Topic : 06/26 Teens Having Babies

I watched the show wow 14 and wants a kid.But it is hard with the peer pressure in school to have sex and kids are doin it at a younger age. They dont know that they are gettin into. The parents can talk to them about it and ask if they are but most likely they will say no and blow it off. They are to scared to tell the parents for fear of gettin trouble or them thinking little of them. Some kids are lookin for some to love them and talk them that they can relate too. But boys now days dont understand that no means no. so they push for it and only the strong can stand up it and fight it.  The peer pressure to have sex and fear of gettin teased for sayin no gets to some kids.

 

I have a 2 yr old some and it isnt easy to raise them and be a full time college student and work. He daddy dont want him so i am alone, my parents help me out when i have no one else. But the cost of daycare and clothes food is alot.

 

Some one needs to talk to these kids like teens in my shoes or just something, caz the sex rate up drop out rate and abortions will keep raising if some doesnt do something to get throw to the kids

No she is right and does know what she's talking about.There is nothing more stupid and irresponsible than an unplanned pregnancy from unprotected sex. Put the condom on and take your pill. It's really quite simple.

My daughter is 18, Bi-polar, living from house to house, my greatest fear is the day she show back up on my door step pregnant, drug addicted, and I just don't know how to deal with this.  I have had many conversations with the boyfriends mom who refuses to believe her son uses drugs or is having upprotected sex.

I have always had a curfew, rules, and open discussions with my daughter.  What I ended up with is 2 years of hell, social services showing up on my doorstep because she went to school and said I was abusing her because I banned the boyfriend from my home.  The school who let the boyfriend in to see her, a teacher who helped her run away from home.  In missouri a child is concidered an adult at 17 in criminal court so when they run away the police won't help bring them back home, but in every other area they are still concidered minors.  I had to get an order of protection from the court to keep the boyfriend away from me as he was threatening to harm me.                                                                                                                Now my daughter shows up every so often with the police wanting in the house to take things that she wants.  The police say as long as she has anything here she can come and go as she pleases.  She can take anything she wants if she says it belongs to her.  She has told the police she does not live here but they have told her she can break a window to get in if she wants to.  I am left feeling numb, afraid to leave my home, I don't trust the police to protect me if she and her boyfriend decide to come and try and harm me.  So far the mother of one girl who took her in has called me wanting help because she was threatening her and her daughter.  Didn't bother to call me when she took off for there but sure calling me now that there are problems.  Some days I won't even open my curtins as I don't want anyone to know for sure if I am home. 

   

A lot of people are mentioning adoption and I would have to agree wholeheartedly.   While you can't really convince a young girl to give up her baby, they should be made more fully aware of what they are getting into.  Hense, the computerized babies for starters and a lot of parenting education for all kids in the 8th grade.

 

What I've seen happen too many times, is that the single mother wants to keep her baby and later the child is taken away permanently and at an older age, put up for adoption.  Unfortunately, we know these children have serious baggage and they are far less likely to be adopted than a healthy baby would be.  And the child isn't made a Crown Ward (meaning 'adoptable' in Canada) often times, until many attempts back at home, and back again in foster care. 

 

There are a LOT of older children out there waiting to be adopted who will remain in foster care all of their lives.  It's so sad.  

 

I know of way too many horror stories of kids who get taken away at a young age, then go back home, only to have the parents fail again.  I know of TWO mothers who each had five children, and each had their babies taken away at birth due to prior parenting issues.  Both had the mindset of 'well if Children's Aid keeps taking away my kids, I'll have to have more".  One of these mothers drank and the two little ones I had likely had fetal alcohol syndrome.  Thank God, they got adopted!  That was a miracle. 

 

Anyway, there are a lot of kids are in and out of foster care most of their lives.  My last foster son was finally made a Crown Ward (Canadian term basically meaning adoptable)  at the age of 15.  Who's going to adopt a 15 year old?  He was really messed up - brilliant, cute and very witty, but so messed up.  This is typical of our system - and I'm sure it's the same in the U.S.  He was sooo very damaged.  He lashed out at me and CAS did not like the way that he spoke of me and had him moved.  I told them that I realized that hurting people hurt people but they moved him anyway, and told me that they were afraid we'd burn out because of his treatment.  Caring foster parents are a precious commodity and they feel they need to take care of us, which I do appreciate.  I get calls to have children placed at least once a week but we are taking a break for now.   

 

One more thing - it's no wonder people have a hard time finding a baby to adopt.  Young women are simply not giving up their babies anymore.  Long story, but when I first started taking foster parent training courses, it was about 11 years ago in the most conservative city in Canada (I know it's this because it's a test market for new products)  Anyway, the question was asked, "How many healthy babies were given up for adoption last year?"   We were guessing 50, 100, 40..... The answer was 1, in a city of about 450,000.  This rarely happens anymore.

 

 

 

 

In 1951,  I was a 16 year old teen who became pregnant and regret  keeping the child.  My fiance was killed in a mine accident in PA, the day after my bridal shower, a week before the wedding.  No-one knew about the pregnancy until after his death so I lived with my parents and had a baby girl at 17.  There was very little contact with her father's family even though they lived across the street.  My mother had had a miscarriage 4 years earlier so this baby became my mother's dream come true.  I left home in November 1952 to be married and have been married to that same man for 55 years and we have 2 daughters of our own.  My parents assured me that they would adopt the baby but that never happened.  They, also, never told her that I had been her birth mother until she was 16 and only then because my elderly grandmother had made a comment about not doing something like her mother did.  She asked my mother what she had done and the cat was out of the bag.  I lived in a different state and had little contact with this child except at holidays and birthdays and that was a gift and card to her.   I had never bonded with this child in the 8 1/2 months that I basically "babysat" her while my mother worked.  Nothing changed after she found out and we have never had a relationship.  I've seen her a couple of times over the years but we are not friendly.  It was a mistake agreeing to have my parents adopt her because she suffered from my father's anger as I had and turned to alcohol and drugs after high school.  She will be 58 on St. Patrick's Day and there will be no gift, card, or flowers as she's and I have agreed to  sever any ties.  I seldom think of her and my sister who lives in OH is left to cope with her as she's done since she was born.  This woman has panic attacks so severe that she has to leave a store without making a purchase.  The only place that she will go is to see her psychiatrist who pumps her full of strong medication that has made no difference in many, many years.  She's completely dependent on the Social Security Disability check that she receives monthly.  She spends little of it and has a bank account larger than mine.  If I had let her be adopted in the beginning, I think that she would have had a better chance at a normal life and would have not ended up as she has.  I see how well my daughters have turned out and how happy they are in their lives and how sad that she will never experience that.

If all parents did this we would have alot better handle on what our kids are doing.  The hardest thing I had raising my daughters was the fact that most of their friends didn't have curfews, or rules of any kind to follow.  Seemed that most of their moms wanted to be their friends and not their parent.   

 

I think that adoption is a good way to go if you're a pregnant teen.  When I see pregnant teens, it makes me sad because there are so many couples out there who try and can't have them, and you see that they're well equipped with the finances and time that a teen doesn't have (merely because they haven't been alive long enough to comfortably amass these resources).

 

On the teen's side, it's not fair to them, either.   I think that every teen has a right to life without having to take care of a baby- just have fun and learn how to be an adult and take care of yourself first.  That sounds selfish,but self-realization is an important part of development and I don't think it should have to be on hold.   It can also stunt career development (depending on where you work), don't let someone put you on the "Mommy Track" before you even start your career.

 

Babies force you to "grow up", but do you really want to do that?  I'm a young adult, but haven't "grown up" yet and hope I never will.  Instead of overcomplicating your life, I say let someone raise the kid who can automatically give your child the best of everything the kid needs.  Anyway, that's my case for adoption.

Wow, not a good situation.  You probably thought you were making the best of it.

 

Have you and your daughter ever had a heart to heart?  It seems like there is so much healing needed and forgiveness that needs to take place. 

Unfortunately honey, you are paying a lot more for the space program and war in Iraq than you are for welfare/food stamps.  Public aid comprises one of the smallest aspects of our budget, yet is subject to the highest controversy.  Perhaps Americans just aren't humanitarian that way.  Although I do not receive welfare, the way I see it. . . if a woman can raise her children off $625/mo then we should put her in Congress so she can reduce the nation's deficit.  These people are far more resourceful than we could ever be and I commend them for being able to stay alive.  I do not condone teenage pregnancy, but many adults are also in poverty.  Good parenting only goes so far as we were all born with free will and individualized personality traits.  I am glad you are proud of your children, we all should be.

You and your husband made a choice to keep your family together.  You are one of the lucky ones.  Congratulations on your hard work and for keeping your child.

 

I was 18 when I got pregnant.  The father and I did marry when our son was 9 months old.  We just celebrated 20 yrs of marriage.  It hasn't been easy.

 

Just remember not to be selfish without losing yourself.  Marriage and being a family is a choice to love and be together as well as hard work on a daily basis.

 

May God bless you and your family.