Topic : 01/22 Cojo: Back from the Brink

My neighbor had the same attitude about life and smoking as Paul did on the Dr. Phil Show.  He loved smoking so much that he was willing to live a shorter life.  I must admit he was a happy guy until his first heart attack at age 47 which left him unable to speak or walk without assistance.  His heart attack caused a stroke.   He has now spent over 10 years in this condition without any improvement.  Unfortunately, he is totally aware of his horrible situation.  The past tens years have been worse than death.  I know because he has tried to kill himself so many times his family has lost count.  His family has saved him from death each time because their religious and moral beliefs don’t allow him to do this.  He now has an alarm on his leg that notifies his family if he tries to leave his room. 

So Paul and his wife must ask themselves if they don’t die from smoking are they willing to possibly live a long many years of hell from smoking?  If life were perfect, you would have your fun and then quickly check out.  Unfortunately, that’s not usually how it works.  TAKE THE HELP!  You CAN still enjoy life without smoking!

While I think it is commendable that Dr Phil found a celebrity whose life was interrupted by kidney disease, I would think that if he wanted to create an inspirational platform he might have found some people who don't get phone calls every few minutes from other celebrities telling them how brave they are.  Every single day, hundred of people hear those (terrible) words from their nephrologist telling them that they are out of time and dialysis is in their immediate future.  I had my five minute cry; even though I had been preparing for this for 12 years; and moved on.  After my five weeks of intense renal intervention I went back to work and, for almost 18 months maintained a full and productive life that included such non-star studded events as my weekly Mah Jongg game, a 50 hour work week, trips away with careful planning, and managing my home.

On my very first day in out-patient dialysis, I was channel surfing and came on an episode of Law & Order that I had never seen before.  Quite topically, it revolved around a man who was robbing convenience stores to save up the money to buy his son a black market kidney.  My first and immediate thought was that this guy should take his kid to a dialysis unit (but not the one in the show).  I mean there have to be more dialysis centers in New York City than there are 7-11's, right?  And the dialysis unit in the show should have been a psychiatric ward.  I have never seen such a collection of well-dressed extremely depressed people in my entire life.  My grandfather's funeral had more life to it.

In the dialysis unit where I receive my treatment are a very diverse group of people, none of whom have the luxury or privilege of joking about fancy shoes, jetsetting or the trauma of being a kidney recipient in the limelight.  The closest I have ever come to a sympathetic celebrity is Bob Marley; a local Maine comedian who supports kidney research.  Somehow we manage to survive our thrice weekly sessions with activities like pot lucks and our upcoming SuperBowl pizza party, with not a celeb in sight.  Unless, of course, I can get Bob Marley to stop by.

As a companion point to this show was the irresponsible woman you portrayed who can't bother to take care of her own medical needs and 'forgets' to take her immuno-suppressant drugs.  How lame is that?  She's already had a second transplant and now contemplates needing a third?  Well, between her and Cojo, I see a whole bunch of people needing  one having to do without.  Most kidney patients can't afford to buy their way to the front of the line once, nor do they have a steady supply of standby kidneys.

Why is it that we always need to find solace from the (in)famous?  Is it possible that you could actually illustrate the issue with some people who don't have anything especially compelling in their lives except that they are survivors, have a better than average outlook, take responsibility for themselves and manage to be productive in the face of adversity.  Or maybe that's asking too much.

Dr. Phil,

Your program yesterday about Cojo's kidney diease really hit home. My 25 yr old son was diagnosed with displastic polysistic kidney diease also. From the age of 16 months he endured many doctor visits until the age of 14 when the kidney failed and he then was able to receice one from his father. He was able to keep it for 10 years. In early 2006 he decided he didn't want to take his anti-rejection medicine anymore and took up smoking. STUPID! He lost all function in the kidney in June of 2006 and now has been on dialysis ever since. Complications from having renal diease are awful and painful. After many months of pain in his legs and feet, (after taking a nerve graph from his calf ) he was diagnosed with a nerve disorder called neropathy.

His depression has been so bad because of enduring so much pain, he has thoughts of suicide. He has been in a mental facility twice to help with these feelings. The problem is the lack of income and living so poor under these conditions. He is disabled because of the dialysis and cannot walk or stand for any length of time because of the leg pain therefore cannot work. He lives on social security which barely pays the rent on his 1970 piece of junk trailer. He has no luxuries such as cable, and many times asks me what day it is because he is not connected to the rest of the world. Their is barely any money left for food or gas, so much of the financial responsibility falls on my husband and I. My husband has come to resent our son for all the burden, therefore will not allow him to live with us. He endures things such as frozen pipes and being cold in the winter. That woman doesn't know how lucky she is for her mother to allow her to live with her.

His wife ran off with someone else because she was sick and tired of him being sick and tired and hating being poor. She was too lazy to work herself. They had 2 beautiful young children out of this union which are now in my and my husband's custody.

Because he smokes and doesn't treat his body properly, most of the family doesn't want to give him a kidney, just like the sister in the story. His chances of getting a donor kidney are slim to none. Only his youth is on his side, but I'm very afraid that one day he will not be with us anymore. As a mother, this is heart wrenching to watch your child suffer so much.

If you have a transplanted organ, you better give thanks to that person and treat your body like a temple.

A mother in Virgina.

I smoked for 17 years and my husband would rag on me about it.  Once he said to me, "I bet you wouldn't want to go to Heaven if there are no cigarettes there."  I thought about that for a minute.  "Maybe there are cigarettes in Heaven- if not..."  

By the grace of God I did quit- 12 years this month. 

Paul and his wife are very selfish and can’t see past the end of their own nose. BUT, I come from a family, including extended family, where addiction is very prevalent and it comes in all forms, drugs, alcohol, smoking, food ect.  The smokers and others in my family use the same line, “if I can be happy with a shorter life so be it.”  It makes them feel better and distracts them from deeper issues and they truly believe that this self destructive behavior brings them joy. In reality it is just a very poor coping strategy but since it is the only one they have they can’t bear to part with it. Everyone looking at them can see different, but telling them they are killing themselves and hurting their children won’t help. There are two ways to approach addiction one is to get them to stop the addiction first, but for some that’s like asking them to part with a limb. The other way is to deal with the underlying problems that cause them to choose a self-destructive path, enough to allow them to see it is possible to have a happy life (happier actually) without their drug of choice. I also had problems with addiction but if I hadn’t dealt with the deeper issues first I never would have quit, it would have been impossible. Once I dealt with them and realized I was perpetuating the dysfunctional path which had caused me so much pain, I quit and I have no desire to do those things any more. I think half of all “addictions” are distractions from something deeper and not really a true addiction.

I just wanted to thank the Dr. Phil Show for having a show on Kidney Failure & Transplants.  I have been very fortunate to have a person in my life who has had a kidney transplant ~ his name is Jeff.  When we met I wanted to  learn everything I could about kidney transplants and what people in this situation  have to go through every single day and after.    Not only do you have to be strong ~ you have to have the desire to live the best life you can live.  Before your show I was amazed at how much Jeff had gone through, just from what he had told me etc... After watching your show it just brought tears to my eyes knowing how every single day he wakes up and his first priority has to be taking his medication and living the best life he can to stay healthy an alive!   He takes care of himself the way he should because he appreciates life and it shows. I truly look up to him and am so proud of him!  It can be very easy to feel sorry for yourself and get depressed, if you let it!    I am so happy  that he has come into my life because  he has taught me to make the best of any situation and that nothing can bring you down, only if you let it. Yes, he has days that he is not feeling well and is tired, but he does what he is supposed to do and rests!   It  makes me so sad and angry to see the woman you had on your show who was literally taking "getting a kidney donor" for granted.  She has no idea how blessed she really is to even have had the opportunity to have two  kidney's donated to her already.  It upset me so much just watching her say there were plenty of people who would give her a third kidney if needed.  Can you imagine how that made the people who are patiently waiting for their first donated kidney feel?    To see how unphased this woman  was about getting a third donor is just plain sad.  I hope this show, Cojo or Dr. Phil knocked some sense into her!   She has no idea how lucky she really is!