Quote From: esquinnerI feel touched after watching tonights episode of Dr. Phil. I can relate to this story more than many can understand and not to undermind anybody who's encountered "similar" circumstances but unless you've lived the agony of the unknown and learning that you've been living w/ somebody you don't even know... than it's truely almost impossible to completely understand.
From the monetary worthiness lies, to the health related lies (I'm dying of cancer) to the attempts at taking the children away for falsified reasons, I've been there and unfortunately continue to live it 4 years after the separation.
My life of this hell began 12 years ago. It began w/ a relationship w/ a man who I met at a very vulnerable stage in my life. A single mom, 22 years old w/ a 3 year old daughter is what I was. He was a successful "engineer" (NOT REALLY) who offered financial stability and a life that was not available to my daughter and myself in that day. The lies began immediately; however, overlooked for the sake of the aforementioned reasons... house, stability... etc. Throughout the next 8 years of being w/ this man, my daughter and I, as well as the 2 children we had together endured the following:
1. Physical abuse (me) - extensive
2. Mental badgering (made to feel worthless)
3. Financial devastation - mulit-million $ bankruptcy (the kids and I lost our lives as we knew them due to his deceit)
4. Infidelity (many .. many woman)
5. Defamation of character (false allegations) brought against myself and my family members for exposing the children to sexual abuse and them being in grave danger of being sexually abused. PROVEN FALSE through the state of Michgan.
6. LIES... AFTER LIES... AFTER LIES...
This man was diagnosed as bi-polar; however still does not admit to his illness....
How do we as woman TRUELY protect ourselves from this abuse?... even after the fact.
I REALLY WANTED TO EXPRESS TO TODAY'S MOTHER THAT IT WILL GET BETTER AND FIGHT TO THE BITTER END FOR YOUR KIDS. IF HE STATES THE KIDS ARE DEAD TO HIM.... USE THAT AGAINST HIM AND DO ALL RESEARCH NECESSARY TO PROVE THAT HE IS NOT A WORTHY FATHER. YOU WILL PREVAIL... I do everytime I enter a court room. Keep records... documentation..... school records..... and most of all..... A STRONG MIND FOR THE KIDS...
Do not let your kids witness the horror that you feel and / or endure.. be their strength and role model.
Don't give up... YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHY OF MUCH BETTER.
You asked how women can protect themselves, even after the fact.
By using common sense. There's no free lunch. You made the mistake that a whole lot of women make and that is looking for some guy to ride in on a white horse and rescue you financially, and you were willing to ignore that little inner voice that you MUST have had when that man who made your life hell first came into it! You wanted to believe the lie. Life is tough when you're out on your own...I've been there; I know. But, what you and other women must learn is that life is never tougher than when you allow some creep into your life who's mission on this earth is to con you into giving him your soul!
See, you DON'T put yourself into the position of living with someone you "don't know". You learn everything about them BEFORE you allow them into your life! I'll say to you what I've been saying to so many other women: "we live in the age of information that is readily available on the Internet....do a background check on any man who is interested in coming into your life. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!! And STAY OUT OF THE BEDROOM, for crying out loud!! Know that NO one loves another person at first sight...real love takes time, and until you know EVERYTHING about someone, you can't truly love them....and, if there isn't real love there, then they don't deserve the treasure that is YOU!!
You said it yourself in the last line of your post: "You're beautiful and worthy of much better". I hope you follow that good advice.
And, please check out my website: WWW.NONONSENSEGRAMMYTREE.BLOGSPOT.COM where you will find a whole lot of helpful articles that I've written....one of which is called "Sex and the Single Mom" in the January posts, and one called "Cyber Stupid", which is in this month's posts.
Good luck to you....and I mean that.
(Original Air Date: 02/14/08) When you get married, you look forward to a life filled with love, happiness and security. But what do you do if you find out your spouse has been telling you lies and is someone completely different than the person you thought you knew? Elizabeth says her husband of three years, Matt, is a pathological liar, a con man and an alcoholic. She says he has lied about everything from what he does for a living to dying of cancer so that she would marry him. Matt says Elizabeth is a sociopath, and he accuses her of molesting her 12-year-old son. When Dr. Phil interrogates them with tough questions, will the truth come out? In an effort to sift through the mudslinging and get to the truth, Matt and Elizabeth agree to take a lie detector test. One of the two was deceitful in answering every question. Find out who. Next, hear from Randy and Rhonda, a couple who took Matt in and are caring for him because they believe he may be living the last phase of his life. Will Matt's shocking statements change their view of him? Dr. Phil has a strong warning for this couple. Then, Matt and Elizabeth are currently separated and negotiating custody of their two young daughters. See the argument that ensues outside the courthouse when Elizabeth accuses Matt of sleeping in the same bed with Rhonda. And, what shocking statement does Matt make about his daughters? Join the discussion.
