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Topic : 07/24 Behind Closed Doors

Number of Replies: 1570
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Created on : Friday, February 08, 2008, 12:21:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/13/08) When people think of sexual predators, they often envision a pervert wearing a trench coat walking the streets. But research shows that a family friend, helper or relative is often the person who victimizes innocent children. Heidi was sexually molested by her stepfather, John, for 12 years. Her mother, Susan, knew it was happening because she walked in on an attack when Heidi was 9, but she stayed with her husband for years after, even as the molestation continued. When Dr. Phil confronts Susan, will she apologize to her daughter? After two decades and years of mental anguish, will Heidi receive answers from her mother? The sparks fly as mother and daughter go head to head. Will they heal their wounds and reunite? Then, the man who Heidi accused of molesting her joins the show. Find out what he reveals and why Dr. Phil doesn't believe him. And, why does Heidi say she has more respect for her abuser than her mother? The twists and turns in this story will shock you. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 9, 2008, 1:45 pm CST

i agree with hiedi

i know what hiedi is going because me &2 other siblings were molested by our real dad. i know my sister still having a hard time accepting that were sexual & physcial abuse by our parents. i still do too at times when she needs someone to talk to about what happen when were little.also it takes time to heal the wounds or forgive anyone who has hurt us when they are suppose to love us & protect us from things but when they show a different kind of love it makes you confuse ,angry,mad,upset .asking you're self why me what did i do to them or say why me i am you're kid you suppose to be protecting not the other way around. so, how can i be able to live a normal life if ya did this to  me. since you did this to me. also about hiedi's mom seeing this going & not saying anything but let it happen ,well she must not have enough respect for herself or for her daughter to let this happen also staying by him all theses she is sick she needs help,also making hiedi even feeling lower about her self respect she deserves.i think they should pay for their crime they did to hiedi. if hiedi can't forgive them that is her choice no one can force her to forgive for the crime they commited to her. also it may help hiedi to be place with relatives who will help her thur this crisis she is going to remember for the rest of her life unless someone can help her deal with the abuse she went thur from her parents.maybe the relatives or a close friend or counsler who can help her if she wants counsling but it is her choice no one else's . i wish you the very best in all you do . if she like to talk more to someone who has been there i am inclosing my e-mails address' if you have one. skybabe357@hotmail.com,frogbabe814@yahoo.com i will be here for you  you're friend alice
 
February 9, 2008, 1:55 pm CST

My heart goes out to you

 As I have read everyone's stories I am not only sick to my stomach ,I am also feeling your pain. As with soooo many of you our stories are similar. I was also abused by my mothers boyfriend. It started when I was about 4 and continued untill I was about 15. I was physically and mentally abused as well. I was scared to death to tell anyone. I finally had the courage to tell my mother when I was about 13. The same night I told her she left me there and went to work. You can just imagine the beating I took. I grew up feeling like a whore because he gave me money in place of my silence. He showed me how powerful he was by snapping a baby chicks neck. Alcoholism was at it's peak. The stories I could tell. The bottom line is that my mother allowed him to stay even though he was told by the courts to leave. The scars are deep. I married men that would help me to continue feeling like I didn't deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I was attracted to abusers because I drew to myself what I believed about myself.  I know that every person alive who abuses children is sick and they have given themselves over to demonic spirits. Learning to forgive sets you free not the abuser. I forgave the abuser because I knew how mentally sick he had to be to do such horendous things to my brothers and myself. My mother was also beat. It was difficult for me to forgive her although I have. I won't ever feel any real connection to her but I will respect her as God has commanded.  I know many of you won't want to hear this although I have to say it. Forgiveness will bring healing. It doesn't mean that you have to be buddies. Cast your pain and anguish on JESUS and know that HIS LOVE FOR YOU IS PERFECT. He does not bring pain upon us. He has given man free will and the judgement will come upon everyone who has done these things. God said forgive and you will be forgiven because ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF GOD'S PERFECT STANDARD. Please understand I am in no way minimizing your pain or mine I just know that I can't let the perpetrator control me because I won't forgive. GOD LOVES AND WANTS TO BE A FATHER TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!!!! PLEASE ACCEPT IT AND ALLOW JESUS TO HEAL ALL OF YOUR BROKEN HEARTS. GOD BLESS YOU!!!!
 
February 9, 2008, 2:38 pm CST

I think it is a blessing to have found each other..

When I was a child I remember, vividly, the girls from elementary and Jr high who were incested and molested.
I was one of those extra responsible kids, a good listener, wise beyond my years. Kids came to me with their problems.
One girl, Ione, I will never forget.
She had run away, told police officers (who called her parents) and at age 14 demanded the raping to stop. Her mother, was a willing partner in her daughters rape. She would tell her "this is the only way your father can express how much he loves you" ...
Her father was doing some odd jobs for my mother when I found out ; and one day I saw him and our eyes met, and I gave him all the hatred I could muster up.
They left town, moved to Florida... But I have carried Ione in my heart, all these many years later.

Thank God survivors can find each other. You did NOTHING wrong. We should pray for the healing of all these courageous souls.
 
February 9, 2008, 3:52 pm CST

My heart goes out to you all

I feel so bad reading these post's. No one deserves to go through this. I hope you all heal and I agree totally that you should be as far away as you are from your attackers. I hope your children and everybody's children for that matter are protected against such evil.

You are all so beautiful. Take care.
 
February 9, 2008, 4:18 pm CST

13 CHILDREN DIE ON THE STREETS OF AMERCIA EVERYDAY

In America there is a common misconception that children runaway from home because they are societal delinquents who want to be free of authority. The media depicts homeless and street kids as "rebels without a cause", as children who have no regard for society, who have no dreams and no aspirations for life but to get high.  

 

We know this portrayal of homeless and street kids to be false. In fact we know that 90% of children who run away have encountered mental, physical, emotional, and/ or sexual abuse. No child wants to live on the streets. No child wants to have to beg, steal, sell drugs, and/ or themselves just to survive.

 

More than half of the children on the streets are still under the age of 15.  Unable to legally work, these kids get involved in criminal activity just to survive.  Based on current estimates, there are more than one and a half million children, teenagers and young adults trying to survive on the U.S. streets today.  Children now make up 27 percent of the fastest growing segment of the U.S. homeless population.

 

For more info:  www.turnpurple.org 

 

The Turn Purple Campaign is the nations' first campaign against child abuse and the resulting problem of youth homelessness. 

 

 

 

DON'T RUNAWAY - TELL SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar, cheat, selfish or neglectful may benefit from reading some of my favorite books on the subject: 

 

 

Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward AND Why It Is Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss  

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman

 

A Child Called It:  One Child's Courage to Survive by David Pelzer OR Switching Time by Richard Baer OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

 

If you tell your problem to someone that you can trust and still feel unhappy, unsafe, or uncomfortable, or if you don't trust anyone that you know, then you should CALL these numbers until you speak with someone you can trust:

 

National Runaway Switchboard  1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-621-4000

Covenant House Nine Line 1-800-999-9999

Child HELP USA 1-800-4ACHILD

Stand Up for Kids 1-800-365-4KID

Volunteers of America  www.voa.org

 

 

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something in your life it is up to you to change your situation and tell someone that you can trust. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 
February 9, 2008, 6:39 pm CST

so sad to think ....

I think it's so sad to think that she will not ever get the answers she needs.....been there, done that....step father, father, does it really matter.??  The damage is compounded as the years go on.  For over 30 years I kept the secret, for fear he would kill me, like he said he would.  He's gone now, I still feel it.  The shame...the lies, the feelings.  Love the show...I think it has a possitive effect on so many, but I do not think I will be able to watch this one. As much as been written on the subject...don't try to walk in the shoes. 

 
February 9, 2008, 7:50 pm CST

Whats wrong with parents these days?!

 When I was 15 my uncle started sexually abusing me right after another uncle comitted suicide. This continued for months. He threatened me with "If you ever tell Ill kill myself too...do you think your mom could handle that?" Or "If you tell Ill go to jail and you will get sent away to a group home" The abuse started in August of '98 and in September of '98 my brother comitted suicide. My uncle used that also to have his way with me. It wasn't until feb of '99 that I told my mom. When I told my mom she did turn it in to the cops. I had to give my statement and relive every detail of that horrible experience. When they arrested my uncle he had a "Suicide attempt". He knew my mom was on call for the ambulance in that town and that she would have to care for him. After that he got sent to a mental unit for 3months. My family made me talk to attornies and detectives and tell them that he didn't mean to do it. He was just sick at the time. I was made to visit my abuser in the hospital to show he wasn't any harm. The only time he ever appologized for his actions was years later he looked my mother grandmother and everyone else in the eyes and said he was so sorry. Less then a week later he got my email address from my sister and started talking to me online. He told me how much he missed me and how good I was, Went into graphic detail about our sexual encounters together. I showed my parents the conversations and my parents printed them off and showed everyone in the family. This was suppose to show how my uncle hadn't changed. Instead it was just more shame for me. My whole family had it in black and white what we did together and how good I was at it. From the time he got out of the mental hospital 3months after reporting him to just last year I was made to spend my holidays in the same place as him. He was still welcomed into my parents' home with open arms. It was like being reabused everytime I saw my family laughing and joking with him like nothing ever happened. I am now 24 and have 3kids of my own and a husband. I vow to never ever let my children be hurt the way I was. And if for some reason I can't protect my children I could never ever be in the same area as the abuser and not want to harm them physically. How can it be OK with someone to remain close to someone who has harmed their children?
 
February 9, 2008, 8:49 pm CST

That sorry excuse of a mother

This really makes my blook boil.  How can a mother once she finds out her husband has sexually abused her baby allow this to contine?   She is one worthless human being who would allow this abuse to continue.  She is as guilty as the man.  I'm not even going to call this monster a mother.   Too bad people like are can propogate.  I wonder what excuse she will have for turning her back on her child?

 
February 10, 2008, 4:58 am CST

patricia

Quote From: jennifer22

 When I was 15 my uncle started sexually abusing me right after another uncle comitted suicide. This continued for months. He threatened me with "If you ever tell Ill kill myself too...do you think your mom could handle that?" Or "If you tell Ill go to jail and you will get sent away to a group home" The abuse started in August of '98 and in September of '98 my brother comitted suicide. My uncle used that also to have his way with me. It wasn't until feb of '99 that I told my mom. When I told my mom she did turn it in to the cops. I had to give my statement and relive every detail of that horrible experience. When they arrested my uncle he had a "Suicide attempt". He knew my mom was on call for the ambulance in that town and that she would have to care for him. After that he got sent to a mental unit for 3months. My family made me talk to attornies and detectives and tell them that he didn't mean to do it. He was just sick at the time. I was made to visit my abuser in the hospital to show he wasn't any harm. The only time he ever appologized for his actions was years later he looked my mother grandmother and everyone else in the eyes and said he was so sorry. Less then a week later he got my email address from my sister and started talking to me online. He told me how much he missed me and how good I was, Went into graphic detail about our sexual encounters together. I showed my parents the conversations and my parents printed them off and showed everyone in the family. This was suppose to show how my uncle hadn't changed. Instead it was just more shame for me. My whole family had it in black and white what we did together and how good I was at it. From the time he got out of the mental hospital 3months after reporting him to just last year I was made to spend my holidays in the same place as him. He was still welcomed into my parents' home with open arms. It was like being reabused everytime I saw my family laughing and joking with him like nothing ever happened. I am now 24 and have 3kids of my own and a husband. I vow to never ever let my children be hurt the way I was. And if for some reason I can't protect my children I could never ever be in the same area as the abuser and not want to harm them physically. How can it be OK with someone to remain close to someone who has harmed their children?

I am sorry to read what you have been through.For many years like you my father(abuser) was in my life,at many family get togethers plus we both went to same church.When I pressed the charges I had many family member tell me.To leave it alone,it happened many years ago,he changed.I later found out that thier were more and more victums.

   It was hard but I had to stand up to family and freinds and tell them he is no longer part of my life.I will not go any place that he was at.I also stopped calling him dad and now call him don(his name).

 You have the right to say NO,to your parents when they invite him over.You have the right to feel safe.Abuser are very good at manipulating people around them.

patricia

 
February 10, 2008, 5:09 am CST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: afraid

 i dont know what to think about this country we live in anylonger,  i just watched the clip of this show and cant beleive my eyes or ears, i was glad however to hear you going off on that wanna be mother, i know thats not nice of me to say shes a wanna be mom but its the nicest thing i can think of at this moment to say about her, all i have to say is i am praying for our country as i type this message, i ask god to step in and set the records straight as only he can do, one child being molested is one too many, no child should have to be put in that situation for no one for no reason, it dont matter if the pedifile is male or female, kick there asses out to the curb and call the cops, do not look the other way and say it will go away IT WONT EVER GO AWAY AND A CHILD NEVER FORGETS!!!!!
I wonder the same thing, will it ever stop? I am thankful that this never happened to me, but it DID happen to other family members and it happened back in my own mother's time also. The only difference that I can see now, is that it is no longer acceptable. But yet, even today, there are mothers who KNOW this is happening to thier children and they either look the other way or are in denial. As a mother myself, it is so hard to understand that there are mothers who allow this to go on.
 
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