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Topic : 02/04 Dirty Little Secrets

Number of Replies: 277
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Created on : Friday, February 01, 2008, 02:17:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Affairs, sex with strangers, previous marriages and secret children … What happens to a relationship after someone confesses a deep, dark secret? Lee recently disclosed to his wife, Kristina, that he had been married three times before her and that he has a teenage daughter. Kristina says she feels stupid for buying Lee’s stories, and now she wants out. Lee, an actor, says he’s desperate to get his wife back, but has his best performance to date been playing husband to Kristina? Then, to the outside world, Sheri and Raymond appear to be a happily married couple of seven years with three young children, but behind closed doors, their marriage is nothing but a charade. Sheri admits that for the past four years, she has been dating close to 15 other men, whom she refers to as "friends with benefits." Raymond says he keeps up the facade for their children, but Sheri’s promiscuity has got to stop. You won’t believe what Sheri says happened to her eight years ago that may be at the center of her cheating heart. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 3, 2008, 8:37 am CST

Honesty

I've been married for 20 years.  I think if this couple wants to stay in their marriage.  Both of them need to take a hard look of what they've been through, what to do now and what is going to happen to them in the future.  Unfortunately, they weren't honest with each other in the beginning of their relationship.  By not being honest, it makes it more difficult to trust and to be honest with each other.  I believe that to make a good marriage work, you have to openly talk to your spouse everyday.  Tell them how you feel, using "I messages".  Not to blame or criticize.  Express your feelings,  "I felt angry because you did this and now I am overwhelmed, is an example.   Take the time to talk, not when your busy trying to go to work or when the children want your attention.  I believe that the 1st five years of my marriage were rocking too.  I still believe that we are still going to fight and have conflicts.  It is how we communicate.  We have our rules, no throwing things.  If things get too out of control, one of us has the right to say. "You're upset with me and I'm so angry at you.  We need to stop and take five and come back to this later."  Then I walk away to cool off. 

 

Good luck! 

 
February 3, 2008, 10:47 am CST

dirty little secrets

 I'm confused. Marriage is give and take 100% both ways. If one of us is cheating, then one of us has got to be kicked to the curb. The trust is gone. Once a cheater, always a cheater. That's something that just can't be tolerated. If you have to keep a "DIRTY LITTLE SECRET" to yourself, doesn't that take away from being able to be fully committed to your marriage?????
 
February 3, 2008, 11:07 am CST

Failed attempt at sarcassm, oops!

Quote From: hasissues

All marriages have problems.

 

This does not have anything to do with being gay.

 

"Marriage" is a union between two people. Put two people together for years and there will be conflicts. If there aren't any problems then you are living in a fantasy world or your meds are working for you. lol

 

Who doesn't "lie" occassionally?

 

Big secrets that affect others well being should be shared. It's that simple.

I was refering to people that say that gay unions will destroy marriage.

 

My point is that some straight people are doing a "fine" job of destroying marriage on their own.

 

Oops!

 
February 3, 2008, 1:03 pm CST

02/04 Dirty Little Secrets

It seems to me that Sherri's actions are speaking volumes. I hear "I want out of this marriage". Evidently Raymond wants her to stay or he wouldn't be putting up with this. I'm not sure there is anything that Sherri can say (that happened to her 8 years ago?) that could justify all of these affairs. I think she is doing it because she can get by with it. And staying with Raymond because he is willing to put up with it. Raymond saying he is doing this because of the children doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. As thier father he has a right to be treated better than this.
 
February 3, 2008, 1:12 pm CST

02/04 Dirty Little Secrets

Quote From: bigkey75

No one can explain what REAL LOVE is not even Dr.Phil. Only you know when you love somebody, the thing is does that person carry that same love for you. unfortuatly you can love someone with all your heart but that person may only love you for the sex or for the way you take care of them or for your money etc.. you know you really love that person when you feel it not in your heart but in your stomach! and you'll know this feeling because you don't get that feeling in your stomach for everyone. when you have that feeling for someone you'll do WHATEVER it takes to make that person happy and if that person has the same feeling they will do whatever it takes to make you happy!

Years ago I had a great-uncle who had a saying:

 

Love is a thing in the shape of a lizard

First in your heart and then in your gizzard.

 

Do ya think he was on to something?

 
February 3, 2008, 2:42 pm CST

It makes ya speak your mind

   

     I always felt like you need to be there for your spouse when they are not feeling good about there marriage, making it work. You know I always thought that doing things like going places with them. And Kissing them alot when they first got married but if they turn you away and say you have to kiss all the time then thats another sign that don't care about you. Well thats the way see it anyway.

  My husband is really horrid with me he's just a bear to me. He doesn't want to doing anything with me anymore it like were roommates were not of course but thats how I feel anyway. My car needs attention and he won't fix it. The car is older then the hills its a 94 escort. The tail pipe is broke off and its dragging on the ground right now. So if he's not going to fix then I might as well not fix me either. I might as well die then Or not eat at all I can do it I've done it before. Lynnds6363

 
February 3, 2008, 4:27 pm CST

02/04 Dirty Little Secrets

Quote From: laurieg14

In MY mind, no matter what kind of tragedy or problems you have had in the past, that you could possibly justify lowering yourself to sleeping with 15 different men while being in a commited relationship. I CAN actually speak from SOME semblance of experience having had to leave home at the ripe old age of 16, and later on having lost my infant daughter to SIDS. I believe you have to take responsability for your own actions as it will only be yourself who pays later on for your mistakes and possibly your children as theyll absorb EVERYTHING that goes on around them no matter HOW well you THINK you are hiding things from them. They see EVERYTHING. I dont think your partner should have to pay for the things you do either. I honestly believe that in todays society there are FAR too many people that like to blame everything, and everybody else for their problems instead of just dealing with them, or getting HELP dealing with them. Blaming  a situation, or your parents, or a spouse, or WHATEVER will only hurt YOU. You have to be able to acknowledge it, and FACE it head on, or youll only end up destroying yourself ( or your KIDS, who incidentally never ASKED to BE here!) and never leading a productive life.

Hi.

    I could not let your comment go by with out telling you this.  First of all I am sorry about your daughter.  I can only imagine how that must feel.  Second If others gave their lives half of the time and reflection you have this world would be a better place.  I agree with you everything comes back to us.  How we choose to deal with it is the key to a happy life for ourselves and most importantly our children.  I look forward to more posts from you in the future.

                                                                                          Maura

 
February 4, 2008, 1:19 am CST

my family is broke up over my cheating spouse

Quote From: anon_slc

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why Is It Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin MAYBE The Professional Bachelors Dating Guide:  How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho by Dr Brett Tate

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen AND Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Healthy Boundaries Workbook: Using Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills to Set and Maintain Better Boundaries by Deborah Deiboldt Legge OR Overcoming Passive-Aggression by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical abuse has signposts to mark its presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Physical abuse comes in degrees of severity - emotional abuse also runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

There are relationships, marriages and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  Make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful, trusting, supportive, and fulfilling life.

 

Hope it helps!

I had to leave my home because my husband had multiple affairs i had found out just recently. He and my 15 year old daughter do not get along because she has seen him be terribly mean, and she refuses to put up with it. My other 2 teens stayed with him for now, he treats my youngest differently. He likes to point the finger at her and say this is all her fault. I would not leave my home over a kis and her dad not getting along i left him cause i cannot stand sleeping with a creep who put my life at risk while sleeping around with trash. i have to move on.
 
February 4, 2008, 1:21 am CST

what is wrong with people?

what is wrong with living a normal boring life you have kids involved, some adults think it is all about them. wake up you cheaters quit being sexx addicts, get some professional help
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111
 
February 4, 2008, 7:18 am CST

Sick People. Poor Kids

Instead of "Dirty Little Secrets" the show should be called "Filthy Selfish, Immature, Immoral People!"

 

WHY would anyone make the CHOICE to lead his/her life this way? Were they raised by wolves? Do they have no self-respect and morals?

 

The true victims in these relationship are the children. It's LIKELY that these kids will grow up and take much baggage into their adult relationships. Their own relationships will be filled with adultry, promiscuity, loneliness, anger, divorce, being unable to trust, etc. And the kids can thank their selfish parents for this!

 

For over 18 years I have been married to a great guy. We work at our marriage and our friendship. We put our kids first (what's best for them) and we try to be good role models for them. We have fun as a family and spend time volunteering to give back to society. We DON'T live in chaos. We DO go to church together every Sunday and actually do our best to Honor God, even when His teachings aren't easy or popular.

 

The world is messed up due to messed up people. The only one who can change YOUR LIFE is YOU. Make the decision to get control of yourself & the life. If not for your sake, than for your children.

 
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