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Topic : 05/30 "Butt Out!"

Number of Replies: 275
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:07:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 01/18/08) Do you have someone in your life who’s so annoying and frustrating that you just want him or her to go away? What do you do when that person is your ex and the parent of your children? Todd says his ex-wife, Nicholle, needs to butt out of his life, even though they share custody of their two daughters. He says he’s tired of her showing up unannounced, so she can be with the girls when it isn’t her time. Nicholle says Todd and his new wife, Michelle, fail to keep her informed about the girls -- like the time their little girl was in the emergency room. Both parents agree that the girls feel upset every time they have to go to their dad’s house. Cameras capture a typical custody exchange. What is the cause of the chaos? Dr. Phil points out the mistakes these divorced parents are making as he tries to get to the bottom of the threats and name-calling. Can these co-parents learn how to get along with each other for the sake of the kids? Then, meet a mother who hates her son-in-law so much, she refuses to have a relationship with her own daughter unless she divorces him. They face off for the first time in three years. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 18, 2008, 10:53 am CST

Alienation of Parent Laws?

I know that there are laws against alienating one parent by the other parent when it comes to divorces. As far as I can tell the family courts do not uphold these laws nor do the people that run the mediation between feuding couples.

My brother in law has not seen his kids in years and has been trying desperately to get to see them and for the court to hold their mom to a higher standard * be accountable. So far, nothing. Every year that goes by they are told horrible things about him that are simply not true and he gets no support from the system that is supposed to be protecting them. what breaks my heart is that at the end of the day he truly wants his kids to have their mom in their life - it's all very sad.

 
January 18, 2008, 12:26 pm CST

parenting

To the so called adults in this situation the only one getting hurt in all this are the two kids.  Shame on both of you.  if the two of you can't get along then here is some  advise that I used when dealing with my ex.  get a mutual person to pic-up and drop-off the kids and then you don't have to see one another.  The kids don't have to listen to your crap and your issues with each other.  And for the ex-wife get a life already and leave your ex and his new wife alone and the biggest thing is stop dropping buy unannounced he is not your husband anymore so get over it and maybe get some therapy.  Fir your self,  but mostly for your kids. There is something that you need to work out and until you do you are going to be miserable in which you will also make your kids unhappy.  I'm sure you don't want to hurt your kids,  but right now you are and the sad thing about it is that you don;t even realize it yet.
 
January 18, 2008, 12:33 pm CST

I DONT UNDERSTAND!

There is no perfect parent!  My daughters father died because he was a drunk!  Robert Bahnemann, was a drunk and a loser of a parent!  She was only 3 when he died and she still REMEMBERS him as a loving man to her.....when he would show up......It is not the women who cause the problems it is the men who fail to be responsible.  My little girl is turning 9 and I have a blended family.  She has a wonderful life now.  I am thankful sometimes I don't have the fights most have.  But it is more difficult to explain why he is not here.  
 
January 18, 2008, 12:38 pm CST

Get a JOB!

I  don't know why Dr. Phil didn't  tell Nicholle to get a JOB!
I can't believe that they have to pay child support to support her!
He gets the children 1/2 the time, where I come from, that means NO Childsupport!
I agree with Tod and Michelle.
I have a simular situation and I think it is pathetic that these mothers don't have to work!
 
January 18, 2008, 1:01 pm CST

Second Wives Respond on Behalf of Fathers

I am sitting here watching the show, and am furious. I tried contacting Dr. Phil many years ago about my current situation as a second wife and stepmother. When is someone going to stop believing the games that ex-wives play and stand up for father's rights? I never see it happening on this show. My husband and I have a very similar situation that we have been dealing with for the past three years. My husband is an amazing father. He has played the role of mother and father since his ex-wife was having an affair during their marriage. She left him and the children, and when he decided to move on, change his life for the better, she went crazy. She is so crazy over our relationship. Let me put this into perspective...they separated 10 years ago, and my husband and I have been together for 6 years, and married for over 3 years. Ever since we got married, my husband's ex-wife has decided to make our lives a living hell. This will include harrassing phone calls in which the police had to be called, showing up at our door harrassing us, parking on our street numerous times, defaming our names and characters in our small town, so that we were finally forced to move 10 miles away. She didn't start asking for money until we put our house up for sale. My husband and I work very hard full-time while she decides that it's in her children's best interest to quit her job and go to school full-time. She still hasn't completed school, and last checked, wasn't working. She claims that the emotional stress is too much for her. This all came after she wrote horrible things about my husband and I on her blog on the internet. She even talked about where she wants to store our dead bodies. The courts heard a huge chunk of this and decided that it was in the children's best interest to go to school closest to her house. This is a house she co-owns with a friend who has another teenage son. The judge was disgusted by her behavior in court, and disgusted by the things she has said and done, and posted online, but didn't feel that our attorney did a good job explaining why we had to move. We currently have joint custody and because we make a lot more money than she does (b/c she doesn't work), we are expected to change our lifestyle and provide for hers. She admitted in court that she drinks about 3 glasses of wine a night, but doesn't have money to feed her oldest son. When is the U.S. Court System going to support the fathers of America? We contacted 6 other attorneys who all said that we have no chance because the 3 judges in Loudoun County are "mommy's judges." Maybe Dr. Phil should check out the forum secondwivesclub.com to get an idea of how serious this issue is. Yes, it all affects the children, but when are the fathers of America and the second wives of America going to have a voice? When is Dr. Phil going to stop believing what these jealous and envious ex-wives are saying? Afterall, isn't the divorce rate now nearing 60%? Shouldn't we be addressing these issues?

I hope that in the future Dr. Phil continues to not only stand up for the children, but that he speaks the truth about what these jealous ex-wives are doing to harrass and destroy the lives of the father's new family. Dr. Phil Show, please feel free to contact me at any time and I will show you tons of documentation supporting what a few judges in one of the richest counties in America are doing to support children's well-being. Maybe it's time our society changes its outlook, and sees that sometimes fathers really are the better parents.

 
January 18, 2008, 1:01 pm CST

01/18 "Butt Out!"

Alberto "stole" Elizabeth, Diana's best friend. It's good that parents and their grown children can even be friends. But, best friendship should be reserved for one's peers. Especially when it's going to interfere with these grown children being forced to choose between their parents and spouses.
But, what kind of "friend" is Diana being to her own daughter? Only willing to have a relationship with Elizabeth at the expense of her happiness? Demanding that she divorce Alberto, with whom she has finally found happiness?  Get a life, Diana!
As Dr Phil pointed out, Elizabeth bears some responsibility for her delimma. Doing something all too common among young newly-weds. Venting to her mother whenever things weren't going as she wished between her and Alberto. Now, Diana clings to the out-dated notion that Elizabeth is still unhappy.
Diana needs to realize that Elizabeth and Alberto have worked their problems out. And, accept their marriage. But, even if she doesn't, Elizabeth shouldn't let Diana blackmail her into ending an obviously good marriage.
 
January 18, 2008, 1:03 pm CST

Ditto...get a job!

Quote From: amandafield

I  don't know why Dr. Phil didn't  tell Nicholle to get a JOB!
I can't believe that they have to pay child support to support her!
He gets the children 1/2 the time, where I come from, that means NO Childsupport!
I agree with Tod and Michelle.
I have a simular situation and I think it is pathetic that these mothers don't have to work!
Hi Amanda, Hopefully they will post what I just said. I am a second wife and we deal with this same crap all of the time! Read my post...we have our kids half of the time, my husband's ex doesn't work, and we are expected to pay her upwards of $700 a month. Virginia is obviously not your state.
 
January 18, 2008, 1:05 pm CST

TOUGH!!

Oh, here's a message for Todd:  Awww...you don't like paying child support....TOUGH!!  You're ex didn't make those babies all by herself, so you don't get to get off scott free just because you decide you don't like her anymore! There's no free lunch!

 

You aren't paying child support just to your ex, you dingbat! You are paying for your children to eat, be clothed, have a roof over their heads, medical care and all the other things that go along with having children....or maybe you'd feel better if the state took care of them and they all live in poverty on welfare?

 

I see your new wife is pregnant. I sure hope you don't get tired of her one of these days and then gripe about paying her child support, too.

 

Here's a thought: if you don't want to support your children, DON'T HAVE THEM!!

 

Man up, little boy, and shut up about the child support and all the other petty things you ALL whined about on the show!

 

You ALL need to love those children more than you hate each other....make a peaceful life for THEM and put your own selfish desires on the back burner until they are grown!

 
January 18, 2008, 1:10 pm CST

A Mom is always a Mo

The second couple really hit home with my own situation.  I got married at 22, and I think my parents wanted me to wait.  We got pregnant 4 months after.  If I was mad, upset, frustrated, what ever, my Mom was my soft place to fall.  I never discussed intimate details of my marriage problems with my girlfriends. They would judge my husband.  My Mom NEVER did.  Not once, ever.  Now 13 years later, and 3 wonderful boys, my Mom is still my soft place to fall.

I hope this helps.

 
January 18, 2008, 1:23 pm CST

Or Get a Hobby!

Quote From: amandafield

I  don't know why Dr. Phil didn't  tell Nicholle to get a JOB!
I can't believe that they have to pay child support to support her!
He gets the children 1/2 the time, where I come from, that means NO Childsupport!
I agree with Tod and Michelle.
I have a simular situation and I think it is pathetic that these mothers don't have to work!

She feels like his life has gone on.  He is raising a family with another woman.  She feels like she has lost and he has everything.  Her biggest fear is that the children will like being at the father's more than with her and that the step mom will replace her with the kids like she replace her  with the ex.  This woman is living her old life.

 

We talk to ourselves in our heads all the time.  All of these feelings are what she is left alone with while the kids are gone.  She might be able to change the dialogue in her own head if she felt good about herself. 

 

Nicholle, find positive things to do with your time away from the kids.  Get a career that you can feel good about.  Stand on your own two feet.  Indulge yourself in a hobby- painting always takes my mind off things.  Your children will have a role model in you.  They will see that no matter what life deals you then you can handle it.  Imagine how they must worry about you!  Thinking of you sad is hurting them.  Let them know that it is alright to love their father and step mom- and new sibling.  Let them know that you will be okay while they are with their daddy.  You will save them years of conselling and antidepressants. 

 

You are a good mom Nicholle.

 

 
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