days later she returned home and said she found the older sibling and everything was OK.  Only to be enlightened later, this older sibling would cast a curse over my parents relaxing their leash over me. This older sibling who was an honor student from K through High school, went way into dept, barely passed the courses, etc. O, I forgot to mention when my mother came home this older sibling called and delivered the news of expecting a child (I wonder why, that info was delayed). To make this long story short... The sibling came home with my mothers influence as to helping raise the child.  After the child reached the walking age my older sibling left home again to find a permanent means of employment and finish their education path.  About four to five years later, while the child stayed with me and my parents (I was in high school during this time and continuing into mid college), the older sibling was overseas serving the country.  Through all the photos it is hard to notice the difference between the child related to me more or to the actual parent.  Anyway, by the time the older sibling duty is over the child is almost nine, a tender age. 

 

Story short... Stuff happens... Sibling made a big mess up.... Sibling cursed other siblings leaving home bound... Sibling came home, raised child with help, while single... Sibling left for permanent work... Sibling came home, took responsibility for raising child for rest of life... Sibling currently remarried and has another child...  First Child still calls "US" his home.

 

As for myself, this older sibling has cursed my parents (my "mother") into believing I will mess up when I leave. So by keeping me "HOME BOUND" I will never mess up. I will finish school and then have a family. I have tried to reason with her, but it is no use, she wins or she is right no matter what.  Last year I finally received a phone for the holidays. A phone for her to call me while I walk around the block.

 

Thanks for allowing me to vent... Have a happy new year.

I had my whole family live with me in a two-bedroom mobile home.  My sons are 26 and 30.  Both have wives and two kids  a piece.  The oldest finally moved out and is doing well.  The youngest and his wife I had to tell them to move because they were thinking it was their place and that I was the roommate.  They also were disrepectful.  I was not allowed to eat with them or their food even though I paid the bills.  When I told them it was time for them to get out on their own, my punishment was that I couldn't see the grandkids.  I have not seen them for a whole year now.  I just wonder what kids  nowadays think when they live off their parents. 

When is the "right" age to nudge the bird out of its nest?  I have a child that will soon be 23.  He has a full time job, pays a small amt of rent ($200/month); pays his insurance, cell phone bill, gym monthly fee...I have met a fabulous man that some day I hope to marry.  I've explained to him that he should prepare now while he has a "safety net" (ME) still there.  I have offered him a golden opportunity to maintain the house I bought where he could move in a couple of roommates (he could not afford a house for the amt the current house note is).  What amazes me is that even though he makes a great salary for his age, he lives pay day to pay day.  I've tried to show him how to budget his money (write down everything you spend money on so you will see where you are throwing it away) but he hasn't done that as yet.  Seems like each pay day he is having delinquent fund letters come to the house.  The final straw was when he locked his keys in his car and wanted me to bring them to him (10:30 pm downtown), I explained to him that he had emergency roadside service (that is free) but because it was going to be an inconvenience (he would have to wait about 30 minutes) he wanted to break out the back window; after getting angry with him, he had a friend bring him to the house to get his extra key... again, his friend is out gas money (like its not high enough right now).  I'm trying to make him responsible without totally abandoning him to make it on his own, but what does it take??????? 

Just a couple of questions,

1) Where did these so-called "Adults "learn that it was alright to take advantage of others, and to hold threats like not seeing their grandchildren over their heads ?

2)When exactly do we stop "Parenting" our children and allow them to fly on their own,or FORCE them to whichever the case may be ? We will always be their parents, that's true, but shouldn't there come a time where we can develope an adult friendship with our kids.

3)and what happens to these "Adults" if Heaven Forbid, Mom or Dad pass away ? It happens to all of us at some point, and now Jounior has to stand on his own, how much sympathy will the "real world " have for them ?

Why do these people do this, simply because they can they KNOW that Mom and Dad won't refuse them.

I would suggest a contract, stating the rules like a time limit on getting a JOB, SAVINGS and MOVING OUT, and STICK TO IT, stuff happens, and it is nice to have a place to go if you NEED it, but how do those of us who do NOT have the cushion SURVIVE ?

Pat of being an "Adult" is looking after YOURSELF and your OWN FAMILY, not depending on others to do it for you, most of us realize the world owes us NOTHING.

 I have posted once before on adult children living at home. And it is well out of hand Many almost  most of the late 25 + are living home this is called entailment everything my parents have is mine. Here is this area we seen it at it worst.where the parents along with brother sister in law a 2 children were murdered. One of the reasons the parents where going to charge rent for the double wide on the parents property that the daughter(29) and her boyfriend(29) where living for some months.Of course they had no jobs.This folks is of course the other end of the spectrum .However I have seen older parents as one person had  posted that they feel as they are the intruders in there own house.I do not know what the reasons are for this behavior. As a HR Supervisor in my company It is rampant because we ofter great health benefits which are free for your entire family. Looking at the numbers of those taking part is lest then 17% of the 20 somethings Reason they are still living home and making a very good wage. However if you want all the toys (car etc) then rent must be out of the ?

I can't wait to see this show. I have two sons...19 and 22. Both great people....both wicked smart, funny and absolute polar opposites. My oldest son just moved back home because he lost his job, his car is in need of excess repairs and he was unable to afford living on his own. We talked for two hours about him moving back home...I set down guidelines...I explained to him that this is a family home and not a dormitory (we share a home with my fiance, his 8 year old daughter and the 19 year old boy).  He moved in the beginning of December and my nerves have become increasingly frayed since then. No job though he says he's looking for one. No improvement towards getting his car fixed (he has no money because he has no job). He has not paid the minimal amount of money we asked for to offset the food and utilities (because he has no job). He and his brother are both in college but his brother works...he pays his expenses...he has a plan...he helps with chores without throwing attitudes and he doesn't pick fights. He also does not go out 3 or 4 times a week. I am at my wits end. We fight incessently and it's weighing on the entire family. I've spent more time in tears the last two months than I have in the last two years because I can BE assertive but when I get this pissed off and feel taken advantage of, I get aggressive instead. Argh.

 

My fiance is ready to tell him to move out because of the way it is effecting me. I want him to get his act together and be the man that he swears he is. I need help man.