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Topic : 07/24 Behind Closed Doors

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Created on : Friday, February 08, 2008, 12:21:46 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/13/08) When people think of sexual predators, they often envision a pervert wearing a trench coat walking the streets. But research shows that a family friend, helper or relative is often the person who victimizes innocent children. Heidi was sexually molested by her stepfather, John, for 12 years. Her mother, Susan, knew it was happening because she walked in on an attack when Heidi was 9, but she stayed with her husband for years after, even as the molestation continued. When Dr. Phil confronts Susan, will she apologize to her daughter? After two decades and years of mental anguish, will Heidi receive answers from her mother? The sparks fly as mother and daughter go head to head. Will they heal their wounds and reunite? Then, the man who Heidi accused of molesting her joins the show. Find out what he reveals and why Dr. Phil doesn't believe him. And, why does Heidi say she has more respect for her abuser than her mother? The twists and turns in this story will shock you. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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lyss2274

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February 13, 2008, 4:19 pm PST

you need to stop

Quote From: redmondc

I watched the show "Behaind Closed Doors" and Dr Phil was down right cruel to the mother who admitted numerous of times that she did wrong. There isn't anything she can do to undo what was done.

Dr phil continued to berate the mother when she said she tried to get help and was told to go away. Looking at the age of Heidi she is near the age of my son. In the 1970's the authorities thought sexual assault, domestic violence, rape and child molestation were brought on by the victims. I have records at my Doctor's office where he called the police of where I lived and was laughed at as I sat bleeding in his office from my husband's abuse. I was laughed at by the same police and their comment to me was "well honey what did you do this time, burn the toast?" Seriously there were very few shelters and help for women in the late sixties through the late seventies. It was the feminist movement that brought the attention to the forefront.

My brother was a life time military man and the military is supposed to punish ( by their rules) adulteres, well he committed adultery twice while he was in the service and was never even slapped on the wrist. So I believe Susan and how she was treated in the 70's or early 80's by the military.

I have also lived in a forgein country and need help and it isn't an easy road to navigate.

The woman admitted she was trying to know what to do. I know of women who told their parents of abuse and molestation and their parents couldn't believe it was happening and did not offer help. Yeah Heidi said her grandparents were great but did she really know them like her mother? NO!

What happened isn't right but to constantly tell Susan she was soooo wrong after she said she was is also wrong. Dr Phil needs to step back because there weren't shelters in all cities in the world like there aren't today. The authorities didn't do anything about rape, and domestic abuse or molestations with any serious consequences until they started getting sued.

In my neighborhood there were three girls molested by a neighbor in 1967 and he was given 1 year of probation and was told to move from the neighborhood. I was in school with his son and 20 plus years later his son and I met on the internet and talked about those days. Even he is appaulled that the only punishment his dad got was a year of probation especially considering how it effected the son having to be known as the molester's son.

I just think Dr Phil should not have been grand standing quiet so much for Heidi holding a begrudgement towards her mother, when her mother pled that she had made mistakes. She cannot undo the past. Just get on with your life and be glad that today the world is different and there is support for women of abuse and children of abuse, when there are days that such support did not exist. I lived through it and know.

I was raped at 16 at knife point and my family was threatend and it happened on the grounds of my church where I thought the guy was from the church. The police, my husband and other men all said I caused it by being there. Nothing was done except my statement was taken....!!! Actually my abusive husband when we got home from the police station socked me in the eye for cheating on him!!! There was no help back then, and yes many of you can state "IF I" but until you walk in the shoes and know the helplessnes of the feeling that the whole world blames you and its your fault, you can talk to the hand.

after u have been melested by ur father and have ur mother blame you then u can tell me that he is being mean point blank ur being stupid u should stop really

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ommeri

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February 13, 2008, 4:20 pm PST

My memories

Listening to today was almost like living through my childhood, with one exception.

My parents had gotten divorced and the woman that my father was seeing at the time noticed that my behavior was strange. She cajoled me until I told her what was happening, my natural mother's boyfriend was fondling me. Apparently she had come from a home where that had happen to her and she was not about to let it happen to any one else. When my natural mother came to pick us up (us being me and my brother) I was not in the apartment.

I was told later that the man that only touched me had beaten my brother and had proceeded to beat and then rape my half sister (she was only two). My natural mother did not even see what was going on. How could she not see, do you ask? After much soul searching I have come to the determination that she has shut her eyes and closed her ears because the world in general was too painful for her to bear. She constructed a world of rainbows and roses. Her favorite thing in that world was the infant doll children. Older children seemed to serve no purpose in her world. Of course this is merely extrapolation from an eleven year old view. I am now thirty one. I have not seen her since then. For good reason.

One month after she took my brother back with her, my natural mother tried to put me through a head trip by using my brother. He would call me and say hello, I can't tell you where I am but I'm here. After a while I made the decision to cut all contact until he was 18. Now I am trying to contact my half sister (if she wants to talk to me that is) now that she is over 18 as well.

I can't say that I'm angry at the guy who molested me, because he's dead. He died of congestive heart failure last November. I can't say I'm angry with my natural mother either because that just gives her power over me and it would just take too much energy and time to hate her. So when I do take time to think about her I just feel sorry for her.

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toyahlean

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February 13, 2008, 4:21 pm PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: tacdgb

it made sick to think that someone else had to go through what I went throught. To have that mother not admit to what her child has been through makes me sick. She does not have a mothers heart. It so much reminded me of my own mother. My father started sexually abusing me when I was 3. When I was older my mother came into my bedroom and said to my father 'Get off your daughter and come back to bed" My mom stayed with my dad for over 30 years until she died. I will never understand how a mom could let her child go through that and do nothing to protect her child. And like others I have MPD. And I have been in therapy for 5 years and I am a long way off at getting all the healing I need. I wish the heartache and pain of a childhood abuse on no one. It defines who you are. And it's a journey you never want to go through.

Im so sorry. No child desirves that. BIG HUGS TO YOU!!

Many Bright Blessings~

Terri

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mother227

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February 13, 2008, 4:23 pm PST

Child of Abuse as well

I too was abused as a child by my step-father. I was 5 when it began by the age of 8 I finally realized it was not right. I told my moth and she too as I found out later was abused, did not believe me. I do not blame my mother. We were both victims. My mother has acknowledged it and regrets not being strong enough to take us out. I forgive her. It continued til I was 11 and a friend of mine went to the counselor at school and let them know they took action right away. My step-father too was in the military and when they were informed placed him under arrest and relieved him of his duties. He said that he did nothing to me. He ended up taking a plea deal for 6 years and he was released 6 months later. I still struggle with what happened to me. I am 28 and have 2 children of my own and I struggle to be intimate with my husband, even though I know he did nothing wrong. My childhood and my innocense has been taken from me, I can never get that back. It has made me paranoid when it comes to my children I trust no one. I have been to counseling but nothing seems to help. Until about 3 weeksago I had no idea where this man was. I looked him up on the Internet to see if he was listed as a registered sex offender and he was not, apparently he was arrested and sentenced before the registry was created. My sister whom no one know what happened to her b/c she was very young at the time has decided to find her father and has made contact. am happy for her but now I am scared even more that he will now be able to locate me and manipulate her in some way to find me. I don't know if I will ever get over this or be able to have a happy relationship and life with my family. I hate feeling this way and I hate what he took from me. My mother was abused by this man and was told if she left him he would kill her, he threatened me with this as a child and is the reason I never told anyone until I was 11. I hope that others who read this may be able to help me get over something that happened 17 years ago. I just want to be happy again.

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altarose22

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February 13, 2008, 4:23 pm PST

redmondc

Thank you for your statement. I too heard the womam say that she had been wrong. and noticed that Dr. Phil and the daughter treated her like she hadn't. I think Robin has a very peaceful (Donna Reed type)marriage because Dr. Phil can rant and rave at other people during the day to get it out of his system. I truly feel that the mother feels extremely sorry for her part in the whole mess. Why else would she sit there and let Dr. Phile scream at her like he did, while the daughter sat with that smug look?

I know that even in this day and age stuff is swept under the carpet by the Military. Spme times the member gets a promotion in order to get them off base, because nobody wants to deal with the problem.

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debradale

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February 13, 2008, 4:23 pm PST

The Other Woman

This was an all round sad show today.

It seemed to me that the mother was treating her child like "the other woman" who had betrayed her by being with her man, not as her hurting daughter. Her comments "Did you really love me or did you marry me for my daughter ?" show to me feelings of "I've been wronged" not my daughter molested. In this state of mind it would be hard for her to feel much more than jealousy towards her own daughter.Hard to imagine.

I hope they can work it out.

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mollybrooklyn

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February 13, 2008, 4:24 pm PST

02/13 Behind Closed Doors

Quote From: blt9209

MyI daughter confessed to my husband and me that my husband's minister father touched her while he and his wife were visiting us. We confronted him long distance as they lived in another state. I remembered him saying "I can remember any thing" His wife didn't believe it. HIs daughter went to him and her daughter confessed to being molested also. I could not believe she stayed with him but her excuse was he was sick and she needed to help him. My husband told me he didn't want to hear my conversation about the situations anymore. We divorced about three years later because we didn't talk or communicate. He turned to someone else. I never mentioned to my daughter that was the reason for our divorce. She and her cousin were 10 years old.

It sounds like that wasn't the only reason you divorced. Try not to think of it that way, even though you don't "tell" your daughter, she will pick up the vibe sonner or later that it was her fault....making the guilt even worse.

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sojerseygrl

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February 13, 2008, 4:26 pm PST

Behind closed doors

As a wife of a retired military person and one who was stationed overseas I know two facts to be true. One, the military police will convince a wife not to make any type of charge as it will "hurt her husband's career" Two if sent overseas the government will pay for one trip over and one trip back for the family members, it does not have to be with the active duty person or at the end of their tour. I know both of these from personal experience as they happened to me in the 70's when I was a young, naive housewife with a baby. I grew a backbone when we were on Guam and called my parents back in the states to see if I could live with them temporarily, they said yes. Then I packed my stuff and left - my spouse had to take me to the airport and was not happy about it. I cried on the plane and it was one of the hardest things I ever did but I knew it was the right thing for me and my son. This mother should have contacted family back in the states or friends, anyone that she trusted and made a run for it. Parents are first and foremost responsible for protecting their children. Luckily, my husband and I were able to work out the problems after he got counseling (on his own) and we got our family back together. I'm happy to say we're now married 37 years and things are great.

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twox2mns0

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February 13, 2008, 4:26 pm PST

Handshake

Quote From: ecandf

I have been an avid watcher ever since you have been on the air. I have never been so compelled to write as I am right now after watching today's show. I am appalled and cannot believe 'YOU' shook that 'B******S' hand not once but TWICE. You should of had him arrested on the spot, to keep him away from other children. He was disgusting in every sense of the word, and should be held accountable for his actions. As I recall there is no statue of limitations on sexual abuse on a child and want you to report him to stop the spread of this terrible problem with our children. Myself being the father of three girls would kill the b*****d and spend the rest of my life behind bars, if someone touched my daughter that way. HE NEEDS TO BE OFF THE STREETS NOW !!!

Me, too...I can't believe Dr. Phil shook his hand! Gag!! Spit!! Choke!! All he had to do was keep his hands wrapped around the white pamphlet and walk past him.

He should have convinced Heidi to press charges and had the Police waiting in the wings with an arrest warrant. That would have been something to see on his show, instead of the bloody handshakes.

Maybe it will become a reality. He admitted, on national TV, that he's a Pedophile and child molester...

guilty, guilty, guilty.

I hope something more is done about him.

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smallspinny

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February 13, 2008, 4:26 pm PST

MIlitary doesnt tolerate Sexual Abuse

Dr.Phil,

I am a military wife and the military doesnt approve of that kind of stuff. I think that the mother is hiding something and sticking up for her husband. The military doesnt just shove that kind of stuff under the rug. The military is always there for us wives.

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