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Topic : 02/05 The Dr. Phil House: Rules of Engagement

Number of Replies: 161
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Created on : Friday, February 01, 2008, 02:18:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Four engaged couples wondering if they’re ready to walk down the aisle move into The Dr. Phil House. Will their dysfunctional and toxic behavior stand in the way of a happy life together? Lacey says her fiancé, Kalin, has hit, choked and cheated on her, all while she was pregnant with their child. Steve is afraid of displeasing his fiancée, Stephanie, who considers herself a princess. Scott thinks his wife-to-be, Lisa, tears down his dreams of being a musician, while Lisa thinks Scott is a male chauvinist. Tim and Lilly are just 19 years old. Are they completely unprepared for their baby, due in two months? Each couple will be put to the test to see if they really know their partner’s flaws, funds, family and future expectations. After several challenges, will the couples decide to head to the altar or just call it quits? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 5, 2008, 9:54 am CST

Stephanie is in need of serious help

 

Poor poor Steve. 

 

Steve has so much going for him. He's very handsome and successful but, if he marries Stephanie his life will NEVER be the same again.  She is so needy.  It's apparent that either  (A) she didn't get the attention she needed/wanted from her parents while "growing up" (using that term lightly) or (B) Her parents handed her everything she wanted every time she threw a fit. 

 

I hate to speak badly of my own gender, however, this gal has some major issues she needs to take care of before she marries anyone.  If your self worth relies on another human being (Steve) and the material items that he is able to offer, then the first thing Stephanie needs to do is find out why she's unable to love and respect herself.  After watching the very first show it's obvious to me that Stephanie is a quitter. I was told this would be fun and I'm not having fun, so I'm taking my toy and going home.  She has a total lack of confidence in herself and what she is able to accomplish. If she would just focus on the task at hand and stop relying on others to do the job for her she might just surprise herself. 

 

First things first though. Stephanie try being a real person and not a plastic Barbie Doll.  Men like versatile women. Blue jeans and tennis shoes can also be sexy. It's not always about  nails, make-up designer clothing and dyed hair.  Plain and simple ... men love confident women.  Go out into the world, become educated in something you're passionate about and make a difference. 

 

There is hope. At age 19 I was exactly like you, now 18 years later I no longer rely on my husband to make myself feel good.  I have a great marriage, a fabulous son and my passion of working with horses and autistic children has become a reality.  I now have a purpose in life and I'm trying to make a difference one day at a time.  Until you come to terms with these underlying issues you'll always be needy and lacking of confidence.

 

And for Steve ... don't marry anyone that you need to take care of both mentally and emotionally. If you do you'll never experience the unconditional love and caring that comes from a stable relationship.

 
February 5, 2008, 10:07 am CST

Lacey.....look out..

I watched these couples today in horrid fascination---kind of like watching a train wreck:  You hate it, but you can't believe what you're seeing so you can't turn away.

 

Lacey.....do the names Laci Peterson (dead by her husband's hand)  and Lacey Peterson (missing and probably dead by her husband's hand) mean anything to you?? Looks like if you marry this abusive maniac you may be headed for the same fate.  Even Kalin himself said "I get worried myself sometimes."  Hello....are you listening? Evidently your family is also concerned about this...why aren't you listening to them??

 

(By the way, it's a fact that humans are the ONLY animals that do not listen to that instinct, that inner voice..that tells us when we are in danger! Every other animal runs like the devil in the other direction, but we dumb humans just keep right on going forward, ignoring the screaming in our heads that says " turn and run, NOW!" We are just so arrogantly convinced that nothing bad will happen to us and we can fix the person or situation if we just hang in there long enough!) 

 

Abusive men NEVER get better, no matter how badly you want them to. Don't delude yourself into thinking marriage will change anything...usually that only makes it worse...and then pregnancy adds to the stress. (Remember, Laci Peterson was pregnant....and, who knows...maybe Lacey was, too.)

 

Tim and Lilly: here we go with the teen pregnancy thing again, and the absolute refusal to PREVENT this by using birth control! DUH!! What ever happened to getting married FIRST?!

 

And then....there's "Princess Stephanie"....the little darling who needs constant attention, and believes she should be waited on and fawned over every minute.  Then she whines about "It's not fun any more"......boo hoo. Life isn't one long fun ride, sweetie. Grow up!

 

Lisa and Scott: Lisa, THREE ex-wives have told you Scott's crazy.  What makes you think you won't be number four, telling number five how crazy he is?

 

Tim and Lilly:  whining about everyone "cheating".  Then Lilly says, "Let's just quit. It's easier."  Yeah, that's the way to handle difficult situations....blame everyone else and say they're cheating. (I can just picture her when she was on the school playground. She was the kid throwing herself on the ground crying about everyone cheating if she lost at any game. She hasn't progressed much.)

 

Good Lord! None of these couples have a snowball's chance in hell of a successful marriage!! There's not one ounce of respect for each other.

 

No wonder the divorce rate is so high!! 

 

 

 
February 5, 2008, 11:26 am CST

The "Princess" is idealistic...

but does not seem to me to be the self-centered witch she's been portrayed as...at least so far.

 

The whole "jealous of a cat" thing is a clear manipulation by her fiance, and it worked on Dr. Phil, to my surprise.

 

Having been there, I know first-hand the game that been played on her.  When you love your honey, and are as affectionate to him as you also believe he should be to you (the ideal) unlike popular belief, treating others as you wish to be treated can be taken advantage of.  I've seen the ego-trip play out, the high one can get by withholding what the other desires, and seeing them react.  It's a passive-aggressive cruelty all to fuel the ego "Damn, this girl really wants me to love her, and withholding proves how much she loves and needs me...that feels pretty good."

 

A game like petting the cat (or dog) right after recieving affection from "the princess" when you know she would like to be reciprocated is a manipulation to get an ego- fix.  Passive-aggressiveness at its worst: "I cant believe you'd get jealous over innocent me giving the attention I deprive you of on the pet."  "Wow, jealous over a cat, you're a needy nut you are!"  No she's not.  He gets to see how much she cares about him, how much she needs him, and he's in the clear because "Hey, Im just petting the cat!"  No you're not.  You're mind-screwing.  If he's anything like my husband, he doesn't give the pets the time of day unless it's to get a fix off of my upset over it.

 

A simple test to prove this theory is to turn the tables and play the same game on him.  You'll see him be a "princess" too, and quite quickly, because he too is idealistic, which is probably why they got together in the first place.  I'd really like to see how her man would react to her withdrawing affection from him, and see if it mirrors how my husband reacts when I play him in his own game.

 

Women aren't the only one's who play mind games.  I feel bad for this girl that Dr. Phil took "jealous of a cat" so literally.  If she hasn't yet figured out her fiance is out for an ego-trip, the doctor just pushed her 100 steps back to figuring it out for herself that she's being played like a card in her fiance's arse-backwards game that serves to fill his own selfish bottomless pit of needyness. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
February 5, 2008, 11:40 am CST

also on challenges

Producers:  Pointless challenges, scavenger hunts, etc is extremely boring to watch.  Might be fun for the participants, but it's a drag for entertainment and educational value.

 

The Biggest Loser does that kind of less-than-practical filler a lot.  Who cares who's the fastest or not at changing a tire?  I dont.  You dont need to bore the audience with game show challenges just to prove there are problems in the relationships.  How about applicable challenges that serve to meet the needs of your guests?  Therapy exercises that serve some purpose for educational value?  Saying "this proves you dont work well as a team" isn't the kind of enlightening experience you may believe.

 

Besides, haven't you guys grown tired of the "lets change a tire" exercise by now?  I have.

 
February 5, 2008, 12:39 pm CST

Lisa will always be screwed with badboys

lisa is so out of it. She obviously likes the way Scott looks, kind of a Billy Ray Sirus look and expects him to not treat her like crap. Get a clue woman! Guys like that will always trat you that way because they can since so many women are stupid and fall for that crap. looking for the chisled chin and all will continue to lead you down the wrong path!
 
February 5, 2008, 12:45 pm CST

Lacey & Kalin

The only thing I thought of when I heard Kalin screaming and swearing at Lacey is "RUN, DON'T WALK" away from that man.  Verbal abuse does not go away and may change into physical abuse.  I cannot imagine what that man would do if he was in a bad mood and had a few drinks in him....he definitely has a violent streak and every woman deserves to lead a better life.   Talk about an insecure male with issues!
 
February 5, 2008, 12:53 pm CST

Oh Please!

Quote From: betch28

but does not seem to me to be the self-centered witch she's been portrayed as...at least so far.

The whole 'jealous of a cat' thing is a clear manipulation by her fiance, and it worked on Dr. Phil, to my surprise.

Having been there, I know first-hand the game that been played on her. When you love your honey, and areas affectionate to him as youalso believehe should be to you (the ideal) unlike popular belief, treating others as you wish to be treated can be taken advantage of. I've seen the ego-trip play out, the highone can get by withholding what theother desires, and seeing them react. It's a passive-aggressive cruelty all to fuel the ego 'Damn, this girl really wants me to love her, and withholding proves how much she loves and needs me...that feels pretty good.'

A game like petting the cat (or dog) right after recieving affection from 'the princess' when you know she would like to be reciprocated is a manipulation to get anego-fix. Passive-aggressiveness at its worst: 'I cant believe you'd get jealous over innocent me giving the attention I deprive you of on the pet.' 'Wow, jealous over a cat, you're a needy nut you are!' No she's not. He gets to see how much she cares about him, how much she needs him, and he's in the clear because 'Hey, Im just petting the cat!' No you're not. You're mind-screwing. If he's anything like my husband, he doesn't give the pets the time of day unless it's to get a fix off of my upset over it.

A simple test to prove this theory is to turn the tables and play the same game on him. You'll see him be a 'princess' too, and quite quickly, because he too is idealistic, which is probably why they got together in the first place. I'd really like to see how her man would react to her withdrawingaffection from him, and see if it mirrors how my husband reacts when I play himin his own game.

Women aren't the only one's who play mind games. I feel bad for this girl that Dr. Phil took 'jealous of a cat' so literally. If she hasn't yet figured out her fiance is out for an ego-trip, the doctor just pushed her 100 steps back to figuring it out for herself that she's being played like a card in her fiance's arse-backwards game that serves tofill his own selfish bottomless pit of needyness.

She is so self centered .Any woman who can call herself a princess has a problem. The poor guy Dr Phil was trying to explain to her that he is just an average working guy but she thinks he has money. He would have to go in to debt to please her. Where she ever got the idea that she is a princess is beyond me I know many woman who are beautiful and intelligent but would never call themselves that  and thinks of herself that way.
 
February 5, 2008, 1:21 pm CST

The couples in The Dr. Phil House

I watched Dr. Phil this afternoon.  I think the only somewhat honest couple was the couple that didn't stand up when Dr. phil asked if they think they should be married.  I am sitting here wondering how these couples expect to make their relationships work if they don't know how to talk to one another.  My husband and I are not perfect, in fact we have been going through a rough patch.  I was persistant and we finally talked things out.  Once we actually listened to one another and tried to understand how we each felt.  We still have a lot of work ahead but, we are now communicating and that makes it easier to repair what is broken.   We both realized that we were tuning each other out.  Once we stopped yelling and actually talked we started listening.  We found that because everytime we tried to talk it turned into a screaming match we wrote to one another. We either chatted through the chat on the computer or actually wrote letters.  Once we calmed down we were able to talk things out.   I am not saying that this is the cure /solution for everyone but, it is working for us.  Only way to fix any relationship is to actually talk and actually listen...wait listening and actually hearing what is being said is the key to a good start.  Just DO NOT DISMISS THE OTHER PERSON'S FEELINGS.
 
February 5, 2008, 1:38 pm CST

Best of luck

My husband and I have really had some rough times through the coarse of our 3 year marriage. We have been seeing a counselor every few weeks for the last 6 months. During this time, she has opened our eyes and helped us to resolve conflicts through the use of "I" statements and "touch base" times. I hope each one of the couples finds a way to work it out or a way to work on your own, Best of luck!

 

 

 
February 5, 2008, 1:44 pm CST

Watch out!

I had a husband who used to 'feel better' when I cried ,too. In fact the worse I  felt the BETTER he felt. Any man like that is a nightmare. Dr. Phil pointed this out a few times and can explain it much better than I would hope to. I hope Dr Phil tells her this before she's through with this intervention.Scarey!
 
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