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Topic : 06/26 Teens Having Babies

Number of Replies: 562
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Created on : Friday, January 25, 2008, 01:22:11 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/01/08) Parent alert: If you have a teenaged son or daughter, you'll want to sit down with him or her and watch this show! Dr. Phil takes a hard look at what happens when young girls find themselves having a baby while they're still babies themselves. It doesn’t just happen to the bad girl down the street; your child can become pregnant while living under your roof. First up, Ansley is 14 and says she's ready to have a baby now. She's so desperate to be a mom that she lied and told people she is pregnant. Her dad and stepmother say she's gone so far as to show people fake sonograms! Are Ansley's elaborate lies just ploys to get attention, or is there something more going on? When Dr. Phil shows Ansley a glimpse of what it's really like to be a teen with a baby, will she change her opinion? Next, Pam was shocked to receive a phone call from the high school principal telling her that her 16-year-old, Kaylee, was four months pregnant. She says she had no idea her daughter was even having sex! Did she miss the signs? Now eight months along, see Kaylee's emotional story of how her pregnancy has impacted her entire family. And, 19-year-old Amber is mom to an 11-month-old and recently discovered she was pregnant again. Was she trying to trap the baby's father as his mother claims? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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January 28, 2008, 6:54 am CST

02/01 Teens Having Babies

Im now 22 and had my first beautifull little girl 5 days before my 18th birthday. I was still in my senior year in high school after she was born i was home schooled for 6wks and returned to school 6wks later and walked across the stage with my head held high with my 3month old in the audience. Me and her father did not rushin to marriage because being pregnant is not a reason to be married but we were still together for the most of it a finished growing together and alone. We were married on March 11 2006. Our 3yr old baby girl was our flower girl. Now almost 2 yrs later we just welcomed our second daughter into the world. We waited almost  four years to get pregnant again. I am not a statistic and do not think that this was anyones fault other than mine. People need to understand that being a teen mom is hard but it doesnt mean you are a bad mom. My husband and I have known each other for 17 years and been together 71/2 yrs married for two. It wasnt always easy but life isnt supposed to be easy all the time just as long as you are happy and your kids are taken care of. My parents and famiy were a big support system for me but I raised my daughter and do not appreciate the judgement of those who are not aware of the reality of the situation. I would not do it any diffrently even if i had the chance.
 
January 28, 2008, 6:57 am CST

02/01 Teens Having Babies

Quote From: mandie_24

young parents aren't always bad parents they just don't always make the most responsible decisions. so often I hear people calling these babies mistakes and that's just rude. I had my first child when I was only 16 and I do every thing possible to be a good parent my daughter is now 7 and I participate in her school and her life just as much as an older mother i go to the pta meetings and I think that I do just as well as older moms and I think that my daughter does just as well as children who come from planned pregnancies.  And we are not on welfare either so I just want young moms to know that it doesn't always turn out as bad as people tell them it will.
I agree, not ALL teen moms are bad moms.  But you have to admit a lot of them dump the babies in trash cans, sell them for drug money, or abuse them because they can't handle the responsibility.  I, like you, raised my son as a teenager to the best of my ability and I had to grow up REAL fast.  Something a lot of moms AND dads don't do.  Congrats on being a good Mother to your daughter.  Keep it up!
 
January 28, 2008, 7:15 am CST

Pregnant and Under My Roof.....

I'm 41 and became a grandmother in November. My 18 year old daughter had a baby girl.  On the commercials for this week's Dr. Phil shows, I heard Dr. Phil ask one mother how she could not know that her daughter was pregnant.  I want to say, it is very possible.  My daughter had no boyfried and didn't even talk about any boys in her life.  I have 2 other daughters at the same high school and everyone knew everybody.  Being 3 girls who fought quite a bit, I thought I knew what was going on because they were always trying to get each other in trouble by telling on each other.  My daughter got pregnant and my husband and I were home.  I was recovering from surgery and my husband and I were playing cards.  My daughter said she was going to take out the garbage and went outside.  Not being suspicious of her behavior and also losing track of how long it was taking her to take 'out the garbage', it was about 40 minutes before we noticed she hadn't come back in the house.  One of my other daughters (intentionally) asked us where she was and then we realized she had not come back in the house.  My husband went outside and caught her getting out of a boys car.  She weighed about 98 lbs and wore the big hoddies most teens wear. By the time we noticed and she realized, she was about 25 weeks pregnant.  Dr. Phil, I'm raising 5 girls -- it IS VERY possible.  I don't think you should ask how a mother wouldn't know.....Do you know every time Jay and Jordan have sex?

 

M in Buffalo

 
January 28, 2008, 7:26 am CST

I just have to say it's not impossible

It's not impossible to not know your teenage daughter is pregnant,k I found my 17 year old was pregnant at 5 months! and this was after a doctors appt i took her to to get on birth control! call came early next morning from doctors office concerning her lab work they had done the day earlier, lol she had no need for bc they said she was already almost 5 months along! I suspected i said something about the "pooch" lol she was getting she denied it well actually she just about broke down and cried cause she had an eating disoder and to say she was gaining weight just crushed her.  I'm just saying it's not the parents to be blamed for not "knowing"
 
January 28, 2008, 1:53 pm CST

I WAS ONCE YOUNG AND A TEENAGE MOTHER

WHEN I WAS 17 YEARS OLD, I REALIZED THAT I WAS PREGNANT AND IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS ON AGAIN AFTER MANYS YEARS OF SEPARATION. I WAS SCARED AND HAD NO ONE AT THE TIME TO TURN TO. I DIDN'T KNOW IF THE FATHER WOULD STICK AROUND ONCE I GAVE HIM THE NEWS. AND LIKE MOST TEENS IN THIS SITUATION, I WANTED OUT OF MY HOUSE BECAUSE AT THE TIME I FELT UNLOVED.

 

SEE MY PARENTS SPLIT UP WHEN I WAS AROUND A YEAR OLD. MY FATHER WENT ON WAY AND MY MOTHER WHO SHE HERSELF WAS A TEENAGE MOTHER WITH THREE KIDS HAD DECIDED  IT WAS TIME TO LIVE HER OWN LIFE. I WAS RAISED BY MY GRANDPARENTS. THEY HAD SOLE CUSTODY (THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY THEY WOULD MAKE SURE MY MOTHER WOULDN'T COME BACK LATER WITH REGRETS). I BELIVE IN MY MIND THAT SHE WAS MY OLDER SISTER AND WHEN I FOUND OUT THE TRUTH I RESENTED HER WITH EVERY BEING OF MY FIBER.

 

I BROKE RULES MY GRANDMOTHER ENFORCED. I DRANK, I SMOKE AND HUNG OUT WITH THE WRONG CROWD. THAT'S HOW I MET MY FUTURE BABY'S DADDY, I WAS ONLY 14 AND HE WAS MY FIRST. I WAS TOO YOUNG BUT LOOKING FOR LOVE. LOVE THAT I DIDN'T FEEL ANYWHERE ELSE IN MY LIFE (OR SO I THOUGHT). SKIP TO AGE 17 AND HE COME CRASHING BACK INTO MY LIFE. LIKE NO TIME HAD LAPSE IN BETWEEN.

 

NEEDLESS TO SAY I WAS SO PREGNANT AND I WAS SCARED OF EVERYONES REACTION. WOULD THEY DISOWN ME AND THAN AGAIN DID I REALLY CARE. WHEN I TOLD THE FATHER HE WANT TO MARRY ME FLAT OUT AND AS I SAID BEFORE I WANT OUT OF THAT HOUSE OF LIES. SO I AGREED BUT TELLING MY GRANDMOTHER, THE ONE WHO HAD SACRIFICED HER LIFE TO GIVE ME MINE WAS HEARTBREAKING SEEING THE DISAPPOINTMENT IN HER FACE WAS TOO MUCH TO BEAR.

 

I HAD MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER THREE MONTHS AFTER I TURNED EIGHTEEN. I WAS SCARED S***LESS BUT I KNEW THAT I HAD A NEW LIFE THAT DEPENDED ON ME. I CAN'T SAY I WAS THE BEST MOTHER. I MADE MY MISTAKES AND TOOK HARD LUMPS (MY HUSBAND LOVE TO HIT ME JUST BECAUSE I WAS THERE, BREATHING). I LEFT HIM AFTER TWO AND A HALF YEARS. THE ONLY GOOD THING HE GAVE ME WAS MY DAUGHTER.

 

FASTWARD THREE MORE YEARS AND I MET MY CURRENT HUSBAND IN COLLEGE IN A CLASS CALLED, "HUMAN MOTOVATION". HE SAID "HE WAS MOTOVATED TO MET ME". FROM DAY ONE, HE HAS TREATED "OUR" DAUGHTER AS HIS OWN. AFTER A FEW YEARS HE ADOPTED HER. SHE IS SURELY DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL AND SHE WILL STOP YOU IN YOUR TRACKS IF YOU DARE SAY THAT HE IS HER "STEPFATHER".  AS SHE SAYS "IT ISN'T THE SPERM THAT MADE YOU IT'S THE ONE THAT RAISED YOU, THE ONE WHO HELD YOU AT NIGHT WHEN YOU HAD A NIGHTMARE OR WHO CLEANED YOUR SCRAPE KNEE. THAT MAN IS MY DAD. ALWAYS HAS. ALWAYS WILL BE".

 

WE RAISED OUR DAUGHTER WITH A SENSE OF RIGHT AND WRONG. WE LET HER KNOW ABOUT SEX AT AN EARLY AGE (12) AND WE LET HER KNOW THAT WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS READY TO HAVE SEX. WE WILL PROTECT HER AS BEST AS WE KNEW HOW AND GET HER THE RIGHT INFORMATION AND GET HER ON BIRTH CONTROL.

 

YOU MIGHT JUDGE MY ACTIONS BUT HAD SOMEONE TAKEN THE TIME TO EXPLAIN SEX TO ME AND HOW TO PROTECT MYSELF. THINGS MAY HAVE TURNED OUT DIFFERENTLY. DON'T GET ME WRONG, I DON'T REGRET MY DAUGHTER FOR A SECOND AND I LOVE HER MORE WITH EACH PASSING DAY.

 

BUT DON'T JUDGE WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS OUT THERE. AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. NOT ALL PARENTS ARE  UNDERSTANDING OR HAVE A GRIP ON REALITY. BACK THEN YOU DIDN'T SEE HAVE THE STUFF YOU DO NOW ON T.V., MAGAZINES AND REALITY SHOWS. THINGS ARE CHANGING FOR YOUNG GIRLS EVERYWHERE.

 

SO IF YOU SEE A TEENAGE GIRL WHO HAPPENS TO BE PREGNANT REMEMBER SHE IS SCARED. SCARED OF WHAT'S TO COME. SCARED OF WHO SHE WILL BE. SCARED IF SHE WILL EVER BE THE SAME AS BEFORE.  SO HAVE A HEART AND GIVE THE GIRL A BREAK SHE HAS HER BABY'S LIFE AND HER OWN TO WORRY ABOUT. NOT WHAT YOU ARE THINKING OF HER.

 

A CONCERNED FORMER TEENAGE MOM

 

 
January 28, 2008, 6:24 pm CST

the 14 yr old who wants a baby

I hear this too often and i think its very sad, usually this comes from girls who are lacking love in their life and want someone to love them and want the attention that comes along with being pregnant.  The thing they seem to not realize is pregnancy itself is not what you see on tv it can be very bad. I am a 27 yr old married mother of 2 children under the age of 4 and both of my pregnancies were high risk. I was on bed rest etc...... Many teens who want children dont realize that these sort of pregnancies are a possibility and they usually dont have the support or insurance to cover the cost.

 

Lets say the pg goes well alot of youg girls dont seem to grasp the gravity of having a baby. Your life is no longer your own. You cant just get up and go out with your friends theres sleepless nights and alot of work. This is so dis heartening to me because I have a 14 yr old sister who says she cant wait to have a baby she just doesnt get it. The sacrafice that it requires to be a good mom and how many young girls who have had to put their dreams on hold because they found out they were pregnant too young and had to give up their free teen years and be a grown up when their friends were out having fun.

 

I  really hope dr phil can talk some sense in to this girl and help her realize that a baby is not a quick fix to getting attention or love but a lifetime sacrafice and no longer putting yourself first not to mention alot of work and the toll pg can take on your body and that a 14 yr old girl is not even physically mature enough for her body to handle the pg.

well ill get off my soapbox now

 
January 28, 2008, 6:43 pm CST

growing up real fast

Quote From: marinema03

I agree, not ALL teen moms are bad moms.  But you have to admit a lot of them dump the babies in trash cans, sell them for drug money, or abuse them because they can't handle the responsibility.  I, like you, raised my son as a teenager to the best of my ability and I had to grow up REAL fast.  Something a lot of moms AND dads don't do.  Congrats on being a good Mother to your daughter.  Keep it up!
I know alot of young parents make some pretty big mistakes but i just wish that people wouldn't put that stereotype on all young parents.  It's not easy doing the right thing and growing up and being resbonsible at such a young age i know a few other young mom's who hardly ever even have their kids with them they let their parents or who ever is willing to do it for them do all the hard work that comes with having a child.  A nd I know that it's not always peaches and cream my daughters father was as young as i was and he bailed when she was only1.  he had no contact with her at all and my husband and i ended up terminating his parental rights and my husband adopted her.  I just want people to know that sometimes you still get a happy ending even though you had a baby so young you just have to work very hard for it and sometimes young moms are good moms too;)     By the way I hear that kind of stuff on the news more and more, those poor babies i can't understand why anyone at any age would do some of these things especially when there are so many options these days.
 
January 28, 2008, 7:41 pm CST

Teen Mother

I to was a teen mother. I was 15 when I had my first son. He was 3 months old when I turned 16.  I went for 8 month's of the pregnancy without my parent's knowing. I was very athletic, and only gained 19 pounds the entire pregnancy and they never had a clue. My aunt worked at my school and heard the rumors and told them or they would have not known until I went into labor, that was my plan anyhow.  The father of my first born denied him, and has never seen him. Now that I reflect that is probably for the best.  I had my second son with my husband when I was 20 years old, he is a wonderful man. He adopted my first born when he turned 2 years old, after his biological father signed his rights away.

 

I am 31 years old now, and I am not going to lie, it has been very hard. But my kid's are wonderful people. I would not change my past for anything. My oldest son is now almost 16, and that scares the hell out of me, at the thought of him becoming a parent. I hope the things we do with our children prevent this from happening.

 

It just really bothers me when I hear or read bad thing's that people have to say about teenage mother's. I know what I did was wrong, but it was and is not my son's fault. Every situation is different. I worked and took care of my son, graduated high school, and went on to attend and graduate nursing school. I am not able to do nursing anymore due to needing knee replacements in both of my knee's at such a young age. But me and my husband do take care of our children, and are both active in their lives. And my oldest son, even after being born to a 15 year old mother, does outstanding. He keeps a 4.0 grade point average, and starts in high school on the baseball and basketball team as a sophomore.

 

I would not advise anyone as a teen ager to do this on purpose, but I would not change my life. And to anyone who thinks all kids are not going to grow up right because of their teenage parent, come and meet my children.

 

 

 

 
January 28, 2008, 11:45 pm CST

Need to communicate and be supportive

The line of communication between my daughter and I has always been very open. No subject is off limits, nothing is taboo. I've been answering every one of her random questions, and even encouraging her to ask me anything she wants, since she learned to talk. This includes questions about babies, the differences between boys & girls, and sex, all answered in age appropriate language of course. Now that she is a teen, we talk about sex and pregnancy fairly often. I hope she doesn't get pregnant as a teen and hopefully our candid talks will prevent that. I recently had her come with me to a friend's house whose teenage daughter has a 6 month old, so she could see first hand how much work it is taking care of a baby for even just one day. My daughter says there's no way she'd get pregnant before she gets out of college, and I hope she won't, but only time will tell.

 

While I hope my own teen doesn't get pregnant, as I'm sure all parents do, I must say that I have a real problem with people that look down on teens that do get pregnant. The ones that automatically assume the teen's life is ruined and that they will be horrible parents because they are still just kids themselves. I certainly don't condone teen pregnancy, but you can't judge the kind of parent someone will be or what they will make of their life simply by their age. I know some pretty horrible parents that didn't have kids until they were supposedly "adults" in their 20's, 30's and even 40's. I've also known some teen parents that have gone on to have successful lives and raise their children wonderfully.

 

Every individual is different. If my teen gets pregnant and wants to keep the child, I know my initial reaction would be anger. "I taught her better than that!" But there is nothing we can do to reverse the situation so we need to get over our anger and be supportive. No matter how old your child is, that is your grandbaby, your flesh and blood. The support you offer can make all the difference in the world how both of them succeed in life.

 
January 29, 2008, 8:06 am CST

Tell the girls......

When my daughter was a teen, she passed out in church.....lack of food, fatigue, etc.

Later that day, I asked her to tell her boyfriend's mother that I wanted to talk to her after church....

They came to our home and it was just church activitivies that I wanted to tell her.  She said, "Oh!  I thought you were going to tell me that Judy is pregnant!"  (This would have been a huge shock...and, thankfully not the case.)

 

We had a frank conversation about sex and pregnancy.  I told the young man...."You know when a girl has a baby, her body is NEVER the same.....do you know what castration is?  If HER body changes....YOUR body changes...."

 

Somewhat humorous...but truth in the fact that a girl's body does changes.  I think if you told/showed young girls what happens to their bodies, they might think twice about getting pregnant....perhaps vanity will slow them down....

 

Also, having had a sister who had a baby at 16......what it did to the families....moms, dads, siblings, grandmas, grandpas....everyone!  What it did to my sister!  Her young, happy high school years were over!  No college....no life......  What it did to the baby who was born and subsequent children.....no financial stability....no college....living hand to mouth......

 

I always told my daughters if they had a baby that they would have to give it up for adoption......I said it long and loud.....I don't know if I could have given up my grandchild....but they sure did believe I could.....

 

I told my serious boyfriend....whom I have been happily married to for 40 years....If you ever asked me to have sex, we are done.  That will prove to me that you care more about yourself than you care about me......

 

I know there are cases where young girls who have babies do well.....but that is the exception not the norm....

 

Moms and Dads...be strong......be vocal......that is being loving......

 

Watch Super Nanny....kids of all ages want rules and consistency.....

 
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