I was watching Dr. Phil with the headline "I Want Out!", and I see myself in that predicament. I have been with the father of my children for 9 1/2 years, but before I get into that mess; let me back up a little. I had a son when i was 16 years old, his father was there for me when he wanted to be, he never attempted to get a job, Oh he'd lie to me and said he put in applications but little did he know that I checked on them and they never heard of him. So I had to live with my mother and stepfather, go to night school and get a job and save money to get out on my own. Well that didn't happen, having a cesarean at my age took a very long time to heal. So after a year of bed rest, losing my job, stop going to school, trying to be there for my son, I was at wits end. I needed a way out of this mess, my mom is stressing me out, my stepfather needed money. Well once I was able to go to work, I was there for 6 months and I got noticed by a guy and he asked me out. I was so apprehensive because of my previous relationship, but I also needed a way out. So after dating for 6 months, I got pregnant, I was beside myself because I was unsure if I wanted to continue this relationship. I waited two weeks to tell him because I needed time to think. I felt that I was trapped, I did not want to live with my mother and burden her more than I had. So i made a go of the relationship, deep down I had this feeling of regret and it still haunts me to this day. It was not love at first sight for him, I tried to fall in love with him but It became difficult and aggravating at times. He worked a lot, about 8 to 10 hours a day, while I took care of three children by myself, housework, not having a car to go places, dragging myself and three children out to go to the store, no one my age to talk to, feeling isolated even when he was home I felt that he was not there. I got up every time when my children needed something, whether it was 2 am in the morning. I toughed it out, still living with this regret, growing more depressed. I needed my family around me to keep me sane, but he did not want my family around. I tried my best to raise the children with the proper standards, it's not easy alone, with their behavior problems today I get blamed from him immediately. "Well you should have done this...Should have done that" Where was he in this discipline time of needs?
He proposed to me when our oldest daughter was two years old, at his younger brother's wedding reception 7 years ago. I accepted thinking it would be a new fresh start, no more bitterness, regrets, loneliness, blame. Well my wedding day never came after waiting for 7 years i grew more bitter and annoyed every time i see or hear about weddings. He made it all about him and his statistics and fears about marriage. He was stratigising about divorces and how he knew a lot of people who are going through it. To my understanding marriage is about Love and Commitment, Not about how many divorces are rising each year. I am done with the Idea of marriage (at least with him), I am on my third engagement ring from him, I do not value them as a girl in love should, I feel it is a constant reminder of all the years of waiting for My Day that will never come as long as i am with him. The past two years have been hell on me, I had a mild stroke due to stress, I tell him about it and all he could say was "I had a mild stroke also because i am working too much and stressed out over bills and dealing with the kids." I was awestruck-ed by that, he had no concernment or offered to help me out.
I told my friends and family about what happened and were disgusted by his reaction. For years my friends and family tried to convince me to leave him, I stuck through it for my children sake, and now I am sooo tired of sticking it out. I need that attention, someone who makes me feel excited when they come home from work, helps around the house, helps with the children, Who will accept my son as their own and not belittle him because he has comprehending issues, be interested in his world and do things as a father and son do. My son has grew up bitter and angry towards his stepfather, he knows of his biological father and how he turned his back on us, i feel that if I don't get out of this relationship, my son will hurt himself or run away. When his stepfather is away, my son is lively and happy but when his stepfather gets home, my son gets tensed and isolated in his room. I feel it is too late to rekindle any feelings, after everything I, my children have been through I don't love him, I constantly think of leaving to be on my own. When he tries to be intimate with me I make excuses until it leads into arguments, then I just give in to get him off my case. There is no warmth and compassion, just resentment, regret, bitterness, annoyed by just looking at or hearing him. So after 9 1/2 years of this it will ultimately result into me moving in with my mother yet again. But at least I will be happy knowing that I can do what I wanted to do for the longest time, go to college, get a car of my own, get a better job and have fun with my children, visit my family that i have been isolated from for years now. The way my children act around their father, it will not be a difficult break-up, he's hardly around them to build a bondful relationship.
So in regards to Hector's wife, i know exactly where she is coming from when she has no remorse, warmth and even heartache feelings towards Hector, if she started this marriage with regret, there is no rekindling if those feeling of love are not there to begin with. Of course she'd reach out to another man, I did only because i was looking for a way out of my situation. If the guy treated me like gold, the merrier, if he was good to my kids, bonus!* It feels great to get that positive attention instead of criticism and loneliness and being constantly reminded of regret. Plus she probably has no money to move out on her own with two children, so she found a guy who has a place already. It take months before she'd even get a check for child support and alimony and even a job. I just gotta say to all those young people out there, Think Really Hard about What you Want in Life, And Be Careful Who You Choose to Spend Your Life With.! It Could Waste Your Life Away If You're NOT CAREFUL!
When couples tie the knot, they vow to stay together "'til death do us part," but what happens when a marriage takes a few bad turns, and one partner desperately wants out? Dr. Phil's guests are at a crossroads in their marriages. Hector and Nicole have been married nine years, and Nicole says she's done with the marriage, no longer loves her husband and has a boyfriend to prove it! Hector says he loves his wife and is desperate to save his marriage. He's even paid thousands for Nicole to have plastic surgery! Can Dr. Phil convince Nicole to give up her lover and give her marriage another shot? And, Shaun wants to dump his wife, Nancy, for good because he says she stalks him and throws herself in front of the door to keep him from leaving. Nancy is convinced Shaun still loves her, and she's hoping they can resurrect their union. Is there hope for this couple, or should they walk away? Tell us what you think.
