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Topic : 02/05 The Dr. Phil House: Rules of Engagement

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Created on : Friday, February 01, 2008, 02:18:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Four engaged couples wondering if they’re ready to walk down the aisle move into The Dr. Phil House. Will their dysfunctional and toxic behavior stand in the way of a happy life together? Lacey says her fiancé, Kalin, has hit, choked and cheated on her, all while she was pregnant with their child. Steve is afraid of displeasing his fiancée, Stephanie, who considers herself a princess. Scott thinks his wife-to-be, Lisa, tears down his dreams of being a musician, while Lisa thinks Scott is a male chauvinist. Tim and Lilly are just 19 years old. Are they completely unprepared for their baby, due in two months? Each couple will be put to the test to see if they really know their partner’s flaws, funds, family and future expectations. After several challenges, will the couples decide to head to the altar or just call it quits? Join the discussion.

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February 2, 2008, 3:55 am CST

02/05 The Dr. Phil House: Rules of Engagement

If the duration of my engagement had been anything at all similiar to these I doubt I would have said "I do". We were lovey-dovey with "I love you, I love you 2,I love you 3, I love you forever" ,talking for hours on the phone, butterflies when I would see him coming toward me. We were just totally smitten with each other. We will be married for 34 years in May.

 
February 2, 2008, 10:53 am CST

Doctor House Phil Show.

Doctor Engagment House Of Phil Rules The. Know you know where I come from. That is why I  will never--

get mqrry at all. See you on Tuesday Feburary 05th, 2008. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------

 
February 2, 2008, 2:56 pm CST

marital bliss

These couples are a divorce attorney's dream!!  They need to realize that happiness is more important than "being right".  Who do they think is keeping score? And if they are wasting time keeping score about who did what they are taking away time they could spend together and/or working on the real issues that caused the hostility.

My husband and I rarely argue and never fight.  If it gets to the point anger is talking for either of us we go to seperate corners and think about what we want to accomplish that has caused the skirmish.  Neither of us has a problem accepting responsibilty for the foolish things we do or say and even if it doesn't require an apology it will get an acknowledgement.  (including just plain bad moods)

Marriage is a team sport to be played together not something to use against each other.
 
February 2, 2008, 4:21 pm CST

Get Counseling

 Punched?  Kicked?  Yelling?  Screaming?  No!!!!!!  Unacceptable behavior.  Must be treated special?  No.  Get counseling.  Please, get help.  Having grown up in a violent, abusive house, I beg you to get help.  Children aren't stupid, dumb, or unaware.  Children see what's going on; children feel what's going on.  They do not forget.  You all obviously remember.  It's all right to admit that you need help.  That is, if you are willing to admit your powerlessness over each other.  If not...., have the guts to end the relationship before you inflict further damage on each other and the children.
 
February 2, 2008, 6:22 pm CST

don't do it!!!!!!!!

 It seems to me that all these couples have serious issues that need to be "fixed" before they even should consider walking down the aisle.  I wish I was knew then what I know now before I made that mistake of getting married.  I was lucky enough to be selected for an episode a few years ago on the Dr. Phil Show entitled the "First Wives Club".  You couples are extremely lucky to be selected for this episode, It will be life changing (hopefully).  I have learned that you never can really know someones "true colors".  You couples are already starting off in an unstable relationship... good chances are that it will continue that way. Existentialism....  If they are capable of thinking, feeling, and acting upon certain things, they will most likely repeat that same behavior. I am still being "haunted" by my ex-sociopath husband.  He is still breaking the law, even though he is a police officer, and still thinks he can get away with it.  He's always had problems obeying the law, court orders, and making moral judgements.  All I can do right now is to make life as stable and secure as possible for our children by adjusting our lifes to the changes that he continues to create for me.  I just had to take an unforeseeable amount of time off from school that was graciously provided to me from Roger Williams University and Dr. Phil.  One of the many things that I learned in my 2 year studies at school was in a writing class.  I did a research paper on "unstable marriage foundations".  NO FAULT DIVORCE LAWS NEED TO BE CHANGED!!!!  Divorce is in epidemic proportions in our society and that NEEDS to be changed! This world is constantly changing and laws need to be reformed while those changes are in progress.  No-fault laws were good back in the 60's and 70's when women needed to get out of an abusive marriage, they didn't have many rights even when it came to voting.  Times HAVE changed and women voices count, but the laws still remain in effect. These are the laws that keep families surpressed in todays society.  Anybody can ask for a divorce at anytime, under any circumstance, and be granted. The custodial parent is then limited in their time when it comes to parenting (the most important job), work, and their future.  I believe EVERYTHING has existential effects on the future. The no-fault divorce law, for example, can contribute to our national budget upset. Divorce has steadily risen in the last 30 years... so has the crime rate, drug infestaions on our youths (probably to escape from the reality of their home-life), national welfare and healthcare systems in a muck, and the list can go on and on. Maybe if we step back for a minute and look at what the effects of divorce has on people, children, and future offspring, then shouldn't we make it harder to get a marriage license and a divorce to be granted in todays society?!  I believe our society needs to have pre-marital counseling, pre-divorce counseling manditory before anything is granted. We can not afford (economically, but more importantly mentally)  to continue down this same path if this country wants to survive and flourish.  People need to make wise choices in who they choose to allow into their lives and especially when creating a new life.  We need to be more selective.  I wish I had not ignored the "warning signs" before I took that huge leap into marriage, my life would have been different.  The only good things that came out of it are my 2 beautiful girls that I revolve my life around.  They will see from my mistakes in life, not to do the same themselves.  Life is more than finding a partner to share yourself with... its about finding yourself and what makes you happy... inside and out!  If you have any doubts on getting married or "hoping" you can change your spouse, don't do it!!!! Time will tell if you are meant to be together... don't make any rash decisions, if your partner really loves and wants to be with you "til death do us part" then they will wait until the time is right.  Best Regards, Heidi... First Wives Club member  

 

P.S. Don't forget to VOTE, but choose wisely

 
February 2, 2008, 10:06 pm CST

better 2 b married

I understand that two complete strangers meet, get together and fall in love...its not always peaches and cream. Saying that...we need to understand that there is alot to work out, especially if you have children invovled. I had a shotgun wedding myself and we weren't always lovey dovey, but my husband and I work. I would not have changed it for the world and I am very very glad I am married instead of still shacked up with him. If they can work it out and realy do love eachother, it would be best to get married. With being married your'e life with youre children are soo much more dignified (bothe moraly and legally). If they cannot work it out, they should live seperatly and break up. It's best to be in that situation than playing house.

 
February 3, 2008, 8:18 am CST

Yikes!

STOP!!!  If you tink you can change another person, you are wrong.  A person will change ONLY if THEY want to bad enough.  Hitting, punching...please. 
Get out now, you are worth so much more than that.

 

Gma123

 
February 3, 2008, 10:30 am CST

CRUELTY - MANIPULATIONS - HATRED - RAGE - REVENGE

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a psychological disorder characterized by pervasive instability in self-image, moods, interpersonal relationships, and behavior.  This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual's sense of self-identity. 

 

While less known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness), BPD is more common, affecting 2% of adults (1-33), mostly females.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight are:

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother:  Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

 

Overcoming Passive-Aggression:  How to Stop Hidden Anger from Spoiling Your Relationships...by Tim Murphy and Loriann Oberlin OR Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It...by Bryn Collins 

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm 

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.  

 

 

Hope it helps!

 
February 3, 2008, 12:46 pm CST

Good For You!!

Quote From: housewife52

If the duration of my engagement had been anything at all similiar to these I doubt I would have said "I do". We were lovey-dovey with "I love you, I love you 2,I love you 3, I love you forever" ,talking for hours on the phone, butterflies when I would see him coming toward me. We were just totally smitten with each other. We will be married for 34 years in May.

It is hard to believe that the shortest sentence in the English language (I do.) is the most binding!  Good for you for making it work and good.  Good for Dr. Phil for counseling BEFORE the words are said!
 
February 3, 2008, 5:05 pm CST

Rules of Engagement

I think that this young couple should seek some help from a marriage counselor and seriously think about what they are doing to themselves and the relationship to each other.  With a baby on the way, this makes things more difficult.  I personaly think that this couple should wait before getting married. 
 
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