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Topic : 07/24 Behind Closed Doors

Number of Replies: 1570
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Created on : Friday, February 08, 2008, 12:21:46 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/13/08) When people think of sexual predators, they often envision a pervert wearing a trench coat walking the streets. But research shows that a family friend, helper or relative is often the person who victimizes innocent children. Heidi was sexually molested by her stepfather, John, for 12 years. Her mother, Susan, knew it was happening because she walked in on an attack when Heidi was 9, but she stayed with her husband for years after, even as the molestation continued. When Dr. Phil confronts Susan, will she apologize to her daughter? After two decades and years of mental anguish, will Heidi receive answers from her mother? The sparks fly as mother and daughter go head to head. Will they heal their wounds and reunite? Then, the man who Heidi accused of molesting her joins the show. Find out what he reveals and why Dr. Phil doesn't believe him. And, why does Heidi say she has more respect for her abuser than her mother? The twists and turns in this story will shock you. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 11, 2008, 7:20 am CST

Let's not forget...

There are clearly many people who have been taken advantage of by the people they were supposed to be able to trust the most.

This young lady, who obviously suffered at the hands of BOTH her MOTHER and STEP-FATHER, is probably one of the most beautiful and composed women I have ever seen.

People don't wear this experience on their sleeve.

I have been in group conversations with people who told "jokes" that were simply cruel.  Let this be a reminder that you never know who you are speaking with, and there is NEVER an OK time to tell sick jokes about this issue.

If anyone encounters a person who does this, please refer them to this blog...it breaks my heart to read your stories.

 
February 11, 2008, 8:25 am CST

The little girl who was being sexually abused by her father

I can't remember the name of the family members, but it involved a very young girl, her mother, the father and his new girl-friend who was pregnant, as I recall. the famous line was " daddy touched my pee-pee."  What became of this terrible situation?  As a former child-protective case-worker who was too often frustrated by incredibly naive judges as well as commissioners of DSS who would hear no, see no, speak no evil, I have worried terribly for this child.  I knew that therapy for this family was not enough - cessation of visitation was absolutely necessary to give this child the time and sense of safety to be able to tell her story to a trained sexual validator.  What's happened, Dr. Phil?
 
February 11, 2008, 8:36 am CST

Overwhelmed

I am just overwhelmed by your stories; all of them, and the show hasn't even aired yet. 

The short story: I and my siblings were abused over a period of years by our step father.  My mother denied it for years and eventually moved to a mix of "it didn't happen", "it wasn't that bad", "I did what I thought was best at the time", etc. 

 

The end of the story:  My mother is not part of my life and hasn't been for years.  The bottom line...it's not my shame, I'm not to blame.  After many years of therapy, I can honestly say I wouldn't change my childhood because I like who I am, and I am who I am, in part, because of my childhood.  I am stronger for it.  I treasure every wonderous day with my beautiful children and giving husband.

 

Heartfelt wishes of peace to all of you who share these hideous realities; here's to hoping they are part of your past.

 
February 11, 2008, 10:06 am CST

Hang in there

Quote From: grosvo

 I have seen preview of this topic for a couple of weeks now.My stomach felt sick and I started to shake.It's not like I forget it happened to me,but to know someone else went through what I did.

  I was also 9 when my mother walked in the room and found my father abusing me.I can still feel that moment when my mother said my name and asked what had I done.I remember feeling so dirty,wonder why she was angry with me.My father had been abusing me from my earliest memories.My mother also stayed with my father for a year after she found us together.My father never abused me again since then.But years later found out he abused my younger sisters(I was the oldest).

  At the time my mother found us,I remember her trying to call the police and my father took a gun and pointed  it at my little sister head(she was about 3).He told my mother and myself that he would kill her if we told anyone.

  Many years later ( 1991) my sister(3 of ) and I pressed chargers against our father and he got 18 years in prison served 13 and is out now.

 I am now 52 years old ,a mother of 3 and grandmother of 2.

  I guess I just wasn't prepared to see my past on Dr.Phil and to know how far you come in your healing it is always there.

patricia

I was likewise abused by my father. He also abused my older sister. My sister has not done so well from a mental standpoint. She has regressed in her ability to rationally think like an adult should. It was very ruff for me for many years. I found that I had to forgive my father so that hatred and revengeful thoughts didn't overtake my life. I will never be able to understand or forget the awful tings that he did to us. The worst part is watching my sister decline. I do not know how my father can live with himself. We told our mother but she choose to stay with my father also. She told me to "get over it and move on". My mother passed away this past year from cancer. I called her and was instructed that I could come and see her "as long as I didn't bring up the past"! Of course I went to see her and I did not bring it up to her. I however did not my father to touch me and would not be left in the room alone with him. My father also had numeroud affairs over the years. (The latest one being over a year before my mom died and she was aware of it also). My dad also tried to sexually molest numerous cousins and an Aunt. He is apurvert that has never spent one day in jail. God is the judge of us all, and he will have his day before God and that is worse than any punishment that man could ever deliver. Maybe talking with your pastor or a counselor would help you. I wish you all my best.
 
February 11, 2008, 12:35 pm CST

behind closed doors

I was 8 when my mother said  she going to have her hair dryed @ the laudrymat back then in the south the had coin operated hair dryers in there, I had 4 siblings younger than me.The middle boy was adopted out at that  time  When I was 12 she came and kidnapped me from where I was at the time. I was the fist one she came and got she knew where I was. I wasn't there less than a month when i was sexually abused by my mothers husband.. Yes she caught him but turned a blind eye. My mother went a retrived the other 3 kids that she could get. Left me there with him I ran away she put me in a home in borrego Springs Ca I took the van from there and was  picked up in Az . they took me right back to here even when I told them what happen. No one would belive me. I was finally allowed to go and live with my father at 16. I speak to my mother today but forgive her I don't know if i can or ever will can't wait to see how the show turns out and what kind of anwers she gets.
 
February 11, 2008, 4:35 pm CST

Looking for Love

Quote From: halifax

 I think this issue needs to be really looked at to determine what Heidi needs to be alright.. I have lived the same situation, and found myself trying to see the offender through Gods eyes. The Mother should ask forgiveness to her daughter. Will that make Heidi okay-( maybe a little )-Sometimes we need to leave the situation, and find a new Mom, and Dad. When I was thirty I confronted my parents, and it did not make a difference. I found a older lady who was glad to be my pretend Grandma, and I found great satisfaction from her being in my life. If anyone would have touched my children, I would of kicked the person to the curb. I pray Heidi can know she is so valuable, and precious, and take this situation, and let it be motivation to help someone else. If we help someone else it makes us fill the pain with goodness.

 

Thank you so much for sharing!  I too have wasted a whole lot of time and pressed myself onto a lot of people, just trying to find replacements for the parents I did not have.  It has taken MANY prayers to finally understand that God is the only one that I can depend on.
 
February 11, 2008, 5:11 pm CST

Outraged

In a way I am looking forward to this show and like another response I've read, I hope my mother watches it too. She was here one day when the commercial came on and she started to say something then stopped, I was thinking that was a good thing because she was never outraged when it was happening to me !! She walked in on my adoptive father when I was about 13 and she walked back out, I never felt so alone. She stayed with him for another 3 years after that. 3 mos. ago when my daughter was having her baby, my mother started telling me about him being in the hospital, I had to walk away. Later I asked her about that and her response was that she didn't know my kids knew (like that matters) I told her that I felt if he died she'd probably go to his funeral and she actually admitted she probably would and I told her if she did I would be done with her so we'll see. She'll probably still go and hope I don't find out. I am amazed at how many responses I've read on this message board and how many people have gone through this and the parents do nothing !! 

 
February 11, 2008, 5:57 pm CST

Behind closed doors

Quote From: grosvo

 I have seen preview of this topic for a couple of weeks now.My stomach felt sick and I started to shake.It's not like I forget it happened to me,but to know someone else went through what I did.

  I was also 9 when my mother walked in the room and found my father abusing me.I can still feel that moment when my mother said my name and asked what had I done.I remember feeling so dirty,wonder why she was angry with me.My father had been abusing me from my earliest memories.My mother also stayed with my father for a year after she found us together.My father never abused me again since then.But years later found out he abused my younger sisters(I was the oldest).

  At the time my mother found us,I remember her trying to call the police and my father took a gun and pointed  it at my little sister head(she was about 3).He told my mother and myself that he would kill her if we told anyone.

  Many years later ( 1991) my sister(3 of ) and I pressed chargers against our father and he got 18 years in prison served 13 and is out now.

 I am now 52 years old ,a mother of 3 and grandmother of 2.

  I guess I just wasn't prepared to see my past on Dr.Phil and to know how far you come in your healing it is always there.

patricia

I felt the same way as you but i can really relate to this girl My molester never had to admit he had a problem and im still not believed by family he always says that thing that happened between us...Yuck it makes me ill still today. My mother was told over and over and never did a thing shes dead now maybe shes sorry now but i doubt it.
 
February 11, 2008, 6:12 pm CST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: violinplayer

Does anyone know anything about mother and daughter incest? I am a survivor. My mother started molesting me when I was about 5. It stopped around 13, when I found out that I was much stronger than her. There is hardly information on that. Can someone post a book or something that I can read about to continue on in my life

Thanks

God Bless

 

 I don't think it should matter if the abuser /survivor is  man/girl,  man/boy,  woman /boy or woman/girl.  A really good book is "Courage to heal" I think its by Laura Davis.  
 
February 11, 2008, 6:49 pm CST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: velindab

I was likewise abused by my father. He also abused my older sister. My sister has not done so well from a mental standpoint. She has regressed in her ability to rationally think like an adult should. It was very ruff for me for many years. I found that I had to forgive my father so that hatred and revengeful thoughts didn't overtake my life. I will never be able to understand or forget the awful tings that he did to us. The worst part is watching my sister decline. I do not know how my father can live with himself. We told our mother but she choose to stay with my father also. She told me to "get over it and move on". My mother passed away this past year from cancer. I called her and was instructed that I could come and see her "as long as I didn't bring up the past"! Of course I went to see her and I did not bring it up to her. I however did not my father to touch me and would not be left in the room alone with him. My father also had numeroud affairs over the years. (The latest one being over a year before my mom died and she was aware of it also). My dad also tried to sexually molest numerous cousins and an Aunt. He is apurvert that has never spent one day in jail. God is the judge of us all, and he will have his day before God and that is worse than any punishment that man could ever deliver. Maybe talking with your pastor or a counselor would help you. I wish you all my best.

Like you I had to forgive my father.It took many years to understand what forgiveness was.Being brought up in the church,I believed it meant to let go.have no ill feelings towards the person.I remember when someone from the church came up to me to ask if I had forgiven my father.When I said I had they had a big smile on their face.I said to them let me tell you what I think forgiveness means to me.

  It means that I had let go of the angry and hate.The when he went to prison that I wanted to be raped over and over,and now I don't.I DOESN'T MEAN I FORGET!!!!! He will never have a part in my life.All it means is that I have go of the angry and hate.It took much of my energy and my life to keep those emotions alive.

  I know some in the church may not agree with me,but I know God understands.

patricia

 
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