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Topic : 08/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Number of Replies: 429
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Created on : Thursday, February 14, 2008, 03:47:29 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 02/18/08) Living with an alcoholic parent is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching experiences a child can go through. Heather, 28, and Alexandra, 21, say their mother, Joey, is a pathetic drunk, and if she doesn’t get clean once and for all, they will walk away from her forever. Joey says she had her first drink at 7 and was drinking heavily every weekend by 15. She’s now 54 and about to lose everything she holds dear. Former guest and drug addict Joani began documenting Joey’s addiction a month ago. Faced with home video footage and testimonials from her family members, will Joey have the courage to take a step toward sobriety, or will she cave in to her addiction like she did after her previous stints in rehab? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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February 17, 2008, 7:02 am CST

First things First

I am a recovering alcoholic/addict, and I have been where she is at but it CAN get worse!  I used for 23 years, I lost everything, my family, my children, my freedom, and my self-respect, I should be one of those people you see on the corner talking to the sky (wet-brain)  The one thing that impacted me the greatest was losing my son's respect, and setting myself up to lose my daughter to a manipulative, pathological state worker.  My addiction harmed my family the greatest because the alcohol and drugs were more important to me than anything, I will be doing damage control for the rest of my life.  NOBODY, could tell me anything, I was a angry, selfish, self-centered dope-fiend and thought I was above everything...NOTHING could touch me, I was invincible.  WRONG!  Famous last words, that will never happen to me, I can handle it....I won't get caught,  the next thing I knew, I was in a state vehicle heading the the woman's correctional facility.  The day I hit my bottom, and I remember it like it was yesterday, I was homeless (or chose to be)  I had pushed everyone who mattered to me as far away as possible, I was self-loathing, miserable, and felt that the world was better off without me.  I was at that point on the Janek chart, where you have 3 options, Insanity, Death, or Recovery.  You have 3 choices, no sub-categories.  Most of the people I drank and got high with chose death, I chose life. By the Grace of God, there go I. 

I never want to experience those feelings again! but it took that much.  I believe as a helper of the people and a recovering person, that this woman needs to wake up and see the light!  She needs to take ownership of her actions, and this can only be done if she is ready.  SHE has to want to get better.  The first step to recovery, is admitting you are powerless over alcohol.  I she can do this, then she just might have a chance, but remember that the statistics are against us...only a few will get sober and stay sober.  You have to want what other sober people have.  I all but destroyed all that was precious to me, so today I do not take anything for granted, especially my family.  All those promises in the Big Book, they do come true ...my life is wonderful now, I have my daughter back in my life and she just gave me my first grandson on February 14th, and my son and I have rebuilt our relationship.  I went back to school and will hopefully have my Master of Social Work this spring.  My family is healing, I am healing but it takes hard work and alot of changes!  Footnote:  Now, I am hardcore, I believe that is no other way but total abstinence.  I feel that if you want something bad enough, you do whatever it takes.

 
February 17, 2008, 7:42 am CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Quote From: wllmsdn2

You seem very young.  I hope you have someone to talk to about this.  I know that it is not easy, please talk to someone.
 
February 17, 2008, 8:40 am CST

alcholism

 it is a terrible thing to marry into also it ruins relationships
 
February 17, 2008, 10:19 am CST

02/18 "Sober Up or Else!"

Quote From: tats_me

While I didn't grow up with an alcoholic parent, I am living with one.  It is a horrible disease and I am greatly affected by it.  Right now he hasn't been home in almost two weeks.  There is no place to leave him a message and his only thoughts are the bottle, not me.  I wish I had the backbone to end this but I love him.  Despite being told by all my friends to pack his stuff up and put it by the curb, I am not that person who can do this.  I hold on to the person he is and was before the alcohol become his mistress. 

 

      What about you?  Why are you so content to be second place to a thing?  He has made his choice.  He has chosen alcohol.  He has been gone two weeks.  If you aren't the person who can do this, ask your friends to help you do this for you. 

     It would be a hell of a fun party! 

     Invite me!

 
February 17, 2008, 7:40 pm CST

Alcoholism

Dr. Phil,

 

My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic and he used to beat the crap out of my grandmother. I never knew him as he died three months before I was born. My brother is recovering alcoholic, and my cousin, Jeff, was an alcholic. They are both directly related to him. From my point of view, alcoholism runs in some families. Is this true?

 

It seems to only run with the men in my family, although, my brother and couson are the only ones who have followed in our grandfathers' footsteps. I don't drink except maybe New Years Eve, and I've never been drunk in my life. I've never heard anyone in my family mention anything about the women in my family being alcoholics, nor have I seen it. Is it possible for it only to run in families by gender?

 
February 17, 2008, 8:36 pm CST

I also have an alcoholic parent

 I also grew up with an alcoholic parent. My father would stop drinking for up to 5yrs but we would always be walking on egg shells wondering when he would start again.
We never knew when he was going to erupt and who he was going to erupt at.
I completely understand where the daughters are coming from and I think they are right. If their mom won't give up her alcohol for her self , it has to be for herself then they need to get away from her and get on with their own lives.
reading_mother in WV
 
February 17, 2008, 9:11 pm CST

Been there and got the tee shirts too!

Quote From: cate45

This will be a sad show. My biggest personality problem is that I had a Mom with a drinking  problem, no she was a drunk, but when she was straight she was a  great dresser, a red hat wearer, a real looker but she had that awful disease. I have listened to you enough to know that both you and Robin had alcoholic parents, and it  is sad. The thing is you can not walk away from them. You have to learn to live your own life and detach from their lives. That way you can still see them but realize that they have their life and you have yours. My Mom lived to be 80 years old. She was diagnosed with dementia and she forgot that she drank and  smoked when she was 78. But hey, she could watch "It's a Wonderful Life" 52 times in a row and love it like it was the first!

 

Good luck to the daughters! 

Dear one:

 

Oh my goodness, isn't our Dr. Phil and Robin, just the greatest couple and family that you would ever want to have in your life!

 

I too will be inboard...for your story is mine as well...I love my parents dearly still, even though they are Home with God.

 

My unconditional love for them will go on forever for I love them that much!

 

This disease of alcoholism goes on and afflicts six generations of children.  It is progressive and can be life taking for all those caught in the updraft of its effects...for it effects everyone even the neighbors who sometimes have to interact with the ill effects of it...child molestation, violence, rape, misunderstandings, one drama after another.

 

Alcohol like sexual molestation changes all that take it within themselves...the amount of alcohol that one consumes, determines the total outcome of where that action will take them to.

 

Like the story that I posted on before this one...the one with the man down on his luck and all because he is a waiting for God to save Him...

 

This story also touches my life deeply, for had I allowed to have changed me...having both parents highly addicted and blown out of proportion due to the heavy drinking problem they had before they actually found God...

 

For the parents that I had then...were not that wonderful.  They were not that understanding and it seemed like they were living in their own dream world and just kind of forgot that they had children on board...

 

The last thirty years of their life however, after Jesus...were the grandest that my parents could have given me and it is those parents that make me a little weepy when I remember who they were and how they tried to live, the best way that they knew how, once they discovered they were a doing it all wrong...

 

That is what happens when one wakes up to Who the power is, and what that Power Source would have us do, be and become...Surrender to God, understanding that it is only through Him that we can find ourselves totally is what lead my parents Home...

 

I believe that anybody can change...one just has to find a reason to do so...Admittal that we are powerless without Him, is a grand beginning...

 

Asking for forgiveness is the next step and totally meaning that you are going to change the behavior that isn't pleasing to Him...How do we know that which isn't pleasing to God?  The Ten Commandments.

 

Knowing after sincerely asking for forgiveness, that one is forgiven, is also the next step.

 

Asking for forgiveness of all others that have transgressed against you is the next step.

Knowing that if we don't ask for this forgiveness factor, God told us that He would find it hard to forgive our transgressions...

 

Lastly, understanding that love is all that is important to God.  "Do unto others that which you would have done unto you."  "The Golden Rule"

 

Were all to do this with a heart filled of faith, trust and belief, the size of a mustard seed...they could move mountains in their life!

 

I believe that if all one wanted to do was The Golden Rule, they could live a very comfortable and prosperous life...

 

Were they to throw in the rest of the ingredients...mentioned...they could live a miracle discovering life...like my own.

 

I look forward to the tomorrow's show...I can already feel more healing a getting ready to occur within myself...

 

how about you?

 

I am thankful for your response...just knowing that you will be a viewing this as well and knowing that perhaps our lives were quite similar, for when I did get to go home which wasn't often, for I got married a short time after my 18th birthday, perhaps to escape the madness I don't know...and had two sons within two years of each other, and discovered I had married a man similar to my father...oh brother!  hahaha, all good...for two wonderful sons were born of that union...

 

Enough for now...hope to see more postings...thanks...

We Are All Blessed   www.mayyoubeblessed.com

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 
February 17, 2008, 9:50 pm CST

Somewhere inside your man lies the being that doesn't believe he is good enough

Quote From: derevna33

 

      What about you?  Why are you so content to be second place to a thing?  He has made his choice.  He has chosen alcohol.  He has been gone two weeks.  If you aren't the person who can do this, ask your friends to help you do this for you. 

     It would be a hell of a fun party! 

     Invite me!

Alcohol is a powerful stimulant...it can create the greatest illusion that what one is viewing is real, when in reality...nothing of the kind is as he is assuming it is.

 

He isn't funny when he hurts those that love him, rather in talk or action...

 

He isn't gaining trust and security in us, when he talks about ending his life, not caring how that action would impact his family or friends that will forever feel like they could have helped him, had they known what to do...or the kids that would feel like it was somehow what they had done to him when he drank and they didn't like being around him...

 

I came to the realization years ago when I was going through my Human Services training at our local college, that the best way to change anybody is to become that change yourself...be the example.

 

Start to have an "attitude of grattitude," like our dear Oprah Winfrey coined, several years ago when I was able to watch her shows...my rabbit's ear will only pull in certain channels and the only time I am able to catch a glimpse of her, is early in the morning when I get off of my computer and try to sleep and still sleep is sometimes hard to find when all I want to do is ask God, the answers to why this or that is a happening still in my life of total dysfunction and mishap...

 

I am sure that many sleepless nights have been had by many here on the site...so can I get an Amen sister please?

 

Start like Oprah suggested, keep a journal of all that you are grateful for...ex., smell of coffee a brewing, the phone that brings news that your former is alright...your children, your job, your IRS bill being paid, along with all your other bills, the ability to purchase food, clothing, gas...your family, your friends, your life...

 

Do this everyday and pretty soon, this "faking it till you make it, kind of thing will take shape and form for we are the creators of our own life story...believe it...as you think, so you become...

 

"That which your perceive, you will achieve."  Napoleon Hill...Philospher, Writer, late 1800's.

 

Take the simple steps that I outlined in a previous posting about...surrender to God's Highest Will for your life...

 

Your life will become magical and perhaps you will convince your missing in action man...that life is more than that excessive drink that he is a consuming that is a ruining his chances of catching his tail, finally with you...

 

Those are my thoughts

May You Be Blessed and at peace

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 

Ps...a partying with the one posted at the top...in my quote box...is a temporary fix...when someone loves someone to not throw the towel in on them...isn't always easy...trying to save them by saving yourself first, is to me...a better answer...just my thoughts...I hope that you are able to catch my butterflies to you, being I posted to the one that posted to you...hope you catch these words, aimed for you and all others caught up in the wind of alcohol changes...

 
February 17, 2008, 10:04 pm CST

Not Dr. Phil, yet I want to share my thoughts, please

Quote From: gsayre

Dr. Phil,

 

My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic and he used to beat the crap out of my grandmother. I never knew him as he died three months before I was born. My brother is recovering alcoholic, and my cousin, Jeff, was an alcholic. They are both directly related to him. From my point of view, alcoholism runs in some families. Is this true?

 

It seems to only run with the men in my family, although, my brother and couson are the only ones who have followed in our grandfathers' footsteps. I don't drink except maybe New Years Eve, and I've never been drunk in my life. I've never heard anyone in my family mention anything about the women in my family being alcoholics, nor have I seen it. Is it possible for it only to run in families by gender?

It is my understanding from having talked as a spiritualist minister to my clients about the alcohol problem in their past and present life...for over almost 23 years. 

 

I  believe that alcoholism touches both genders lives...depending on how much drama was present within the family dynamics while growing up and how ones parents showed them how to cope with that drama a always occurring that was somehow somebody's else fault...

 

Can it fun into generational lines...absolutely...for I believe the liquor stills and such were created during the depression era...then I think back to Roman days, and realized that alcohol was present then as well...so maybe it is just one of God's tests to us...that has been around perhaps since cave men days...who knows...

 

Ones need to escape the harshness of life...because we didn't know that we were a creating our own realities...

 

Those are my thoughts

May You Be Blessed

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 
February 17, 2008, 10:08 pm CST

yes it can ruin relationships

Quote From: mjscott68

 it is a terrible thing to marry into also it ruins relationships

So thus you take that negative and turn it into a positive...

Simply by becoming more than you ever imagined possible...

 

Turn it all over to our Lord and He will show you how to get out of what it is that is a holding you a prisoner of the past and by doing this...maybe by osmosis...you can make it a better day if for no one other than yourself...become the change and you will change it all...

 

May You Be Blessed

Love, Light and Peace

Tonie

 
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