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Topic : 07/21 Lies and Betrayal

Number of Replies: 828
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Created on : Friday, February 08, 2008, 12:23:31 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/14/08) When you get married, you look forward to a life filled with love, happiness and security. But what do you do if you find out your spouse has been telling you lies and is someone completely different than the person you thought you knew? Elizabeth says her husband of three years, Matt, is a pathological liar, a con man and an alcoholic. She says he has lied about everything from what he does for a living to dying of cancer so that she would marry him. Matt says Elizabeth is a sociopath, and he accuses her of molesting her 12-year-old son. When Dr. Phil interrogates them with tough questions, will the truth come out? In an effort to sift through the mudslinging and get to the truth, Matt and Elizabeth agree to take a lie detector test. One of the two was deceitful in answering every question. Find out who. Next, hear from Randy and Rhonda, a couple who took Matt in and are caring for him because they believe he may be living the last phase of his life. Will Matt's shocking statements change their view of him? Dr. Phil has a strong warning for this couple. Then, Matt and Elizabeth are currently separated and negotiating custody of their two young daughters. See the argument that ensues outside the courthouse when Elizabeth accuses Matt of sleeping in the same bed with Rhonda. And, what shocking statement does Matt make about his daughters? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 9, 2008, 8:34 am CST

02/14 Lies and Betrayal

If Matt is indeed a pathological liar, does that mean he could possibly pass the lie detector test and still be lying? I mean, if he always lies, maybe he has come to believe himself to be telling the truth.
 
February 9, 2008, 9:49 am CST

GET OUT NOW, HE WON'T CHANGE

I feel sad for Elizabeth and what she is facing and still has to face in the future.  Alcoholics are MASTER MANIPULATERS and CON-ARTISTS.  It's true when AA or Al-Anon label them Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.  I think Hollywood should give them Academy Awards for their performances.

After 23 years together, 18 years married, I am painfully seeking a divorce from my alcoholic husband.  We've had our ups and downs through the years and we worked through them.  My only regret is that I waited too long to leave.  I am now approaching 62 yrs. old and I will be starting over alone.  I too believed we would grow old together and reflect on the memories we made.  Not so.......I will be standing alone, happier and with my dignity intact.  As partners of alcoholics we have been robbed of our self-esteem, our dignity, our selfworth and the precious years we have spent with them.  Divorce is very painfull and so is living in a Merry-Go-Round relationship.  I have lived it for too long and will be relieved when it's over.  Please, Elizabeth, if there is a way out, take it. 

 
February 9, 2008, 12:31 pm CST

Doctor Phil Show

And Betrayal Doctor Lies Phil. I have never hear about that but if you are willing I will see you on Thursday-

Feburary 14th, 2008. (Day Valentine.)  Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------

 
February 9, 2008, 3:29 pm CST

did you peek in my window?

OMG! This subject is near to me and my home.

I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us.

He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him.

I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man

All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy.

 
February 10, 2008, 11:42 am CST

2/14 LIES AND BETRAYAL

Quote From: waihini1

OMG! This subject is near to me and my home.

I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us.

He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him.

I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man

All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy.

I agree that anyone in your situation should leave if they can, but apparently you can't. Why? You say you can't live like this anymore and I totally agree with you (nobody should) so start making plans, engage some friends or family members to help you come up with a workable solution. Life doesn't have to be so miserable and you deserve better. please get going!

 
February 10, 2008, 12:50 pm CST

Lies, lies and more lies

Quote From: waihini1

OMG! This subject is near to me and my home.

I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us.

He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him.

I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man

All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy.

Dear Waihini 1,

As I read your story, it was so familiar and I thought that you were writing my story.  I can surely relate to you and your troubles.  PLEASE, GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN.  You are being VERBALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSED ON A DAILY BASIS.  I too suffered the emotional pain and hung in there for TOO DAMN LONG.  It is CRAZY MAKING.  We aren't crazy, we keep trying to make it better and it won't work.  Take it from me, I lived it for over 18 years.  It doesn't get any better only worse.

I caught my husband cheating both times with cell phones.  He got careless and I know one girlfriend is married and likes her drinking too.  The other 2 I didn't know.  Yes, that's right, he couldn't be true to them either.  He was balancing 4 women at a time.  No wonder he had a mild heart attack. 

I am looking forward to a brighter future.  It takes time to heal.  I'm still working on it and I see a therapist every other week.  She has helped me tremendously.

Waihini 1 stand your ground and get out from under his CONTROL AND MANIPULATION.  I wouldn't have sex with him, he could be giving you a terminal disease.  Be careful.  horsegrama

 
February 11, 2008, 4:15 am CST

02/14 Lies and Betrayal

Quote From: housewife52

If Matt is indeed a pathological liar, does that mean he could possibly pass the lie detector test and still be lying? I mean, if he always lies, maybe he has come to believe himself to be telling the truth.
Good point.
 
February 11, 2008, 9:11 am CST

I am sorry for you

Quote From: waihini1

OMG! This subject is near to me and my home.

I too married the grand faker- he did all the "right things" when we met, dated, were engaged and the first year to almost 2 yrs we were married, then close to our 2nd anniversary, he warped into someone I didn't recognize. He became distant and cold towards me, all romance halted except for the sex, of course he still wanted that (back then anyway, not now). All the cards he sent, be it ecards or real ones stopped, he didn't want to take me on 3 vacations a year, but now it was down to ONE and it was always some place HE wanted to go, I had no say in it. I found various "clues" that pointed toward him cheating but never could really prove it totally, it was just an insidious feeling that hung in the air between us.

He has his own cell phone and got calls in the middle of the night, one time I got into his voice mail and found some female voice left a message that said, hey sexy, I miss you call me soon. I confronted him about this message and he claimed he had NO idea who that was and no he wasn't cheating, BUT from that time on he made damn sure he turned his phone off at night, hid it from me and if it was visible he deleted all the call history on it, so I didn't see who he was calling or who was calling him.

I have tried over and over to communicate with him about problems that I see we have, tried to get him to counseling with me too (he went one time then refused to go again as "he didn't have any problems and didn't need to go". Each time I tried to tell him of my unhappiness, he would turn things around on me, and make it sound like I was crazy or he would get mad and tell me he is going to divorce me. This has been going on now for almost THREE yrs. I cannot keep living like this, this man behaves like he hates me not loves me- he ignores me most of the time he is home, the other times he acts all nice nice so he can manipulate me into giving him sex once a month! I am not allowed to see my family and have to spend time with his family constantly- they come first in his life, always will and I am not considered part of this family unit, nor are my children or grandchildren by this man

All I can say to you is leave if you can as things will only get worse and you will only get more and more unhappy.

I am sorry that you have had to go through all of this. you don't deserve it's not you're fault he's a loser. I'd leave him because from the way it sounds he won't change you're better off without him.
 
February 13, 2008, 11:08 am CST

02/14 Lies and Betrayal

Quote From: housewife52

If Matt is indeed a pathological liar, does that mean he could possibly pass the lie detector test and still be lying? I mean, if he always lies, maybe he has come to believe himself to be telling the truth.
IMO, yes. I believe that's why those things are no longer admissible. They're just not fully reliable.
 
February 13, 2008, 11:10 am CST

02/14 Lies and Betrayal

This show is very relevant to me, right now. The lying is an issue my husband & I are working on, too. I hope to record this to see what the advice is.

 

Thank you for covering this topic.

 
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