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Topic : 01/24 "I Want Out!"

Number of Replies: 161
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 18, 2008, 02:26:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When couples tie the knot, they vow to stay together "'til death do us part," but what happens when a marriage takes a few bad turns, and one partner desperately wants out? Dr. Phil's guests are at a crossroads in their marriages. Hector and Nicole have been married nine years, and Nicole says she's done with the marriage, no longer loves her husband and has a boyfriend to prove it! Hector says he loves his wife and is desperate to save his marriage. He's even paid thousands for Nicole to have plastic surgery! Can Dr. Phil convince Nicole to give up her lover and give her marriage another shot? And, Shaun wants to dump his wife, Nancy, for good because he says she stalks him and throws herself in front of the door to keep him from leaving. Nancy is convinced Shaun still loves her, and she's hoping they can resurrect their union. Is there hope for this couple, or should they walk away? Tell us what you think.

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January 24, 2008, 10:39 am CST

Nicole is lying

Nicole,

 

I can totally read your body language and you will be seeing the other man and your mind is made up.  I know you will be screwing mr married other man shorlty after the show aired.

 

That's too bad for you.  I think you are going to screw up your life.  What kind of woman do you really want to be?  An old skank or a classy woman?  Woman with class don't take off their clothes with men who are married to someone else or with another man when she is married.  I am sure your new man hasn't got much respect for you or your boys if he is willing to screw up your family in this way.

 

You may have had problems before the affair, but having an affair makes you less willing and able to work on your marriage.  You act like a woman on a drug (the other man).  It doesn't make you sexier b/c you can steal away another man from his family with fake boobs, and doctored eyes, thighs, tummy, teeth and nose. 

 

I look at you and I see a beauty salon bill of no less than $300 a month, not to mention the designer clothes and the car note.  Geeze!  If I was the other man I'd run not walk away from you. 

 

When the next guy runs out of cash to give you whatever it is your gold-digging heart desires you will be  ready to move on again.

 

Poor Hector!  I know he has messed up in the marriage, but he really messed up buying you boobs so you could let some other man love on them.

 
January 24, 2008, 11:08 am CST

Wow!

Quote From: staceywhitis

I would love to be able to contact Nicole and tell her that every single thing that Dr. Phil told her today is dead on.  Her story was so parallel to mine it was hard to watch.  From the control, staying home with kids, no freedom, his insecurities, having no say in finances, (I never saw a paycheck in 14 years of marriage)...the list goes on and on.  My thing was I knew if from the beginning too - but I married him anyway - he is a great guy that everyone loves,  has friends upon friends, nice looking, charming...all the things that would be consistent with a SECURE person.  Long story short - bad temper, constantly thinking I was TOO FRIENDLY with people - INCLUDING my OWN FAMILY - sent me to the point of wanting out.  Trouble is I had stayed home raising 3 amazing boys - people would look at us and always say "you have such a great life, great kids, great husband, you are so pretty...wow I wish my life was like that!"  WHATEVER!!  That is what I was thinking!  No one knows what goes on when we shut our front door.  How was I going to survive with out the money, the house, destroying my boys life...blah blah blah...but guess what????  I knew deep down that I could survive NO PROBLEM!!  What I did was get us into therapy and we went once a WEEK for 11 months!!!!  And you know what?  I learned more than I would have ever if we had just stayed home and tried to discuss things civil.  I worked so hard at what we were told to do - that is  when I realized he was never going to get it.  He even realized it.  His parents realized it - all our friends etc.  Anyway, I earned my way out - with no anger, no remorse and I have had to look at my boys, just he said today and tell them that we tried as hard as we could and we are much happier now.   The divorce process took forever, we both cried thru the final hearing, hugged and apologized with compassion.  This all has just occurred with in the last 2 years with the divorce being final in June of 2007.

 

My ex husband is my greatest supporter now, we kiss hello and good bye, our boys are so comfortable as are our friends.  I want to talk to Nicole and tell her to please please please take his advice - she will never know how strong she really is until you work your way out!!  Just leaving throwing your hands up and moving on will never never never give her the confidence to get into a true healthy relationship.  There is so much I would want to tell her, I am 40 years old - live in Ohio - and have made a fantastic life for myself and my boys.  I have a terrific relationship with their dad - it was not easy AT ALL but I am an empowered woman because of the work I did to get out. My  boys did not have 2 Christmas's - they had 1 with all of us together!!  Who would have ever thought??? Please tell her that I would love to talk to her and support her in the next 90 days! It will be worth it I promise. She may even find that the guy she has to leave behind - is not all she thought when she really gets to realize her own sense of self and strength!!

 

Thank you! I hope to hear from Nicole!!!!!!! 

It sounds like there are at least a few mature people in the world.  It is hard for a family that cannot make it work.  I am glad you all are getting along. 

 

I think it is best to work your way out like Dr. P said.  I'd rather see couples together but that means two have to change not just one. 

 

Good for your family with only 1 Christmas.  My brother is divorcing and they celebrated together this year, but I don't think it will stay that way.  Good luck with the kids.

 

It is odd some people figure out how to get along after they divorce.  Hmm... makes me wonder why they couldn't work it out.  But it does take two to change.

 
January 24, 2008, 11:34 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: tracy1242

Nicole,

 

Hector can pay for your jowels to be pulled back (b/c you are starting to get some) and also you still haven't had him take care of your neck fat.  I think you should at least have that taken care of while he is still coughing up for it and get that fixed.  Then you will have a chance to get an even shallower piece of crap than you are screwing around with right now.

 

YOu didn't want to be treated right or you wouldn't have married Hector who needs to learn a little bit about how to be a man and it is not by spending a lot of money on cars and surgeries to the point he cannot afford all those little things you wanted (cards, gifts, etc.). 

 

Get real woman.  You aren't going to be able to keep the lifestyle you are enjoying and stay home after your divorce.

 

You sit there with a nose job, eye job, and boob implants and liposuction and bitch that Hector ruinned your finances.  I've seen this before.  When the gift horse can't give anymore to keep you happy you are ready to move on.  I think this is a self-esteem issue with you.  You'd rather be the other woman getting gifts from a man who is not committed to you than to stick it out with your husband who does truly love you. 

 

Hector has some growing up to do, but no less than you do my dear.  We don't go into marriage with an instruction manual it is hard but the worst thing to do is go looking outside it for a "friend" and then end up in bed with that  person.  Now your judgement is tainted.

 

It sounds like Hector heard your complaints of not being romantic enough and tried to do those things for you, but you are saying "too little too late".  That isn't fair.   You need to give this marriage a chance and Hector is getting the picture now that he has to grow up.  You may not like it when he stops jumping through  hoops and getting things he cannot afford to make you happy.

 

Your kids look so happy.  There must be problems there, but it would be so sad to see these sweet looking boys go between mom and dad and  have step parents in the middle.

 

Nicole, you won't like it when Hector gets a new woman.  You won't like that b/c your boyfriend is not going to be around anymore and Hector is going to be on the "drug" you are on now. 

 

Don't leave.  Commit to your family and reap the rewards of that.  Your husband has given the way he knew how and yes he screwed up a few times, but you did too. 

 

Hector can be what you deserve.  You both need help to be the adults you need to be for your kids and you won't regret it if you both just grow up and make your marriage and family a priority. 

 

Nicole you are very prett on the outside.  You need to pretty up the inside now.  You aren't as pretty on the inside since you are sleeping around with a married man.  That is not okay.  Not only messing up your family but someone elses. 

 

Nicole, if you don't stop this behavior I'm going to wish you to be FAT!!!!  Hahaha!!!  I bet that scared you.  LOL

And, let's not forget this. After Nicole stopped working, Hector bought her many  expensive things. For which she didn't pay a cent. But, to hear her tell it, it was her money, too. "Our" money, she called it. But, was the debt she ran up in the past hers, or even theirs? No, it was his!  She claims credit for what isn't hers. And, refuses to take responsibility for what is 
 
January 24, 2008, 11:49 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: tracy1242

Nicole,

 

I can totally read your body language and you will be seeing the other man and your mind is made up.  I know you will be screwing mr married other man shorlty after the show aired.

 

That's too bad for you.  I think you are going to screw up your life.  What kind of woman do you really want to be?  An old skank or a classy woman?  Woman with class don't take off their clothes with men who are married to someone else or with another man when she is married.  I am sure your new man hasn't got much respect for you or your boys if he is willing to screw up your family in this way.

 

You may have had problems before the affair, but having an affair makes you less willing and able to work on your marriage.  You act like a woman on a drug (the other man).  It doesn't make you sexier b/c you can steal away another man from his family with fake boobs, and doctored eyes, thighs, tummy, teeth and nose. 

 

I look at you and I see a beauty salon bill of no less than $300 a month, not to mention the designer clothes and the car note.  Geeze!  If I was the other man I'd run not walk away from you. 

 

When the next guy runs out of cash to give you whatever it is your gold-digging heart desires you will be  ready to move on again.

 

Poor Hector!  I know he has messed up in the marriage, but he really messed up buying you boobs so you could let some other man love on them.

Nicole's skankiness didn't begin with her current boyfriend. She cheated on someone before Hector got involved with her. Sexually using someone she obviuosly didn't love for "revenge" is so digustingly skanky,  it's no wonder that Hector had trust issues with her. And, wasn't he right? She's cheated on him too, now.  And, for what? Not buying her a card? Maybe, after buying her those fake boobs, he was tapped out.
 
January 24, 2008, 12:16 pm CST

I want out

In some reason's I see that some marriages need to be broken up. When their is abuse of mental or physical abuse.  I know I just went threw a horrible divoce.  We have 3 wonderful children. My marriage was broken up by another woman. I tried to save my marriage in every way. But he was in to deep with this other woman, which controls him to the max. It affected my 3 children so bad. One thing people forget when their is children involved the children come first. So many people don't think of the children they only think of themselves.
 
January 24, 2008, 12:34 pm CST

going through the exact same thing

Wow!!! I hear myself in this story met my husband almost 13yrs ago and almost from the beginning it was abusive in some form or another...then it just steadily became worse over the years..my husband was an alcoholic and drug abuser that put his addiction and street life before everything and anyone else including his family...he also was cheating with all kinds of women out in the street and was very controlling like hector because of all the things he himself was doing so he wanted to alleivate his own guilt feelings by persumming i must be doing the same....it wasnt until 8 yrs into the marriage where i said enough was enough due to some unforgiving circumstances developed and i went outside my marriage because i felt i needed some kind of validation from anyone...my husband eventually beat the drug addition he had but he substitued it for another drug and even more alcohol consumption...I stayed for the kids which i know now was very wrong..and i like Nicole got into another relationship with  someone else before I even completely ended my marriage...my husband and i still go back and forth...and i know its not fair to the man i am with now because he is just wonderful and everything i have always dreamed for ...but i guess in retrospect i always wanted my husband to be this way...so right now I am confused because i still love my husband and dont feel like im ready to move on without him but im also afraid to go back because of fear that it will be the same thing I have been putting up with for so many years with him...Wow Im writing this on here and listening to Nicole and saying I have said these words so many times before ....so what should I do?
 
January 24, 2008, 12:51 pm CST

Why should she give him 90 days?

     If she wants to leave let her leave, I was outraged when Phillyboy forced her to give away 90 days of her life.  She obviously doesn't want to give the creep 90 days so what sort of effort is she really going to give? what a crock, Phillyboy lost his mind on this one
 
January 24, 2008, 1:15 pm CST

Right plan, Wrong Order

Quote From: dliteful39

Wow!!! I hear myself in this story met my husband almost 13yrs ago and almost from the beginning it was abusive in some form or another...then it just steadily became worse over the years..my husband was an alcoholic and drug abuser that put his addiction and street life before everything and anyone else including his family...he also was cheating with all kinds of women out in the street and was very controlling like hector because of all the things he himself was doing so he wanted to alleivate his own guilt feelings by persumming i must be doing the same....it wasnt until 8 yrs into the marriage where i said enough was enough due to some unforgiving circumstances developed and i went outside my marriage because i felt i needed some kind of validation from anyone...my husband eventually beat the drug addition he had but he substitued it for another drug and even more alcohol consumption...I stayed for the kids which i know now was very wrong..and i like Nicole got into another relationship with  someone else before I even completely ended my marriage...my husband and i still go back and forth...and i know its not fair to the man i am with now because he is just wonderful and everything i have always dreamed for ...but i guess in retrospect i always wanted my husband to be this way...so right now I am confused because i still love my husband and dont feel like im ready to move on without him but im also afraid to go back because of fear that it will be the same thing I have been putting up with for so many years with him...Wow Im writing this on here and listening to Nicole and saying I have said these words so many times before ....so what should I do?

In my humble opinion:

 

Just like Dr. Phil told Nicole, you have to end a relationship before you start another.........you haven't ended the relationship with your ex-husband.  I sense that you still "think" that he may one day turn into the prince instead of the frog that he has proven to you that he is.  Sucks that you met him at the wrong time but it is what it is.  That baggage from the past will NOT go away nor will the "real" person that he is.  Cheaters and abusers DO NOT change.  Accept that and move on.

 

The man you are with deserves your full committment.  If you can't give him that (and you said that you are not giving it to him)......cut him loose.  AND DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE FOR ONE FULL YEAR!!!!!

 

Take time for yourself to be alone.  Live by yourself and become happy with who you are without any input from anyone.  Figure out what you love and do it.  Become the person that you dreamed about when you were 12 years old.  Give this a good year OR LONGER.  During this time, you will become accustomed to a peaceful life where YOU have nurtured yourself.  AT this point, you will recognize a man who WILL nurture you...not one who abuses you.  IF the man you are with now really loves you.................he will still be there at the end of that year waiting for you and your relationship will be SO MUCH BETTER than today;  Don't have any contact with ANY man during this time.

 

Accept the fact that your ex is NOT your Prince Charming and NEVER will be.  Give up the fairy tale and move on with your life in a way that is true and committed to living happy.  Cause unhappy sucks.

 

I know.....I have been there and done that.

IMHO.....Mgrlady

 
January 24, 2008, 1:20 pm CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Any dirt bag husband or man who abuses his significant other deserves to be cheated on every day!!!!
 
January 24, 2008, 1:32 pm CST

you are bound to repeat

Nicole, Nicole, Nicole!

Hector is a wash!  He's so very abusive you must get away!  MUST!  He is only sorry because he got caught or he's going to lose you.  And that's the ONLY reason he's sorry.  But if you get in another relationship without finding out why you pick losers, you WILL pick another loser!!!!!! YES, you will pick another loser, and just as abusive.  They are only good on the surface and they are putting on a front.  Drop the other guy even if you think your "in love."   Learn to be okay alone.  Learn to love yourself.  Even if you make an amends with Hector enough to divorce amicably.  I don't think Hector is every going to be a good man.  He's going to be abusive.  Spy on you, read your mail, email, hit you, scare you, untrustworthy.  But the other guy is abusive, I guarantee you, the other guy is abusive.  Dump him!!!!! You do deserve some one who has more morals than to be sleeping with another mans wife.  If some one asked you what you thought of someone like that you would probably be discussed, and yet your caught up because of your insecurities.  You are insecure, we all heard about all your plastic surgery!  You don't like yourself at all, and he won't like you either.    Hector get a grip, or get lost.  You can't force someone to love you and your actions are not making her endearing to you now are they?  PLEASE!!!!!!

 
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