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Topic : 07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Number of Replies: 190
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Created on : Friday, January 25, 2008, 01:19:15 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 01/30/08) Is there something you’ve been hanging on to for just a little too long? Clothes you haven’t fit into since high school? Boxes of stuff you haven’t looked at in years? Dr. Phil’s guests say their loved ones need to call the junk yard and “Get rid of it!” Kim says her husband, Paul’s, Star Wars hobby has to go. With over 6,000 pieces in his collection, Paul spends 30 hours a week playing with his action figures, building models and talking to friends about Star Wars. He even included light sabers in their wedding, so shouldn’t Kim have known what she was getting into? Next, Larry and Sheila married four months ago, but Sheila says she had no idea she was getting hitched to a hoarder. Larry says she’s got it all wrong –- she’s the pack rat! With some of their favorite collections rolled out on stage, can Dr. Phil help them negotiate what goes and what stays? Plus, meet Terri, who has four storage units and two garages full of sentimental memories –- like a rubber chicken and her father’s X-rays!  She spends so much money storing her stuff that she can’t even afford health insurance. What’s at the heart of her hoarding? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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July 31, 2008, 4:34 pm CDT

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Quote From: ourplanb

 

   So on the interview with the StarWars guy, i have to say i feel Dr. Phil went a little far. The poor man was embarrassed, and insulted for his hobby. I also like Starwars, not as much as him but even if i did, and even if I played in the pool with toys like he dose, its probably somthing he didnt want EVERYONE watching to show to know let aloune gawk at him for it. Everyone dose embarassing things (I.E. Singing out load when no ones around).  and i personally feel the interview went a little far. Is it just me who thought that?

I hope so.
If he was embarrassed, it's Paul's fault. If he didn't want EVERYONE watching gawking at him for being so Star Wars obsessed, he didn't have to be on the show. Nor, did he have to let Dr Phil's producers place cameras in his home. I think if anything went too far, it was Paul's obsession with all the Star Wars crap that's crowding Kim out of his life.
 
July 31, 2008, 4:43 pm CDT

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Quote From: ramair

I hope so.
If he was embarrassed, it's Paul's fault. If he didn't want EVERYONE watching gawking at him for being so Star Wars obsessed, he didn't have to be on the show. Nor, did he have to let Dr Phil's producers place cameras in his home. I think if anything went too far, it was Paul's obsession with all the Star Wars crap that's crowding Kim out of his life.
They could have presented the facts of the story without laughing at the man.  He should be proud of that collection, it is complete and nicely displayed.  And it was there before Kim was, so it isn't crowding her out.  She just doesn't fit in!

She's obviously not a fan, and isn't interested, and doesn't get it.  She's making him out to be the bad guy, but he hasn't changed from the day she met him.  They both were foolish to think they could have a relationship when they don't understand each other.

(Star Wars themed weddings are NOT unusual.  There are many kinds of themed weddings available nowadays, and the Star Wars and Star Trek styles rank second only to historic themed weddings.)
 
July 31, 2008, 4:45 pm CDT

Star Wars Basement

As a special education teacher of 21 years,  and the mother of a daughter with autism spectrum disorder,

I think that you short changed  this young man.  He is obviously (to me) somewhere on the autism spectrum.  Leave his Star Wars stuff alone.  He would need some serious therapy before expecting him to actually loosen his hold on his things.  I believe he would become physically ill or possibly have a mental break down if his Star Wars life was just taken away.

 

I found no humor in the story and a professional needs to talk with his wife if she truly doesn't understand that her husband actually has a disorder.

 

Thank you,

 
July 31, 2008, 4:48 pm CDT

Unfair to the Star Wars hobbies.

 I agree that there should be a balance in married life, but the girl that married the Star Wars guy should have known what she was getting into.  My husband is also obsessed with Star Wars and I knew that going into it.  I too have collections such as Barbies and Star Trek figures, marriage is a partnership and you should go into it knowing that if your partner has an "obession" before you get married they will probably not give it up after your married.  The Star Wars guy had very cool stuff and he should be proud of it.
 
July 31, 2008, 5:27 pm CDT

Thanks for your comments

Thanks for suggesting to hoarders that there are people in this world who really need the things that we hoarders are holding on to.  I used to keep everything (clothes, letters, memorabilia, you name it), but in the last 7 years I have been giving it away, and it feels great.  I have given away about 25 boxes of books, tons of clothes, pretty much everything I don't need at this moment.   I know part of this was because I was afraid I would end up homeless, and then I would need all of these things.  I finally realized that if I become homeless, I would have no way to use these things anyway.  It was so difficult at first to let things go, I developed a motto that I used to write on every box I filled to give away:  Don't be frightened, be free.  That motto has made it possible for me to free myself of the need to hold onto this stuff, and giving it away makes me feel so good.  I have reached the point where I ask people not to give me "stuff", because I don't need it, and I don't want to have it around tempting me to keep it.  Anyway, it is so important for us to get over the hoarding, and to think of the people who are in need of the things we are keeping in boxes "just in case". 
 
July 31, 2008, 5:29 pm CDT

My husbands hoarding is killing me.

 

I live with a hoarder. I guess you could call him a mild to moderate hoarder. I've seen much worse. For the last 20 some years of our 20 some year marriage I have fought with him too many times to count, over garbage.

 

Yesterday while looking for something (I cant even remember what now) in the messy garage (oh but I can still open my freezer door by only having to move a few things (arrrgggghhhh)) I found a $1.99 receipt and original container to something my husband had purchased over 7 years ago. I just blew up. I took one of his precious drawers full of more of these types of things and dumped it on the garage floor.

 

I have given up trying to keep it clean. Every time I cleaned the garage it was days and days of fighting only having to surrender any space I had made, to more of his garbage. He sees any empty space in this house as a good spot to store something. He believes that the top of the microwave is the spot to store his empty beer cans before he makes the five other steps out the back door to the recycling bin.

 

I am growing tired and he is winning. I am so beaten down by his garbage. I am getting terrible headaches, to the point that I wonder if they're a precursor to a heart attack. I am depressed. I cry a lot. I don't have company over. I have given up. My home is a disaster. When people come over I die of humiliation. It causes such anxiety and embarrassment. A couple of friends stopped over the other day and they made a joke about the garbage as if Im supposed to think its funny. They said I should take a picture of it and send it to Jay Leno.  Gee, I sure enjoyed that visit.........cannot wait for them to come back. lol

 

 He also has some sort of illness that if I talk him (beg for years) into repairing something in the house he will do something to the area that ruins it even more. Example. I finally talked him into repairing a very large hole in the bathroom wall and for some strange reason he felt he needed to tear out one side of the tub insert and then, he ripped up the floor on the opposite side of the bathroom and actually tore the linoleum in two places.

 

I saw this and just started crying. Although he denies purposely wrecking things in the home, when repairing the rips to the floor, he glued them and rubbed the tears with filthy fingers so now, I have two long lines that look like dirt, permanently on my bathroom floor. Then he decides before we can paint that he needs to peel, yes you read that right, peel the old paint off with a hot gun. He does a couple of hours a month. Lets guess at how long its going to take for him to finish the bathroom. I used to try and do the repairs myself but he would belittle me and tell me I did the job wrong and did a terrible job so I have quit. I hate the fact that I've given up but I have.

 

I believe, I need to divorce this man or I will die from a stress related illness due to his hoarding and lack of pride in our home.  These things I've mentioned here are just the tip of the ice burg. His van is a disaster, he has stuffed our attic with things and now the roof sags. The list goes on and on. And here's the clincher, he doesn't admit to having a problem. He denies it completely. Having a wife too embarrassed to have company over, a roof that's sagging, a garage that's stuffed from floor to ceiling and garbage shoved everywhere on our property aren't enough proof for him. He takes things off of my car, like the shifter knob and part of the cars interior and loses the pieces. I believe he does these things because I try and take pride in my things. Friends make fun of it by saying that the missing car pieces are probably in his van somewhere. He just ignores it.

 

I'm getting too tired to fight with this man over garbage. I am getting sick. Literally.

 

What was odd about this show was I was just crying to a friend about his garbage yet again when I happened to turn the t.v. on and saw the show was about hoarders. 

 

 

 I have had cars towed away,Ive thrown things away when he's not home but all of this causes fights. I'm literally fighting with my husband over garbage!!! People say "have you told him this is hurting you? I would just throw it away! Well you've put up with it for twenty years it must not really bother you."

 

Im just so tired and hopeless. What can I do? Any ideas? I'll accept them all. Except taking pictures of the garbage and sending them to Jay Leno.

 

 

 
July 31, 2008, 6:12 pm CDT

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Quote From: cschin

   Really, she should have seen this coming.  It is unfortunate that she choose to marry him.  He is more attatched to his stuff than to his new wife!  If snuggling is boring now, what is he going to think 10 yrs from now.  He either needs to get help or she should consider leaving him before investing her whole life with a man who is not going to be emotionally involved with her in any way.  He obviously doesn't want to change.  Wake up!

 

 

You wake up. Of course she's boring to him, because she's not interested in his interests, and she wants to change him. Who wants to cuddle with someone who doesn't accept you? He should have marrried someone he met at a star wars convention or something like that so she'd be into it, role playing and dressing up even.
 
July 31, 2008, 7:33 pm CDT

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Quote From: cndrlla

Hoarding is a mental disorder. Plain and simple....and it's progressive.  I was married to a hoarder who was NOT like that when we first met and married, (or I NEVER would have married him), but as his illness progressed, his hoarding became a total nightmare and the source of many arguments.

 

I couldn't take it anymore. That was not the total reason I left...he was also an alcoholic and I refused to allow my children to be subjected to that mess. But it sure added to the chaos.

 

Bottom line is this: life is too short to live in hell. Get psychiatric help, do something about the problem, or else shut up and live with it.....your choice.

 
July 31, 2008, 7:39 pm CDT

Been there.....

Quote From: sarajude

 

I live with a hoarder. I guess you could call him a mild to moderate hoarder. I've seen much worse. For the last 20 some years of our 20 some year marriage I have fought with him too many times to count, over garbage.

 

Yesterday while looking for something (I cant even remember what now) in the messy garage (oh but I can still open my freezer door by only having to move a few things (arrrgggghhhh)) I found a $1.99 receipt and original container to something my husband had purchased over 7 years ago. I just blew up. I took one of his precious drawers full of more of these types of things and dumped it on the garage floor.

 

I have given up trying to keep it clean. Every time I cleaned the garage it was days and days of fighting only having to surrender any space I had made, to more of his garbage. He sees any empty space in this house as a good spot to store something. He believes that the top of the microwave is the spot to store his empty beer cans before he makes the five other steps out the back door to the recycling bin.

 

I am growing tired and he is winning. I am so beaten down by his garbage. I am getting terrible headaches, to the point that I wonder if they're a precursor to a heart attack. I am depressed. I cry a lot. I don't have company over. I have given up. My home is a disaster. When people come over I die of humiliation. It causes such anxiety and embarrassment. A couple of friends stopped over the other day and they made a joke about the garbage as if Im supposed to think its funny. They said I should take a picture of it and send it to Jay Leno.  Gee, I sure enjoyed that visit.........cannot wait for them to come back. lol

 

 He also has some sort of illness that if I talk him (beg for years) into repairing something in the house he will do something to the area that ruins it even more. Example. I finally talked him into repairing a very large hole in the bathroom wall and for some strange reason he felt he needed to tear out one side of the tub insert and then, he ripped up the floor on the opposite side of the bathroom and actually tore the linoleum in two places.

 

I saw this and just started crying. Although he denies purposely wrecking things in the home, when repairing the rips to the floor, he glued them and rubbed the tears with filthy fingers so now, I have two long lines that look like dirt, permanently on my bathroom floor. Then he decides before we can paint that he needs to peel, yes you read that right, peel the old paint off with a hot gun. He does a couple of hours a month. Lets guess at how long its going to take for him to finish the bathroom. I used to try and do the repairs myself but he would belittle me and tell me I did the job wrong and did a terrible job so I have quit. I hate the fact that I've given up but I have.

 

I believe, I need to divorce this man or I will die from a stress related illness due to his hoarding and lack of pride in our home.  These things I've mentioned here are just the tip of the ice burg. His van is a disaster, he has stuffed our attic with things and now the roof sags. The list goes on and on. And here's the clincher, he doesn't admit to having a problem. He denies it completely. Having a wife too embarrassed to have company over, a roof that's sagging, a garage that's stuffed from floor to ceiling and garbage shoved everywhere on our property aren't enough proof for him. He takes things off of my car, like the shifter knob and part of the cars interior and loses the pieces. I believe he does these things because I try and take pride in my things. Friends make fun of it by saying that the missing car pieces are probably in his van somewhere. He just ignores it.

 

I'm getting too tired to fight with this man over garbage. I am getting sick. Literally.

 

What was odd about this show was I was just crying to a friend about his garbage yet again when I happened to turn the t.v. on and saw the show was about hoarders. 

 

 

 I have had cars towed away,Ive thrown things away when he's not home but all of this causes fights. I'm literally fighting with my husband over garbage!!! People say "have you told him this is hurting you? I would just throw it away! Well you've put up with it for twenty years it must not really bother you."

 

Im just so tired and hopeless. What can I do? Any ideas? I'll accept them all. Except taking pictures of the garbage and sending them to Jay Leno.

 

 

I know how you feel! I was married to a hoarder, too who wasn't like that when we married. It got progressively worse as time went on...plus, he became an alcoholic....also a progressive disease. As soon as I saw the hell of how my life was going to be, I got OUT!

 

Your husband is a master at passive aggression....do you not see that? 

 

Life is just too short....stop crying about your situation and do something to change it.

 

I wish you luck.

 
July 31, 2008, 7:48 pm CDT

07/31 "Get Rid of It!"

Quote From: bcgrote

I wish they wouldn't diss the Star Wars geek.  The national association spoken of on the show is a great organization, and has even marched in the Rose Parade!  And even though this fellow may have spent $200K on his collection, I would venture that a professional appraisal would find it is worth (on paper) nearly $500K!  The Boba Fett original figurine from the 70's, in the package, is worth more than $1500 now!

And is the woman stupid?  How could she marry someone and NOT be aware of the depths of his love for this iconic story?  First marriage, obviously.  The woman expects the man to change, and doesn't expect that SHE will be changing,  And there are PLENTY of female fans of Star Wars out there.  If you go to any convention in the WORLD, you will find a large number of single females who aren't merely trolling for a male nerd.  They are actively interested in science fiction, and collect items as well!

Dr Phil should be aware of the importance of this mythos not only in the movie realm, but also in the grander scheme.  Joseph Campbell has recognized and mentioned that this story arc is a re-telling of the "Hero Myth" which is found in every human culture.  The movie series is very important on many levels.  This young man is enthralled with this coming of age story, and is not alone or even unusual.  She needs to get over it or get out!

Also, don't pick on us "nerds", or we won't fix your computer!

I have to say, the last line in your post made me laugh out loud! (I bow to all the "nerds" who can fix my computer, as well as other techno items....as I am techno-challenged, myself.)

 

You also have a point when you asked how this woman could marry someone and not be aware of the depths of his love for Star Wars items. Did she not meet him before they got married??

 

You don't marry someone thinking you will change them! If you don't like them as they are when you get involved in the first place, then get the heck away from them! Why make both of you miserable? DUH!

 
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