Topic : 03/27 "Get Your Act Together!"

They can't "LIVE OFF THEIR PARENTS" unless they're allowed to. It's really quite simple.

The words that can be used are "get out now," "don't let the door hit you in the behind," "good riddance," "NO!," etc.

Like everyone, she needs to find ways to be happy alone. Stop putting "victim" on her forehead and giving up hope for her.

I was very sad when I was dumped by someone I loved very much. I felt like crawling in a hole and dying. I had to make the CHOICE to get well. I had to make myself make new friends. It took time, but eventually I found happiness. This is just an example of how you have to MAKE yourself happy.

It is the young woman's responsibility to FIND happiness. If she doesn't like herself very much, there are resources for her. She can get couseling (she can even call around for free couseling. Many churches have PHD's on their staff to offer counseling, etc). NOBODY can make her happy but her.

Melissa, what a bright 27-yr-old you are. I wish I had your wisdom at such a young age!

Yes, life is unfair. It's what we make of it. And it usually has to do with the choices we make.

I didn't have my first child until age 31, after my 5th year of marriage. I had my second/last child at age 38. I have been able to stay home fulltime since his birth (he is now 7). But I taught school full-time with our first child becuase we had much debt. We were college-educated and were working our way up the career ladder, but we had made stupid choices w/ regard to money. Now that we've smartened up with money (and basically grown-up!), our lives have become much simplier and much better. I still teach, but just as a sub. I enjoy our children's activities and my volunteering to help others much more than I ever did working full-time. We have been married 18 years and we have the best marriage I could ever ask for!

I am confident your son (and any other children you have) have great role models in you and your boyfriend. I do hope that if you two truly love eachother, you will santify your marriage and make it a committment in God's eyes. Even if that is not important to you, there ARE benefits (under the law) that marriage provides. It is more of a safety net for women and children. I have worked with women and can tell you that marriage DOES offer legal protections to people should a romantic relationship end.

God bless you and good luck to you. Always put that beautiful child first and remember that he learns more from what you do than what you say. I do believe YOU will be a super parent, just from your brief posting.

Brianne should definitely get rid of that loser.  She is young, pretty and healthy and should realize that there is a whole world out there for her.  I know it can feel scary being alone (even though she should realize that she is alone right now) but when she finally gets rid of him, she and her child will finally have  a chance at happiness. The fact that she has to pay for daycare when he sits home all day is obscene!! 

The other couple both need to get a clue.  I think Mike should be working wherever he can, but the fact that Amanda actually said that she has to watch her child and can't work really pushed my buttons.  Both my husband and I have professional jobs, and I still had to go back to work when my baby was only 3 months old. A lot of times it take two people working to make ends meet.  Doesn't she realize that there are so many  mothers that go back to work in tears because they don't want to leave their children, but have to make money so their family can eat?  What makes her so special that she doesn't have to work? Why doesn't she look into working in a daycare because some will let the workers bring their children for free?

You know I hate to sound harsh, but do NOTHING, he's I assume over 19 now, he is an adult, and as an adult, he is free to make his own choices, good or bad, some will only learn the hard way.

Now its time for YOU to let go, and realize these are his choices to make.  Seriously, NO ONE wants to see their children suffer, but we do them no favors by bailing them out all the time.

But there is a bright side, he's still quite young, and he has plenty of time to turn this around for HIMSELF, if he CHOOSES.

Son or NOT he has NO RIGHT to verbally abuse you, or FINANCIALLY ABUSE you, and you DO NOT have to take it from him.

His life is his to live now, as Moms we will see our kids do things that make us CRINGE (I'm sure my Mother has a tongue piercing now from biting it so much ), but that's just it, mom is there to vent on or talk to, but she isn't our "PARENT".

Good luck to you though, find your own life, hobby, part time job, whatever find support, he will probably come around if he is FORCED to stand on his own.

I foresee that within the next 10 years we will have more men like the slacker on todays show.  Some teens become so addicted to their video games and it becomes such a part of their lives that they cannot mature and "get a job."  I have seen it first hand with my oldest son.  My husband can't even manipulate the controller on one of these systems.  He never misses a day of work and has worked at the same job for 25 years.  My oldest has had many jobs, none last more than 6 months.  He calls in after staying up late playing video games.  He is married and has 2 kids.  He could be on one of these shows.  (Call me!)

Not everyone that plays xbox is addicted but for those who are they carry it into adulthood.

I know exactly what Brenda and Mike are going through and throwing them out is easier said than done especially if there are children. I have 2 grown daughters sponging off of me. One of them  has 3 little boys. I would love for them to grow up and get their own lives but I dont see it happening any time soon. I am also raising my 12 year old neice whom I have had since birth.  They both have emotional problems and the one with 3 boys also has fibromylgia and chronic migranes. She would love to have her own place and a job but with no transportation it is difficult. County transportation will take her to work but will only transport the kids to daycare when they have enough room on the van which is not very often because around here there are a lot of people out of work. They both have very low self esteem, they are both in counseling.

I cannot just throw them out knowing they have no where to go because we have nobody but ourselves to depend on.

Yes the situation is very frustrating when they are mooching off of you and they have no respect and treat you like you owe them. I get paid once a month and they all expect me to take them out to eat and everything. It getws very tiring. I cant go anywhere except to work without them. They even follow me to my bedroom and sit in there with me and pester me to where I can just barely hear the tv. It is very hard but it is also hard to just throw them out into the streets. I am not a VERY STRONG PERSON ANYWAY.  I am a pushover and i give in very easily. What am I to do?