Quote From: aholmesdFrom bitter personal experience being married to a man like this, I recognize the tears, the remorse the deep desire to change and break the pattern of behavior... and also, sadly the utter inability to do that.
My ex husband was never able to overcome his destructive behavior which was very much along the lines of this guest... and worse. He had countless hours of therapy, as well as good people surrounding him, people praying with and for him, and he served several jail sentences, and none of it helped change the behavior. One of the judges who sentenced him said she knew genuine remorse when she saw it. We thought we did as well. Evidently we were wrong.
Its all very well to tell these people that they need to stop, and need to get off their high horse... they know that. more than any one. The problem is, and what I wish you had discussed is WHY do they do this.WHY cant they stop.
You tried to put them in their place when they said they were intelligent. You said you were also intelligent. But they have a different kind of edge to their intelligence, which though intellectually sophisticated is lacking in impulse control. Its great you offered to get them some help. But I think it woujld have been very helpful to give the viewers some insight into the cause of the problem. A talking to on television doesnt provide insight in these kinds of cases. I've no doubt their family and friends have told them exactly the same things youtold them on tv. The profile is that they really ARE very bright people, well over average intelligence, they are very charming and articulate. But WHAT is the answer. What is the nature of the problem. Why does nothing anyone does for them ever help?
My ex husband was the exact same! I endured homelessness with two kids for this guy, and I found out he had been taking the money I put in the bank for bills and rent and spending it on supplies to make himself "appear" to the other ladies to be a man of means. There is no telling how many other women got scammed by this guy, but I got scammed out of at least four years of hard-earned paychecks for his "hobby". Finally, after being away from this guy for about seven years, my credit is returning to normal, I don't live in fear of being kicked out of my house or having my car towed and repoed and I don't have to get tested every six months because the affairs might have resulted in something that could have ruined my life. My current husband has let me know how a man WITHOUT these issues is supposed to act, and it's so refreshing to feel safe and protected.
Don't get me wrong; when I was married to my ex, I tried my best to get him help. I defended him to the death when people told me I was getting conned. I believed him when he said our home foreclosure was the result of a "computer glitch". I screamed at his boss who fired him for trying to embezzle twenty-five grand from the bank he worked at. I dutifully cleaned out every car that the bank took back so they could sell it at auction because those darn banks had just misplaced our payments. I refused to believe that a person could be so messed up he would do this not only to his wife but to his child and eventually two children. It was about the time his mother (who has the same psychological problems) tried to kill my unborn second child that I realized they were both sick. She screamed that her son told her all about how I stole a check from her dead brother's estate and tried to pass it off as a car payment (she was the executor, so apparently his checks were in her house.) She screamed that she was going to kill my illegitimate child; her son had told her I had been unfaithful with a co-worker.
I knew that not only was she sick, he was too. And I had not become his loving life partner; I had become his victim. For a whole year I tried to talk him into therapy, into some sort of psychological assistance; all to no avail. Finally, when he cleaned out our bank account for the third time, he told me a psychiatrist had told him to do it because "I was evil and I was the cause of all his problems." That's when I left. I knew he didn't want to save our marriage and I knew he never loved me, that love was not something he was capable of in his condition. And I knew that he would NEVER seek treatment. I had to protect my daughters, so I sought the advice of an attorney. Best decision I ever made.
Now, eight years later (five of those happily remarried,) I just wonder why I stayed so long in the first place. People like that unfortunately do not want help nor will they seek it out. They just want to "get away with it." He's been in trouble several times since our divorce; one time actually landed him in prison. But I honestly don't see a bright light at the end of his tunnel; he doesn't want it. I feel sorry for his new wife; I hope it doesn't take her four years to wise up.
From petty theft to check fraud, Dr. Phil’s guests say they’re addicted to stealing, and it’s destroying their families. Casey says he’s been pilfering for 16 years and has ripped off groceries, appliances, DVDs -- even one of Dr. Phil’s books! Casey estimates that he’s stolen nearly $100,000 in merchandise and says his estranged brother, Zack, is clueless about the extent of his criminal activity. How does Zack respond when Casey reveals another deep, dark secret? Will the brothers be able to reconcile, and will Casey change his thieving ways? And, Micki says she uses her good looks to get jewelry and credit card numbers from men, but her kids have no idea she leads a secret life as a con artist. Recently, she was arrested for stealing $10,000 in a check fraud scheme. Find out why one friend says she deserves to be behind bars. Don’t miss Dr. Phil’s strong message for Micki. Join the discussion.
