I have watched other episodes of child molestation and each time my stomach turns. This show in particular makes me wish that I was there to subject this woman to the mental and emotional anguish that was granted to her daughter.
I too was molested by my maternal grandfather when I was about 5 years old and I don't know for sure how long it continued., maybe a year or so. I was molested most of the time along side another cousin. He was caught by my grandmother walking in on him and as far as my mind can recall, nothing was done.
I am now 33 years old and throughout the years have never really got any answers from my mother, who was also molested by him, or from any of my 4 aunts or 1 uncle. My grandmother did not leave him and life was continued as if nothing happened.
A few years ago, I finally got some answers from one aunt who told me that nothing was ever done because another aunt and my uncle were persuing careers in law enforcement and this would greatly hinder their chances for that. So for years it was simply ignored and not talked about. Us cousins would every so often talk about it just as a pressure release.
Up until recently, no one in the family every apologized for not protecting me and my cousins when it was known that he was molesting many many years before me. Other aunts were molested and they are much older than my mother.
In August of 2005, during a road trip to Austin TX in which I was taking my grandparents to visit my mother, my grandfather began fondling himself while in the front seat of my car two hours away from our destination. So for the last two hours of the trip, he continued to fondle himself and even at one point, I recall seeing his penis sticking out the pant leg of his shorts.
Once again, I told my mother about being victimized AGAIN and subsequently in December of 2005, my grandfather put a loaded gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. In my mind, the Lord above finished what my family could not.
I have forgiven my grandfather again and have since the first time it happened. My family on the other hand, I have days of love, days of disgust, days of loathing, days of pity. The shock waves of his suicide are still going on. Every single one of my aunts, my uncle, and my grandmother all have such deep seeded issues that the family is in pieces yet know one will admit it. Ironically, my grandfather was what was holding the family in cohesiveness. Now everyone has retreated to their own corners and talk about each other, point fingers all the while self-medicating with pills, alcohol, food, gambling, work, etc.
At the funeral I finally got an apology amid the crying and fumbling just prior to the service. Since then, nothing. No one has ever reached out to me to see how I am doing and what do I need to heal, but then again, they never really have. It has all been about who can out do who and what can be shown off next.
I will continue to heal, evolve, change, hurt but I don’t want to. I do not know how to “let the past go”. I am perpetually ashamed for anything I have ever done wrong. I feel guilty most of the time for no reason whatsoever. I have horrid body and self image and have an underlying layer of depression that taints everything in my life that might be good or bring me joy. I no longer know how to be happy or what true joy feels like. I am not able to “live in the present” for fear of the future and because I spend too much time in the past.
My hope is that someone reading this will take heed and protect any child that you know is being molested or has been molested. They need help because they don’t know how to help ourselves because of fear and suppression. If you knowingly turn the other cheek to a hurting child, SHAME SHAME SHAME on you!!!!! Too much is at risk for your ignorance and stupidity.
With two small children of my own, you better believe I am watching worse than a hawk. I often daydream of locking away any molesting or enabler that I see into a small unknown room and subjecting them to tortures of every imaginable kind until I felt better, then I would do ten times longer. I keep people at bay and often wonder about vans I see driving down the freeway, is there a helpless child inside? I cry almost any quiet time I have because I wonder about what is happening to poor helpless children of all ages right at that second. It turns my stomach and makes me physically ill. I don’t know what drives a person to assume the right to violate anyone else for any reason, but those who stand by and knowingly let it happen should be condemned. Maybe one day, I will be able to live free and happy, but it’s not today.
I pray A LOT and just hope for the well being of someone else, all the while sidelining my own. I am in therapy for PTSD from the military and this is just another issue I have to deal with. I have been in therapy for many years and have yet to get to the root of my agony and how to deal with it. My family certainly cannot help me as they cannot even help themselves. I am sending out a cry for help not only for myself but for every child that does not have voice- DO SOMETHING TO STOP THE MOLESTATION AND PRAY THAT THOSE WHO DO NOTHING WILL ONLY HAVE ETERNITY IN HELL TO DEAL WITH BECAUSE THESE CHILDREN HAVE FAR WORSE WAITING FOR HELP.
(Original Air Date: 02/13/08) When people think of sexual predators, they often envision a pervert wearing a trench coat walking the streets. But research shows that a family friend, helper or relative is often the person who victimizes innocent children. Heidi was sexually molested by her stepfather, John, for 12 years. Her mother, Susan, knew it was happening because she walked in on an attack when Heidi was 9, but she stayed with her husband for years after, even as the molestation continued. When Dr. Phil confronts Susan, will she apologize to her daughter? After two decades and years of mental anguish, will Heidi receive answers from her mother? The sparks fly as mother and daughter go head to head. Will they heal their wounds and reunite? Then, the man who Heidi accused of molesting her joins the show. Find out what he reveals and why Dr. Phil doesn't believe him. And, why does Heidi say she has more respect for her abuser than her mother? The twists and turns in this story will shock you. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
