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Topic : 01/24 "I Want Out!"

Number of Replies: 161
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Created on : Friday, January 18, 2008, 02:26:08 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
When couples tie the knot, they vow to stay together "'til death do us part," but what happens when a marriage takes a few bad turns, and one partner desperately wants out? Dr. Phil's guests are at a crossroads in their marriages. Hector and Nicole have been married nine years, and Nicole says she's done with the marriage, no longer loves her husband and has a boyfriend to prove it! Hector says he loves his wife and is desperate to save his marriage. He's even paid thousands for Nicole to have plastic surgery! Can Dr. Phil convince Nicole to give up her lover and give her marriage another shot? And, Shaun wants to dump his wife, Nancy, for good because he says she stalks him and throws herself in front of the door to keep him from leaving. Nancy is convinced Shaun still loves her, and she's hoping they can resurrect their union. Is there hope for this couple, or should they walk away? Tell us what you think.

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January 19, 2008, 8:10 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

 Hector ought to let Nicole go. And do her boyfriend the same way she did him. Which I'll bet she'll do. She used Hector until she got what she wanted out of him. And, I'll bet she'll do the same to her boyfriend. When she's used him up, she'll be wanting out of that relationship, too, moving on to yet another man.
 
January 19, 2008, 10:35 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

 I think before everyone starts to judge this couple we need to find out why she wants out.  Did she marry him for other reasons besides love?  Has he been overly judgemental of her all these years they have been married?  Is she just not happy with herself?  Have they tried counseling?
I have been married for 22 years.  My husband has told me for years that my feelings have been wrong and that no matter what the conversation, he is 90% right all the time.  He accuses me of things that are very farfetched and yet, when I confront him with issues it is all my fault and nothing in our marrage is his fault.  We have tried counseling and again, it is all about what he wants, needs and expects.  He also tells me that he loves me and desires me just as this husband says he does.  It really makes you wonder what goes on in peoples heads when they do that.  So again, before we go and judge her, lets see what the issues are.  Now I do not agree with having the boyfriend.  That should never happen while you are married.  I will be watching to see what the issues are and then lets put our input into this.
Just my two cents
 
January 19, 2008, 11:06 am CST

Doctor Phil Show

Doctor Phil I Out Want.. Doctor Phil you not the only one in whole wide world including me at all. I do like----

you aswell. See you on Thursday Janurary 24th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.---------------------

 
January 19, 2008, 11:40 am CST

I WANT OUT

Marriage is a give and take but people also change as the years go on as do their relationship and marriage.  Different things are always brought into the picture and you are supposed to as a couple weather them together.  If it goes separate directions then you run into problems.  You have your opinion and he has his how to handle it.  The woman that actually lays in fromt of the door to keep her husband fro leaving the house, she doesn't realize it but that is making him want to leave even more!  I wouldn't want to be with someone like that!  Called tie a noose around my neck and hang me.  She has hung herself sounds like already, I don't see hope in this relationship if she is already at that point.  Therapy definitely is needed in this case.  As for the woman having an affair and the husband wanting her back, having her have plastic surgery etc., what message is he trying to send her.  He is making her look younger and better by doing the plastic surgeries probably for his vanity and his own sake but didn't think she would attract other men!  Guess what, blew up in his face didn't it!  And if one partner wants out so badly it is very difficult to fix the situation and bring the relationship back together.  It needs that partner to really turn themselves around and say OK I'm willing to work on it and see what happens.  If they are bound and determined as to NO WAY it isn't going to happen either.
 
January 20, 2008, 5:31 am CST

What is he thinking??

I will be interested in watching this program. Why would this guy keep buying her things and pit up with her crap. She is just using him and he is letting her. You can not buy some ones love. And she has a lover,

too?????  What is he thinking???

 
January 21, 2008, 1:29 am CST

I want out

I have been separated from my husband for almost a year. He told me he would support my family financially while I attended school. I wasn't even through my first semester when he walked out. I have gone through many changes. It has been hard. He hasn't formally filed for a divorce, but he may as well have. I was ignored for my birthday (not one call or text), our 4 year anniversary, and the recent holidays. I will continue to go to school to get my degree. I will never be able to trust a man ever again with my or my children's welfare. My children are 12 and 19, from previous relationships. I would say that too many people rush into relationships and marriage when they really don't know the person. I was with my husband for 2 years (on & off), before we married in December of 2003. I THOUGHT I knew him. I guess now I really didn't. Ours is a "disposable society" where if one doesn't like something or someone, it is/they are "traded-in" for the new, improved model. Tip: Never marry someone 12 years YOUNGER than you, either. I thought that would not be an issue between us; in the end it was as clear as day. Both people in the marriage have got to want to make it work. That is where I got stuck. The more I tried to include my husband back in my life; the more he ignored me and blew me off. It has been a hard and gut-wrenching experience, and I guess one can say that I have learned something from this.
 
January 21, 2008, 7:08 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: studentmom08

I have been separated from my husband for almost a year. He told me he would support my family financially while I attended school. I wasn't even through my first semester when he walked out. I have gone through many changes. It has been hard. He hasn't formally filed for a divorce, but he may as well have. I was ignored for my birthday (not one call or text), our 4 year anniversary, and the recent holidays. I will continue to go to school to get my degree. I will never be able to trust a man ever again with my or my children's welfare. My children are 12 and 19, from previous relationships. I would say that too many people rush into relationships and marriage when they really don't know the person. I was with my husband for 2 years (on & off), before we married in December of 2003. I THOUGHT I knew him. I guess now I really didn't. Ours is a "disposable society" where if one doesn't like something or someone, it is/they are "traded-in" for the new, improved model. Tip: Never marry someone 12 years YOUNGER than you, either. I thought that would not be an issue between us; in the end it was as clear as day. Both people in the marriage have got to want to make it work. That is where I got stuck. The more I tried to include my husband back in my life; the more he ignored me and blew me off. It has been a hard and gut-wrenching experience, and I guess one can say that I have learned something from this.

   When you hear something that"'sounds too good to be true,"  it probably is.  So, he told you he would support YOUR family while you attend school.  And, he was 12 years younger than you.  It sounds as if he had the best of intentions, but he couldn't handle the responsibility when reality reared its ugly head. 

   I agree you should let him out of the deal.  Divorce as amicably as possible. 

    

 
January 21, 2008, 12:28 pm CST

One Way Marriages

Quote From: cappyone

Marriage is not about getting your needs met-it is about serving another person.  I think if more people understood what love really is then they wouldn't get married in the first place.  Love is about committment, love is not a feeling-if it were we would all fall in and out of love 10 tmes a day.  Marriage is a committment to love the other person and place their needs above your own.  If the person is asking you to do criminal or abusive thing than you don't have to participate, but if not then you should stay married to that person. 
The trouble with this line of thought is that it assumes that both spouses are serving each other.  That isn't always the case, and one can only serve the other without riciprocation, which expresses the other spouse's love, for so long and then. . .you become "done."  I think the boyfriend thing that she claims is proof that she doesn't love him is just cruel, maybe to make him fall out of love with her, but it doesn't prove anything.  Love is the thing that we all fall back on when we aren't really getting along.  It is the assumption that the other is pure of heart during all things, and giving the benefit of the doubt to them because of that.  If it's not mutual then it is nothing more than emotional slavery.  A ceremony doesn't create the bond of love.  The problem with love is that people think that it is tangible and that it is always mutual when a wedding is performed.  We allow teenagers to act on the assumption that something that they do can cause another person of their choice to have love feelings for them.  When  rarely teach out kids that love isn't a game of tag:  she loves him, he loves her; she loves somebodyelse now.  It is a friendship so strong and so accepting that it is inevitable that it will lead to marriage.  It is a commitment that is present whether or not a ceremony is performed.  Too many people meet, date, get engaged and get married as if the process of going through the motions makes it marriage and means that it will work.  Marriage is a last step in a relationship that is already committed and proven.  We jump to the wedding because of wanting kids, or because it's expected of us socially.
 
January 22, 2008, 4:23 am CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

Quote From: yamchik

The trouble with this line of thought is that it assumes that both spouses are serving each other.  That isn't always the case, and one can only serve the other without riciprocation, which expresses the other spouse's love, for so long and then. . .you become "done."  I think the boyfriend thing that she claims is proof that she doesn't love him is just cruel, maybe to make him fall out of love with her, but it doesn't prove anything.  Love is the thing that we all fall back on when we aren't really getting along.  It is the assumption that the other is pure of heart during all things, and giving the benefit of the doubt to them because of that.  If it's not mutual then it is nothing more than emotional slavery.  A ceremony doesn't create the bond of love.  The problem with love is that people think that it is tangible and that it is always mutual when a wedding is performed.  We allow teenagers to act on the assumption that something that they do can cause another person of their choice to have love feelings for them.  When  rarely teach out kids that love isn't a game of tag:  she loves him, he loves her; she loves somebodyelse now.  It is a friendship so strong and so accepting that it is inevitable that it will lead to marriage.  It is a commitment that is present whether or not a ceremony is performed.  Too many people meet, date, get engaged and get married as if the process of going through the motions makes it marriage and means that it will work.  Marriage is a last step in a relationship that is already committed and proven.  We jump to the wedding because of wanting kids, or because it's expected of us socially.

I think for teenagers, it's normal to think of "love" as a game of tag, of sorts. They are getting thier footing in the world of relationships, finding thier wings so to speak. That's one good reason for teenagers to NOT make the decision to get married. But once we've moved past those years and matured, we should be able to look at things differently.

 

I think, in my life anyway, that love changes as the marriage evolves. I think as time goes on love matures into a strong bond that is more the basis of a marriage than in the beginning. Assuredly, it must certainly be different for everyone. I got married fairly young (almost 20) We got married because we were teetotally ,madly, in love with each other and couldn't stand to be apart for one minute and wanted to be together forever. As the years have gone by,(almost 34) we have slowing settled into a mutual mature loving marriage.

 

Frankly, the decision to get married, can be a crapshoot even in the very best of circumstances. I don't think it's very productive to constanly be talking about "getting out". I think couples should work through thier differences in a different manner than that. I think it could get to be a habit to react to problems by taking the "getting out " route. Habits are hard to break.

 
January 23, 2008, 6:47 pm CST

01/24 "I Want Out!"

This guy needs to leave his wife and get a devorce. He deserves someone that will treat him better then that.
 
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