Topic : 02/08 "My Worst Valentine!"

Dear Dr. Phil:

I have just finished watching your show today, February 11, 2008, celebrating your 1000th show! Congratulations!!! There have been very few shows that I have missed.......even when staying in a hotel on vacation, I try to “tune in” Dr. Phil.

Last Friday, one of your guests had been married almost 6 months, had someone break into their home and steal valuables and then was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis............ Wow, all of that in six months! My comments relate to the time in my life when I was diagnosed with M.S. and then a copy of an email sent to my dear friends in the Province of Ontario, Canada.

When I was only 30 years of age and a widow with one little girl, I had an unusual feeling down the left side of my body while watching T.V. It felt like I had walked through a spider’s web. Thinking that I was just tired and had another migraine headache, I went to bed; however in the morning, I had difficulty seeing with my left eye (the pupil was dilated) and could not hear with my left ear. The rest of my left side felt a little weird....pins and needles, but I was able to get my daughter ready for school and off to work I went. Around 9 a.m., I thought I should at least let my doctor’s nurse know what was happening, so gave her a call and reported the events of the night before and how I felt that day. She made a note and before long, I received a phone call telling me that an appointment was made for the next day with a Neurologist at a Hospital in Toronto. I was frightened........I couldn’t be ill.....who would look after my little girl?
Well, to make a long story.......short........ I was poked, pinched and had numerous tests out of hospital and then was admitted for two weeks. Diagnosis....M. S. Now, 37 years later, here I am, still going strong! The M.S. went into remission and I have had two recurrences since I was 30.....both episodes were short-lived and went into remission. I did not tell my family until the last occurrence about five years ago.......what was the use of telling them when I was feeling so well and adding worry to their lives. Some days I am really clumsy...could trip over a pebble......but every day has a blessing!
Now I live in Calgary, Alberta, Canada and know that I have faithful friends still in Ontario and have made some wonderful friends here in Calgary. (It has been hard leaving family and lifelong friends in Ontario; however, with air travel, telephone and emails, I see or hear from someone each and every day)

I wanted that young bride to know that there is HOPE!

May God continue to Bless You and Others through you.

Sincerely,

Margaret Shortill


Copy of my email to Ontario friend:
Last week was a real challenge for me...............stop reading if I have already told you this (remember, when I was born, I had a choice...... A fantastic memory OR I’d be a great lover!) now what was that I was going to tell you?

Oh, yes. The challenging week. On Monday at five a.m., we had no water. Called 311 (City of Calgary) and they had not heard of a problem yet; however it was early and they would look into it. At six a.m. We had water. When I came back to the house from the train, I was unable to see the pilot light on the hot water tank and ‘freaked out’, ,,,,,,,,,,,called Atco Gas and the most amazing person on the other end of the phone assured me that I did not have to leave home, would not be killed by gas escaping and of most importance, there is a safety valve that shuts off the gas if the pilot goes out.

The week went along.............bitter cold weather, so kept the thermostat at about 25, just in case a hydro (or electric as they call it out here) transformer burst (or whatever electric transformer/sub stations do). I came back from the train station on Thursday morning and while taking my boots off, I heard the furnace fan come on for about 10 seconds and then cut off..............on again and then off again. It did this about three times and I had visions of blowing up with the house! Called the furnace company and was told by an answering service that they were not in until 7:30 and they would call me. That was not very comforting and I turned the thermostat down, grabbed some necessities (such as running shoes, gym bag and pass, crackers and cheese, water, and wet wipes hahahaha in case of a city-wide outage) and left the house, got into the car and drove up the street about half a block. With my trusty cell phone in hand, I called Atco gas again. I was beginning to think we would soon be on a first-name basis. Again this brilliant person assured me that I did not have to leave home (d a r n ---- I had my credit card, also, and would have bought a ticket to Ontario), the gas would shut off automatically if the pilot went out, and yes that was a good idea to call the furnace repair guy. Well, Arpi’s called just after 7:30 a.m. and said they would be out by 2:30 p.m. and to make a long story short, the furnace motor was on its way out...........”maybe not that day or the next”, said the kind serviceman, “however, it probably will not last for the rest of the heating season.” Of course, I had a vision of minus 10 in July and no furnace! That kind fellow replaced the fan and approximately $700.00 later, I had a furnace that worked just fine.

Now, here we are again at Monday.................I slipped on Saturday, (in the house), ............had 20 friends in for a Valentine’s Wine and Cheese Party........gritted my teeth every time I moved the right side of my body, had a real hoot of a time with our friends — one of the guys phoned, spoke briefly with Robert and then asked to speak to me. He wanted to know if he could bring along his guitar and when asked if he could sing, he assured me that he could sing. “See you in an hour!” IT WAS AMAZING TO SEE SOME OF THE CRAZY ANTICS OF SOME OF THE GUESTS WHO ARE NORMALLY VERY STRAIGHT LACED. (and I might add, diet coke, non-alcohol fizzy apple/kiwi juice, water and sprite were popular drinks, as well as the assortment of wine ) By one a.m., all guests had gone home and Robert and I tidied the house and I went to bed packed in hot water bottles and took two tylenol. (not knowing if I’d be up all night with stomach problems). What a mess I was! Yesterday, I stayed on the couch all day, reading and packed in water bottles again. Last night I was really worried that perhaps the M.S. was attacking the right side of my body, Robert helped me out of the tub and turned me over in bed so that I could sleep on my side! I asked Robert if he thought it was the slip on Saturday that started all of this, and he said “hmmmmmmmm, I don’t think so.)

Got up, took him to the train station this morning, came back and crawled back into bed with two hot water bottles.............slept until 10 a.m. And woke up with absolutely no pain! Now, here we go again.,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,at ten thirty ehhh emmmm, we had a massive power outage, called Enmax, replied to all of the voice prompts and began to light candles, and put my survival skills to the test. We have plenty of bottled water on hand and I filled one of our fondue pots with water, lit the candle and have enjoyed a hot cup of raspberry tea, retrieved the hot water bottles from the bed (still warm), opened the shade on the deck door and let the sunshine pour in and then wrapped myself with blankets and curled up on the couch with a good mystery book. At 11:37, the power came back on!!!!!!

I have phoned Robert and told him that I am going to leave home every Sunday evening for the next few weeks so that I will not have to cope with MONDAYS!!

TALK TO YOU SOON!


Fondly, Margaret

(no, I have not hit the fizzy bottle, yet!)
End of copied email to friends

P.S. Dr. Phil: I am a fairly serious person and after reading my email, I had to chuckle at my attempts at humour.......the words just seemed to rattle off my finger tips!

M.S.





Stephanie do not worry about being single and 33.  I was single until I was 34 and I then met my husband, actully during teenage years we lived about 10 mins away from each other and never met. I am now 36 and we have been married 1 year and 5 months and we have a baby girl that is 4 months old.  Your time may be a ticking to your family but you will know when it is the right time.  I was engaged once before and was in 2 other serious relationships.  I will tell you that it was worth the wait and the right guy came along.  I have a aunt and great aunt that have never been married and they say "I would rather me single wishing I was married then married wishing I was single".  Stephanie don't let your family pressure you into anything stay single and enjoy life when the right guy comes along you will know and they will realize also.  When my mom met my husband for the first time she knew he was the one.  Your family will realize that also when the right guy comes have fun with life today only comes once and you can not relive it.  Enjoy

I have 5 children.  The first I had at 19 and the last I had at 39.  I like to point out that I gave birth in 3 decades, 2 centuries- or even better- 2 milleniums!

At 19 I was certainly not financially stable, emotionally mature or ready to make the sacrifices that it takes to be a parent.  My mother helped me a great deal.  At 39 not only was I was emotionally and financially stable but I was far more relaxed.  I enjoyed this baby so much!!  I am close to all my children.  Yet- wisdom really does come with age and my youngest 2 have a different mom than my older 3 had.  I did the best I could every step of the way but there are many benefits of being an older mom. 

I wanted to tell Katie and Brett not let the MS get them down. I was diagnosed with MS 26 years ago. At that time I had 3 chidren ages 7 & 9. My husband's job required travel every second week.  I was able to look after my family . I still am able to do most things including looking after my grandkids once in a while. I do them at a slower pace then other and the fatigue really gets to me sometimes. You have to learn to except your limitations. People don't understand the fatigue, or how sometimes you can't do stuff, walking slower or unable to hold things. I've found that the only people that can really understand is someone who has MS.

I am on Avonex and I feel that it has helped keep me at this level. It is very discouraging when they tell you you have it and there is no cure. At the time I was diagnosed there was nothing except they would give you predisone when you had an attack. Now there are a number of drugs which help people and hopefully they will soon find a cure.

 

I was not able to see theshow. Was this the one where thr man gave her a picture of flowers? I heard something to tha on a preview. It reminded me of my husband sendig me an ecard one year witflowers on it. However I let him off the hook since he was deployd. I still have not let him off the hok for forgetting my birthday the first year we were married. I know my huband loves me but  I still feel taken advantage of most of the time. Today of all days I had surgery,he acted like it was to much for him to go get my meds and help me out. However, he did bring back Roses so I guess I am lucky.

I just watched the show about the who were robbed shortly after learning the wife has MS.  How stressful and frightening for them to have these things happen so soon after they were married.

 

I must be one tough cookie because here's what I've experienced in the past 1 1/2 years.  No wonder I've thought a couple of times:  "I don't know how much more of this I can take".  I'd like to illustrate my point.  Please read on.

 

Dec. '06 I a lady on her way to church ran a stop sign and struck me in my car.  My car was totaled.  I had no money to buy another car (but I did have good credit, thank goodness).  I've managed the payments even though I didn't know how I could.

 

My daughter pregnant and was put on complete bed rest for the last 3 months of her pregnancy ('06).  She had a 2 yr. old daughter and her husband was away (in the Navy).  After working all day, I went to her house several times a week to babysit, clean, cook, do laundry.  I should also mention that I have fibromyalgia (dr. diagnosed) so this was very physically stressful for me.  It was had.  But I did it anyway.

 

My parents are elderly; my mother was a stroke victim who was cared for at home.  I tried to visit them at least once a week and help out when I could.  I was tired, but I did it anyway.

 

For over a year I had the supervisor from hell where I am employed.  He was emotionally abusive and nailed me at every opportunity.  Going to work and trying to keep my chin up that year was took more strength than I knew I had.   It was tough, but I did it anyway.

 

Back to my daughter:  her baby was born premature  and was required to stay in the hospital for a short time after he was born.  My daughter's husband was home for the birth but left shortly thereafter. Yes, I still helped her when I could.  It was tough, but I did it anyway.

 

Sept. 07 I enrolled in college to finish my college education - a life long dream of mine.  I am employed full time and attend college full time - in addition to spending quality time with my children, grandchildren, boyfriend, friends and MYSELF.  My program of study is an accelerated program.  I was hesitant to take on the debt (as a single woman) and wondered if I could physically do it.  Is it tough - Yes.  But worth it (because I'm worth it!) and so I do it anyway.

 

Dec. '07 my mother passed away after a 2-week stay in the hospital.  Because of my mother was a stroke patient, she could not communicate well.  We all took turns spending the night at the hospital with her so she would not be left unattended.  Yes, I took my turns.  Thank goodness Mom was able to die at home.  Was it difficult to sleep in a chair  in mom's hospital room those nights - YES!  But I did it anyway.

 

Twelve days later my boyfriend's mother passed away also after spending a week in the hospital - a 2 hr. drive from where we live.  Was it difficult?  Yes, but I was there for him anyway.

 

I have been sick for three weeks with the flu and a cold.  Do I get discouraged?  Yes, but I keep going anyway because I love life in spite of all the pain, stress, challenges.  How did I get strong enough to cope with my life as it has been over the past three years?  From doing what I need to do to keep goin.g......one foot in front of the other. 

 

The point I am trying to make is:  That couple has NO idea what tough times are.  If they don't know how much more they can take after only one month of pain and grief, how will they survive the rest of their lives? Do I empathize with them?  Yes, of course.  But, dang - how many people survive 10 or 20 times the amount of stress they've had without wondering if "they can take anymore"?

 

Loosing one's eyesight would be a bigger loss in my book any day than the loss of an object of metal and stone. I know, I know, everyone is different.  I have to remind myself of that fact.

 

And by the way, this week my daughter and my two precious grandchildren moved to Norfolk, VA to join my son-in-law.  Was it hard for me to wave them off?  Yes, but I did it anyway with a smile on my face.  (I cried later).

 

Thank you dear message board for letting me vent. 

 

When I heard you story, it hit home.  My husband and I were married in April 2002 (both of us were 21 at the time) and in August 2002, 10,000 pounds of steel crushed his leg.  2 months after my husbands accident, my dad passed away.  After a 15 year remission, my grandmother, that raised me,  was diagnosed with breast cancer in November 2002.  That December, my husband was told he was 2 weeks away from amputating his leg above the knee.  Luckily, he was able to keep his leg but currently he has gone through 21 surgeries.  In the past year, I lost 2 grandparents one in September and the other in November.  We are coming up on our 3rd anniversary this year, and while we will not be able to go anywhere due to the condition of my husbands leg, I wanted to share our story to give you a little hope.  "Sometimes life throws you a curve, and you have to learn how to swerve."  I wish the two of you a long and happy marriage!

I don't like the fact the the ill informed woman on the show thought MS was her death sentence. MS is just a conditon. I have it too. You live with MS. It is not what will kill you. You can feel sorry for yourself  for so long, but you have to learn to live with things. I thought that in compared to most peoples problems , it really sent a bad message. If  you weep and cry Dr, Phil will give you a new ring and make things all better. This is not reality TV then.

I saw this particular show and I really felt awful for this couple.  I do not think it sent a bad message at all.  Dr. Phil was just trying to get things back to the way they were before they were robbed.   It didn't make her situation better with MS, but it was just a way for something to be like it was before the robbery. 

Kudos Dr. Phil!

This is for Katie and Bret,

I feel for you,  but you do know have each other.

I have been married for 21 years.  I have had alot of ups and downs..   We were married on Dec. 6,1986, My husband and his father had two business together.  One month after we were married his father died at age 46,  leaving us $125,000 in debt.   One year after this my husband had emergency surgery for hydrocephlaus(water on the brain).  Then I had a misscarriage 11 months later.  In may 1990 my husband had to ungo more emergency brain surgery to replace the tubes put in the first time.  He ended up with 3 surgeries in 1 month,  had to learn to walk and talk all over again.   We ended up having to sell everything with the business because he was unable to work with the business,  we had just gotten the past debt paid off..   However,  he got a good job and life seem to be calm for several years and we were bless with two perfect baby boys.   Then in 2000 my husband had emergency By-pass surgery.

He did very well and is now doing great.  May 2001 we lost of eldest neice to a horrible car accident, she died on her 19th birthday.   As a result my mother and father and the extended family fell apart and we moved away.  WE are now making efforts to rejoin. 

I just wanted to say,   these are just things,  you have, as well as do I,  have someone who loves you dearly and is in it for better or worse, in sickness and health.

• I wish you and your husband all the best.   You will always have ups and downs,  but you have each other to make the lows not so low ,  but make the highs really great.   Appreciate and value what you really do have.   Each other.