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Topic : 01/24 "I Want Out!"

Number of Replies: 161
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, January 18, 2008, 02:26:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When couples tie the knot, they vow to stay together "'til death do us part," but what happens when a marriage takes a few bad turns, and one partner desperately wants out? Dr. Phil's guests are at a crossroads in their marriages. Hector and Nicole have been married nine years, and Nicole says she's done with the marriage, no longer loves her husband and has a boyfriend to prove it! Hector says he loves his wife and is desperate to save his marriage. He's even paid thousands for Nicole to have plastic surgery! Can Dr. Phil convince Nicole to give up her lover and give her marriage another shot? And, Shaun wants to dump his wife, Nancy, for good because he says she stalks him and throws herself in front of the door to keep him from leaving. Nancy is convinced Shaun still loves her, and she's hoping they can resurrect their union. Is there hope for this couple, or should they walk away? Tell us what you think.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 24, 2008, 1:33 pm CST

90 days is a GREAT idea!!

IF she wants what is best for her boys, she will commit to doing the 90 days.  Let's face it....you know, I know and Dr Phil knows that Hector is NOT going to "change his spots".  He is an abusive man who doesn't deserve Nicole. BUT................during this 90 days, Nicole can take this time to close this chapter of her life.  She and Hector can come to a, hopefully, peaceful end to their relationship without another man causing friction in the ending of the relationship.

 

She owes it to her kids and HERSELF to end it in this way!!!!!!!!!!!  90 days is a flash in your life.  She will NOT regret it.  Personally, I think she should give up all relationships for one full year to learn what it is like to live without abuse and havoc in a relationship.  THEN, she WILL know who is good and who is bad..who fits into her life plan and who doesn't...who REALLY treats her well and who is a player.

 

It would be the best gift she will EVER hope to get.  IT IS THE FOUNDATION FOR HER ENTIRE FUTURE!!!   Again...it is a flash in the grand scheme of her life.

 

I speak from experience.  This time is worth it's weight in gold!!!

 
January 24, 2008, 1:33 pm CST

De Ja Vue

 

I believe that Dr. Phil should had given her 3 months of separation with her husband. I have walked in Nicole shoes many years ago. She will not give this man up that she is seeing until she can see that he will do the same to her. I to was married with 2 small children, stay at home mom and felt worthless. I started to work part-time and this person (my boss) started to flirt with me and he made me feel important. I started having an affair with him and everyone tried to warn me about him, how he cheated on his wife, and was abusive with her, but I put the blinders on This wasn't the man that I knew. Making a long story short, I left my husband, moved in with him and after 5 years of being abused and cheated on we parted. My whole world fell apart, Another home that my sons would soon have to move out of, I have deep regrets even to this day about my infidelity and guilt that eats me up when I think about it.  I gave up financial security, and a wonderful man and father to my children. I remember my youngest son asking me why dad and I split up, I couldn't give him the truth and still have never talked about it to this day (20+years later) I will take it to my grave. Her body language tells the story, to her its over and no matter how hard she thinks she will try, she won't give it her all she has already moved on. So sad this story is but she has made her bed and now she will lay in it.

 

Signed

Been there, Done that

 
January 24, 2008, 1:49 pm CST

?????

Quote From: mgrlady

IF she wants what is best for her boys, she will commit to doing the 90 days.  Let's face it....you know, I know and Dr Phil knows that Hector is NOT going to "change his spots".  He is an abusive man who doesn't deserve Nicole. BUT................during this 90 days, Nicole can take this time to close this chapter of her life.  She and Hector can come to a, hopefully, peaceful end to their relationship without another man causing friction in the ending of the relationship.

 

She owes it to her kids and HERSELF to end it in this way!!!!!!!!!!!  90 days is a flash in your life.  She will NOT regret it.  Personally, I think she should give up all relationships for one full year to learn what it is like to live without abuse and havoc in a relationship.  THEN, she WILL know who is good and who is bad..who fits into her life plan and who doesn't...who REALLY treats her well and who is a player.

 

It would be the best gift she will EVER hope to get.  IT IS THE FOUNDATION FOR HER ENTIRE FUTURE!!!   Again...it is a flash in the grand scheme of her life.

 

I speak from experience.  This time is worth it's weight in gold!!!

 90 days is not a good idea,....Nicole doesnt want it....she was bullied into it by both her husband and Dr. Phil, it wont work not for a minute........

He will not change his spots ...been there have a closet full of t-shirts....same situation didnt work...tried councelling tryed everything....leopard dont change theire spots....
 
January 24, 2008, 1:49 pm CST

YAY

Quote From: lani2587

Any dirt bag husband or man who abuses his significant other deserves to be cheated on every day!!!!
 Right on!!!!
 
January 24, 2008, 1:58 pm CST

Nicole get out!

I am shocked that Nicole was told she needed to give this 90 days.  Dr. Phil needs to see this man for the person he is, which is an abuser.   I agree she needs to dump the other guy because she has no future with him and she needs to work on herself.  Her husband obviously destroyed any feeling she could possibly have for him.  I would not trust that man for one second!  They need to figure out how to co-parent the children peacefully.  He needs to face it that his marriage is over instead of suddenly coming up with a conscious - give me a break.  As soon as he would reel her back in he would be the same man.  She does not need to walk away - she needs to run!  Good luck Nicole and work on your self-esteem and putting your life in order before you bring another man into your life.
 
January 24, 2008, 2:03 pm CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: dmj632

     If she wants to leave let her leave, I was outraged when Phillyboy forced her to give away 90 days of her life.  She obviously doesn't want to give the creep 90 days so what sort of effort is she really going to give? what a crock, Phillyboy lost his mind on this one
I think the main reason for the 90 days is for her to drop the other man. You know ,she does need to break it off with the other man before she proceeds with a divorce. She really needs the time to make a plan for herself as to how she is going to move forward. She'll need to get a job,find a place to live, and that sort of thing.I don't think she and Hector can work things out. The fact is, if Hector had a problem with reading her diary about something that happened before she met him, he will definitely not be able to move past this affair with the current man. 
 
January 24, 2008, 2:16 pm CST

get a life

 ARRRRRRG!!!  Another unsatified customer.  She said that she married this guy because she didn't think anyone else would want her????    What a crock excuse.  Now she is going around with another man that she says she loves and oh yeah MARRIED!!! too.   I think that  Dr. Phil should have sent them on their way.  Get the big D.and see if your boyfriend will leave his wife for you.   Ha Ha Ha!
I have been married for 32 yrs and I never thought that I was not good enough for any man.  In fact I was going out with one guy when I met my husband.  I think I made the right choice. 
 
January 24, 2008, 2:19 pm CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: tracy1242

Hector is wrong to have hit his wife and pulled her hair and cover her face with a pillow when she was screaming at him.  I feel like though everyone is quick to blame him for that and decide that therefore she should leave him.  Consider two things first: 

 

1).  This is not a routine behavior on his part, he was acting out of fear of losing his wife and child.  How would any of us like it if our spouse up and left and took our kids off with another guy and we could see our kids 1st, 3rd and 5th b/c our spouse decided to look for "friendship" outside the marriage and fell in love.

 

2). The impact of divorce on the children should be considered as well as the impact on the couple.  Financially they are a mess.  They will have to share the debt of the Mercedes, and plastic surgery.  Hector is not going to be responsible for all of that when she leaves and takes those "assets" away from the marriage for her new man to enjoy. 

 

Hector, I recommend you just be a way better man than you have been in the marriage and show her the kind of husband you wish you had always been so that she wouldn't have looked elsewhere.  Put aside your anger and fear b/c she is going to make up her mind (seems made up to me) but regardless be a better man and you will have nothing to be sorry for.  You messed up (I personally don't think failing to be a romantic should end a marriage) but you had some issues of trust (you weren't trustworthy and you didn't trust her).  Why in the heck did you get her a bunch of plastic surgery?  Out of fear she would leave if she wasn't happy?  Why the Mercedes?  Do you not see she is trying to focus on how she appears outwardly and  her problems are on the inside.  She may be someone you need to let go of and whatever your divorce costs you it will be worth it, but I agree with Dr. Phil give it 90 days. 

 

File on her first, if you can.  I'd go ahead and get the paperwork started now and tell the lawyer to file it 90 days from now.  Nicole isn't staying dude.  I can see it in her eyes.  She has no remorse either.  She wants whatever makes her feel good and sexy.  This new guy makes her feel that way.  Over the next 90 days, get a private investigator and you be "father of the year".  Get doctor records together, write a secret journal (write everything down) and get all your financial records together.  You want to establish that you and not Nicole needs to be the primary caregiver as her need to go out with friends and carry-on with other men will stand in the way of her availability to give adequate care to your child.  I am assuming she will now be a working mom instead of a stay-at-home-mom since the other man is not going to pay her  half of you alls bills.  She is a fool if she thinks so, and the other man is a fool if he does it. 

 

Any man that would be with a woman that has her husband pay for all kinds of plastic surgery so she can look good then takes her clothes off with another man to feel sexy is 100 times stupider than the man who paid for the boob job, etc. in the first place. 

 

Nicole is a user.  I know the type.  Seen that for years, watched my brother go through it.  Hector when it is time get your divorce settlement in writing and make sure it is very detailed (you have to make your lawyer work for you).  If you cannot afford a lawyer represent yourself, get a legal student to navigate the legal library at your local law school for you and find case law for you (much cheaper than have a lawyer do nothing for you which is what they do most of the time if you happen to be male in divorce).    I wouldn't let this extortionist take my son without a fight.  Do you want to be paying child support so she can go get her hair and nails done?  I bet she spends at least $300 a month on that alone. 

 

NO wonder you have financial trouble.  Nicole, you can't have a Mercedes and all that plastic surgery and then expect to run around like Paris Hilton unless you have the resources that Paris Hilton has.  Grow up.  You are hugely immature.

 

I really hope that Nicole gets fat, because even though I think Hector may have been an  ogre husband, I think he has more chance of changing and being a good man.  Nicole is an opportunist and I don't see her changing. 

 

Hector, think of this as a very expensive lesson.  Don't let your anger get the best of you.  Remember, you screwed up marrying a chick like this and I bet the signs were there back then and you ignored them.  Your goal is to make sure you get as much time with your kid as possible (that means 50% or more).  You don't want to pay child support either, so when your 90 days of showing Nicole what she is going to be missing (and her 90 days of faking it) are over you are to put up the good fight against your ex.

 

Oh, Hector, I didn't  miss that you also cheated in your marriage.  If you aren't putting your ego aside then don't get into another relationship ever.  That was wrong, you did that so you would feel good.  Now look at what your wife did to make herself feel good.  Maybe her self-esteem was hurt by the affair, she sounded a little unstable and that could  have sent her spiraling.  Oh, see if she is not bipolar  or something while you guys are still being friends.

 

You'll need a jury trial my dear b/c no judge is going to take the kid from the mom who stayed home with him just b/c she screwed around.  Also, you need to have this other man checked out with a Private Eye.  Your lawyer can get her cell phone records going back as far as you want them.  Is she taking any meds? Is she mixing meds and diet pills.  How's her driving record.  I'm just telling you to get ready b/c she is leaving.  Still do your part for 90 days b/c you need to know you put your best foot forward.  Then she will spend the rest of your life trying to blame you for all of this as she is doing now.  That is typical, don't buy it.

 

It is in no way all your fault Hector.  It is a little bit of both that your marriage was bumpy, but all marriages have trouble.  She is the one giving up and falling in love with someone else.  That's great, your kid should be subject to go wherever her straying heart decides to go.

 

I absolutely hate women like Nicole.  I am not saying that Hector is perfect in all of this, but Nicole is sickening.

In my opinion, the only problem with Hector building a case to support being the primary caregiver for the children, is that, in the process of doing this, a situation will be created where the children will suffer even more from all of this.

 

I don't think this marriage will ever work for a lot of reasons on both of thier parts. At this point I would say, handle it in the way where the children will be least affected.

 
January 24, 2008, 2:20 pm CST

I Want Out Also!

 

              I was watching Dr. Phil with the headline "I Want Out!", and I see myself in that predicament. I have been with the father of my children for 9 1/2 years, but before I get into that mess; let me back up a little. I had a son when i was 16 years old, his father was there for me when he wanted to be, he never attempted to get a job, Oh he'd lie to me and said he put in applications but little did he know that I checked on them and they never heard of him. So I had to live with my mother and stepfather, go to night school and get a job and save money to get out on my own. Well that didn't happen, having a cesarean at my age took a very long time to heal. So after a year of bed rest, losing my job, stop going to school, trying to be there for my son, I was at wits end. I needed a way out of this mess, my mom is stressing me out, my stepfather needed money. Well once I was able to go to work, I was there for 6 months and I got noticed by a guy and he asked me out. I was so apprehensive because of my previous relationship, but I also needed a way out. So after dating for 6 months, I got pregnant, I was beside myself because I was unsure if I wanted to continue this relationship. I waited two weeks to tell him because I needed time to think. I felt that I was trapped, I did not want to live with my mother and burden her more than I had. So i made a go of the relationship, deep down I had this feeling of regret and it still haunts me to this day. It was not love at first sight for him, I tried to fall in love with him but It became difficult and aggravating at times. He worked a lot, about 8 to 10 hours a day, while I took care of three children by myself, housework, not having a car to go places, dragging myself and three children out to go to the store, no one my age to talk to, feeling isolated even when he was home I felt that he was not there. I got up every time when my children needed something, whether it was 2 am in the morning. I toughed it out, still living with this regret, growing more depressed. I needed my family around me to keep me sane, but he did not want my family around. I tried my best to raise the children with the proper standards, it's not easy alone, with their behavior problems today I get blamed from him immediately. "Well you should have done this...Should have done that" Where was he in this discipline time of needs?

    He proposed to me when our oldest daughter was two years old, at his younger brother's wedding reception 7 years ago. I accepted thinking it would be a new fresh start, no more bitterness, regrets, loneliness, blame. Well my wedding day never came after waiting for 7 years i grew more bitter and annoyed every time i see or hear about weddings. He made it all about him and his statistics and fears about marriage. He was stratigising about divorces and how he knew a lot of people who are going through it. To my understanding marriage is about Love and Commitment, Not about how many divorces are rising each year. I am done with the Idea of marriage (at least with him), I am on my third engagement ring from him, I do not value them as a girl in love should, I feel it is a constant reminder of all the years of waiting for My Day that will never come as long as i am with him.  The past two years have been hell on me, I had a mild stroke due to stress, I tell him about it and all he could say was "I had a mild stroke also because i am working too much and stressed out over bills and dealing with the kids." I was awestruck-ed by that, he had no concernment or offered to help me out.

    I told my friends and family about what happened and were disgusted by his reaction. For years my friends and family tried to convince me to leave him, I stuck through it for my children sake, and now I am sooo tired of sticking it out. I need that attention, someone who makes me feel excited when they come home from work, helps around the house, helps with the children, Who will accept my son as their own and not belittle him because he has comprehending issues, be interested in his world and do things as a father and son do. My son has grew up bitter and angry towards his stepfather, he knows of his biological father and how he turned his back on us, i feel that if I don't get out of this relationship, my son will hurt himself or run away. When his stepfather is away, my son is lively and happy but when his stepfather gets home, my son gets tensed and isolated in his room.  I feel it is too late to rekindle any feelings, after everything I, my children have been through I don't love him, I constantly think of leaving to be on my own. When he tries to be intimate with me I make excuses until it leads into arguments, then I just give in to get him off my case. There is no warmth and compassion, just resentment, regret, bitterness, annoyed by just looking at or hearing him. So after 9 1/2 years of this it will ultimately result into me moving in with my mother yet again. But at least I will be happy knowing that I can do what I wanted to do for the longest time, go to college, get a car of my own, get a better job and have fun with my children, visit my family that i have been isolated from for years now. The way my children act around their father, it will not be a difficult break-up, he's hardly around them to build a bondful relationship.

   So in regards to Hector's wife, i know exactly where she is coming from when she has no remorse, warmth and even heartache feelings towards Hector, if she started this marriage with regret, there is no rekindling if those feeling of love are not there to begin with. Of course she'd reach out to another man, I did only because i was looking for a way out of my situation. If the guy treated me like gold, the merrier, if he was good to my kids, bonus!* It feels great to get that positive attention instead of criticism and loneliness and being constantly reminded of regret.  Plus she probably has no money to move out on her own with two children, so she found a guy who has a place already. It take months before she'd even get a check for child support and alimony and even a job. I just gotta say to all those young people out there, Think Really Hard about What you Want in Life, And Be Careful Who You Choose to Spend Your Life With.! It Could Waste Your Life Away If You're NOT CAREFUL!

 
January 24, 2008, 2:21 pm CST

THE MARRIAGE CAN WORK!

I HOPE NICOLE SEES THIS...NICOLE I TOO HAVE BEEN WHERE YOU HAVE BEEN...A CHEATING HUSBAND MORE THAN ONCE TOO...PLUS OTHER THINGS LIKE INTERNET PORN AND STRIP CLUBS. HE TO WAS ABUSIVE AND CRUEL BUT I TRIED. ONE DAY I HAD ENOUGH I TOO MY HUSBAND LEFT ME THEN 2 MONTHS LATER I STEPPED OUT OF MY MARRIAGE...IT WAS THE WORST THING POSSIBLE! HE WAS A WORSE CHEAT AND A HORRIBLE PERSON. MY HUSBAND AND I AFTER BEING SEPARATED FOR 6 MONTHS AND ONLY ONE COURT DATE AWAY FROM DIVORCE DECIDED TO GIVE IT ANOTHER TRY. WELL IT HAS BEEN 2 YEARS SINCE THEN AND I CAN TELL YOU WE ARE HAPPILY MARRIED! IT DOES TAKE TIME TO HEAL AND TRUST BUT IT IS WORTH IT IN THE END. BELIEVE ME IF YOU LEAVE UNFINISHED WITH A MAN THAT WOULD SLEEP WITH A MARRIED WOMAN IT WILL NOT BE ANY BETTER. YOUR CHILDREN WILL THANK YOU FOR AT LEAST TRYING EVEN IF YOU DECIDE YOU CANT STAY. JUST DON'T LEAVE AND GO STRAIGHT TO ANOTHER MAN. ITS GREAT TO BE ON YOUR OWN AND LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF. ITS NOT SO SCARY WHEN YOU ARE ACTUALLY ALONE. I WAS SCARED TO BUT FOUND MYSELF AND THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE MY HUSBAND. HE IS NOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. HE NOW SAYS HE OWES ME SO MUCH FOR WHAT HE HAS DONE TO HURT ME AND I DO NOT MAKE HIM FEEL HE OWES ME ITS ALL ON HIS OWN. ANYWAY I JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT THIS CAN WORK AND BE WONDERFUL. IF YOUR HUSBAND IS REALLY WILLING TO WORK ON HIMSELF THEN GIVE IT A CHANCE. YOU WILL FIND THAT AFTER BEING THROUGH SO MUCH TOGETHER YOU WONT WANT TO BE WITH ANYONE ELSE.

HOPE THIS HELPS!!

 
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