Message Boards

Topic : 05/30 "Butt Out!"

Number of Replies: 275
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, January 11, 2008, 01:07:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date 01/18/08) Do you have someone in your life who’s so annoying and frustrating that you just want him or her to go away? What do you do when that person is your ex and the parent of your children? Todd says his ex-wife, Nicholle, needs to butt out of his life, even though they share custody of their two daughters. He says he’s tired of her showing up unannounced, so she can be with the girls when it isn’t her time. Nicholle says Todd and his new wife, Michelle, fail to keep her informed about the girls -- like the time their little girl was in the emergency room. Both parents agree that the girls feel upset every time they have to go to their dad’s house. Cameras capture a typical custody exchange. What is the cause of the chaos? Dr. Phil points out the mistakes these divorced parents are making as he tries to get to the bottom of the threats and name-calling. Can these co-parents learn how to get along with each other for the sake of the kids? Then, meet a mother who hates her son-in-law so much, she refuses to have a relationship with her own daughter unless she divorces him. They face off for the first time in three years. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

January 18, 2008, 1:28 pm CST

01/18 "Butt Out!"

Quote From: amandafield

I  don't know why Dr. Phil didn't  tell Nicholle to get a JOB!
I can't believe that they have to pay child support to support her!
He gets the children 1/2 the time, where I come from, that means NO Childsupport!
I agree with Tod and Michelle.
I have a simular situation and I think it is pathetic that these mothers don't have to work!

I don't know where YOU come from, but everywhere else,  when you make babies you have to support them..and a parent having the children half the time does NOT mean NO child support!!

 

I was married to a man who had three children by a previous marriage. (and I had my own three kids when we married.)  When he got his paycheck, I made darn sure that the first thing to come right off the top of that check was child support....the key word here being "CHILD" support. It means the kids can eat, be clothed, have decent medical care and a roof over their heads. It's not the kids' fault if the parents can't make the marriage work and they shouldn't go hungry because the father wants to go on down the road and make babies with someone else! Tough!

 

As for working, I worked three jobs when my own kids were growing up because their father refused to pay any support (but he could take vacations with his bimbo while his kids went without). Back then, in the 70's, single Moms did not have the court enforced child support they have now, and even working three jobs wasn't enough; we often ate oatmeal for dinner because we had nothing else and my kids had to wear hand-me-down clothing. I drove a crappy car and medical care was a joke! I was exhausted all the time.  Somehow, we made it, but it sure would have been nice if their father had loved them enough to make sure they did not do without basic necessities. It would have also been nice if my children could have had a mom who wasn't exhausted all the time, and there with them a little more. Their father could have made THEIR lives so much better if he had just been responsible.

 

You say you have a "simular situation".....well, shame on you if you begrudge ANY children their deserved support!! Children cost lots of money!   Think about that before you choose to have them, and be prepared to step up and do whatever is necessary to support them once they are here!

 
January 18, 2008, 1:29 pm CST

Not to butt in but...

Each one of these woman had my antenna up.  When the step mom told the mother to take the shoes off her daughters feet- in front of the daughter...  I wouldn't even be able to see straight if that was me!!  I thought she handled that well- the police did not need to be called!

 

When Nicholle said that she refuses to fight so she just hangs up on them... Hanging up on someone is aggression.  It is getting the final word.  It is disrespectful and immature.  I can't believe that Dr. Phil let her get away with that statement.  Actions speak louder than words.

 
January 18, 2008, 1:29 pm CST

Child Support Necessary

Quote From: ghstwheel

 Child support is hardly "pile of gold".  The child support my sister's ex paid couldn't even keep the household afloat WITH my sister working, much less in the style they had become accustomed.  Ever given up 10-20 years of your career raising a family, cleaning a house, mowing the lawn, making meals, doing laundry, painting the house, repairing the cars(this is not take it to the garage, but fix it yourself), replacing the toilets (no man help in this case, 'cuz he's at work), and a host of other things that no one gives you renumeration or thanks for, then have your spouse decide they want someone else?  Guess who's skills are outdated?  It takes years to get back to where you were before you stopped working.  And sure, she could have kept working and let someone else raise her children, but to her, what was the point of having children if you were going to give them to someone else to raise?

Of course, my sister never spoke ill of the kid's father.  The kids figured that out for themselves when he was a selfish jerk about the child support.  He could afford to go to Paris with his girlfriend, but they could not afford school pictures.  Yep, that's a pile of gold all right.

I'm guessing you haven't been divorced with three small children and outdated work skills or if you have, you make enough money for someone else to raise your children for 8-10 hours of the day.  Not everyone has that luxury.

Unfortunately, court-ordered child support is necessary because in most cases of divorce you can't count on the decency of men to do the right thing.  Oh, sure, they would willingly "give" money to their children according to what they think they can afford, somewhat like throwing $5.00 in the offering plate at church as a way to absolve their guilt.  When a husband leaves his family for another relationship, his priorities shift dramatically away from his "old life" toward his "new and improved life."  First wives and children get left in a cloud of dust and must learn to fend for themselves.  Child support levels the playing field.  Child support is a tangible truth about the value of the children in the eyes of their parent.  Child support makes a person think twice betore caving into illicit affairs.  Child support insures that the family can never be completely forgotten, that they just won't "go away", that the responsibility of the family is carried  by each parent in part if not in equal.  Child support is symbolic of the extent to which the non-custodial parent continues to care for his/her children.  How much child support would a non-custodial parent be willing to pay if the "gun" of the law were not held to his/her head?  Not much, is my guess.

Women generally do not command the the same earning potential as men, and child support helps them continue to live with their children adequately.  But there is no pot of gold.  A woman's lifestyle drops dramatically after divorce while her ex-husband's rebounds and rises within a few years.

Child support keeps many women and children out of welfare.  I can't imagine the tax increase to all of us if there were no child support laws.

 
January 18, 2008, 1:32 pm CST

You Don't Say?

Quote From: reannaruby99

There is no perfect parent!  My daughters father died because he was a drunk!  Robert Bahnemann, was a drunk and a loser of a parent!  She was only 3 when he died and she still REMEMBERS him as a loving man to her.....when he would show up......It is not the women who cause the problems it is the men who fail to be responsible.  My little girl is turning 9 and I have a blended family.  She has a wonderful life now.  I am thankful sometimes I don't have the fights most have.  But it is more difficult to explain why he is not here.  
Please tell me that you do not tell your child that her father is a loser and a drunk.  If she remembers a man that loved her- and I am sure that he did- what harm is there in that?  Why do you have to post his entire name and offend half of the genetic makeup of your child?  You might be surprised that the fights might be going on inside the head of your daughter.  You don't have any reason to bad mouth a dead man!
 
January 18, 2008, 1:46 pm CST

What happened?

I missed the commercial break argument because my husband called, like he does when I'm in the bathtub or doing anything else I want to do!  Ha!  Thanks for the info.  Darnit -- I missed it.  The commercials had me waiting for the argument, and I missed it!
 
January 18, 2008, 1:48 pm CST

mixed marriages

 Dr. Phil

I was really upset  with the first divorsed couples on your show today. I am a married woman who is with a man from a divorsed family. THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THE KIDS!!!!! My step children are 15 and 12 I also have two children of my own who are 4 and 3. I make sure I have pictures around the house so my two boys will always know my step childre. We have a unique situation though, my step kids live in Germany. We are lucky if we get to see them for a few weeks a year. Stepping into and all ready family was a challenge, but what ever I had to get used too was no where near what those kids have had to. They were here for xmas which was an incredible time and all of us still miss them. I wish these parents that you have on there that are so selfish about "sharing there I repeat THERE kids, you as parents could make it the best time of there lives or you could make them resent being a part in just a few little words that could damage them for life. If I could tell every person that's out there in that mixed family or is about to start, what can you do to help the kids. You need to sit down and talk with them get to learn them. I had a really difficult time, my step kids didn't speek english look how easy it could be for you. Play a game, ask about there mother or father, they will never stop loving them and it is not your place to try to step in. Whether you like it or not your spouse will always be a part of there spouses or others life. You were not there when they thought it would work your there now so make it easy for the kids. You mat end up falling in love with them just like I did.

 
January 18, 2008, 1:49 pm CST

I AM SO TRIED OF THE MOMS BEING BLAMED

I HAVE TO DEAL WI THE BS FOR THE LAST 10 YEAR MY EX SAYING I AM UN FIT SAYING I BEAT THE KIDS I DON'T SPANK. SAYING I DO DRUGS CPS TESTED ME WAS CLEAN. NO FOOD IN THE HOME OR DON'T CLOTHES THE KIDS HE HAS NEVER BOUGHT ONE PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THIS HOUSE OR HIS FAMILY ME AND MY FAMILY AND MY  HUSBAND FAMILY HE STATED I NEVER CONTACTED HIM WHEN MY HOME BURNT DOWN  WELL THE FIRST FEW DAY WAS REALLY WORRIED ABOUT GETTING MY SMALLER HOME FIXED UP BUT HE WAS 3 DAYS LATER. ALL MOST ABSENT PARENT CAUSE DRAMA TO GET OUT OF PAYING CHILD SUPPORT I  AM TO THE POINT I CANT TAKE NOW WHERE HIS KIDS CALL HIM NOW HE A PRESSED PHONE HARASSMENT CHARGES ALONG WITH TRYING TO TAKE MY KIDS I AM SO TIRED OF PAYING LAWYERS WE CANT AFFORD IT. I NEED DR PHIL'S HELP I KEEP WRITING NO RESPONSE. I SEE WHY WOMAN RUN WITH THERE KIDS. I SEE WHY THEY HATE THERE EXES WE NEED A LAW TO STOP THIS HARASSMENT FOR US
 
January 18, 2008, 1:49 pm CST

i feel for you

We go thru this too!!!! We have not had a peacful miniute in our home since we met!! I love the kids more than anything..... we have custody of them and she has visitation!! Since we have had a baby together it is worse-------- but i just have learned to tune her out and concentrate on what is important to me, i dont think that he should have to pay her child support if they have then equal amounts of time
 
January 18, 2008, 1:53 pm CST

WOW!

Today's show brought back SO many unwanted memories for me. I left my abusive exhusband just before my daughter's first birthday. From that point on, he attempted to still control me through my daughter and tried to manipulate her feelings for me. Why? Because he didn't have a relationship with her. He just wanted her on his every other weekend because he knew it would eat me alive. It did in the beginning because he was a drunk and he would pawn her off on his parents ALL the time. He never went to school functions, never went to a basketball game. He was an assistant softball coach for one season and then never went to another game after that. At one of our mediating visits with friend of the court, which was alot, he was asked why never called her, never picked her to go for a ride or an ice cream cone, never sent her a card just because, and he lived only 4 miles from us. His reply, " I have a life." My daughter was devastated, but still, the courts demanded she go on her visits with him. There was one year from May until October that they lived in a campground because they didn't have a home, and we live in Michigan! I attempted to contact CPS and friend of the court and NO ONE would hear me, no one did a thing about it. My daughter spent 4 wks living in that mess, she was 11 at the time, and they would leave her in charge of 8 other children in a camp ground that had TWO ponds. The youngest was a year old! One night they left her in charge, yes AT NIGHT, and she ended up having an asthma attack, and the people in the next camp site called 911 for her, she rode in an ambulance all by herself because NO ONE contacted ME! They were no where to be found! I didn't know about this until she came home a week later! I was LIVID!

On November 8, 2003 my world came to an end when my daughter died in a car accident. Her father was a volunteer fireman and was one of the first on the scene. When my Aunt, his blood relative, got to the scene, because it was her daughter that was driving, she asked if I had been called, and he told her that I was NOT to be called that he would handle this.....WHILE MY DAUGHTER IS UPSIDE DOWN DIEING IN A CAR! I thought that was the lowest a person could be until, I had to literally sue him for his portion of the funeral costs! BUT, you better beleive he was there to collect his half of the insurance money once it came in. Then, I found out at a later date that he had an insurance policy on her and used the money to by himself a brand new truck! Talk about LOW, this man doesn't deserve to be here on this earth, and yet my beautiful daughter was taken from me!?!?!?!?! That is messed up for sure! He is on his 3rd marriage and has 4 other children of his own. He still bad mouths me to people in town. I don't get it, do I still mean THAT much to him that he has the need to talk about me all the time?! Just hearing his name makes me want to vomit!

These people have NO Clue what they are doing to those poor babies! I never once talked bad about my daughter's father in front of her, she developed her own opinion of him from what SHE seen, not what she was told. And she developed a healthy relationship with me as a result. She couldn't stand her father and for that I am sad. Because she SO deserved to have him. Thank God my dad was that man for her! These people need to let this girls make up their minds. They need to know that they can talk about what goes on each house without repremand, without being judged, without being bashed with 20 questions! Without healthy relationhips between children and parents, the children grow up with mixed emotions, they grow up looking for ALL that didn't get from their parents. It is just a sad ,sad, sad, state! My heart goes out to those beautiful girls. The parents need to grow up, they graduated high school LONG ago..... quit being selfish and move on!

 
January 18, 2008, 1:53 pm CST

I understand

Quote From: acgress143

Hi Amanda, Hopefully they will post what I just said. I am a second wife and we deal with this same crap all of the time! Read my post...we have our kids half of the time, my husband's ex doesn't work, and we are expected to pay her upwards of $700 a month. Virginia is obviously not your state.
My husband's ex  has never worked, however, we don't have joint custody of his teenagers.  I was laughing when you said Virginia is obviously not your state, because I live in West Virginia.  I have a 7 yr old son, my exhusband has conned and manipulated me into giving him joint custody (legally). However, he never has him overnight, he still lives with his parents.  I don't get a dime in child support.  I just don't complain, because when he does have him, he is really good with him.  Also, My new husband and I just had a baby.  Most of my issues with my Husband and his ex, is that they believe differently than I.  They think that it is perfectly appropriate for my husband to go to her house and fix stuff, "because it is where his kids live".  It's okay that he visited her in the hospital when she was there (not that serious).  He thought it was okay to go look at houses with her, because his kids were gonna live there, when I was in the hospital with my son, he was very sick, and I was having a miscarriage.  I was so exited to go home to see him, and he was with her looking at houses!  After words, he went to his mom's and his mother cooked dinner for both of them!  I don't feel like this is okay, he tries to brain wash me, to get me to think its how you have to be a father.  Bullcrap!
Anyway, I have to work and help pay for her kids, she should too!
I am sick of paying her way!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Next | Last