Topic : 02/04 Dirty Little Secrets

On "Dirty Little Secrets" program it was mentioned the military does not cover up crimes.  I disagree.

I was married to a Naval Officer and worked for the Navy.  While stationed in Iceland, an officer beat his wife and left her all bruised and blind from his fists and fighting for air.  She was found by neighbors, taken to the hospital and repaired.  Her husband, a naval doctor, was only told to get in line.  She quit her job as a youth care giver and went home to her parents to recover.  The day she left Iceland, her husband was holding her hand at the airport and had his arm around her.  It was not protective, it was to keep her silent. 

She was terrified of her husband.  Why did he beat her, because she told him she was leaving him and the marriage.  He continued in his position as a medical doctor and was not reprimanded for the beating.

 

My own husband, a high ranking officer, told me his assault on a women was covered up.  It was before we were married and while he was married to an Icelander.  They had gotten into a fight and he had hit her.  She threatened to call the police.  He called his commander, the commander told him to leave at once and they made sure he was not charged for the assault.

 

I have seen the military take direct action to bring justice, but I have also seen them turn a blind eye to crimes and no action was taken against the perpetrator.

Respectfully

Past Navy Wife

I can tell you the definition of love. Love is that condition in which the happiness of the beloved's is  essential to one's own happiness.

That's it.

Relationships, now, those are a whole 'nother kettle o' fish.

raymond was whining about how his wife was dating other men for the past few years.  he has no idea how lucky he is.  i would love to have a girlfriend (and someday a wife) who would date other men while i remain faithful to her.  this is a situation called cuckolding.  the boyfriend/husband is the good provider, loving and caring mate and the woman has her sexual freedom to be with other men that she is attracted to.  most men are intimidated by a confident, sexually assertive woman.  i, on the other hand, love women who know what they want and aren't afraid to get it.  men have been doing it for centuries but now that women are doing it, it is a problem. 

This message is for both couples who were on the show. Thank you for airing your problems publicly. I could relate to both stories and so although it was painful to watch, some of what came out helped me understand my own situation. There is a man where I live that is married but doesn't wear a ring and continuously goes after women half his age that work with him. I didn't know any of his past as I was new to the area, and was just the right age (mid-20's) for him. He really knows what he's doing. I thought I was with a man who understood me more than anyone ever had. This was probably true. But he only spent time trying to understand me not to love me, but to know all the ways he could further manipulate me emotionally--so that he could be in control. Instead of recognizing this, I fell deeply in love with him. I felt he was my soul-mate, and we began planning a life together. I have always been a very independent woman, so giving myself over to a man like this was such a new experience and it felt incredible.  I loved my life with him. However, over the years he did subtle things that undermined my sense of independence and confidence and I became more and more dependent and most importantly for him less and less willing to question the inconsistencies. He always had very convincing arguments for everything he did, and then over time made it so I wouldn't question the most glaring issues like why he went back to living with his "ex" wife (he told me he was divorced, but he was living back in the house, sleeping on the couch, for their child's sake . . . and that he couldn't have me over because he didn't think we should be rubbing our relationship into his ex-wife's face, and his daughter wasn't ready for me. I thought I was being respectful).  Unbelievable. In the span of time I was with him, he asked me to marry him. I had a ring and everything and was days away from putting a sizeable downpayment on our wedding when I came upon evidence that couldn't be denied that he was in fact still married.  Not only that, but he was sleeping with another young woman who didn't know about me or his wife either. I was devastated. I had made him the center of my life and lost a lot of who I had been. The last years have been trying to find a sense of purpose again, trying to find myself again.  He doesn't care. He has apologized, but only in the effort to manipulate me into being back in the same set-up. He still doesn't acknowledge his wife.  Most recently I had another young woman text me devastated and asking what my relationship with him was. No matter what I said I knew he would easily discredit me as being a jealous ex or crazy or something, and I was right. She stopped texting me saying she didn't know who to believe. All I had said was I was sorry this was happening to her and that he did have a history of doing it. The problem for me is he was my first everything, and I have so many good memories of the early stages, but I feel so much shame and responsibility for it.  I also am ashamed for not checking up on my instincts that he was lying. I would NEVER have gotten involved with a married man, I never will . . . and yet now I know I was, and for almost a decade. I just feel so disgusting and sick about it.  I think Sherri is closest to the guy I was with---when Dr Phil said there had to be a payoff I was nodding---I believe it is a negative payoff for the guy I was with, that he believes he is disgusting and worthless and so he does stuff that confirms it for him. But it's not an excuse. Good luck to all of you in getting what you really want in life. 

I would love to Raymond kick Sherry's sorry butt out the door, then I would like introducer to my X boyfriend .

A cheater needs to have a partner that cheats.. thats fair!! None of this onesided affairs.

 

Raymond deserves way better than Sherry.

 

why do you started this relationship in the first place? I think you are an odd couple. You have to take the time it takes to know him, this has gone way too fast (for you)! You are too credulous. Did you look for security and found it in him? I´m almost sure he had choosen you because of your beauty.